Numb3rs: Hardball (Episode 308)

Previously in your Numb3rs recap: Your recapper had a complete and total mental breakdown. She doesn't remember why as she's repressed the whole thing. If you'd like to find out why, read about it here . Donations are currently being accepted for her treatment and a "Remember Robin" support group has been started for those who are also suffering the similar symptoms.

Opening Grid: 32 Home Runs, 97 Runs Batted In, .308 Batting Average, 1 Lethal Dose

Fenway Park: It's a montage of baseball. Some players hit, some players miss, and most players have one thing in common. They have man-boobs. I have never been so grateful for such an obvious physical trait to be made part of the plot, as we find out later. If they weren't, I'd wonder about my sanity. *What have you heard?*

There's spitting, hitting,catching and running, none of which is fun to watch because of the man-boobs. To make things even worse, we get a close-up of the catcher's crotch. I miss the days of natural athletes when they were pleasant to watch. The worst part is, not one of the baseball players has a team jersey or logo on them. I guess the producers didn't want to be sued by some team for disgracing their players by implying they all had man-boobs. Either that, or they didn't like the name of the basebal team that plays in the park they used. They're called the Dirtbags. Tell me that isn't the best name for a baseball team ever.

One player, called Vic Johnston, is up at the plate. He's had a really good year, if the coaches are to be believed and he'll probably be in the big leagues in April. He gets the sweet spot on a pitch and hits a triple. Making his way around the bases, he slides in. As this is practice, he's expected to get up and make way for the next player, except he doesn't. Looks like all's not well in Mudville because Mighty Casey has struck out. Dead that is.

Locker Room: Why are we in a sports locker room and there isn't one hot athlete showering? Instead, there's a hot Fedcake (Don) examining a bottle of steriods taken from Johnson's locker. Megan is also there but the rest of the team is suspiciously absent. (Maybe Colby didn't want to be associated with any investigation involving steriods. What? I'm not implying anything.) In order to avoid the recent investigation into the use of steriods in baseball, the coach wisely called in the authorities.

Don also finds a laptop which, we're told, Johnston uses to keep his stats. Stats? I wonder why those might be important in a show called Numb3rs?

IHOF: Colby's making a photo-collage of the vic, Vic's life and giving the lecture to Don and Charlie (Did I miss the rabbit running by and the falling down a hole part of this eppesode?) E-mails have been found on the laptop claiming that Johnston was taking steriods (I refuse to use the term "juicing" which is tossed around this whole eppesode. It sounds really dirty) and there are equations attached to the e-mail that prove it. I guess just like CSI has done for general knowledge of forensics, Numb3rs has done for math because now everyone is doing their own equations. Shortly, Charlie will become obsolete.

In light of that dismal view of the future, let's move on. The equations are advanced sabermetrics, the statistical study of baseball. (We've seen this before but with a lot fewer man-boobs in "Sacrifice".) Charlie doesn't know what the abbreviations and notations mean.

"That's not standard math stuff?" Colby asks, making appropriate use of the technical term "stuff." I shouldn't make fun of Colby here, I didn't know that mathematicians use their own shorthand but I'm a bad person and will anyway.

Charlie's off to find someone who knows this field.

Morgue: It's Lauren Velez, AKA Claudia Gomez AKA David's true love forever! After finishing the autopsy on the vic, Vic, she's discovered he died of a stroke, due to steroid use. The vic, Vic's bottle of steroids was obviously tampered with because the concentration is 30 times stronger than the normal distribution. It's definitely murder.

I'm hoping she was too distracted by David to notice a few things wrong with this scene. First of all, Colby's drinking coffee. Somehow, I don't think coffee is permitted in autospy. Secondly, Colby puts his foot up on the table, using it as a brace. Maybe I've seen too many episodes of CSI but wouldn't that be a great way to cause cross-contamination, thus destroying evidence? I'm just saying. I'm hoping it's because of David and that the writers are giving me new couple to root for that Claudia doesn't notice this. Something happened to my old OTP. I can't quite remember what.

Title Flash: *Crawls into the corner and cries.*

IHOF: I recover just as the commercial break ends and we're dragged back into the investigation. The lab nas't yet identified the maker of the steroid, so science can't help them, yet. Megan suggests that since the killer had access to both the vic, Vic's, locker and his drug supply, the wife is an obvious suspect. The wife is a former model who is too pretty for words, so I hope she did it. Yes, I am that petty.

Don assures us that even though Charlie hasn't figured out the equations yet, he does know a guy.

Cal Sci: It's Bill Nye the Science Guy. Watch as he makes curve balls fly. His lamp's now broken; will he cry? I'm stuck in rhyme, my oh my! Newton like Curveballs, Bill did reply, and wondering how spin did apply. Using physics learned in junior high, he explains air pressure, does Bill Nye. Hitting curveballs is tough to try. But stats is why Charlie did drop by and Fantasy baseball is dominated by, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Looking at the equations Charlie's brought, Bill Nye is sure he can find the guy.

Vic, Vic's: Megan is talking to the ex-model wife, who gives us the sob story about how only Vic's Agent, Richard Klass, was interested in helping him. This was the last year on Vic's contract and had had a bunch of injuries, so if he didn't perform and get picked up by the majors, the family was in trouble. The biggest concern, and obviously the reason Vic did steroids, according to the wife, is that the money he made now would have to last the next forty years. I hate to point out a flaw in that logic (no I don't) but why couldn't the wife get a job? You know, support the family while hubby is out of work? Or is she too good for that? No, I don't like her. Useless women irritate me.

According to the wife, no one benifitted if Vic died (because, of course, he wouldn't have had insurance or anything like that). She accuses the coaches, who treated Vic like a piece of equipment. Is that really any better than treating Vic like a meal ticket?

Yankee Stadium: Colby and David find out baseball has the same policy as the army, the "Don't ask. Don't tell," approach to steriod use, according to the coach. Despite clear evidence of steriod use, such as bench-pressing and insane amount or being voted in as the Governor or Califoria, or going on television and insisting that one has never taken steroids, the vic, Vic's team never tests unless the league tells them to.

Jerry Maguire's: Megan's interviewining Vic's agent, Richard Klass, about Vic's prospects. According to the agent, he expected Vic, who was an all-round great player, to be the "real deal." He was just screwed over by the majors who asked him to play through an injured shoulder. At least the agent does admit that Vic was taking steroids, but "only until his numbers were up," because that makes it all okay. Plus, at least 25% of players, according to Klass, are taking performance enhancing drugs. Yes, and if they all jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, well, you get my drift. We'd have a lot few teams and, perhaps, an interesting baseball season.

Poor Vic didn't have a prayer of life after baseball. Being drafted right out of high school, it was all he knew how to do. Plus, if he didn't make a good living, his wife would leave him. Poor guy had a finance-based marriage and no job prospects. It wouldn't surprise me to learn he'd taken the overdose on purpose when he discovered how badly his life sucked.

Megan's wearing her "life with Larry" rose-coloured glasses and thinks the wife would stick around. The agent and I both disagree with her. As for the agent, he also really cares about Vic, as they were the best of friends. I might be swayed though because I find the agent really hot.

Cal Sci: Bill Nye the Science Guy has come through, finding the equations on a site called boxscoretimes.com. (It doesn't exist. I dare someone to make a mock one, complete with stats like hotness, riot gear to drool ratios, and curl-length analysis.) The work has been done by a very active Fantasy League player, Oswald Kittner and the site even lists what all the abbreviations mean. Now Charlie can get to work seeing if the math really works.

Outside IHOF: Three fedcakes on the go please! Don, Colby and David are pedaconferencing about Kittner. We learn he's a 25 year-old loser high school dorp-out without a bank account, car and who is now on the run, after his apartment has been trashed.

Cal Sci: Charlie has discovered that Kittner's work disproves some detection point theory I can't spell and, therefore, can't google. The work also provides a way to test for performance enhancing drugs without relying on the unreliable drug tests. This has the potential of changing the way people look at the sport. (But this scene is certainly not changing the way I look at Charlie.)

Larry has a fun little parable here, that, in 1993, math also disproved that Shoeless Joe Jackson helped to throw the 1919 World Series. Calculate it, and he will come, I guess.

While stats can be used for good, such as disproving Jackson's guilt, this power can also be used for evil, and once Charlie ran the stats of players generally believed to have taken steroids, Kittner's work is "quite accurate."

IHOF: "Twenty minutes ago I was on my couch, watching Blazing Saddles in my pajamas. This better be good." Megan demands.

"Red Cowgirl pjs?" Larry asks.

"Un-huh." Megan confirms.

Two things that made this exchange the best exchange ever on Numb3rs. 1) Megan must have awesome pajamas and as someone who has glow in the dark Harry Potter pjs (the snitches and wand ends all glow. Don't judge me) I can appreciate that. 2) It was Larry, not Megan who made the comment, preventing it from being unprofessional on Megan's part and totally adorably couple-ish on Larry's.

Charlie tries to repress the idea of Megan's sleepwear and moves back onto the case. The equations work, and with Kittner going to ground, it's more vital than ever that they find him.

Larry has a theory to help. People will always be trying to fulfill their needs and since the deadline for the Winter Fantasy Baseball League is the following day, the Fedcakes need to look for where Kittner could gain internet access. Living in Little Tokyo, Megan assumes Kittner will be easy to find. She's probably also wondering why se was dragged out of the house to have this scene when it's all information that could have been relayed over the phone.

Little Tokyo: It looks like Hello Kitty or some manga exploded all over downtown Los Angeles and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern look very out of place in their normal-looking clothes. They also get a truckload of cool points for a gratuitous Blade Runner reference and a bonus in the actors' paycheques as it's a Ridley Scott film. It always pays to suck up to the money man.

Oswald Kittner's driver's licence may claim he's 25 but with the skateboard and dufus look on his face, he doesn't even pass for 15.

What follows is the best chase ever. It's Colby and David versus a suspect on a skateboard. After sliding down a hand-rail and interrupting a bunch of fake geishas, Oswald is finally caught by David throwing a piece of bamboo in front of Oswald's board. No, I am not making any of this up.

Being all paranoid, Oswald doesn't believe David and Colby are Fedcakes. Colby tries to prove this by showing him his handcuffs. Well, either he's law-enforcement, or really kinky. I don't think I want to know the answer to that. When asked what Oswald's under arrest for, "In your case, skateboarding is a crime." For the pure nonsensical logic of this statement, it's this week's Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Line™.

IHOF: Channeling the Longe Gunmen, Oswald wants a lawyer before he's shipped down to Gitmo. He denies any knowledge about the e-mails to Johnston as well as the math and says someone's blowing smoke up Megan's skirt, if she were wearing one. He rain from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern because earlier that week he found two goons trashing his apartment. He's all paranoid about people stealing his Fantasy baseball research as it could be worth up to 15 Grand. While he totally trying to steal Charlie's adorkable crown, he endears himself to me forever by calling David and Colby "Beefmonkeys." That term is sticking y'all.

Don interrupts to introduce Oswald to Charlie. Initially, Oswald denies any knowledge of the steriod calculations, but quickly folds when Charlie says that they found it posted on a stats website under his own name.

"Good Will Hunting, you got me," Oswald replies. Snerk. Let's see how many references to movies about damaged geniuses can be in one eppesode.

Oswald does have a good point in his own defence. His statistical analysis is a good advantage in Fantasy Baseball, as long as no one else knows about it, so why would he then e-mail it to a player who is doping?

Later, as Oswald and Charlie form a mutual adoration society over Oswald's work, the Fedcakes realize they're back at square one. The laptop Oswald was carrying was not the one from which the e-mails were sent and they still don't know who gave the lethal steroids to the vic, Vic.

Megan hopes that through their nerdly-bonding, Oswald might open up to Charlie.

Cal Sci: Charlie's invited Oswald over to play at Cal Sci. Bluntly, Oswald points out that his lawyer thinks Charlie is jsut working for the FBI, which Charlie readily admits, but there is another reason why Oswald's been invited to the inner sanctum of Math. Charlie wants to fanboy Oswald's work. At first, Charlie call's the work deep, then revels at the idea that Oswald is self-taught.

Charlie suggests Oswald come to Cal Sci to study math, but Oswald doesn't even have a GED. Getting all stupid, the way people do when they fanboy all over the place (see the rest of these recaps for other examples of excessive fangirling), Charlie says that Oswald wouldn't even need a GED. While I know Charlie doesn't even work in the admissions department, I somehow think that Cal Sci would require a high school diploma. Charlie's turned into one of those people at conventions who make ridiculous statements like "I love you!" and throw their panties at the stage. Not that I think Charlie's planning to throw his panties. He put on boxers this morning.

At least Oswald must consider publishing, Charlie insists but Oswald wants to keep his secret formula for winning secret. There's some esoteric argument about science being to share knowledge, but Oswald insists he isn't a scientist and Charlie insists he is. Besides, keeping the secret formula a secret has worked for KFC, McDonald's and how they put the caramel in the Caramilk Bar, so Oswald isn't entirely wrong here.

La Maison d'Eppes: Don comes in to find his father about to take off for a round of golf. Too focussed on the case to tag along for a round of 18, Don can't make heads or tails of the motive.

Getting distracted by a very old picture of Don's childhood team. Don reflects back on his days as a minor league player. For all of you who like detail in your fanfiction, pay attention. Don hit .228 with 36 RBI's, without steroids, his backup who took steroids, made it to the majors, and Don's bitter. He's wondering if cheating is cheating, when everybody does it. Alan verbal bitchslaps his son back into reality with a curt, "yes."

Alan reminds him, that people need to balance what they love. He gave up being a young free man, for Margaret and his two sons. Really, I can't express how grateful I am to Alan for doing that. He exposits that even though he willingly gave them up for something far better, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss them.

Don leaves a message with Alan that he's looking for "Chuck." Alan looks worried. Either he's worried about Don's state of health over some tragic event from last week that shall not be named, or using the nickname "Chuck" with his youngest. He doesn't want to see what algorithm of vengeance will arise from that.

Cal Sci: Charlie is grilling Oswald on how the steroid equations came about. Justifying his trades in Fantasy Baseball and the statistics about players on drugs say they'll be injured more frequently, was his reasoning. Trying to figure out who eles knows about his work, Oswald, at first, can't think of anyone but then puts on his "oh crap" face.

Outside IHOF: Charlie and Oswald catch up to Don and Megan. In the middle of a heated argument with his friend Chris Bronmiller, Oswald blurted out that Chris' hero, the vic, Vic, did steroids. As Oswald often leaves his laptop lying around, his friend could have easily seen the calculations.

Broadmueller's: Colby, David and some random Fed (but not Fedcake) go to find Chris Broadmiller's apartment ransacked, with a baseball video game in mid play. Either that of Bronmiller has my housekeeping skills.

Going to where Bronmiller keeps his car, the conversation detours into the "can't Colby stop obsessing about Megan and Larry" zone. David simply commented that perhaps the person they were looking for is living in his car, like Larry. Although, secretly, I think David was poking at Colby's sore point for a laugh. This whole obsession better be leading somewhere, like Colby is secretly in love with Megan and / or Larry, otherwise, it's just getting irritating. Although, David's, "Some women go for the muscle. Some women go for the brains," crack goes right over Colby's head. I love it when characters join me in mocking the mental faculties of Colby.

Checking out Bronmiller's car, they find the door open but no body in the trunk. 10 feet away, they find the several day old body, in the dumpster. I hope those suits weren't just drycleaned because the smell won't come out otherwise.

IHOF: Oswald does not take the news of his friend's death well. Freaking out and not knowing anything about what is really going on, Charlie has to help Don calm him down. Isn't that an ironic twist from the first season Charlie? It's moments like these that make me appreciate the character growth from season one. Don's hoping that Bronmiller's e-mails will shed some light on things.

With the computer tech, Don and Charlie learn two things. 1) It was Chris Bronmiller who gakked Oswald's work for nefarious purposes. 2) The vic, Vic, e-mailed Broadmiller back asking for a meet. The problem was, that the response wasn't sent from Vic's laptop, nor was Vic even alive at the time. He wasn't alive? Quick, call Jennifer Love Hewitt!

Or someone could've been pretending to be Vic. Who knows which way it's going to go on network television these days?

Math Garage: Having proven his worthiness, Oswald has been allowed into the inner-sanctum of mathland, the Math Garage. Paying tribute to the holy place of algorithms, Oswald chooses to sleep in the Math Garage as opposed to the two nice guest bedrooms in the house. Or he could just be avoiding the same fate as his friend, since a garage is way more comfortable than a dumpster.

Charlie takes a moment to explain his Cognitive Emergence Theory, clearly hoping Oswald will fanboy Charlie's work the way Charlie fanboy's Oswald's. No dice as Oswald is far more interested in comic books.

Having something better than comics, Charlie gives him a copy of the baseball stats of the Stockton Rangers in the Don era. Now Oswald gets excited, as the Stockton Rangers was his Minor League Fantasy Baseball team. Charlie asks him a favour. Whatever could it be?

IHOF: Colby's receives the information regarding the steroiods. This type is so rare that only three companies make it, one in the Philippines, one in France, and one in LA. So Colby and David are off to France for some wine and steroids. Or I could've made that last part up, but really, wouldn't you like to see Colby in a beret, eating escargot?

La Maison d'Eppes: The family dinner is not intruded upon by Oswald, who is so dedicated to the shrine of the equations, he's decided not to eat. Alan thinks it's because he's a loser. Really! I'm not making that up. Okay, Alan doesn't use the term "loser" but he implies fantasy Baseball is not the way normal people make a living.

Don disagrees, as many players often go to work for teams because of their expertise. Charlie pipes in with the story of Bill James a player that now works for the Red Sox.

Oswald interrupts this week's important math career fable, with news of his findings. Charlie wants to know if Don would ever have made the majors but Don looks like he'd rather know anything but the answer to that question. Now we get to find out if math can shatter Don's illusions that he'd never make it to the majors. The illusion that convinced him to quit baseball and join the Fedcakes. The answer to this might make him regret ever trying on riot gear. Shut up Oswald.

The answer is in two parts. If Don had taken steroids, while he'd be a decent hitter, it would have desroyed Don's brain. Since Don's biggest strength was as a utility player, a position that needs smarts, not man-boobs, he wouldn't have been very valuable. The second part is that if he hadn't taken steroids, Oswald's nice and says that he can't tell. Clubs like to have utility players but, and the but goes unanswered. by not making Don regret giving up baseball, Oswald's endeared himself to me forever.

BRX Pharmaceuticals: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have been sent to interview the drug manufacturer. A few pieces of trivia about this company: 1) They were orginally located in South Carolina but the Governor there didn't like "holistic" medicine. 2) They moved to a state where they promised the Governor he could have their product for free. The company owner uses language a lot more flattering than that, but I'm jsut translating corporate-babble. 3) The steriod they make has only been sold to licenced physicians for the use in underdeveloped boys.

I'm sure everyone's following the legally prescibed protocols. It's just that the terms "boys" and "underdeveloped" are a little vague.

Outside IHOF: David's found an interesting name on the list of doctors who have purchased the steroid. One, Dr. Thomas Mandel, treats a lot of college and high school athletes. I guess a lot of them are underdeveloped.

Paging Dr. Mandel: Colby is giving David a lecture about the effects of steroids on men's bodies. It can cause baldness, erectile dysfunction, premature closing of the growth plate, kill brain cells by the body producing too much testosterone (fill in your own boy joke here -- it's too easy) and gynecomastia, AKA man-boobs.

Colby asks whether David is worried about doctor-patient confidentiality? Hey! When did Colby become interested with basic rights? He certainly ignored them in the last eppesode that featured Bill Nye the Science Guy I guess even beefmonkeys can learn. (I meant it when I said that was sticking.)

The pair find Dr. Mandel injecting an "underdeveloped" boy with steroids. Underdeveloped, a word which here means, "rejected from the cast of Friday Night Lights and, therefore, needs steroids."

IHOF: Dr. Mandel is in interrogation with the beefmonkeys. The doctor's been treating lots of "underdeveloped" boys between the ages of 14 to 22. Unfortunately, he never took the time to take anything like a medical history. That's what happens when a doctor who breaks the rules doesn't have a Cameron. I bet his paperwork doesn't get done either.

Mandel won't be getting anything for his cooperation either, just "points," according to Colby. He neglects to add what prize the doctor will win.

SkyDome (Not the Rogers Centre): Megan and David are telling the vic, Vic's old high school coach that search warrants are being executed. The coach looks like he'd rather be executed instead.

IHOF: Interviewing the high school coach, Don and Megan learn that he was Vic's supplier. He had some sort of misguided desire to help, so provided Vic with the drug paraphenalia. Two days before he died, Vic called to say he was going to be exposed, but didn't say by whom. The coach, doesn't look like an evil pusher He just looks pathetic knowing his life and career are over.

Don accuses him of giving Vic the tainted vial, and the coach doesn't deny it, except it was the same stuff he gives everyone else.

Nerd Cafe: Charlie is fanboying Oswald all over again. Oswald doesn't see himself as a scientist, but Charlie see's the ability to conceptialize the solution to a problem as the basis of the scientifice process. Oswald is blaming himself for Vic's death but Charlie wants Oswald to apply his brain to applied mathematics.

"You're Good Will Hunting, not me," Foul! Gratuitous repeat reference of a disrespected genius! Next time, we recommend the humour to involve people like Wesley Crusher, Lucas Wolenczak, Quinn Mallory, Zach Addy or any of the other poster boy-geniuses for teeny-boppers that always save the world. Extra points for the Quinn Mallory reference as that would also mean mentioning a show that once starred former Numb3rs cast members.

I think being able to name all those characters without even googling them, I've officially taken the crown as biggest recapping nerd ever.

Charlie reminds me who's the king nerd by pointing at Oswald and saying "You also love math." Only Charlie could make that line work.

IHOF: After exhausting the list of suspects -- everyone was out of town, Megan and the Beefmonkeys (it's the name of the band they moonlight in) realize that only BRX labs could have made the tainted vial.

Nerd Cafe: Charlie is soliciting a promise from Oswald to stay in touch. As Charlie clicks to get into his very trendy Toyota Prius, gunshots ring out. Dashing quickly to his friend's side, the angsty moment is all for nothing. Oswald will live for Charlie to fanboy another day. They missed.

All right, I'm completely going off script here to put out a public service announcement.

To all former castmates of David Krumholtz,
Under any an all circumstances, do not appear on Mr. Krumholtz's current Friday night hit, Numb3rs. We feel that Mr. Krumholtz is systematically trying to ruin your careers. Just look at the evidence. His good friend, Colin Hanks, played an asshole named Marshall Penfield. His 10 Things I Hate About You castmate Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a killer. Blake Bashoff, who guest-starred with Krumholtz on The Lyon's Den was a pyromaniac. Next, Tamara Taylor, who was a cast member in Serenity was a failed love interest for David. Finally, now Jay Buchenel, on who's series Mr. Krumholtz guest-starred, is shot. This is clearly a pattern we don't even need Charlie Eppes to figure out. Avoid this show at all cots! Save your image. (Unless you're Nathan Fillion. I would do anything to get Captain Tightpants on this show.)

Back to your regularly scheduled recap.

Cal Sci: "I almost get shot and you guys respond by doing a bunch of math?" Oswald's response to the going's on in Charlie's office is the best guest star quote ever.

"That's how we roll here at Cal Sci." Snerk. I can't believe Charlie just said that.

Trying to suck Oswald into the world of math, Charlie asks him if he's seeing what Charlie's seeing. Instead, Oswald's seeing what I'm seeing, a bunch of chalk. "Are the numbers supposed to start glowing at some point?" Bonus points for the awesome A Beautiful Mind reference.

What's even better, is that Larry agrees that certain expressions "shimmer." (Just in case we needed reminding he's the nutty professor.)

Charlie and Larry have been looking for the person or persons most likely to want Kittner dead. Oswald, like Megan, doesn't need the math; he knows it's the drug company. The two brainacs of the western world could've done something else, like cure the common cold, or solve P vs. NP, if Larry had just picked up the phone and called his girlfriend.

Reminding the viewers of Don's value to any case, besides looking hot in riot gear, Oswald asks if Don's taught Charlie anything about crime. The person with the most to gain is the person who will probably have committed the crime.

Charlie's math backs it up. The organizational chart connects the drug lab to everyone.

BRX Labs: The Fedcakes raid the drug lab, and don't believe any of the lame-ass excuses the boss hands out. Once the e-mail to the dead Bronmiller is found, the boss 'fesses up, but insists it wasn't his idea.

Whose idea was it then?

Wrigley Field: It's the hot agent. Damn. I totally didn't pick this guy at all. Of course, I'm not up to my usual mental acuity after last week's trauma, not that I remember what that is. Megan and Don have found the connection between the vic, Vic, and the labs. The agent, Klass, who got the steroid algorithm from Vic, gave it to BRX, because most of his clients were taking drugs and there weren't enough legitmate "underdeveloped" boys to make the drug viable. Therefore, if the steroid was now able to be found, then then both the agent and BRX would go broke. As it looks like most of his clients were also on Vic's team, that explains the plothora of man-boobs.

The evidence is overwhelming, there's blood on Bronmiller's jacket, probably Klass' and Klass' phone number is all over the BRX phone records. He's, what the technical term would be called, "screwed."

Math Garage: David and Don deliver the news that the gun containing the bullets that almost killed Oswald were found at the agent's.

David's got even better news, Quantico wants Oswald to help them develop his equations into a new tool to detect drug use. At first he jokes about his fear of handing over his super-secret formula to the Fedcakes, but readily agrees. Except, there's one minor problem. The problem being the Vic's Minor League team. They've hired Oswald to be their statitician. Charlie encourages him to do both.

"You can do both, look at how overworked this guy is," Don chimes in.

Charlie then suggests that Oswald publish in the journal of statistics, not picking up on Don's sarcasm.

"My boyhood dream come true," Oswald quips. Somehow, I don't think Charlie will pick up on this piece of sarcasm either.

Later, Alan is reading about the case in the papers; it's really big news. As the trio plan to celebrate, and send Charlie off for beer, Alan takes the opportunity to talk to his son about all the regret he must be experiencing.

"It's my first first love," Don says, refering to baseball. I immediately think he's talking about someone else. (Don't go there Spy. You're almost through the recap. You can make it. Don't break down now and mention Robin.)

Alan tells the story of how Don got into baseball. Margaret and Alan signed little Donnie up for baseball to get him to stop playing with the toy gun he'd been given. He'd always played cops and robbers and little Donnie ws always the cop. (Little Donnie and the game cops and robbers is totally meant in the most innocent fashion possible. Don't go there. This is a euphemism-free paragraph.) Charlie toasts Don and his accomplishments as "born cop."

The story's a little contrived, but I'll buy it. Why? I wouldn't want to think Don had that big regret hanging over his life.

Other than Robin. Yeah, I couldn't let that opportunity pass me by. So sue me. I'm in mourning.