America's Next Top Model- The Girl Who Cries All the Time

Last week on Top Model, the girls went to high school and Samantha was sent home. Eleven girls remain. Who wants to be on top (na na na na na na)?

At the house we're treated to some foreshadowing. "Plus sized" Diana and Whitney click over their curves. Cassandra and Jaslene bond and find inner peace together. Will one of these friendships be broken up by the panel?

Tyra Mail delivery: "We cut only one last night, but we'll "cut" a few of you tomorrow". The girls gleefully shout, "makeovers!". Crazy tinsel-head Jael wants Brittany to be blonde. Brittany says they can do anything, she won't be upset. We'll see about that.

At the salon, it's time for Tyra to show off her acting skills once again. In pajamas and curlers she tells the Jays that she's calling makeover day off because of all the crying it causes. They go to cut off Tyra's hair and she falls to the ground complaining. Only two words can adequately describe this moment: Emmy nomination. Ms. Banks will not be denied.

The makeovers stir up little drama, as Cassandra, Renee, Whitney, Diana, Felicia, Dionne, Sarah, and Jaslene emerge from the process looking way more "modelicious" than before. Natasha isn't crazy about her Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction hair, but thinks it means "any look can work for [her]". She's clueless and modest, which is what makes her so lovable, no? Meanwhile, Brittany is showing a whiny side as she receives a bright red weave and Jael is worried she might look too normal with her wavy brown weave. After 8 hours of work on Jael's head, Mr. Jay and Tyra decide the look they chose is not working, so they pull it out (ow ow ow) and give her the fallback Rosemary's Baby 'do. Does Mia Farrow know how integral she is to this show?

Miss Jay can feel the focus drifting off of him, so he decides to get coiffed as well, proclaiming: "I came in to make the bitches over and I got the makeover, so the joke was on me". On you, by you, with you, whatever, I'm just glad there was a joke.

More Tyra mail: "For those of you who didn't make the cut, you have one more chance to make it up to me". While some of the girls try to guess just what that means, Brittany cries because her head hurts. Whitney decides it's time to set the bar for what merits tears, because "girl be crying all the time". According to her, crying is for when people on her block get shot, nothing less. Elsewhere in the house, Jael receives a message that a friend has died from an overdose. Though it's no drive-by, Whitney approves of these tears and comforts her.

It's challenge time, and teary Brittany is having "digestive issues". The always sneaky Renee tries to convince her to "take care of herself" and sit the challenge out. Jael and Sarah tell her to pull it together and compete, which she does. The girls will be racing around Descanso Gardens applying Cover Girl's new spring makeup line in order to win a photo shoot in Seventeen. After a lot of pushing and flailing about, the newly painted models await their judgement. Cassandra gets disqualified for not making it back in time and vomitty Brittany wins. She chooses Sarah and Jael to join her for the Seventeen shoot. While Jael thinks Brittany's pics are awesome, Renee lurks just off camera (seriously, she was like a villain in a horror movie the way she just showed up out of nowhere) to say the opposite. Drama is a-brewin'.

Tyra Mail awaits the girls back at the house: "Sundae is not just a day of rest" they read. Mysterious!

Uninterested in puns, Renee and Diana discuss their hatred of Brittany (who is seated awfully close by). Brittany takes the opportunity to warn Renee that "walls in a house full of women are paper thin". Renee convolutedly replies that yeah, I talked behind your back, but I've been nothing but nice to your face, so get off your pedastol, pious bitch. She finishes her rant with a classic ANTM diss: "You act like you're in high school". Brittany nails her with "I'm still kicking your ass in this competition". Meow. A dramatic guitar melody lets us know that some models are having real problems today, like Jael. Can she let the shoot be a distraction from her pain, or is she in trouble?

Speaking of the shoot, it's this year's nudie challenge which means someone is going to throw a fit. Surprise! It's Brittany (again). Fulfilling three ANTM stereotypes in one episode (hair, sickness, nudity) is never a good sign. The girls will be painted up to look like ice cream treats because Tyra and Mr. Jay love frozen desserts, y'all. Here's a breakdown of how they do:

- Cassandra is jelly beans, and Mr. Jay thinks she needs to practice her poses in the makeup room.

- Sarah doesn't second guess herself as rock candy girl and nails it.

- Dionne is all done up like a candy cane and declares she's more comfortable naked.

- Brittany is a banana split and despite her whining delivers a great shoot. Renee wails offstage.

- Diana is bouncing here and there and everywhere as gummy bears. She's having troubles sucking in the tummy.

- Renee finally gets a "fierce" assignment as a candy necklace.

- Whitney feels hot as a chocolate kiss. She works her curves.

- Jael is a birthday cake. She is such a goof despite the hurt inside.

- Felicia looks adorable as lollipop, but Jay wants more expression.

- Jaslene is a dulce de leche, and she's trying to show some personality.

- Natasha is gumballs and it's a name that just suits her, honestly. It conveys her 80's cheesiness and stupidity all at once. As always she is "very happy and proud" with her performance.

Still, pride can't save you from panel, which is coming tomorrow. Cassandra is worried because she was disqualified from the challenge. Jael isn't sure if she should say anything about what she's been going through this week. She and Whitney pray on it, in what might be one of Top Model's few and far between genuinely nice moments.

At the judging room we are treated to Tyra's clothed version of the "Sundae" shoot, and she looks like a demented child. I like the high waisted dress Ms. Banks is working, but unfortunately she's sporting yet another head scarf. Maybe this week's guest judge, hairdresser Neeko, can reach over and do something about it. It's trash the models for their outfits day in panel, as almost everyone is taken to task during their individual evaluations for their style. Lil' Gumballs gets it the worst, as her ponytail, disco-ball shirt and pink pants just aren't doing it for the judges.

After seeing all the pictures, it appears that Whitney, Cassandra, Diana and Gumballs may find themselves on the chopping block tonight. Sure enough Brittany, Jael, Sarah, Dionne, Felicia, Renee, Whitney, Natasha, and Jaslene's photos are all pulled, leaving Cassandra and Diana "standing before" Tyra, as she likes to say. Diana is a beautiful girl but she's fading into the background. Cassandra is the spiritual guide of the girl's house, but she can't take a good picture. Surprisingly, Cassandra goes home, leaving both plus sized models in the race.

As sad as I am to see Cassandra go, at least she got some new hair out of it. The other girls aren't seeing the silver lining though, as even bad-ass Whitney deigns to shed some tears for her ouster.

Next week the girls have to Catherine Zeta-Jones their way through a laser beam alarm system in order to win an unbelievable prize, and Renee reaches her breaking point. That's funny, I thought she already had, multiple times.