CSI - Episode 723 - The Good, The Bad, and the Dominatrix

So, Lady Heather. Hottest TV dominatrix ever? Y/Y/MFY. Discuss.

A shadowy figure wearing a leather duster and a cowboy hat pushes through the doors of an old West-style saloon. Lady Heather, looking stunning in a red gown, turns around and tells her guest that he's late. Cut to later and Lady Heather gasps for air as the man chokes her with a rope, ordering her to "say it." Presumably, he's referring to her safe word. Dude, it's Lady freakin' Heather. I think you'll be waiting forever for her to say that.

Time passes, and EMTs and cops are on the scene. Lady Heather is being wheeled away on a stretcher as Brass tells Catherine that the night security guard at the Western theme park, Vernon Porter, found her. She'll survive but she has severe neck trauma. Catherine finds a spot of chewed tobacco on the ground and, going inside the saloon, notices a coil of rope on the floor. She wonders why Lady Heather was there, since she's got a house for her BDSM business, and is also curious as to how Lady Heather, most definitely not a submissive, got choked. "Someone didn't know the rules," she quips.

After the credits, Grissom finds Greg poring through old foster records, trying to track down Ernie Dell's foster kids. He says he's found the social security number for one of them and Grissom says he'll look into it. He also says that Greg's being temporarily shifted to days, as they're understaffed thanks to Ecklie's delightful personality. Sigh. I miss Ecklie. Anyway, enjoy this scene, Greg fans, because that's all you'll see of him this episode. Back at the ranch, Brass talks to Porter, who insists he locked the gates as usual when he got to work. Inside the saloon, Sara photographs a broken whisky bottle and says Lady Heather must've brought it with her, since the park doesn't provide alcohol. She wonders how much a night like this would cost and Catherine, collecting evidence across the room, says that five years ago Lady Heather was pulling in $20,000 a week. Sara is startled and she's clearly thinking that she's in the wrong line of work. A bit nervously, she asks Catherine what Lady Heather is like and Catherine rattles off her many attributes (beautiful, smart, intense, charming) before adding that Lady Heather is the only woman she's seen rattle Grissom. Sara's face freezes at this and she attempts to get back to work but Catherine yammers on, saying that Lady Heather and Grissom had chemistry and she's convinced they spent the night together. Smirking, she wonders which one of them wore the chaps and adds that it's good he hooked up with someone outside of the workplace, rather than "fishing from the company pier." Sara, a bit desperately, is all, "HEY LOOK AT THIS SHOT GLASS I FOUND WITH A LIPSTICK PRINT PLEASE CATHERINE STOP TALKING OMG." Bless her heart.

In the B plot...okay, look, I'm going to recap this whole plot right here because 1) it's boring and 2) it annoyed me because it took time away from Lady Heather and 3) it's boring. Nicky, Warrick, and Sofia (welcome back!) investigate the body of a young woman found dead on the street with a head injury. The victim, Faith Maroney, turns out to be a kleptomaniac and amid all the stolen detritus in her large purse, there's a receipt from a restaurant near where she was found. The CSIs go to the restaurant and find out that Faith called a cab to come pick her up. The driver, Dru, an immigrant studying for citizenship, is considered the prime suspect because paint from his cab was found in Faith's wound. He looks even guiltier after Archie reviews the footage from the cab's camera and shows Faith stealing his wallet, giving Dru motive. However, Hodges tells Nicky that paint chips found on the scene prove that another cab was involved in the incident. Nicky and Warrick find the second cab and its driver, Gus, admits he was waiting outside of the restaurant, hoping to steal Dru's fare because he needed the money for his sick wife. Faith got in Dru's cab but Dru saw Gus trying to steal his fare, so Gus rammed Dru's cab, I guess trying to kill him so Dru wouldn't report him. His motivations are not really made clear and I didn't pay close attention to this subplot because, hello, LADY HEATHER. Anyway, Faith freaked out and demanded to be let out of the cab, stealing Dru's wallet in the process. She went to cross in front of him and dropped her purse; when she bent over to pick it up, Gus hit Dru, pushing Dru's cab into Faith and killing her. Gus told Dru that whoever hits a pedestrian is always at fault, regardless of the circumstances, so if Dru keeps quiet about Gus trying to steal his fare, Gus won't spill the beans about hitting Faith. Dru is relieved to hear that he's not responsible for killing Faith and thinks everything is okay, but Nicky has to tell him that he's still in trouble for obstruction of justice, fleeing the scene, and being an accessory. Dru looks devastated as he realizes his dreams of a better life in America for him and his family are destroyed, all because he trusted the wrong person. It's quite heart-breaking. But, whatever. Back to Lady Heather!

Grissom is in his office, cheerfully working on his miniature (which is of his office, hee), when he gets a call. He listens for a minute, then says he'll be right there. At the hospital, Brass tries to question Lady Heather about who tried to kill her but she's not being very forthcoming. I don't blame her, really, because he's being a total dick to her. I can understand why he feels bitter that she got off for attacking the man who tortured and murdered her daughter (thanks to a judge who's also a client), but she is still the victim here. At least, she is as far as he knows right now. Spoiler! Thankfully, Sara enters, defusing the tension, and says she's there to collect Lady Heather's clothes and any trace evidence. Lady Heather refuses and Sara is curious as to why, also asking if a rape kit was collected. Lady Heather says it's not necessary and Brass leaves in frustration, saying he can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. When he's gone, Lady Heather tells Sara that she doesn't respond well to men who judge her based on her profession. Sara's like, "Preach it, sister" and they exchange small smiles before Sara gently pushes back Lady Heather's hair to photograph her neck bruises. Yay! I really, really love that the writers didn't have Sara be all bitchy and territorial in her first meeting with Lady Heather. They should be BFFs because they're both awesome. Anyway, Lady Heather notices Grissom in the doorway, looking both concerned (for Lady Heather) and nervous (about his girlfriend being in the same room as Lady Heather). Hee, he's noticeably squirming.

Later, Grissom sits by Lady Heather's hospital bed and she admits that she feels exposed around him, since the last time he saw her she had completely lost her shit and was whipping the man who killed her daughter. They show a flashback from "Pirates of the Third Reich" and I gotta point out how hot it is when Grissom neatly grabs the whip just as she flings it back to whale on the guy some more. Yum. Grissom is sympathetic but asks her what she's hiding now. He encourages her to tell him the truth but she starts gasping and her eyes roll back in her head. Alarmed, he calls for a nurse and says that Lady Heather is going into shock because of her diabetes. The nurse says Lady Heather never told them she was diabetic and Grissom looks troubled. At the park, Brass talks to the owner, Jake Oakley, and his son, Ben. Ben admits he let Lady Heather use the park that night and he let her in, wanting to meet her, but he left right after. Inside the saloon, Catherine (and the twins, who are on full display this episode) photographs the bathroom and finds a pair of men's underwear in the toilet, as well as a wad of toilet paper with semen on it on the floor.

Brass tells Catherine that he saw Porter chewing tobacco, which explains the spit she found outside the saloon. Porter is also an ex-cop, fired for getting into a bar fight in which a woman was involved. Catherine says Porter couldn't have afforded Lady Heather and if he's the one who tried to kill her, why is she covering for him? They decide to head back out to the park and talk to him and Catherine takes the opportunity to grill Brass about Grissom and Lady Heather. Hee. Catherine's totally going to write a tell-all someday. Brass says he knows something that's WAY juicier than Grissom and Lady Heather but he's interrupted by Porter's very dead body lying on the ground. Dammit, dead Porter! I wanted to find out if Brass knows about Grissom and Sara. Later, SuperDave reports that Porter died from a gunshot wound to his back and Catherine notices that his gun hasn't been fired. Brass says that Porter called Lady Heather and speculates that he threatened her, so she killed him. He's off to get a warrant, as long as he can find a judge who isn't one of her clients. Sara joins Catherine later on and finds a bullet hole through the saloon window and a bullet from a revolver in one of the mannequins. Catherine is surprised, since the bullet that killed Porter is still in him and came from a semi-automatic. They find the gun museum and see several antique revolvers in an unlocked case. Cathering collects them all for ballistics. Back at the lab, Grissom finds Sara processing the evidence she collected from Lady Heather. She says all of the prints collected from the saloon belong to Lady Heather and shows him the shot glass, asking with a wry smile if the lipstick is Lady Heather's shade. He quirks an eyebrow but declines to answer. Hee. Sara also tells him that Lady Heather had no defensive wounds on her hands or trace under her nails, but three different bruises show that she had time to fight back. Grissom is distressed by this, wondering why Lady Heather didn't try to fight.

Brass has gotten his warrant and he and Catherine present it to Lady Heather, who balks at coming down to the station for questioning. Brass demands to know where she was the night before and she invites them inside, saying that she was home all night. When Brass asks if anyone can verify that, Grissom walks out, calmly sipping a cup of tea, and says Lady Heather was with him all night. Catherine's scandalized look cracks me up. That's definitely going in her book. Later, in Grissom's office, she pretends to be furious with him for getting personally involved in an ongoing investigation, but she really just wants the good gossip. Grissom says he knows something is wrong with Lady Heather and he went to her house on a hunch. Catherine is slightly mollified, but she gets riled up again when she sees that Grissom is building a miniature. He innocently says it keeps his hands busy. Heh. In Brass' office, Lady Heather say she hired Porter to find someone and then helped him get a job at the park. She plays the voicemail he left her, in which he offers his support and help, and asks Brass if that sounds like someone who'd want to hurt her so why would she want to kill him?

Catherine and Sara are discussing the case when Wendy joins them, saying the DNA found on the toilet paper did not belong to Porter. They're trying to figure out what happened when Catherine gets a text message from Mandy, saying that Ben Oakley's prints were found on one of the revolvers. She and Wendy take off, telling the arriving Grissom that Sara will fill him in. She does: "We may have a suspect." He nods and watches her work for a few moments until he tells her that Lady Heather is the only one he trusts. "I get it," she snaps, and I think she genuinely does understand Lady Heather's need but she's still rightfully pissed that her boyfriend spent the entire night with another woman without even giving her the courtesy of telling her. Knowing he fucked up, Grissom says her name and she looks at him, her face open and obviously willing to hear what he has to say, but when he can't even apologize to her she tells him "It's fine. Do what you have to do," and leaves. Grissom deserves a swift and hearty kick in the nuts right now.

Later, Grissom reads a psychology textbook about suicide in his office. Judy interrupts him to hand him a file and before she leaves, she tells him that everyone in the lab is sure he'll catch the miniature killer. She also gives him two thumbs up. Hee. I love Judy. We don't get to see enough of her, and it's been way too long since she was roped into an experiment. After she leaves, he reads the file, which shows that Lady Heather filed for custody of her granddaughter, but it was awarded to her ex-husband instead and she was denied visitation rights. In a flashback, Lady Heather tells Grissom that she hired Porter to find her granddaughter. "I can't give her love, but I can give her the freedom to be who she wants to be," she says. The next day, Grissom meets in a park with Jerome, Lady Heather's ex. He says that he didn't even know that he had a daughter until after she had died. Nearby, Alison, his granddaughter, plays on a blanket then toddles over, handing Grissom her bottle, which he takes matter-of-factly before getting back to his conversation. Okay, fine. I'm still pissed at him for the way he treated Sara but that was ridonkulously cute. He asks Jerome if Lady Heather recently gave him money for Alison's care and Jerome confirms this, saying she set up a trust fund with no strings attached. The amount was over $800,000 and Jerome assumed she sold her house, since she had closed her business months ago to help her custody suit. Grissom thinks Lady Heather calculated how much it would cost to raise a child through college but he says she didn't sell her house to get the money.

In the interrogation room, Catherine talks to Ben about his prints being found on the revolver. She and Brass think he went to kill Porter but Ben says Porter was blackmailing him because he lied about the reason Lady Heather was at the park that night she was attacked. He went to withdraw the money but the account had been cleaned out, for the exact amount that Lady Heather gave Jerome for Alison's care. He knew his father had done it and he went to confront him, but Porter was already confronting Jake about attacking Lady Heather. Jake shot Porter in the back and Ben shot at Jake, but missed. Ben tells them that his father is a sadist and frequently pays a lot of money to abuse women. Brass asks where Jake is and Ben says that his father's phone is turned off. The only time he does that is when he's with Lady Heather. Brass heads over to her house and he's just in time, as it looks like Jake and Lady Heather are preparing to re-create their night in the saloon. Jake is arrested but he's defiant, saying that he paid good money to kill Lady Heather, who asked him to do it. Lady Heather looks haunted as Brass, for once not being an asshat to her, says she's unlikely to face charges and tells her to get some help.

Time passes, the cops clear away from Lady Heather's house, and there's a knock on her door. She answers and it's Grissom, who she's not exactly happy to see. She tells him to leave her alone, that she didn't ask him to save her. He says he knows that but he's her friend, so what was he supposed to do? He also says that he wants her to meet someone and he takes her hand, drawing her outside. Jerome stands on her porch, Alison in his arms. Lady Heather walks over and says hello to her granddaughter, while Grissom watches with a satisfied smile. Well played, Grissom. Now go make things right with Sara, you doofus. You'll regret it if you don't. She knows how to hide a body, after all.