rewind, recap, regurgitate: "the hills" are alive with disapproving glares

I think whoever is in charge of reality programming for MTV has a thing for crappy boyfriends. First there was Wes the abusive and yell-y on this week's episode of Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and now Jason and Lauren may break before they even get to reunite? Blech.

Lauren is at a fancy pants golf shop, looking for a set of clubs. Wednesday is Jason's birthday, and she wants to impress him with the right clubs. Present as ever is Heidi, who doesn't do much more than this and gossip with Audrina about the guy she's seeing.

Lauren's plan to spend Jason's birthday with him are foiled when, the next day at work, editor Lisa and fashion director Gloria tell Lauren she's going to be spending Jason's birthday at a big shoot for the magazine. But don't they know it's Jason's birthday? Oh drama. And Whitney said something about how jeans can be really addicting. I was going to make some derisive comment about this epiphany when I realized that she was, and is, totally right. I mean, how many jeans have I gone through the years in search of the perfect pair that shapes my ass, slims my gut, and makes me look 2" taller? Too many to count, and I still haven't found the perfect pair.

Hillside Villas. Audrina and Heidi are poolside, talking about Audrina's new man. Dan? Danny? Daniel? Who cares. He's a model-slash-actor - no surprise there. Nothing that inspires me personally, but Audrina seems excited, as does Heidi, who enthuses that she is living her single live vicariously through Audrina. Oh aren't we all.

Elsewhere at the Villas... Jason comes over, and Lauren gives him the bad news about the shoot. But dinner at Blowfish is still on! "So you have to work... on my birthday. Whatever." Jason pouts. Oh my god, Jason, are you five? Some people have to work. How do you think Lauren paid for those golf clubs? Okay, so maybe her dad's credit card actually got the tab, but I bet Mr. Lauren's dad is really hard-working!

It's date night for Audrina and Danny! I was hoping they'd go somewhere semi-interesting -- isn't LA supposed to have all manner of cultural attractions -- but instead it is what appears to be a no-name Mexican joint. Danny doesn't seem to be quite on the up-and-up, as he himself doesn't seem entirely sure of whether or not he lives at the beach, or whether he is merely a regular visitor. Audrina is suitably non-impressed, and relates as much to Heidi when she calls to check in. Heidi instructs Audrina to say that the food is delicious if Danny is, in fact, cute and sweet. Audrina relates that the food is actually kind of greasy, which of course makes Heidi (at a bar with their other friends) crack the fuck up.

Audrina appears at the bar after her date, alone, to be debriefed. Brian seems pleased that the date was an apparent bust, and they all toast to Jason's birthday. Or Danny being gay. I don't remember.

Jason's birthday! The photo shoot is just getting started as Lauren arrives to line up shoes by type, steam a skirt, and watch the shoot. Lauren fills Blaine in on the birthday details. I pause my DVR so I can ogle Blaine. Aside: according to Page Six, Blaine is the new West Coast editor at Glamour. Yay! While Lauren slogs through the day, praying the shoot doesn't go late, Jason enjoys his new clubs. He seems to be having a great time, which would seem to fly in the face of his pouty behavior at dinner, where he acts pissed because Lauren is late, tired, and worried because her leaving the shoot as early as she could would seem to indicate that she doesn't care about her job. Well, if she's really in that much trouble, maybe she can intern for Blaine at Glamour?

So yes, in case you were wondering: dinner seems to well enough for everybody but Lauren. Jason doesn't sit with her, choosing to sit at the end of the table and yuk it up with people who are not her. He tries to get her to open up after dinner (read: fight) but she, gracious in her pissed off-ness, says she won't fight with him on his birthday. He takes off in a car full of people, one of whom appears to be a curvy blonde, while Lauren, Heidi, and Jordan take Jason's Range Rover back to the villas.

Next week: Fight! Fight! Fight!