America's Next Top Model- The Girl Who Takes Credit

Last week: Natasha was unintelligible, Dionne was unfashionable, Renee went from manic to depressive to manic again, and Felicia went home. This week: the girls learn how to dress like models (of both sexes). Who wants to be on top (na na na na na na)?

At the house, Diana and Whitney are really bonding over their plus-sizitude. Of course, as a professed size 8, Whitney doesn't exactly qualify in real life, but we'll let that slide and tow the party line: Tyra is progressive! She wants real women represented in modeling! She put on a fat suit! I digress...

Natasha is on the phone with her owner husband Stuart. She meows at him and asks to talk to her baby. Wait, what? Natasha has a baby? I am as confused as a Russian mail order bride on a reality show here. We have never heard of any baby. This sure sounds like a baby though. Or is it some weird sex game she and Stuart play? I am scandalized, and so are the girls outside, who find Natasha weird.

Tyra Mail: "Looking your worst can be the best thing to ever happen to you".

The girls pile in the limo and head to a warehouse where Cathy Gould from Elite and one of her models await them. They tell the girls they've picked out clothes for them to try on. Once they are dressed, they ask the girls if they like what they're wearing. Natasha, Whitney and Jaslene fall for the trap, not realizing that they're all done up like "befores". Of course Natasha finds a way to turn things around, pontificating that a model should always like the clothes that she wears, ya? Just like a wife should always arrive after a intercontinental flight with a bow on her head and a song in her heart. After a few seconds of blankly staring at Natasha, Cathy and her minion have the girls play musical clothes until they become modelly "afters".

Back at the house for a quick break, Renee takes the opportunity to announce that she doesn't think a plus-sized girl will ever be on the cover of Vogue. If Renee doesn't keep her trap shut, two plus-sized girls' fists will be on her face! Oh yeah, "it's on". Maybe. First, it's out to the warehouse again for their challenge.

Instead of Cathy, the girls are met by a set of twins. Not the much-longed-for Aswirl twins, but the never-asked-for Acompletelystillposing twins. They've tasked the girls to create a store window display using themselves and a whole bunch of stuff from Sears. They'll be judged on their teamwork and their individual efforts. After much running and shrieking, the girls freeze on their podiums...except for Whitney, who poses on the floor much to teammate Natasha's dismay. "Get up here", she whispers awkwardly, but Whitney stays put.

Group one, "The Spring Monarchs" look good, but the twins think their set is too busy. Group two's girls looks good individually, but they don't compliment each other. Group three, "Aphrodity's Box" is the clear winner in both styling in presentation, but not in spelling or rule-following. Natasha explains: when you name something, you can spell it however you'd like, which prompts Sarah to very accurately compare her to a used car salesman. Natasha's comments aside, Whitney (who we are told would have won the individual challenge) is sitting on the floor which disqualifies "Aprodity's Box" from consideration. The Spring Monarchs win by default, and Sarah is awarded the individual crown for best personal styling.

Fellow Monarchs Dionne and Renee aren't all that psyched for their teammate, seeing as they are the ones who put her outfit together. Shameless Sarah tells the twins that she just knew this color of blue was perfect for her, tee hee! All could be forgiven but the prize is an important one: at the next photo shoot, Sarah will get to look at her proofs with Mr. Jay and redo the session in order to make sure she gets the perfect frame. Now Whitney is kicking her floor-sitting ass. Given her track record, she could have used that. If only she had listened to the defensive Russian dumpling beside her. You know, the precious little Ruskie who's now going to go home and cry to Stuart about how no one leeeesens to her while he thumbs through the latest Eastern Bloc Babes catalogue.

Tyra mail: "Dude! Where's my lipstick?" With so much emphasis on dude, the models think there'll be boys at their shoot. Ooh! Is this cycle 7's requisite "one of the girls gets too close to a male model" episode? Not at all. It's the "cross-dressing" installment of ANTM, times two. The girls will be playing men, while their male counterparts will be all done up as drag queens. Jaslene is totally blown away. Has there ever been a photo shoot more perfect for a model? Trannytastic! Renee is blown away as well. Boys who are girls and girls who are boys, oh my.

It's clear from what we see at the shoot that Jaslene, Brittany, and Renee really nail this challenge. Sarah pulls it together after seeing her first take ("that undeserving hag!" the girls' eyes says on the sidelines). Dionne struggles with her posing but looks amazing. Jael is a laugh riot, but who ever knows how that will photograph. Both plus-sized girls really struggle. Whitney is overthinking it and Diana isn't giving Mr. Jay enough oomph. Renee posits in voiceover that the curvy girls are really feeling the pressure and letting it affect their performance. You know, the pressure that she has unduly put upon them. Lastly, Natasha is in a league of her own on this shoot. As half of a "hip hop couple" she fashions herself a grill out of gum wrappers and is practically dancing out of her retro sneaks. She's so nuts out in the studio that she has everyone laughing. I have to say, it's an impressive performance. Her insanity is getting to be endearing.

Tyra mail: "Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 8 will continue on...in the hopes...of becoming...america'snexttopmodel" (I genuinely hope it's written that way for the girls. It cannot be delivered without the appropriate amount of drama).

Small victory for the viewers, Tyra's headband is smaller and more manageable this week. Of course, offsetting that is a schoolmarmish jumper get-up that's fairly inexplicable on Miss Ty. I don't know why I bother trying to understand her. This week's guest judge is Cathy from Elite. As expected, Jaslene, Renee, Brittany, Dionne, Sarah, and Natasha have strong shots, though Cathy Gould is a real hard-ass about them. The judges compliment Natasha on her grill and she agrees that yes, she is brilliant. Jael is taken to task for not being able to break from her feminine body positions, Diana for having a dead face, and Whitney for looking uncomfortable and busty (umm...?).

In deliberations things start to really look bad for our plus-sized duo. Diana is described as boring and bland while Whitney is unphotogenic. Despite being the better picture-taker, it's clear that Diana is going home. Tyra just loves the Whitney "Dartmouth" thing too much to let it go. Sure enough, Tyra pulls photos for Natasha, Dionne, Britney, Jaslene, Sarah, Renee, and Jael. Down to Whitney and Diana, she scolds them for cutting her dream of two curvy girls in the ANTM competition short before she lets Diana go. Jael forcefully hugs Diana. Renee smirks. Twiggy sighs in relief, knowing she'll never have to see Diana's disturbing smile again.

Next week: The girls hit a party with Nicole and Paris whereupon Jael gets pushed into a pool by 50 Cent. Underwater, she experiences enlightenment and decides to put Renee in her place.