Law & Order SVU (05/01/07) Good Cop, Bad Cop. No, Just Bad Cop.

The episode begins with Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson interrogating an alleged rapist. Olivia finally gets her turn to play "Bad Cop" and she loves it. She de-masculates the suspect by bringing up the fact that he "got soft" during the rape and therefore he must be committing rapes as a way to cover up his homosexuality. Her ploy to anger the suspect works and just as he is snapping his fingers and getting ready to insult Olivia's knock-off purse, Captain Donald Cragen pulls her out of the interrogation room. Apparently, it's Olivia's turn to be interrogated.

Olivia is reunited with her old undercover FBI handler, Agent Porter. Initially, Olivia flatters herself by thinking that he has come to ask her to go back undercover but he quickly reminds her that she was the worst undercover cop ever, take that Eddie Griffin. Agent Porter tells Olivia that he has her on a post office surveillance camera buying a money order that was later cashed by her fugitive rapist brother, Simon Marsden.

If you are faithful to this show then you remember that Simon Marsden was accused of stalking and raping a woman in New Jersey and had skipped bail. Actually, you should remember that because you should be loyal to this damn recap. Look people, I don't do this for the fame and glory, I do it because I adore all of you cubicle slaves who steal time from your company to come to this wonderful website and read about television. All I ask is that you freakin' pay attention and remember everything I say so that you can quote it to your friends like it was scripture. OK, I will catch you up this time. Olivia found her brother by playing with the Police DNA Machine and discovered that he was being investigated for stalking with the intention to commit a rape. Olivia didn't believe he could possibly do it up until he leaves her apartment and does it. Olivia finds out that the over-zealous New Jersey Police Captain, Julia Millfield, is pursuing her brother because she believes that her sister, who now has a huge substance abuse problem, was raped by Simon back in high school. Olivia clings to the denial that her brother may be innocent until they find his DNA through a clump of hair pulled out by the victim during the rape. OK, everyone ready to continue with this week's episode? Good.

Olivia cops to Agent Porter that she did send her brother money. After giving her the standard, "I could throw your ass in jail" speech, he tells her that he needs her to call him next time her brother contacts him. She agreed and then Porter tells her he was bluffing about the surveillance camera footage. Olivia fell for the oldest cop trick in the book. Yes, Olivia, there are other ways to get people to confess without having Stabler beat the piss out of them. Speaking of which, Olivia goes back to interrogating the witness she started the show with and really kicks his ass. Cragen is naturally pissed and I think Stabler gets a hard-on.

Olivia Benson meets Agent Porter in a bookstore. Simon Marsden called her and asked her for more money (that's what younger brothers do) and she arranged to meet him there. Clearly, Agent Porter and Olivia underestimate Simon because they don't try to apprehend him until after he walks out of the store and he outruns both of them. While in pursuit, Olivia nearly becomes road kill as Simon's car tries to plough into her during his escape.

Simon is still a fugitive and he certainly isn't going to call his big sis again after she ratted him out to the FBI. Benson and Porter go to his mother's house to try and find his whereabouts. They are told by the mom's caretaker that she suffers from Oldtimer's Disease and can't remember much but she surprises us all when she recognizes Olivia from a newspaper article her rapist father had saved. That ol' sentimental sodomite even concocted a story of accidentally getting a woman pregnant before marrying this senile old woman. Olivia reacts very emotionally to the idea that her father kept tabs on her and, much like her mother, was touched by her father. Sorry about that. The old woman rambles on about Simon being at the house that his father left him "on Route 94 in Florida". Agent Porter hops on a plane to Florida to try and track Simon down and Olivia stays to do some research on her father. Yeah, because being reunited with her brother has turned out to be such a great idea.

A medical examiner confirms that her father is dead and that he died of a combination of depressants and alcohol. Pussy. I personally find that combination to be invigorating, but we are not here to discuss my breakfast habits. His old employer says that he was severely depressed and starting taking medication and then started boozing. One day he was so wasted he almost crashed with Simon in the car and his wife left him. The old employer also mentions that he was a top-knotch salesman and landed major accounts with colleges. Olivia Benson recalls that her mom worked in the college cafeteria and that must be how he chose her.

Olivia dives right in to the case against her father and we get a pretty rare "rape investigation" montage. She pores over files, looks at pictures, and even listens to her mother's recorded statement to the police. Damn, Olivia, you are pretty twisted. She talks to Dr. Huang and we hear her begin to doubt her father's guilt. Wow, you gotta really hate your mom to start believing that she lied about being raped so as to pardon some guy you never met. All this over a newspaper clipping...Finally, Olivia tracks down another ex-cafeteria worker who was raped. This woman positively ID's her father from a picture and Olivia is forcefully snapped out of her denial.

That night upon returning to the house that was built by rape kits (her apartment), Olivia finds Captain Julia Millfield inside. I don't have to explain who she is again do I people? Good, you have been paying attention. Captain Millfied tells Olivia that she wants to track down Simon but that Agent Porter has left her out of the loop. Olivia agrees to help her and makes an appointment to give a statement in New Jersey the next day.

During her interview with Julia Millfield, Olivia swipes some photos of the hair that was pulled out by the victim. A-HA! I knew Olivia wasn't ready to fully convict her brother, at least not to herself. She gives the photos to a loyal NY Crime Tech and he says that the photos are bunk. Apparently the hair that was supposedly pulled out by the rape victim does not have the necessary marks and this hair most likely just naturally fell out. Olivia heads back to New Jersey to confront Millfield on the planted evidence and learns that Millfield's sister just recently died of a heroin overdose. This may explain Millfield's newfound intense motivation for making Simon Marsden pay. Agent Porter returns from Florida with empty handcuffs because there was no "Route 94 in Florida". Damn senile bitch wasting taxpayer money. Stabler points out that there is a "Route 94 TO Florida in upstate New York" and they realize the exact house that the old woman was trying to lead them to. I am sorry I called her an old senile bitch now.

Agent Porter and Detective Benson enter the house and find Simon Marsden standing over a wounded Julia Millfield. Millfield claims she was shot in the gut by Simon but he says that it was she who was going to shoot him and that she was shot on accident while he wrestled the gun away. Either way, this is a very intense situation as Simon Marsden will not lower the gun pointed at Julia and each time Olivia tries to calm him down he reacts like a guilty wacko would. She tells him that she is alone and only moments later, he hears helicopters and a Hostage Negotiator calls. Whoops. Olivia does manage to keep him talking and tells him that she knows Millfield framed him. Millfield denies it but eventually gets called out when we realize that it was her car that nearly ran over Olivia outside the bookstore. We have now established Simon's innocence and Stabler comes in and nearly wrecks everything and Simon freaks out. Olivia gets Simon to tell his side of the story about the alleged rape of Millfield's sister. He says that he only tied to kiss her and she spazzed. Olivia points out that this is the classic behavior of a molestation victim. Millfield admits that her sister once told her that her dad had crawled into bed with her but she dismissed it as the ramblings of a drug addict. Millfield finally confesses to everything. She planted the evidence, tried to run down Olivia and blame Simon, and, yes, she even came to this house to kill Simon Marsden and her gunshot wound was the result of an accident when Simon was defending himself. Simon lowers the gun and everyone is safe.

Simon Marsden is taken away with Agent Porter to get all the facts straight, Julia Millfield is taken to the hospital to get her stomach fixed before they haul her ass to jail and Olivia is free to go back to beating up on alleged rapists instead of trying to find out the truth. Olivia can finally rid herself of the burden of applying the "innocent until proven guilty" mantra until the next time someone accuses her brother of raping someone.

Got all that? Go back and read it again because I will NOT repeat myself again.