Numb3rs: Blackout (Episode 307)

A not so long time ago, I can still remember
How that new 'ship used to make me smile.
And I knew if they had their chance,
These two would have a true romance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But then "Blackout" made me shiver
And the bombshell Don did deliver
Bad news for our Don Eppes
He took a romantic misstep.
I can't remember if I cried
When I read my fave new 'ship now was fried.
And something broke in me deep inside
The day, my new 'ship died.
And I was singing...
Bye, bye, Don is not Robin's guy
Drove his Ford, thought he'd scored
But Robin's all "No, not I."
I wasn't spoiled and don't have a mind trick (Jedi)
So I did not know that things had gone awry.
(No! My OTP cannot die!)

I'm cutting this off before it turns into a full out Filk to the tune of "American Pie," but do you all get the idea I am royally pissed? No, I have no intention of getting over it for the rest of the season soon. I may have to deploy ninjas to resolve this situation.

Previouslies: What show am I watching? First there's no credits, just a title flash like Supernatural, now there are previouslies like Prison Break, Lost, Veronica Mars, and half a million other shows on TV Supernatural as well? Although, if someone would like to drop kick the Winchesters into L.A. to meet the Eppes, just about every female alive would tune into watch. I'm turning into a big pile of drooly goo just thinking about it. It would also be a wonderful way to help me get over the traumatic events of this eppesode. I'm just saying...

Oh yeah, the previouslies and what exactly do they tell us. They tell us that stuff happened previously. Stuff like the gambling / drug racket Tabakian (yeah, I didn't know how to spell it last week. Sue me.) ran at the racetrack. We had stuff about this agent named Liz Warner who would be a totally cool character except she's in my bad books right now. Finally, there was answer to what happened to Dr. Evil's angry sea bass.

Opening Grid: Yay! This, I recognize. 436 Power Substations, 93 000 Miles of Cable, 22 000 000 Megawatts, 1 Witness.

The camera pans over Los Angeles, which is lit up like 3905874691946898 (actual number) Christmas trees. I'm thinking with the title of this eppesode that won't last long. Rhythmic sexy music plays in the background.

Liz Warner's: Remember agent Warner from last week, or even from the previouslies? Well, something terrible must've happened between the end of "Longshot" and "Blackout" because she's lost her pants. The camera shows that she has a enviable pair of legs and it looks like she's following that whole long tunic and leggings trend; except she missed the leggings part. I refuse to call that a dress. A short dress means if you bend over, there might be some potential flashing issues. A slight curvature of the spine would cause that outfit to become indecent.

Liz is arriving home from what looks to be a very successful date with... Don? Don, WTF? What is he doing there?

Liz provides a very reasonable explanation; when her date (which she set up using an online dating service) stood her up, she called Don for a good time. Yes, because when you're stood up by your internet date who says he's a multi-millionaire young buff entrepreneur, but is really a pimply 22 year old who lives in his parents' basement, stands you up, isn't everybody's first call to a coworker, just to make sure the humiliation is complete?

There is some flirtation, raising my hackles as I was not let in on the secret the Big Damn Conspiracy kept from me everybody else in the Fandom seemed to know. You see, I've been (mostly) spoiler free for the better part of this year so this whole Don and Liz getting it on was a total shock for me.

There are comments about taking away a badge and a gun, which I think is a euphemism, otherwise, Liz left them in her pants and then the two are on each other like drunken co-eds. There's a moment where Liz is forcing reality into the situation by reminding Don that Robin is awesome but it doesn't really do anything other than cause me to throw my notebook at the television. For Don and Liz, it does nothing other than put a really big white elephant into the room. Serves them right. Unlike most instances with white elephants, I intend to spend a lot of time mentioning it.

I'm about to hurl heavy objects and caustic insults at my television then --

Holy shit dude, when did Rob Morrow become so built?

Power Station: Foul! I cry foul! At least if there's going to be something totally counter-intuitive to everything I think Don stands for, then I should at least get to watch. It's all in the name of clear, accurate recapping, really.

A not as built as Rob Morrow power station technician is fixing something and talking to his wife on his cell.

As he tells her not to wait up for him, he's run over by a renegade SUV. Guess the wife won't need to wait up after all.

The aftermath (we need an eppesode called that and I take total credit if it ever happens!) of the SUV is a blackout over a good part of LA.

Liz's Apartment: At this point, I don't blame Liz much at all because what else are you going to do with a hot Fedcake in the dark? Except the power didn't go off at her place. On second thought I still can't blame her. Usually, I'm all Charlie's but damn, Don looks fine in his current state of half-nakedness. Once all of Liz' clothes, are off, at least, the clothes that are acceptable to the censors since the whole "wardrobe malfunction," incident, Don's cell phone rings. Hee! Don getting a call in the middle of a fairly intimate moment, that's happened before. I wonder with whom? Oh yeah, Robin.

"You get my clothes off and now you're going to leave?" Liz asks. Yes honey, if he did it to Robin, he'll do it to you. Next she makes another ridiculous statement; if he leaves, she's got to get up early and is locking the doors at midnight. Come on, you've already got an exceptionally hot half-naked Fedcake and you're going to put a time limit on it? You've already committed the act to earn my ire, I'm not going to be any angrier with you if you follow through with it!

I would like to point out two things:
1) While members of the Big Damn Conspiracy knew all about the Robin bombshell at the end of the Eppesode (as proven by this note), I did not, so I was stuck believing that our upstanding and moral Don Eppes was cheating.
2) Liz didn't know either yet she was entirely okay with the situation.

Power Station: David is giving Don the skinny (as opposed to Liz who was giving Don something else entirely) on the attack. Of course, terrorism is the first thing on the list of potential motives, and Don thinks taking out the one power station is a test run for something bigger, like taking out Three Mile Island. Oh, that's already been done.

Don finds a 2x4 wedged between the seat and the gas pedal, making the attempt look even more ominous. Really, it's not, I just left it there as I was planning on beating Don's head in with it for what he's obviously done to Robin. I don't know what it is, but it had to have been bad.

IHOF: Don thanks everybody for staying late, which earns a comment about Colby needing the overtime.

"We don't get overtime Granger," Megan reminds him.

"Yeah I know, 'cause it's a shame because I could really use it." I think that was supposed to be funny, but it came out more as idiotic classic Colby. Therefore, it's this week's Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Line™. They're getting earlier with every eppesode.

Roadkill power employee wasn't really a power employee after all; he was a scab. This leads the Fedcakes off the trail of terrorists and onto a really vicious union dispute. As the truck, which was stolen, came from Echo Park, 20 miles from the crime scene, Megan suggests they look into actual power employees who live in that area.

As Colby and David go off in search of employees in Echo Park, Don says he'll check the terrorist angle but checks his watch instead. It's five minutes past midnight.

"Got somewhere to be?" Megan asks.

"Not anymore," Don replies. Usually, I'd point out that if Don went over anyway, she'd forgive his lateness. I would. On the other hand, I'm mad at him so he can remain frustrated for the rest of the eppesode and I could care less, unless, of course, he went over to Robin's.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan interrupts Larry and Charlie who are squabbling like five year-olds, over an electrostatic lifter. Apparently, there's some debate about why it works and Larry lists a whole bunch of words that just sound like gobbledygook to me, about the key issues in the debate. Alan comments that he'd hate to be in the room for that debate and I smirk. We all know that Alan doesn't give a crap about how it works, he just doesn't understand a damn thing Larry said either.

In the vein of the soda-pop experiment and the backdraft experiment, the pair make something, I'm not entirely sure what, float in the air. Alan thinks that until the electrostatic lifter can do that to his car (which would completely resolve the whole not being able to park in the garage issue), it's still just a toy. Charlie sulks.

Don arrives, and notices the candles all sitting around and realizes that La Maison d'Eppes was also without power. Because of the one station going down, Larry explains, the power company turned off a bunch of areas to avoid a cascading failure, as there wouldn't be enough power at that given moment. Once the balance of power had been restored, then the power is turned back on. If only that same theory could be applied to governmental politics.

Charlie uses his audience vision to compare power outages to Jenga. While several pieces can be missing, pulling out the wrong piece can cause it to all fall down. In the case of the power grid, it means that millions of people can be left in the dark, like the infamous 2003 blackout on the East coast. Charlie explains that the failure of a single switch put 50 million people in the dark.

Now I get to sound smarter than Charlie (I'm going to enjoy this moment). The power failure wasn't due to a switch, it was due to overgrown trees in Ohio. I guess as Charlie lives in California and wasn't affected by the blackout, like I was, and had to listen to weeks of CNN blaming Ontario Power Generation, like I did afterwards, he wasn't as interested in the actual cause, unlike myself. That moment is extremely significant to me as that's the time I completely turned off all of the regular news stations and decided to get all my international news from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It's more accurate.

Of course, all this talk of cascading failure puts terrorism back at the top of the motive list.

Title Flash: Not credits.

IHOF: We have the Weepy Widow of Scabby Roadkill talking to Colby and Megan. She's bemoaning the fact that she was talking to her husband just shortly before the accident happened. I hate to be cruel to this week's stock character no I don't but did she ever consider he might've noticed the oncoming vehicle if he hadn't been distracted by her phone call? I know; I'm so going to that special hell.

Weepy Widow tries to explain her husband's reasoning for becoming a scab. "You really think someone killed him for trying to earn a living?" No, Megan and Colby think will not make comment about Colby thinking. Will not make comment about Colby thinking. that Scabby Roadkill was murdered for trying to earn someone else's living.

Weepy Widow does offer one piece of useful information, another power station went down the night before Scabby Roadkill's. It wasn't one of his stations and it went down due to poor maintenance; or did it? Duh duh dun!

Megan tells Don about the other station failure and Don's jumped on the "it's not a coincidence" bandwagon.

"I don't know why not. A coincidence after all, is an absolutely valid mathematical occurrence." This is what's going to get me through this eppesode, Charlie's adorkableness. It's either that or I curl up into the fetal position in the corner. Focussing on adorkableness doesn't require me to get out of my chair. Sheer laziness is preventing my complete and total breakdown.

If the striking workers are at fault, they're just after some bad PR for the company. If the perp is after cascading failure, then Charlie needs to do a Load Flow Analysis, to help the Fedcakes know where the next attack will occur.

Megan immediately starts looking up the data for Charlie. I love how the Fedcakes don't even question what information he needs anymore; they just get it. He could ask for the number of cheese wheels and fruit cakes that are stolen at Christmas and as long as he said it would help the investigation, Colby or David would be calling up Hickory Farms.

As Charlie leaves to analyze his load flow (that sounds dirty), Liz arrives. Charlie looks uncomfortable with her being present and gives a weird look in Don's direction. Of course, Charlie may have noticed Liz was carrying Don's glasses, which were left at the apartment the night before.

Charlie leaves and Liz and Don flirt. Although she has a meeting, she wouldn't mind a rain check on repeat of the previous night's events (I'm sure without the inconvenient phone call). "I'll keep my eye on the weather."

Liz heads upstairs for one of those "Flimsy plot device meetings" and Don is smiling a little too much for Megan to believe that was a conversation between two professionals about work. Don assures her that Liz was just returning his glasses.

"Is everything all right with you and Robin?" Megan, if you were anywhere near me right now, or not fictional, I would hug you. Don blows off the question.

Cal Sci: Larry and Charlie are analyzing load flow (that still sounds dirty) and Amita comes to join them. I'm just praying we aren't going to get any Charmita in this eppesode because Don and Robin are all I can handle.

Charlie explains about how they're trying to figure out which substation to hit to cause a cascading failure.

"Please tell me this isn't something for senior ditch day." I chuckle for a moment and then realize that Cal Sci's seniors might actually be capable of doing this. If the seniors ever see what Charlie's working on, I hope he has enough chocolate chip cookies to distract them.

Larry tells a story about trying to live without electricity when he was in grad school. ("They had electricity when you were in grad school?" Charlie asks, and Amita laughs at this. It's a cute moment. I would totally support Charmita if all the moments were like this.) Larry did this for a woman, a Sandra Darwinkle, who he dated during the energy crisis. ("The first one," Charlie quips and again Amita laughs. It's still adorable.)

Sandra was trying to make a political statement. Larry, like every other post grad, was trying to get laid. She broke it off when she caught Larry with his water-pik. This leads me to ask, did they really have water-piks then?

Meanwhile, Charlie, who was both teasing Larry and performing high level mathematical calculations -- I guess he multi-tasks well -- has found the substation most likely to be hit next.

Lover's Lane: Colby is watching the substation Charlie identified and David is watching a couple enthusiastically make-out. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are stuck doing surveillance at Lover's Lane. Oh the fanfiction opportunities just abound here, don't they?

"There's no activity at this power station," Yeah Colby, but there's plenty of "activity" in the cars parked on either side of you.

The scene takes a turn into the damn creepy zone, as Colby asks David whether he thinks Larry ever parks there with Megan. I'm sure David tries to think about anything but that, Colby. Despite Colby's in-depth analysis, that Larry doesn't have a car and the limited options that provides, David puts the verbal smackdown on him and tells him to give it a rest. Colby still thinks the relationship is weird, but obviously he missed my whole "Megan and Larry are the Edmonton of couples" analogy. Plus, why does he spend that much time thinking about it?

Another advantage to their viewpoint, other than the opportunity to bond as partners, is that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern get to see a large portion of L.A. blackout. Except, no one touched the power station they were watching.

Of course, the real aftermath (really, an eppesode called that would just be cool, just give me credit) of all these power outages won't be seen for another nine months, if you get my drift.

Another Power Station: A piece of rebar was thrown over the fence causing a short, which brought down the whole station. Colby's surprised by this, but Larry explains that it is possible. Doesn't that just make you secure in your own constant energy flow, something so small could take out a large percentage of Los Angeles? Excuse me, I've got to backup this recap before the wrong type of leaf lands on a power line.

Colby looks frustrated at Larry's rather long-winded explanation. I'm sorry, not sure why Larry's there? He and Megan were at dinner when the call came. I wouldn't ask Megan about it though, because she gives Colby quite the look when she thought he'd say something. It was a "if looks could kill, you'd be dead, cremated and already reborn into your next life, where I'll hunt you down and kill you" type of look.

Because this wasn't the power station predicted by Larry and Charlie, we get a new clue in the mystery. This station had nothing to do with the other power company and its striking workers. Looks like it's terrorists.

To drive that point home even more, there's a dead body on the scene still clinging to the fence. This is also the guy who probably threw the rebar, so don't feel too badly for him. I mean, how great a loss is it to the world to lose someone that plans to short out a power station, but doesn't think to let go of the metal fence beforehand?

Frankencriminal's (It's alive dead! It's alive dead!) pockets were turned out, so accomplices are a must. He also has a tattoo on his neck, telling David that he was a former inmate in Chino. You know, little tattoos don't impress me anymore, not since I saw Michael Scofield's. Besides, why would you get something that is like a neon sign screaming “I’m a criminal” when I've already seen the best one ever? One that requires me to closely study Wentworth Miller's body?

IHOF: Alejandro Munoz, (AKA Frankencriminal) was a Salvadorian national who was in prison for stealing drugs. This is the exact moment I realized what was going on in this eppesode but for some reason, Colby, Don and Charlie, aren't getting it. What's up with the Fedcakes? Didn't they see the previouslies, or at least live them?

On the other hand, they were working on false assumptions, like the goal was a cascading failure and that the striking workers were the chief suspects. Now they have a new chief suspect, one Lyle Donahue, who served time with Munoz. He was in prison for trying to fix the energy market by creating a false energy crisis. The Fedcakes plan to scrutinize Donahue's life, again not taking any cue from the previouslies.

Cal Sci: Charlie is working away on his Load Flow, when Amita walks in carrying a magazine and announcing that she'd been thinking of him the night before. Charlie's all "please let that be a playgirl and the type of thinking that requires a hands-free phone."

Ha! She found an article all right, but it was for his work on his Cognitive Emergence Theory. The magazine is Physics Weekly. This time, it's Charlie that comes across as the annoying one in the relationship. Bravo Navi Rawat for accomplishing what I didn't think was possible.

Not only does she appear to be the mature one, but also Amita makes an important observation. What if the blackouts have nothing to do with some Big Damn Conspiracy (that's something entirely different. They're the reason I need trained ninjas.) but the blackouts are the desired goal?

La Maison d'Eppes: Don is picking up some files he's going to wish in a moment he didn't leave as his father is taking a few moments to interrogate his oldest son about his evening plans. Will he be home for dinner? Is he going out with Robin? Are Don and Robin going to some concert together? Who the fuck was that woman Charlie saw you with; the one that is not Robin? You bastard!

Okay, so maybe he didn't quite phrase it that way, but I got his point. So did Don, who puts on his petulant pants, which are in no way as sexy as his regular pants. He's all "Yeah, so, Charlie tattled on me." No, Charlie understands that Robin is awesome. What do I have to do to convince Don of this? Skywriting? Singing telegram? Morse Code? Tell me. I'll do it.

Unfortunately, before we can get to the bombshell at the end of this eppesode (which, unlike The Monster at the End of This Book is neither fun, nor friendly) Don gets a call from David. Donahue's been located and Don orders David and Megan to go arrest him before he escapes.

Don assures Alan that he's trying his best but for once, to both Alan and I, that simply isn't good enough. Before you all send me hate mail, please remember, I still had no idea what I was in for at the end of this eppesode.

Cheers: (Or not) The bartender doesn't know everybody's name because he has no idea who Donahue is. It takes him way too long to find the credit card slip, making me think he's in on it. When the bartender finally does get it, the man in the picture Megan showed him was not the man that used the card. Some co-ed and his buddies were using Donahue's card to run a tab. Stupidly, the co-ed tries to run, giving us a great opportunity to remind everybody why Colby's still around. He looks super-sexy taking down fleeing criminals.

The co-ed takes the Fedcakes to an abandoned car with one dead Donahue. The co-ed insists that Donahue was already dead when he took the card, which wins co-ed a serious number of points in the "ew, you robbed a dead guy" scale.

Still not taking the cues from the previouslies, Megan David and Colby are left wondering who else, besides the Salvadorians and Donahue, is involved with the attacks on the stations.

The real question is, if Donahue's dead, whose going to tell Marlo Thomas?

IHOF: Charlie's all excited about his (why doesn't he give credit to Amita here?) new discovery, that the blackouts all caused a small area of Los Angeles to be affected. Using an overlay of acetate on a map, Charlie shows most of downtown was taken out, and Megan hopes she has something to narrow the field. Like a lot of crime victims of late, Donahue had a notepad with advanced mathematical calculations, something called Dantzig-Wolfe Decomposition, telling Donahue where to hit next. Although I don't know what it means in mathematical terms, decomposition usually means something's died. That doesn't bode well for the Fedcakes.

Charlie hopes he can use this to figure out specifically which area is being targeted. Megan uses her behaviouralist position to haul ass out of the room before Don tears a strip off of Charlie to find other suspects that might've killed Donahue.

Before Don can get to the "giving his little brother a wedgie for tattling to Dad" part of the conversation, Charlie takes a dive and admit he's wrong. That was probably a safer move than suggesting Don's turned into a cheater, as there's a high statistical probability that Don would break his nose over it. Believe me, even I can do that math.

In Charlie's defense, he does justify his actions because Don seemed to be happier with Robin. They were getting along so well, and Spy was totally supportive. Yeah, maybe I added that last part.

Don insists we don't understand. He's right; we can't unless he explains it to us.

Cal Sci: Charlie's confused by Donahue's intended goal. The calculations were made with the intention of having the power operators pick certain areas to shut down but even the alliteration fairy, which causes Charlie to say he's run "every particular permutation I can perceive of" can't help him find a perspicacious answer to put and end to the pesky power problems.

This time it's Larry, not Amita, who comes up with the solution. Once Charlie can figure out why the other stations were excluded, then he'd have his answer. Charlie probably won't give Larry the credit either.

Outside IHOF: Liz has dropped by to give Don a good look at something he won't be getting. Complaining he thought he had a rain check, Liz gives us a reason to believe she's not being just a man-stealing tease, she'll be keeping a witness in protective custody in San Diego. Tabakian, the guy whose name I couldn't spell last week, has turned state's evidence, and Liz will be in charge of protecting him from the angry Salvadorians.

So Don will get his chance, but will have to wait until Liz gets back to town. "I'll make sure it doesn't rain. You know my brother can do things with math. He's a genius." Yes Don, but I don't think controlling all of mother nature just so you can get laid, is up there on his list of things to do. Here we have it , dear readers, the first eppesode ever with 2 Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Lines™.

Inside, Charlie has arrived with his piece de resistance, a map of the exact area Donahue was targeting. Analyzing the other nine rejected power stations, the J. Edgar Rice Building is the only target. It's also where the federal prisoners are held. Somebody's choreographing a prison break. Didn't I mention the advantages of Michael Scofield-style tattoos earlier?

Fox RiverJ. Edgar Rice Building: A guard assures David and Don that their facility is practically unaffected by any blackouts. With the on site diesel generators, power outages don't stop anything in the prison from running smoothly. Of course, if the power did go out, there would be 2200 inmates, 45 guards, and what sounds to be the opening grid of a very cool prison riot / hostage taking eppesode. (I totally take credit for that one too!) Luckily for the prison, this is practically impossible.

Of course, what does Charlie always say? It's not impossible, just improbable.

Outside IHOF: Megan is pondering and Larry is watching her ponder. How's that for a reversal of roles. Assuming Megan has the same grand questions as he does (How will the universe end? What is the meaning of matter? What is the whitest toast?) he's surprised to hear her say she's contemplating prison.

Larry's certainly taken on the role of assumption-killer in the last few eppesodes, as he thinks the flaw in Megan's thinking is that she's thinking up. Both Megan and I are confused.

Walking arm in arm, looking like a completely convincing couple (Charlie and Amita, take notes) Larry explains Richard Feynman's "There's Plenty of Room at the Bottom" lecture. Essentially, the whole analogy is this -- why wouldn't the plan have started with Frankencriminal?

"You're a genius," Megan leans in and kisses him.

"Head of the class," Larry replies. Clearly he's talking about how they're moving up to the number one couple on this show.

Inside, Charlie isn't convinced that the prison is "immune." He also gets pissy when Newton isn't referred to as "Sir." Major threat to a prison / incorrect use of a title, I can see how those two equal out in Charlie's brain.

What did I say earlier about statistical improbabilities, Don? Luckily, Megan's there to back Charlie up. She's figured out that Frankencriminal is connected to the drug cartel they investigated last week at the racetrack. Jeez! It's about time!

Still confused about how Tabakian's connected, to the point that Don even snaps at Charlie when Charlie insists there had to have been some effect from the blackouts. I'm glad Charlie didn't shrink and points out that the point of the blackouts must've been to run the fuel tanks low.

Between the four remaining Fedcakes, they figure that the drug cartel is going to use the fuel truck to break into the prison. Except they aren't breaking Tabakian out, crushing my dreams of Michael Scofield making a guest appearance, they're breaking in to kill Tabakian. It's a fueled Trojan Horse.

J Edgar Rice Building: Yay! It's a recapper's dream! A semi-montage! The truck arrives; the guards check it for everything but fuel. Liz arrives, to add extra angst. The driver shoots the guard. and is forced to leave her gun at the desk. The assassins crawl out of the empty fuel tank and hide the guard's body. (Although not well as they move it like 10 feet!) Liz is forced to leave her gun at the desk. I hope she's going to bite it so Don will realize he and Robin are meant to be together. The assassins cut the wires and break in.

Don arrives, all worried he can't get Liz on her cell. Extra angst is definitely the order of the day. The Fedcakes, complete in riot gear (hallelujah!) find the cleverly hidden body. (It was right in front of them.)

David does the one thing the guards didn't think of and hits the tank to see if it was full. It isn't and the Fedcakes now know that there are assassins in the prison. The decision is made not to wait for SWAT, because the Fedcakes combined hotness, that, and the 45 guards once they get the guns from the armoury, will be enough.

As the assassins sneak further into the prison, Liz is dealing with the U.S. Attourney and Tabakian's paperwork. Speaking of Tabakian, here he comes, right to where the assassins can easily kill Liz him.

There are quick cuts between the assassins, Tabakian, and the Fedcakes ordering some poor guard around before he can even catch his breath. Megan is sent with the stunned guards to the armoury, but Liz is now left with a lecherous-looking Tabakian, no knowledge that assassins are heading her way and no gun.

The alarms go off, and the assassins, who have now killed 3 guards, (the third number on my fantasy eppesode grid) make there way to the utility room -- exactly where Don and his team are headed.

Tabakian goes from world class gangster to pissing in his prison uniform, demanding Liz protect him. Guess without the mobster bodyguards and angry seas bass you're nothing but a coward, eh Tabakian?

Don and Colby take down two assassins just as they reach the room holding Liz and Tabakian. Before Don, Colby and David escort them from the room, Don hands Liz his second gun. Don must have this strange fetish with hot women and firearms. First he picked up Robin at the shooting range and now gives his new love interest his back up weapon. Who said romance was dead?

As Tabakian is escorted to safety, the team is ambushed. Tabakian is shot in the shoulder, but Liz covers both him and the poor previously forgotten U.S. Attourney. Don takes down the third assassin and radios for EMT. In a totally unprofessional move, but sweet gesture, he checks Liz first, to see if she's okay. Then he checks the guy with the bullet hole. Don's a great Fedcake, but would make a lousy ER doctor.

Later, Tabakian is loaded into an ambulance, giving just a smidgen of privacy for Liz and Don. She gives him his gun (that could so be a euphemism) and thanks him. She smirks and says she owes him one, and doesn't like being in debt.

"Yeah so? What are you going to do about it?" Don asks. Oh do I have a few ideas, would anybody like some suggestions? A demonstration perhaps?

"Get even," Liz responds. Not exactly the tactic I would've taken but whatever works.

The flirting is interrupted not by a phone call, but by Colby, informing Don that the warden is waiting for him. I hope Colby didn't see any of the flirting. I think seeing another one of his co-workers getting some when he isn't, would be too much for him to bear.

Playfully, Liz punches him in the chest. Don gently tucks back a piece of her hair. I think she got the better half of that bargain. As he walks away, he smiles back at her, leaving me with a big gaping hole in my stomach. Robin's gone for good, isn't she?

La Maison d'Eppes: Don comes home to find Alan and Charlie waiting up for him. Alan was worried, Charlie just wanted to "savour and I told you so." Which he then proceeds to say to Don, twice. His math is vindicated!

Please don't make me watch this couple of minutes. Really, I'd trade just about anything. Do you realize the mental anguish I'm going through and I wasn't even in the relationship? Please no! All right, I'm going to treat this like a Band-Aid; rip it off in one go.

Don says...

Please, no.

Don says Robin dumped him.

Alan thinks this is a good thing. I think Alan needs mental health check up. The argument is that at least it wasn't Don who ended it. Excuse me? That's like saying, you had the winning lottery ticket but at least you weren't the one who ripped it up before it was cashed.

Typing all of that, caused me physical pain. Even Charlie's whole "She dumped you" and Don telling him to shut up didn't ease a damn thing. The only slightly hopeful thing, Charlie's suggestion she may change her mind. I hope that's foreshadowing. Never have I prayed so greatly for a literary device to come true.

Alan and Charlie aren't tired anymore, and won't fold to Don's insistence that he doesn't need company. They Eppes men settle down to watch late night television because that's when the classics are on.

What classic is on tonight? Taxi.

Usually I would find the meta-humour in this but I'm too devastated.

Dear Cheryl Heuton and Nicolas Falacci,
Now that this recap is over, I'm going to go crawl into a corner and cry myself to sleep. I hope you've set some money aside, as I'm sending you two the bill for my therapy.
Not Sincerely,
Spy.
PS: