Numb3rs: Episode 319 - "Pandora's Box"

Nerdly factoid about Pandora: The name means "gifted" as the gods gave Pandora everything from good looks to charm to insatiable curiousity. She also released chaos into the world, but did manage to withhold hope - giving us something left to investigate. In other words, if we really wanted to get all critical, one could argue that Pandora is really female version of Charlie, except Charlie has better hair.

Crime Scene: Forest Ranger Phil is flirting with his partner via the radio when he witnesses an extremely realistic looking plane crash. Props to whatever special effects guy did it, because it's all very eerily realistic. Upon examining the crash site and not finding any survivors, just some random looking dead extras that could've been out of any CSI or Bones episode, Forest Ranger Phil is shot.

La Maison d'Eppes: In a far more terrifying crime scene than the one we just witnessed, someone's burgled the family home. Alan hands Charlie a golf club, in case the thief is still in the house, which just proves how distressed Alan really is. We all know how good Charlie is at golf. He'd probably try aiming for the thief's head and hit the front door instead, even if he were in the kitchen at the time.

I spend a good portion of the scene worried about everyone's (okay, maybe just my) favourite prop, the lime green fluted bowl. How big of a loser am I for shouting my concern at the television? On second thought, don't answer that. My heart stops pounding when I see that even though lamps are broken and mail is scattered, the bowl is fine:

On the other hand, a case of Bavarian beer, the blender (I guess for margaritas once the burglar is done with the beer), the DVD player, and later we learn, Alan's laptop, are gone.

Calling Don to tell him of the burglary, Alan tells Charlie of the plane crash. Instead of being more concerned about his house being robbed, Charlie's far too excited to study the crash. Usually, when it comes to the Eppes House War, I'm on Charlie's side, but this is clearly a point in Alan's favour as Charlie is showing some serious neglect of his home. Don's not overly worried either. Alan should've told him about the beer.

Crime Scene: This must be the most renewable forest ever. Considering it was in flames the previous evening due to jet fuel, it's totally regrown overnight.

Apparently, I'm the only one who finds this disturbing, as David isn't even on scene, to exposit the information about the dead ranger, and Colby and Don were only called because of the dead ranger and neither are really that concerned that Megan's gone. Even the NTSB agent, Bob, is so relaxed that he can crack jokes about seatbelts not being useful at 270mph. Uh, Bob, the opening grid said 275mph. You'd think a show called Numb3rs would get it's numbers straight. Is this the eppesode of apathy?

The plane belonged to a company called Aeronomics, and Charlie, who arrives on scene looking vaguely hobbit-esque, doesn't think a bomb is responsible. He is though, rather excited to use a whole bunch of math gobbledygook to put the plane back together.

Rays of sunshine beat down. Heavenly music plays. Upon a cloud of coolness, Agent Ian Edgerton arrives. At least, that's what should happen whenever he arrives.

Even though Edgerton's reason for being there, tracking the ranger's killer and finding the red black box, is perfectly valid, Don acts like a dog whose territory is being pissed on by another alpha dog. The tension's all over the Crystal Hoyle shooting. This eppesode forecast calls for severe angst storms with a slight chance of hot male on male arguing.

The red black box is severely damaged but NTSB Agent Bob is relieved that Cal Sci can probably recover the data. If Agent Bob were handing the black box over to anyone other than Charlie, I might be a little concerned about NTSB security. Agent Edgerton has discovered another problem, the ranger's killer was waiting around for the plane to crash.

Title Flash.

Cal Sci: Charlie, Amita and Millie are in geek heaven. They're playing with the red black box and all sorts of fun equipment. Casually, Charlie drops the news La Maison d'Eppes was robbed, and both Millie and Amita are taken aback with how nonchalantly Charlie is taking this. I guess he's not worried as we all know Charlie keeps his most important things in the Math Garage.

Crime Scene: Colby takes a few moments to admire the view - otherwise known as the second Forest Ranger, and the two have some pretty decent chemistry, that is, until she reveals she was married to the dead forest ranger. Awkward. He's probably grateful when the CEO of Aeronomics and the plane's mechanic arrive. A bunch of unoriginal platitudes about fault and looking for answers are spewed. Moving on.

IHOF: According to the black box, the plane was tricked into thinking it was 4000 feet higher than it really was. Even though nobody fully explains David's perfectly logical question about how somebody misses a mountain just by looking out a window, it's decided that the flight management computer is needed, but the NTSB can't find it. Of course, Charlie has some weird math magic he can use to help find it.

Crime Scene: After working his math magic, Charlie proclaims, "Thank God for the geometry of predictive trajectories."

"I was thinking the exact same thing," Amita replies. Those two lines, make up this week's NPAL (TM) for the sheer nerdliness (not the good kind) and forced Charmita interaction.

When Amita asks about the burglary investigation, Charlie again proves his disinterest. Trying to get Charlie to feel some empathy toward his father, Amita tells him about the time she was robbed in college, and that's why she now double or triple checks the locks. Charlie dismisses that habit as "cute" and turns back to his calculations. Somebody's not getting any tonight.

Even as she tries to explain how big a deal this would be to Alan, Charlie's discovered a flaw in his calculations. The debris field is 15% bigger than it should be. Once he readjusts his calculations, he finds the flight management computer.

After Edgerton explains to Colby that the killer was waiting around for the plane to crash, Charlie comes in with his spoils of math, the flight management computer. The plane was clearly heavier than listed, as the debris field was larger. Charlie demonstrates this by throwing Edgerton's bran muffin onto the floor and explaining the difference between the regular bran muffin and if it had included walnuts. Edgerton doesn't give a crap (obviously, because he needed the muffin) about Charlie's explanation and tells Charlie to "Never come between a man and his fiber."

Whatever the extra weight was, had to have been the reason the killer crashed the plane.

Agent Bob can't figure out what the extra weight was, but can explain that the killer could easily predict, within a mile, where the plane would crash.

Airplane Hanger: According to Aeronomics CEO, the extra weight was a prototype for a new missile propulsion system, and the plane's mechanic, is at home. Only one of those two statements is true. Want to guess which one?

IHOF: Agent Bob has learned that the flight management computer was reprogrammed two days prior to the crash. Fortunately, the person who did the reprogramming had to have left fingerprints, but they can't talk to the chief suspect, the mechanic, as it turns out the second of the CEO's statements was the one was false.

Math Garage: Alan's definitely bitter about the break-in. He feels his home was violated and is annoyed that Charlie doesn't seem as broken up about it as he is. Charlie tries to placate him by promising to use his mad math skillz to find the diabolical blender / DVD thief. Alan isn't overly impressed at being placated.

Don's also not impressed by the lack of beer.

Add onto the lack of alcohol, the fingerprints Don was hoping would crack the case, came back smudged. Don is not a happy puppy.

IHOF: And Charlie has a cure for that. All right, my inherent ability to put aside my disbelief notwithstanding, even I find Charlie's ability to "fix" the fingerprints, a little convenient. What judge is going to to permit that evidence to be admissible in court? Why couldn't this have been a chance for the Fedcakes to investigate? Come on people, don't turn Charlie into Wesley Crusher.

Suspect's Appartment: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are off to arrest the Aeronautics I.T. Guy Mike, the proud owner of the smudged fingerprints. Mike must've missed the last two years' worth of Numb3rs as he tries to outrun the Fedcakes. When are suspects going to learn that never works?

In a really cool twist, neither Colby nor David tackles I.T. Mike. Instead, Edgerton, catches him trying to drive off and dares him to put the pedal to the metal before he can pull the trigger.

IHOF: I.T. Mike, insists he's innocent. He installed some new FAA software at the request of the plane's mechanic. David and Edgerton aren't convinced, and neither is Agent Bob, because the FAA hasn't issued new software recently. The Fedcakes choose to focus on the mechanic, who has a big black mark on his record and a suspended pilot's license over alleged drug running for the Salvadorians.

The ranger's widow shows up asking Colby about the investigation. Again, there's some inappropriate, considering the recent murder of her husband, sexual tension between the two. Although, Colby's hot enough to have sexual tension with just about anything, so we can't really blame the pair. Fortunately, David's there to stop the awkwardness by calling Colby into the war room.

Cal Sci: Charmita tricks the flight management computer into recreating the plane crash. They've discovered a whole bunch of extra code that not only shouldn't be there, but also seems superfluous, until Millie suggests that the code isn't meant for the flight, but for the diagnosis for the flight afterwards by the FAA's computers. Once they upload the information, the code deletes itself. It's playing hide-and-seek with Cal Sci's three top math minds. I don't think it's going to get far.

IHOF: Colby and Edgerton didn't find the mechanic, but they did bring back all of his trash to the office. Edgerton, claiming seniority, made Colby do the dumpster diving. Please tell me that scene was actually filmed at it will be on the season 3 DVDs. I would totally give up my campaign for a shout out if I was promised that.

After a montage of trash searching (although I would've preferred a montage of the three working out, or wearing tuxes, or taking a shower) they discover the mechanic was planning on running. He cleaned out his accounts, was looking at real estate in other states and countries, and they find his super-secret storage facility.

Storage Facility: I guess Wellner was a follower of the ancient Egyptian burial rituals, as the storage facility is not only housing his stuff, and the missing prototype, but also his body. Although, he could've used a really cool sarcophagus.

Wellner was killed with the same gun that killed the ranger, and Edgerton, Colby and David are left wondering why bother to crash the plane, kill the mechanic and not take the prototype.

IHOF: Don poses that question to the CEO, who doesn't have a clue either. So, what happens when we've got a dead end? Charlie's got the solution!

The crash had nothing to do with stealing the prototype. The extra code Charmita had found was a malicious program meant for the FAA / NTSB's computers and he needs access to find out exactly what the program does. Agent Bob balks; he's willing to hand over the red black box, but full access to the computers?

Silly Agent Bob to even doubt the name of Charles Edward Eppes! Within moments of calling the head office, Charlie has permission to access the computers. He's probably also been given permission to reprogram them, while adding a few algorithms to play music at seemingly random intervals, as well as adding solitaire to all the access ports. It's a good thing Charlie doesn't have any inclination towards world domination like me as he's allowed to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

Oh yeah, and while Agent Bob's on the phone, Don and Charlie share what's supposed to be a cute story about window screens and their father's care for the house. I say "supposed to be" as I find it a little redundant. Why would anyone who has watched say, a single eppesode, need to be told that Alan loves la Maison d'Eppes?

We go from needlessly cute, to hot man angst. Don and Edgerton have it out over the "Spree" killing. When Edgerton was called up by the review board, he thought it would be about doing whatever they did to Bucky (which, was nicely left to our imaginations as it didn't leave a mark on him) but it was about Don taking the shot. Edgerton told the board that Don had to, due to sight lines. The two stare each other down, and I think to myself, that's it? What? Did I miss some subtext somewhere?

Charlie's discovered the purpose of the program. He compares it to a squawk, which Colby thinks is the seagull that wakes him up every morning. Oh Colby, if you're being woken up every morning by a seagull's squawking, you need to get out more. There are many more fun ways to be woken up in the morning.

Charlie laughs and says, that he means that each bird, be it a pelican, a heron or an eagle, has a distinctive squawk. The program is meant to identify and then hide, any squawk it wants. Essentially, it can make a plane disappear. Unless, unlike the mountain at the start of this eppesode, somebody looks out a window.

After tracing the code, Charlie's found the program's author, I.T. Mike. Luckily, he hasn't activated the program yet.

I.T. Mike folds like a cheap tent under the watchful eyes of Don and Edgerton. The pair scare him more than the people bankrolling the whole venture as he agrees to cooperate.

David's found the arch villain, the Salvadorian who used to run drugs with the mechanic. Meanwhile, I.T. Mike, is terrified as he's being wired and not given a bulletproof vest. Pointing, out that it's useless, Edgerton reminds him that this particular brand of slime always goes for the head shot. When the computer nerd tried to back out, he's threatened with jail or Gitmo and "alternative interrogation techniques." Don tries to reassure him that he'll have the fifth fourth best shot in the country watching his back. Edgerton messes I.T. Mike's head by holding up his shaking hand.

Airplane Hanger: Edgerton's betting I.T. Mike will run, but I'd rather bet that he's going to crap his pants (Mike, not Edgerton). The kid is all jittery giving away that he's wearing a wire and the Fedcakes rush the scene. While the henchman easily gives up, the drug dealer takes I.T. Mike hostage, giving Edgerton a chance to even the score with Don, as he makes a shot through the truck windows, hitting the drug dealer in the head. "That ought to make me number 3." Edgerton quips.

Mountain: With what is winning as this year's most apropos music playing softly in the background, Colby's accompanied the widow to spread her husband's ashes over the mountain range they loved.

La Maison d'Eppes: I'm well aware that some members of the fandom don't like Millie intruding on the final family moments but I'm actually enjoying her as a the fourth, albeit unofficial, family member, to each their own. Although, she is doing a piss-poor job of cheering up Alan as she's rejected his game suggestions of chess, Scrabble, Jenga, Battleships (sic), and air hockey. He won't play poker, probably because he's saving up for a new laptop.

Charlie arrives with an amazing breakthrough in the burglary, the culprit, is in Los Angeles. No! Really? I though he was somewhere in outer Mongolia! Alan's clearly as impressed as I am when Don arrives, and low and behold...

...He too has an amazing breakthrough! Don's is far more useful, as he has all of the stolen property, having just used the GPS chip in the laptop to find it. Snerk. Charlie's all pouty that Don stole his collar and he insists that he deserves some credit for working on the case instead of sitting around playing games like Alan and Millie. Millie calls him out for that as, like father like son, Charlie's real reason for not playing games is that he's tired of losing to Millie. (For those of you interested in stats, it's 12-0 for Millie. Although, if one counts verbal games, it 570-0 for Millie.) To regain some of his crushed ego, Charlie challenges her to a game of spoons. Um, what is that? Could someone explain it to me? I'm like Millie, all confused that the Eppes men play with their cutlery.

The scene ends just five seconds before I want it to, as Don's about to discover, there's still no beer.