Charm School - "Dirty Drawers Done Dirt Cheap"

Ah, what better way to spend my birthday than with the ladies of Charm School! Heather can't stop singing - and it's drawing the wrath of Becky. The gals assemble in their uniforms for their meeting with Mo'Nique. Tonight, they are to address Commandment #3 - Thou Shalt Show Some Class. Oh, I can't wait to see how they're going to pull this one off. The girls are going to be coached in etiquette by a lady named Colette Swann. Schatar (Hottie) says that as a descendant of royalty (Say what? Don King, perhaps? Burger King?) that she's well versed in etiquette. Sure she is. She also noted that Heather had on her red "hooker heels". Becky was first to demonstrate her grace to Miss Colette. When she sat down, Colette got an upskirt (or a "Britney" as she referred to it.) This led to a (lengthy, gross) discussion of Becky's vagina - and how she'd love to show it to Sgt. Jones from last week. Ewww....The ladies were not the most graceful - Colette didn't seem to have anything nice to say. Heather got called out again for her shoes. Now they all tried walking with a book on the head. Cristal was upset that the book was going to crush her coif. Colette then had the unenviable task of teaching the gals table manners. Darra knew that this was her weakness (and supported by a clip from FOL, where she was eating with her hands and drinking milk right out of the jug. Classy.) Leliene is confused about this lesson, and started asking a million questions including one about making toasts. Colette told her to stand up and make a toast. Colette's not impressed. She looks pained. I know how she feels.

There's a special guest coming to the house. Andrew Firestone from The Bachelor. The gals had to pair up - and each pair would spend 15 minutes talking to Andrew. One from each pair would join him for dinner and the winner of the challenge would escort Andrew to a special event. Mo told them to pick someone they would outshine. Schatar immediately went for Heather. Boots and Buckeey both wanted Brooke/Pumkin. Heather went to find her dress and it was missing. Brooke's dress is also missing, as is Heather's BCBG suit. Seems like there's a dress thief loose.

Heather is flipping out over her lost dresses. It turns out that Schatar hid all of the dresses. Heather is a drama queen. Brooke found the dresses. Heather never imagined that  Charm School was going to be so catty between the girls. Hello....! Andrew Firestone shows up. He's looking for someone with class, grace and elegance. And he is here because...? Darra and Sapphyri are first. Mo and Mikki are watching from their office. Darra's well-traveled, Sapphyri not so much. Darra moves on. Cristal complments his pink socks and heads for dinner. Courtney interviews Andrew, Leilene is gracious and receives the dinner invitation (Courtney's mad at herself for picking Leilene as "all guys love Asian girls" and "she looks like she could love him long time". Nothing like a gracous loser, right Goldie?) Becky impressed Andrew with her wine knowledge. Jennifer wanted to shed her Toastee image, so she said she didn't like wine - and lost out in the invitation. Turns out Becky was faking about her wine knowledge. Andrew recognized Brooke from FOL (the spitting incident specifically.) Larissa is being flirtatious - and snags the invitation. Schatar fesses up on the dress situation to Heather right before their meeting with Andrew. Heather's all shook up and, no surprise, Schatar moves on. Brooke declares that it's now "on" and runs up to Schatar's room. Schatar calls Brooke anorexic and proceeds to get flashed repeatedly by her. Oh, the humanity!

It's dinner time. Becky is excited and nervous. Schatar says she likes to do charity work (isn't she a goldigger?) Larissa can't stand her. "She's a wack ass bitch that has a wack ass weave and I don't like her wack ass ass." Darra takes the humility route. Becky raps. Smart move. Not! Larissa missed out on her moment to shine. Cristal started talking, and talking, and talking. Leilene made a toast - and did much better this time around. Andrew chooses Schatar and Darra for dessert and will pick one to be the winner. Schatar made up some awful story about her mom getting into an accident and satrts with the waterworks. She's sneaky. Meanwhile, Brooke tries to find a way to get back at Schatar. She put a pair of her dirty drawers on top of her picture. That's the best you could come up with? Andrew decides to pick Schatar as his guest at the event. Darra's pissed. Schatar has THE most disturbing weave ever. She also doesn't seem that disturbed about the panty picture. Probably because it wasn't that big of a deal.         

Schatar heads out to meet Andrew. The remaining gals have to cook lunch for Mo, using recipes from her cookbook "Skinny Cooks Can't Be Trusted". Leilene freaks out, she can't cook and starts with the positive affirmations monologue. Schatar is very excited to be among her type of "upper-crust people". She arrives at the Firestone Winery and makes a graceful entrance out of the limo - and then falls right on her ass. This oughta be good.

The gals are cooking Mac n' Cheese, collard greens, peach cobbler and lamb chops. Leilene is the weakest link - she is still upstairs talking to herself. She arrived oven a hour late and made a grilled cheese sandwich. Schatar is going to present a new winery to some wine experts. She has a script to read, which she manages to get through and then had to remove a sheet and uncover a picture of the new winery. This doesn't go over as well, she knocks the picture over. Oopsie. Mo and the gals sit down for lunch. Saaphyri thinks Leilene should be punished because, as she said, Mo's cookbook didn't have a recipe for "Grilled tired-ass cheese." Leliene starts crying again.  Everybody jumps on Schatar. Heather portrays herself as a victim. Mo told the gals to deal with it. Andrew's critique of Schatar was kind - he did say she needed to be a bit more "refined in the dress code." She asked the girls to imitate each other. Cristal and Saaphyri seem to have the same problem - they can never shut up. Cristal and Sapphyir go at it. Elimination time.

Despite her foul behavior, Schatar was safe from elimination. Larissa, Heather and Cristal are in the bottom 3. Larissa was bored and her come on to Andrew was inappropriate. Heather dressed inappropriately. She seemed to give up with the dress stealing incident. Cristal is too much of a model and showed no effort at dinner. Being the victim gets boring, so Heather is expelled. Good. She's already a pop diva - in her mind. Next week, the ladies take part in a fashion show. God help us all.