The Ultimate Fighter Season 5 Episode 1

TUF Season 5Alright, all of you MMA fans, here we go for TUF season 5. The UFC has brought back the lightweight division and they need some more action, so what better way to recruit fighters than have an all lightweight season. For those of you that are new to the sport, the UFC has 5 weight classes. Lightweight is 146 to 155 pounds. We see the guys, all sixteen of them, oohing and aaahhing over the new fat crib they'll be living in for the next 6 or so weeks. These guys are teaming with testosterone and immediately upon entering the house act like a bunch of kids. Dana White, the UFC president, talks about how the UFC has brought the division back and that most lightweights are crazy mother f-er's with little man's complex. This should be an interesting season he says and I have to agree.

Jens Pulver: Jens PulverBJ Penn: BJ PennNow we meet our coaches. BJ "The Prodigy" Penn, the first ever lightweight champion and Jens Pulver??? Seriously? I mean I can totally see Penn, but Pulver? I have to put my trust in Dana on this one. He tells us that for the first time in the show's history Pulver and Penn, the coaches, will be fighting live on the finale. This will be a rematch as Penn defeated Pulver back in 2002 and Pulver claims Penn has been dodging him ever since. As soon as all of the guys find out who is coaching they all talk about how they want to be on Penn's team with the exception of Nate Diaz, Nick's brother. He says Nick started with Pulver, so it'd be cool if he did too, but he's not opposed to being on BJ's team either.

Evaluation time and Pulver gets to see the guys in action first. He has them do a few demonstrations but says he's not there to be in their ear, you know like a coach would do, he wants them to show him what they can do. Needless to say, the guys go at it full force and have a grueling workout. They get a little rest, very little, when BJ comes in to see them. The guys are beyond exhausted and BJ is pissed. He feels like Pulver overworked the guys on purpose so he couldn't have a good evaluation. BJ cuts the practice short and the guys show up later for the team picks. Dana flips the coin and Jens' wins the toss. He can pick the first fight or the first fighter. He says he'll pick the first fight. Dana tells BJ to pick his first fighter. BJ tells the guys that if they know 100% for a fact that they want to be on his team and have nothing to do with Pulver's team, they need to raise their hands now. Basically everyone raises their hands. It's pretty humiliating to Jens and there is an argument as Dana says that's not how it works and he finally makes BJ pick his first fighter. The whole incident kind of pissed Dana off and he says BJ's up to his mind games. Well, he's hands down winner over Pulver, who has trouble completing sentences that make sense. After teams are chosen, Dana goes to the new fancy Burger King rundown and it is Team Penn: Gray Maynard, Matt Winman, Gabe Ruediger, Joe Lauzon, Rob Emerson, Any Wang (Dude, your parents totally hated you), Allen Berube, and Noah Thomas. Team Pulver: Corey Hill, Nate Diaz, Brandon Melendez, Marlon Sims, Manny Gamburyan, Cole Miller, Brian Geraghty, and Wayne Weems. Dana tells them "Good luck, you crazy mother f*ckers."

Once they are split into teams, they immediately start talking shit about one another. Corey Hill actually begins barking like a dog at Gabe Ruediger, who is running around the house being a complete ass. Not only is Gabe very annoying, but he weighs about 175 pounds right now, 20 pounds overweight for the weight class. The next day the teams split up and go to training where they are introduced to their coaches. Since Pulver gets the first pick of the fights, Team Penn is worried that Gabe will be picked first because he's actually 22 pounds overweight and everyone knows it. Gabe starts crying and gets really emotional and most of the guys call him a pussy. He had come in the house talking so much smack and now he's crying like my 6 year-old niece with a skinned knee because he's got a fat ass.

Dana says this season is also different because the guys will have to fight 3 fights in order to get to the finals. The match ends up being Cole Miller against Allen "Monsta Lobsta" Berube. I know you own a lobster restaurant, but seriously, get a better name. Berube is much older and less experienced than Cole. He has only been training MMA for a year and a half and the only reason he started training was for a promotion for his restaurant. Cole has been training for 3 and a half years and figured it would take him at least 8 years to get to the UFC and can't believe he's already there.

Cole Miller the WinnerThe fight starts out with Berube really taking the lead of the fight, but Miller was countering back. A little over a minute into the first round, Berube takes Miller down, but he starts to get caught in guillotine and pulls out and mounts Miller who catches Berube in a triangle choke. Berube taps out, Miller is declared the winner and moves on to the quarter-finals. Berube says he got caught by a rookie mistake, but he's not through fighting. We see Cole in the back crying like a baby because he can't believe he won. Cut to a preview of the season and a lot of drama. Dana wasn't kidding when he said it's going to be a good one! I think Gabe is trying to be the Chris Leben of the house and Corey is trying to be the Shoni Carter. You know how that turned out for them.