American Idol- The Yo Factor

After another subpar night from the guys, it's time for the girls to live up to their hype. Evidently, it's also time for Ryan to channel the beat poets in a sweet black turtleneck. I hope he put that on at the studio, because it's been downright summery in LA this week.

Tonight's lineup (in order): Jordin, Sabrina, Antonella, Haley, Stephanie, Lakisha, Gina, and Melinda. I am already dreading the Antonella/Haley midsection and looking forward to whatever hotness has earned Melinda the closing spot.

Ryan reminds us once again that Thursday's results show will feature a groundbreaking Idol project. Groundbreaking, eh? Because Mr. Seacrest is the trustwortiest, least prone to hyperbole turtleneck-wearer out there, I'll definitely be tuning in. Also, because I'm paid to.

Hey, the guys are in the crowd, ready to be put to shame. Thank God Sanjaya has been released from his straight iron prison. And where's Paula? Why, under the desk "getting something for Randy". This is shaping up to be a goofy night. Let's start singing before the judges step into any more innuendo.

Jordin: Being the daughter of a pro, football is a huge part of Jordin's life. In fact, before singing, she used to want to play herself. I totally get where she's coming from. Before I discovered that my one true passion was being a lackey in Hollywood offices, I wanted to be the first female first baseman on the Mets. I was very specific. And I was going to be as fabulous as Keith Hernandez, natch. Jordin is singing Pat Benatar, whose tunes are second only to Journey on the list of musical ways to get into my heart. I love "Heartbreaker", I love her stompy sass. She's cute and fun, but she loses her breath in parts and lets her voice get away from her. She wraps things up nicely with a big last note. Randy thinks it's like a different show when the girls come out, and while it wasn't Jordin's best, it's certainly better than anything those douches on the sideline did. Paula, back to her old tricks after last night's foray into usefulness, lauds Jordin's exploding artistry. Simon thinks it might have been manic and shrieky (umm, yes, that's the way the song is, and it's awesome) but Jordin has shown enough talent and personality to stick around.

In the red room, Ryan wonders if all the praise the girls have been getting is a blessing or a curse (and they say there's no such thing as a stupid question...). Gina tells him the girls feed off each others' talent, and Sabrina adds that they're just leaving everything at this point to God and America. I might switch the order on that one, Sabrina, as God neither has the time nor the equipment to vote for you.

Sabrina: Sabrina used to host her High School news show, "Diablo Heat". She's singing En Vogue's "Don't Let Go". I could tell you about her so-so performance of it...or you could watch the original powerhouse music video that I love almost as much as everything in the Kelly Price canon. And yes, that was a hypothetical, because you're watching the video.

Randy says it was solid, but she could have used a song with more melody (and a performance with more jacket throwing). Paula says her voice consistently soars. Simon thinks Sabrina can sing, but she comes off as robotic. I couldn't agree more.

Antonella: Antonella is a violin player. A...naked bi-curious violin player? Probably. She sings the Corinne Bailey Rae song featured in every recent chick-flick trailer: "Put Your Records On". This is by far Antonella's best performance, which gives me the sinking feeling that she'll sneak through. She starts out all right, loses it, gets it back at the chorus and sounds almost decent at the end. Randy thinks it's a cool song, and that she's a better singer than what she's shown. Paula agrees it was the right choice, but that Antonella needs to watch her bottom notes. Simon simply tells her that she's gone as far as she can go because her voice isn't going to get any better. He mentions the scandal and thinks Antonella has handled herself well (way to just sneak that in), but she should be going home on Thursday.

Haley: Haley was a gymnast until her "body gave out" at 10 (10?). She sings Faith Hill's "If My Heart Had Wings". For those of you unfamiliar with this ditty, it's essentially boring, stupid, "uplifting" cheesiness. She has a nice enough voice but it doesn't merit all the hand raising and fist clenching she layers on top of it. Randy says it was pretty much in tune, but had no "yo" factor (his answer to Simon and the rest of known world's "x" factor, apparently). Paula unenthusiastically says that the performance is just who Haley is. Simon calls it ghastly and confesses that when she was singing he had to ask Paula what her name was. Ouch.

Stephanie: Stephanie has been singing since she was three when was too shy to perform for anyone but her parents. It's quite a contrast to the confident Steph we see onstage tonight delivering Mary J. Blige's "Sweet Thing". Once again, she attempts a high difficulty song and makes it work for her. Randy gives her an A for effort. Paula thinks she was darned near flawless. Simon thinks she's one of the best, but has a tendency to go copycat on her songs.

Lakisha: Lakisha's secret is that she's terrified of all animals (including her family's "doverman" pincher). She is not, however, terrified of taking on Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" while rocking Sanjaya's hairdo. As I watch her perform, I realize that any song where Lakisha can confirm and deny with her hand gestures is a good one. She sounds beautiful, is perfect the whole way through, and gives us a nice soft ending. Randy calls it another great performance. Paula tries to work in the lyrics of Lakisha's past songs to say she'll be around next week but gets all tangled up. Simon says she has passion, talent, believability, and tonight, looks beautiful. Again I think his fashion opinion in this instance is based on the chance of him coming face to face with Lakisha's nether regions, which this evening, is nil.

Lakisha's Auntie and Mama are going crazy on the sidelines. Ryan thinks they need their own show. Idol is really giving Lakisha a lot of "personality" time. She deserves it though!

Up in the red room the girls are having a pillow fight, and my goth balladeer Gina Glockson is looking like she wants to rock.

Gina: Gina has a number of lucky charms getting her through the Idol experience: a troll, a stuffed pickle, and a pillow from her niece and nephews. Whichever one of them told her to bust out some Evanescence deserves top billing from here on out. With all the big voiced R&B singers on the show, this is the role she should have been playing the whole time. Is it too late? Gina really enoys the performance and sounds good, though she runs out of breath a bit at the end. Randy thinks this is the real Gina. She had some pitch problems, but she balanced them out with all kinds of yo. Paula agrees but warns Gina to not let the excitement of the band get in the way of the singing. Simon wants her to get through because she's a breath of fresh air.

In the crowd, Gina's boyfriend holds "pickle" and sports sympathetic red streaks in his hair. Aw...

Melinda: Melinda has a slight problem with obsessive complusive disorder, though she tries to spin it in a positive way. I love her dress. She pulls out another oldie, Peggy Lee's "I'm a Woman". She's SO confident this week, her delivery and her voice are impeccable. Honestly, this woman should be unbeatable (don't fuck it up, America). Randy says she's the hottest of the night and she's ready to record right now. Paula thinks she's phenonemal and lovable. Simon is shocked: he thought she was a pussycat, but she's actually "a little tiger". Ha! He then says she's clearly enjoying every moment on the show, working in a dig at Jennifer Hudson.

Phew! Another phase of Idol almost over. Definite girl "ins" for the top 12: Melinda, Stephanie, Lakisha, and Gina, who'll carry the alterna-girl vote. Definite "out": Haley. Possible spoiler: Antonella. Possible spoilees: Jordin or Sabrina. Fingers crossed that isn't how it goes down!