American Idol- Brandon Floats On, Okay?

Merciful heavens! We only have half an hour of Idol to sit through tonight! Much like Maria von Trapp, somewhere in my youth (or childhood) I must've done something good. Much unlike Maria von Trapp, I am comfortably seated at home watching American Idol when I say that, and not running through the Alps away from Nazis.

...That comparison was less apt that I thought it would be.

I hereby submit the following for my just created Audience Sign of the Year Award: "Party Like a Glock Star". Winners will be announced at the end of the season, right here.

Let's review last night, shall we? Lakisha, Melinda and Jordin were awesome. Simon gave Haley way too much credit. People either picked weird songs or weirdified good songs. Brandon wowed us with his moves and his memory loss. Sanjaya's hair was perfect.

The top 12 perform a tribute to Diana Ross, and we're finally treated to the classics people ignored on Tuesday. The fellas sing "Where Did Our Love Go?" and Chris Richardson is working his "quick glance to the right" move that is either cool or the result of a degenerative nerve disease. The girls sing "Baby Love". Would it be overkill to say that Haley really blows her line here, and I hate her with the intensity of thousand suns? No? Good. The boys and girls are coupled off for a big finish: "Stop in the Name of Love". It's all pretty underwhelming, but at least it offers us a glimpse at the funniest imaginary pairing ever: Lakisha and Sanjaya.

Out in the crowd the cast of The War at Home is clapping it up for our Top 12. I can proudly say that's the first and last thing I've ever watched in conjunction with The War at Home.

It's time for our first Ford commercial, filmed out on New York Street on the Fox lot. It's set to Modest Mouse's "Float On", which is a serious whoa moment for this indie rock chick. The Top 12 are costumed to fit various eras and their choreography resembles something out of the "Thriller" video, before the zombies start dancing. I forgot how delightfully bizarre these things are. They finish the whole thing in front of the new building at Fox where my old bosses work. Hi, old bosses!

At last, it's time to get down to business and start working through the rows of contestants. Lakisha and Gina are declared safe before Brandon is sent centerstage as part of the bottom three. Jordin, Chris Richardson and Melinda are safe. Phil joins Brandon. Chris Sligh, Stephanie and Blake are safe, leaving us either Sanjaya or Haley in the bottom three. Sanjaya OR Haley? Why not both? We'll find out which of them gets to relax, after the break.

And the Idol challenge question (B). AND Diana Ross' performance (to paraphrase Simon, take away the name and the personality and the vocal was unremarkable). AND another break.

All right, no more effing around: who is joining Brandon and Phil? Ryan announces..."Haley, take a seat". Bitch. I guess breaking down on live TV earns you the sympathy vote. With three guys out at centerstage, Ryan sends Phil back to safety, sealing Brandon's fate. After 28 million votes (that number is going down, no?), he is headed home.

Sucks for Brandon, but hoorah for me, I am totally clairvoyant. See you next week for the Top 11!