Numb3rs: Guns and Roses (Episode 220)

Dear Television Scheduling Gods,

Thank you for the great gifts of these last two episodes to recap. I’m not to sure what I have done recently that so pleases you, but if you could drop me a line and let me know, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely, Spy

P.S.: You were just kidding about the whole sacrificial thing at midnight on my 30th birthday, right?

Opening Grid: 738,000 Law Enforcement Officers, 54,000 Domestic Disputes, 400 Suicides, 1 Job

Depression Central: Director Stephen Gyllenhaal (yes, of those Gyllenhaals) begins this episode with the montage of “I’m going to kill myself” staples: prescription medication containers, depressed woman taking a handful of prescription meds, past due notices, wedding photographs, her wedding band, a shot of her law enforcement badge and loading her gun and emo music. The actual song is “Spring to Kingdom Come” by Flunk and much like the opening song from “Protest” if one was to read the lyrics, you might not need to read this recap. (But you know you want to!) Of course, we all know what’s coming next as the gun turns to point at –

Gun Range: It’s Don at the gun range. Those gun shots you heard was Don firing a double hat trick into the torso of a paper perp.

“Nice Shooting,” A quiet voice says behind him. How Don hears this, I don’t know, as he’s wearing gear to protect his hearing from the loud noise of gunshots. I guess the earmuff designers tested for both “not hearing gunshots” and “will hear sexy women.” This totally explains how they got the contract to provide gear to range.

A bigger surprise is the owner of the sexy voice. It’s Robin Brooks; remember her? The AUSA (which stands for Awesomely Underused Single Attourney) from the episode “The O.G.?” I would just like to take a minute and remind everyone what I said about her last time:

“The O.G” Recap: I’ve only met Robin for a few minutes and is it bad that I like her far more than Nadine?

Apparently, somebody involved in the production of Numb3rs Don agrees with me because he leans over and welcomes her with a bog grin and a peck on the cheek. Nadine certainly never deserved got that reception.

It is established that Robin, who is holding a really big gun (not like that), is there because she feels she can’t prosecute what she doesn’t understand. Does that apply to all aspects of life? One has to use what they don’t understand? If that’s the case, she clearly doesn’t understand Don, and I hate to admit it, but I don’t always understand Charlie. I guess this means both Robin and I will have to use accordingly. Right?

Robin brings up the flimsy excuse that she just wants to thank Don for his help in the John Owens case from “The O.G.” but honey, he’s so checking you out, and so you don’t need to rationalize talking to him.

Apparently, on a Friday night, hot Fedcakes and single women meant to be picked up by hot Fedcakes, spend their time at the local gun range. There’s going to be a serious increase in the numbers of single women who hang out at gun ranges in the future. Robin’s starting her own trend by getting hit on during target practice, and Don gives her what is possibly the best smile in the world while millions of fangirls melt into their respective sofas.

Donmobile: How funny is it that two successful mature adults are making out in the car like two teenagers hiding from their parents? While Robin is getting to “understand” Don, the most annoying thing in the world happens – his cell phone rings. Guys, turn the phone off when you have an Awesome Underused Single Attourney in your car!

Don answers the phone< and is clearly ready to yell a few choice words at the person interrupting his understanding with Robin.

The make-out session abruptly ends as Don is informed of the goings on at Depression Central.

Depression Central: Don is greeted by David who fills him in on the apparent Suicide of ATF Agent Nikki Davis. The unexplained universal television phenomena of time slowing down and voices echoing indicate Don’s level of angst as he meets ATF Supervisor Eric Turner and sees Nikki’s body.

Time continues to change between EP and SP speed while Turner asks for permission to take the case from the FBI. Don, who looks like he needs a shoulder to cry on what about Robin’s? Just a suggestion, demands Nikki’s body be covered and refuses the request for ATF to take the case. The camera pans ominously down onto an old photograph of the victim and Don in happier times. In case the clues of Don’s angst, leaving what was definitely going to be a good evening with Robin and the whole time phasing in and out like a dying VCR wasn’t clear enough, Nikki was another in the long line of women that Don Eppes has loved and left.

Credits: “We all use math everyday.” (Hey, is that a part of the “use what you don’t understand” philosophy, because trying to understand Charlie would be so much more fun.)

IHOF: Don is moving decisively on the Davis case. Megan wants to know why he’s not handing it over. David is fulfilling his usual role as agent exposition, giving the ballistics and that it matches the victim’s duty weapon. Megan pipes in that Nikki was taking Prozac, among other drugs, which isn’t uncommon for a suicide victim. I bet Eli Lilly and Company didn’t pay for that product placement. David fills in that the husband is also an ATF agent who is off hunting down fugitives in Texas, probably with Billy Cooper from “Manhunt” . (How cool would that be?)

Don’s trying to get caffeinated and Megan ruins his whole “I’m trying to look professional” demeanor. She knows he knew Nikki. “It does say behaviourist on my job description.” Before I go further, let me say Megan, I love you, really, but you seem to have forgotten your job description in the last few weeks because it’s all been Charlie’s math that determines behaviour. Glad to see you back in the game. She offers to be a kind ear if Don needs it.

<a href=charliesbadge>Charlie arrives</a> for no apparent reason

I like things that don't serve a purpose. Therefore, here's an explanation of Fedcake hotness, for no apparent reason (other than explaining that last screencap).

He gets and admonition from Megan to take care of his brother. This causes Charlie’s countenance to go from happy to concern in .0239 seconds when Don denies that there’s anything wrong. In a nod to continuity, Don compares his feelings about the death of Nikki to Charlie’s about Finn Montgomery. He wants Charlie to prove that Nikki’s death, unlike Finn’s, wasn’t a suicide.

Cal Sci: Charlie and Amita, with Larry observing, are looking at the variables in Nikki’s life to prove whether or not it was a suicide. Charlie spouts off some really depressing statistics that 100 people commit suicide every hour. In realistic statistics, that means the entire population of Live Journal could potentially be dead in a little over 1.25 years.

Larry wonders at the numerical values of certain stressors in her life, as events can have entirely different effects on a variety of people. Yes, events can affect behaviour so why isn’t Megan, the behaviourist, doing this? The continuity advisor is getting a workout this week as Charlie references his Cognitive Emergence Theory as his basis for determination. This still doesn’t justify Megan not doing her job.

When questioned as to why Charlie instead of Megan is looking at Nikki’s case, we learn that Don and the victim knew each other years ago but, as Larry muses about the stars, “When one dies and disappears, the whole cluster feels the loss.” Don’s hurting right now and his little brother is trying to help ease the pain. *Sniff.*

ATF Training: We get a really cool shot of an ATF training exercise, as Megan and David have gone to interview Nikki’s team. There’s some general antagonism from the ATF team members Rho and Wilson, at the implication that Nikki’s death was a suicide. Megan and David learn from Rho that Nikki had injured herself on the job and had a lot of problems, which goes with the territory.

Megan tries to buddy up with Wilson female-to female by sharing punching advice and talking about the advantage of having a female boss in a male dominated profession. Wilson reveals that the team had been working on catching a crew of bank robbers and that Nikki and her husband were letting their jobs get in the way of their marriage. “Something he did backed her into a corner,” Wilson says ominously.

IHOF: Megan delivers the bad news that it looks like Nikki’s death was a suicide. As this is a show about math, Charlie (who again demonstrates his ability to randomly teleport into places) says that the positives in her life outweighed the negatives. Megan tries to debate the point, but again, it’s a show about math. We all know who is right.

Charlie uses the metaphor of figure skaters, that if the skaters’ routine is difficult enough, even with mistakes, they can win the competition. Except for the skaters used in the metaphor overlay because they’re crap, unless there’s a French judge.

Don’s need of further evidence arrives in the form of David, who has information that not only wasn’t the husband on the flight from Texas, but also he wasn’t even in Texas. He’s been doing something shady in Mexico. (The husband, not David, although that leads to question, where’s Colby?)

While Nikki’s husband’s cell places him in Mexico, Nikki’s cell indicates that she called Don, just a few hours before she died. So, he leaves the cell on during his session in the car with Robin, but has it off for a potentially life-saving phone call. WTF Don? WTF?

Don’s taken aback by the news Nikki tried to call him and Megan assumes that she was just going to leave a tearful “goodbye cruel world” message. David gets everyone back onto the case by saying that the husband has made frequent trips down to Mexico and Don is sure it has absolutely nothing to do with any current investigation. The husband has also been using his own money to buy whatever it is he wants down in Mexico. (Again, where’s Colby?) What the team needs to know is what that is.

Cal Sci: Charlie is lounging outside when Amita, who is taking the “Conveniently run into people” path, comes by and comments on how good it is to see him take a break. There’s been a lot of discussion about how the entire conversation, about Charlie’s concern for Don and the difficulties of living the life of a law enforcement officer, is the first real “friends only” chat the pair has had. Amita even needles him a little about his failure at relationships. It’s amazing at how much cooler she is when no longer in the “I’m only here to be your girlfriend” mode.

“Don has made his work his life. So have you. What’s even worse is that you’ve made his work you life.” Amita muses. Not only is she now cooler, but also she’s gained a level of insight into the brothers Eppes’ relationship, previously only attained by Alan. She reassures Charlie that Don will find someone and, as much as it creeps me out, I’m pretty sure that statement will spawn a million fanfics about who exactly it is he finds.

Depression Central: Wandering around Nikki’s bedroom, Don finds the old photograph we saw at the beginning. Don’s musing over the past is rudely interrupted by the sudden appearance of her husband. Hey, Mr. ATF Agent Richard Davis, we, the viewing audience, isn’t really interested in your pain; let’s go back to the Don angst please!

The husband’s all jealous over how much fun Nikki and Don had in New Mexico, leading me to believe that Nikki, in a domestic spat, once told him exactly how much fun. The husband is also upset that Nikki chose to call Don prior to her death, and avoids all of Don’s questions as to why he was in Mexico (unless Colby is in Mexico because there have been some persistent rumours around the fandom…) and in debt up to the level only previously achieved by university students who go onto post-graduate studies (but I’m not bitter).

Davis accuses Don of trying to clear his conscience but then heaps a whole pile of guilt onto his head by saying that Nikki took a while in recovering from the loss of Don. I could see how that would be difficult. Davis also reveals that Nikki was surreptitiously taking drugs (which he was buying in Mexico) for cancer treatment. She didn’t want anyone at the ATF to know so she wouldn’t be put on leave. First Davis says that Nikki suffered over the loss of Don, and then tells him that he missed a phone call from a depressed woman with cancer. Way to make Don feel better there Davis. Don retaliates by telling Davis he must remain in the country. Don clearly isn’t thinking because those trips were for drugs to help cure his wife, and if House has taught me anything, it’s that death isn’t treatable.

IHOF: Megan and David are expressing concern for their boss’ mental state because hanging out at the crime scene of an ex-lover isn’t the most emotionally stable thing to do. Charlie has also picked up the worry about Don vibe, as he’s arrived to check up on him. Fortunately, Megan and David keep him occupied while waiting by discussing that they have an audio recording of Nikki’s death. Charlie can use the recording to recreate the variables of the death, as he doesn’t explain why, this just comes across as damn strange.

La Maison D’Eppes: Sitting at the table, Don is studying the old photograph when Alan comments, “She’s cute.” We find out that Don was certainly not lacking for female companionship in New Mexico as first there was <a href-donandkimpic>Kim</a> then there was Nikki. So what’s been his problem since returning to Los Angeles?

Alan gets all meta and comments that Don always looks exactly like he does now in old photos, like the picture Don is holding wasn’t taken in the Kraft Services area two hours before they needed it for shooting. Trying to comfort his son, Alan tells Don, using his mother as the metaphor, that if Nikki had killed herself as a form of euthanasia, it’s no one’s fault. Don’s clearly not as comforted as Alan hopes, because he picks ups his things and leaves. Don uses work as the excuse but Alan and I aren’t buying it.

Depression Central: Ew! Ew! Gross! Ew! Squick! Ew! Ew! This translates to: David is lying on the bloodstained bed firing the murder weapon, in disgusted recapper speak.

Charlie and Larry are hiding in the bathroom, trying to recreate the sound fingerprint. David wonders how all this grossness of his lying on a bloodstained (ew!) bed can possibly help the investigation. The idea is, if they can recreate the sound, it’ll tell them the exact circumstances in the room at the time of Nikki’s death. It is equated by Charlie to the JFK assassination investigation, and the determination of whether or not there was a gunman on the grassy knoll. Now, I’ve been to Dallas and stood on the grassy knoll and I don’t need a sound fingerprint to tell me that there’s no damn place to hide. Hopefully, this technique will be more useful in this case.

The team tries it once more and David just flops down on the bed like it’s a big old bean bag chair instead of a disgusting mattress of death (ew!) and again the acoustic experiment fails. David suggests that maybe it wasn’t a gunshot the police heard, but Charlie is now even more determined to prove it was. The only explanation is that something is missing, something large. Something say, human-sized perhaps?

IHOF: Charlie arrives and launches into a big discussion how sound waves can tell a bat where lunch (although, would you call it lunch in the middle of the night?) is. It’s called the Doppler Effect. The Doppler Effect has proven that there was someone else in the room. Dun dun dun!

The debate as to who that person might be begins. David discounts the husband because he was in Mexico. (Where’s Colby?) The team now has to start going through Nikki’s files to look for someone who might have a grudge against her or her husband. One look at the forensics reports tells Charlie that he can help them narrow down the list by looking at the common factors in DNA samples found at the scene. Cal Sci has a big ass collection of DNA samples, and photos of the donators, to help give the team an idea as to what type of person for whom they are looking.

Megan is considering the evidence in what appears to be a behaviourist fashion (she remembered her job description) by looking at the most recent bank robbery cases Nikki’s ATF team was investigating. The robbers have taken 1.5 million, pulling one job a month and moving with military precision. The robbers are linked to an Aryan motorcycle gang, the Outlaw Renegades and the ATF was handling surveillance. When the ATF was about to move in, at the moment the robbers were about to hit another bank, the robbers never went through with it. This leads to the conclusion that someone within the ATF tipped them off.

Cal Sci: Charlie is carrying the most ridiculous prop ever used on this show, a giant model of a DNA molecule. How this will help the investigation, I’m not sure, but it looks damn funny.

Larry is harping about the ethics of determining the likeness of a person based on their DNA. I guess he saw Gattaca.

Charlie argues that he’s using already known information, but Larry sees the bigger picture. He fears that people will start using DNA to limit the potential future of humanity. Yup, he’s definitely seen Gattaca.

Charlie, in the mature moment in this ethical debate, throws a chalk brush at him. Larry, in an equally mature moment, throws it back. Ooo, math fight. (Where’s Colby? He’d enjoy this.)

AUSA Office: Don drops by Robin’s office for a favour (that’s a favour, not an understanding) and Robin snarks that if he’d actually use his cell phone at the right moment for a change, he could have called.

When Don breaks the news that the case he was working on was the murder of a friend, Robin makes me totally love her more by answering “Wow, I feel really silly.” Most love interests on television tend to offer meaningless condolences and still be pissy about not getting a call. Not Robin. Let me reinforce this: Robin rocks. I’m not saying this because the actress, Michelle Nolden, is Canadian.

Don wants access to wire taps on the Outlaw Renegades (which, when one thinks about, it if is a renegade outlaw, doesn’t that mean you reject the traditional lifestyle of an outlaw? I guess expecting Aryan biker gangs to understand the concept of an oxymoron, is just too much, isn’t it?) The information is sealed and Don figures the ATF won’t be much help. Robin makes it clear that it’s not her case but she will talk to the AUSA (which stands for Assistant U.S. Attourney, unlike Robin’s own title) to get some information. She will help, but she won’t be all girly and risk her career. Really, I didn’t need another reason to love her and yet am handed one.

She does have a moment of insecurity and asks if the woman was close to him. Robin realizes the faux pas, apologizes but she does manage to elicit an “I’ll tell you about it” from Don. Which makes me think it was the plan all along. Clever, really clever Robin.

Informant’s Home: Don, David and Megan are here to interview the informant about Nikki’s death. Instead, they find the both the body of the informant and the body of Richard Davis, who has now joined his wife, wherever she is.

IHOF: The team determines that the husband was following the same trail as the Fedcakes but Megan realizes that perhaps the husband was involved with the Outlaw Renegades, perhaps selling them weapons to help fund the cancer treatment. This would explain why she called Don, as the call wasn’t personal, it was professional.

Cal Sci: Amita walks in on a very strange scene:

Charlie is lying on the floor, and Larry is looking perturbed. (All right, Larry looking perturbed isn’t odd, but Charlie on the floor is.) It says a lot about the weirdness of the pair, when she isn’t taken aback, but instead just asks if she’s interrupting and just steps over the prostrate Charlie. Yes, Amita, you have entered the cool stage of your character development.

Charlie tells Amita about Larry’s taste in film and Larry justifies his warning that Gattaca is about to become a reality. Amita muses that Larry might have something to hide but Larry insists his “DNA is a pure as the driven snow.” Larry, being Californian, how would you know that, and as I am Canadian (hence an expert on snow, driven, piled, plowed or otherwise) I know it’s not all that pure. So, what’s your big secret Larry?

Charlie has identified genetic markers called haplotypes that will help distinguish one person from another, but now needs a algorithm to run it through the data base. He compares DNA to house construction that certain elements will give a home a certain appearance, even though many of the basic elements remain the same.

In the Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Line? of the week, Larry muses, “It’s like some bizarro DNA world.” Why does this win the prize? Any line designed around giving an excuse for the director to do a close up on and justify the existence of the most ridiculous prop ever used on this show, deserves the award.

La Maison D’Eppes: Don is complaining that no one he knows in law enforcement has a decent relationship. He talks about Nikki being miserable in another bad relationship and Alan points out what all the audience is thinking, “You’re projecting.” With all the horrible things Don’s seen in his life he just can’t see himself coming home and responding to a query about his day “I saw a decapitated kid today. How was yours?” There’s just no possible way to say that nicely, is it?

Alan points out that Don does need to talk about this, and perhaps that’s why Don is currently not providing him with the grandchildren Alan so wants. Don insists he’d just screw up a good relationship, which harkens back to the emotional crisis Don was going through during “Judgment Call”. In that episode it was fine, because Nadine was in the picture, but Don, you’ve got a fantastic AUSA waiting for you to tell her all about it. You did say you would!

“What if you didn’t sabotage your next relationship?” Alan asks. I hope that this is one of those classic foreshadowing anvil statements because, in case you haven’t figured it out, I really, really like Robin.

While Alan is giving advice to his eldest about taking a chance, Don is again proving he doesn’t have any clue about cell phone protocol, as he ignores his phone while it rings several times. Don, when you’re in the middle of a big case, yes you should answer your phone.

Drug House: The phone call was from David, as L.A.P.D Undercover just found the head of the Outlaw Renegades. In an episode full of Don angst, we get the sexy topper in the form of Don in riot gear. The first two members of the gang are easy to take down, as Don tackles one and the other just stands there with his metaphorical thumb up his ass. The third, obviously the brains of the group, takes a dive out the window and tries to escape. David tasers him. Damn, that looks painful.

IHOF: Don and Robin are interviewing the gang leader, Roy Mitchell. Don and Robin (see how nicely those names go together) confront Mitchell with the evidence of Nikki’s death, her husband selling the weapons to the gang and the death of the informant. Throughout this, Mitchell remains remarkably calm and says when the Fedcakes have pictures of him killing someone, he might feel like talking.

Later, Robin is agreeing with Mitchell, as they really don’t have the evidence to hold him. Donnie Darko insists that Mitchell is involved and offering to lose his paperwork. Robin remains cool and rational, insisting that Nikki liked Don, not the Donnie Darko he’s become, and so does Robin. Donnie Darko, instead of listening to the voice of reason, just broods.

Don Darko’s now snapping at his team, insisting more surveillance on Mitchell isn’t good enough. It is at this moment a beacon of hope, in the form of Charlie and his laptop, arrives with new evidence, an approximation of the appearances of the DNA matches. Charlie, who was actually listening to Larry, when he wasn’t throwing chalk brushes at him, used the search for origins, not specific traits.

Charlie puts the pictures up on the board, the team, at first, doesn’t know what to make of them but when Charlie limits the suspects down to three – David recognizes Agent Rho of the ATF. The military precision with which the robbers were moving was due to the training from Rho, former special ops.

We get a quick glimpse of Rho and his team scouting First National bank, but Megan is left on hold with the ATF as they claim not to know where Rho is.

First National Bank Robbery: Rho and his team try to take the armored truck as it drives away from First National. The robbery crew, dressed as construction workers, stops the truck and smash it’s windows with a forklift and lifts it off the ground. Who knew robbery by forklift was possible?

The crew blows the truck’s back doors, release tear gas and kill the guards (overkill much?) and starts loading the money in the getaway van, all to the beat of some random techno music. At this moment, the Fedcakes arrive. Two scenes with the Feds in riot gear. Oh television scheduling gods, I really am going to have to sacrifice myself on my 30th for this, aren’t I?

What happens next is the absolute coolest shootout I’ve ever seen on television. Ever. The techno music stops and the noise from the gunfire is erratic and jarring. All of our Feds (except Colby) are involved in the battle. The robbers are hindered by wearing gas masks and the Feds are hindered because they aren’t wearing them.

David is the first to take out one of the robbers, who are just randomly spraying fire at the Feds, hoping to hit something. Don has David cover him then takes out the next robber. Megan nails the forklift driver. Don, with vengeance on his mind, goes after Rho personally, but Rho has too much cover from the surrounding vehicles to let Don get a clear shot.

Don has to pause and reload and when he comes back out into the gunfire, Rho also needs a new weapon and pulls one out of his getaway truck. More gunfire between David, Rho, Megan and Don is exchanged. When Don has to reload again, which he does while taking cover beside a parked sedan; he spots Rho’s legs under the car. He aims, and, as we know from his marksmanship at the beginning of this episode, hits his target.

We know the danger is over as the music starts up again once Rho falls.

Don approaches the wounded Rho, and just as Rho goes to grab his weapon, he has Don’s gun pointed at his head. Don orders him to put his hands out on the ground in front of him.

La Maison D’Eppes: The pizza has just arrived and Charlie hopes it’s peppers and onions but Alan says it’s sausage. This tells Charlie that Don isn’t coming over after his difficult day shooting up half of Los Angeles. This is a very brotherly moment, as I guess knowing one’s brother’s choice pizza toppings must be one of the 10 fraternal commandments. They are all listed here.

Charlie is concerned because this case just had three ATF agents crack and the Donnie Darko routine wasn’t reassuring to anyone. Everyone’s been so concerned about Don this week, that there’s even been a brief ceasefire in the ongoing Eppes House War.

Alan tries to reassure Charlie and Charlie reveals he ran the formula he used to determine if Nikki’s suicide was a suicide, against Don’s life. The formula revealed Don would be all right. The positives outweigh the negatives and he has strong ties to his family. We know this is true because what would this show be if Charlie’s math were wrong? It would be the end of the world as we know it. Although, at least it would keep me from having to sacrifice myself a in a couple years’ time.

Rockin’ Robin’s: Don arrives at Robin’s door, looking not all that distressed over the events of the episode; rather, he looks like a man about to get some. She smiles, because who wouldn’t when one of the Fedcakes show up on the doorstep, not in an official capacity? Robin, obviously to understand Don better, invites him in and the scene ends exactly where most of us would like it to begin with the door being shut.

Don’s probably not thinking about pizza right now.