Numb3rs: Episode 324: The Janus List

Now that I’ve recovered (somewhat) from the shock of Friday, here it is, the last recap of the season! This recap is actually a two-parter. In case you haven’t read / watched the first part, click here. A very nice doctor posted it for me while I was recovering from Friday night and Charlie was kind enough to help out with the screencaps.

It’s a momentous event! The little mid-season replacement that could has turned into a full-out success. The fandom is a diverse group of intelligent and fun people. Most importantly, after the closest to a resolution of the hostilities between the brothers Eppes in “Money for Nothing,” the Powers That Be still found a way to leave us on the edge of our seats for the entire summer. Either that or this was a very public attempt to kill me through sheer shock and humiliation as I’m going to have to use the words “Colby” and “smart” and not be ironic.

As last year’s finale recap was made up of a variety of sample of poetry, this year’s will be a bit more academic. Welcome to English class everyone! Think of it as a way to balance out the math we’ve studied all year. We’ll be a renaissance fandom! Pay attention, there will be a test at the end.

Tone: is the emotional attitude the reader or viewer takes towards the subject.

The Bridge: David’s late and stuck in traffic on a crowded bridge. The traffic is stop and go because of a van with a flat tire and a very distinguished looking gentleman wandering around. The aforementioned gentleman nods in David’s general direction and the suspense builds as the gentleman presses a button on his cell phone, and the van blocking the traffic explodes. I never believed the whole “cell phones interfere with equipment thing” but if they really do cause big ugly vans to explode, I’m so using up all my minutes on the highway.

The suspense builds as David leaps from his SUV, and the gentleman announces “I’m one speed-dial away from collapsing this bridge,” leaving David to negotiate.

Apparently, when David negotiates, it becomes the centre of national attention because suddenly everyone in the fricking universe is now there when all the gentleman wanted to do is talk to out protagonists, Don and Charlie. I mean, I love the brothers Eppes too, but threatening to blow up a bridge to get their attention isn’t really appropriate unless you’re down to your last possible option. Don calls the mysterious gentleman and is immediately asked what his (Don’s not the gentleman’s) junior year batting average was. Charlie knows it’s .293. Now that the gentleman knows both Eppes are present, he gives Charlie 7 minutes and meet him.

The suspense builds even further as David and Charlie tell us about the bombs; they’re C4 and strategically placed to bring down the bridge. As they need to know the frequency to jam the bombs, Colby suggests that he and David go take a closer look. Personally, this didn’t surprise me as, according to “Protest,” Colby knows about explosives. The anvil here totally missed me until I started wondering why David – a non-explosive expert, was going as well.

Charlie has a very clear answer to the gentleman’s request:

We watch Rosencrantz and Guildenstern getting prepared to scale the bridge. I’m wondering if Batman’s noticed that his Bat-belt is missing, because, somehow, the Fedcakes happen to have grappling hooks on hand for the climb.

Meanwhile, Charlie’s come up with an ingenious way to talk to the gentleman, through a robot, carrying a screen allowing Charlie to safely transmit from the van.

The man has a sudden bout of foreshadowingitis, a rare disease that only hits super-intelligent characters on Prime-Time television or in really good action–adventure films. He tells the brothers Eppes that for every question they get right, he’ll toss a phone; for every question they get wrong, he’ll give 10 special effects people jobs. The gentleman’s a fan of the Eppes Convergence. I guess he’s never met Colin Hanks . He recites Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. If Charlie and Don get 6 questions wrong, the bridge will collapse. Purposefully, the gentleman confuses 1972 with 1978 and asks about Francis Bacon. When Charlie pauses on the Bacon question, the gentleman blows up a bomb, and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have to look out for falling anvils.

Furious, Charlie yells at him to give him more time but the gentleman insists that he’s not only testing Charlie’s mind, but his heart. Funny, that’s what fangirls want to do when it comes to Charlie. Next, Charlie’s given the easy question of the Wheat and Chessboard problem, which Charlie finds far too simple. Fortunately, figuring out and reciting a big-ass number (big–ass number is a technical term), allows the Fedcakes enough time to figure out what cell service the gentleman is using and shut down the cell towers.

Once Charlie’s finished reciting the number, the gentleman, in the space of ten seconds, creates two paradoxes (a situation that should not exists because different elements cancel it out). He declares Charlie’s math to be wrong and tell Don, “If you find the Janus List, trust it!” The one paradox is easy, the other, is because the gentleman completely contradicts something Colby said last week. (Hint: it’s in the video.)

Suspense is built up even more as Don, sick of the gentleman’s games, takes a shotgun out to kill the old coot but the gentleman proves to be like every upper middle class 14 year old in North America; he has another cell on another service, which he uses to blow himself up.

Title Flash.

IHOF: Charlie is chugging back Pepto Bismal like Canadians are chugging back beer this holiday weekend and Megan is back.

Thus we have two great moments in one short scene. Megan fills us in on the gentleman; his name is Taylor Ashby and he’s a mercenary spy for the most obvious shout out ever to the executive producers Black Rain. Also, he’s a sociopath. So far, they can only figure out one thing that he wanted, the brothers Eppes. I guess that means he also has good taste in men?

Exposition: where a story, or recap, is interrupted in order to explain some important background information)

Black Rain: Don and Megan have gone to Black Rain to give us all the necessary exposition for this eppesode. There, they are greeted by Ashby’s boss. Just so you know, the character does have a name, but, as my esteemed colleague Annie pointed out, the actor, James Frain, played Forney in Where the Heart Is. Since Dylan Bruno’s turn as Willy Jack in that film was his most memorable role prior to playing Colby Granger, the boss at Black Rain will henceforth be known as Forney.

Taylor Ashby was a spy for MI6 and specifically worked in cryptography. As he wasn’t as skilled at adaptation as James Bond apparently is, he got fired by M and then taken on by Black Rain to perform data analysis. As for Ashby’s old job, Forney snarks that cryptography is now done by 25 year-old mathematics experts and I wonder at why some script writer is taking a dig at math in a show called Numb3rs?

Don and Megan are also told the reason for the title of this eppesode about the Janus List. In spy folklore (as opposed to Spy folklore, which includes an eventual shout out) the Janus list names all the double agents and it’s named for Janus, the two-faced Roman god. There’s a brief comparison between Ashby and Janus, as, in an attempt to die with some notoriety, Ashby betrayed what he was working for.

Portmanteau: a combination of two or more words to create a new word.

Cal Sci: Charmita is analyzing Asby’s questions on the bridge. Ironically, we find out that Ashby is the antithesis of Charlie when it comes to schooling. While Charlie is all math and logic, Asbhy studied English Lit and Shakespeare! If I’d known that it was possible to be a super-spy with an English degree, I would so be the next Sydney Bristow!

Looking back at the questions, Charmita figures out that everything Ashby said was symbolic. He wanted Charlie to focus on Francis bacon, specifically, the Bacon cipher.

Illocutionary Act: An utterance that accomplishes something in the act of speaking, such as a promise, threat or reminder.

Ashby’s: Going through the original spy’s (as opposed to Theoriginalspy – which would have been a great opportunity for a shout out) apartment, David and Colby are having a pleasant chat about who is the better ball player, Ruth or Bonds.

“Williams,” Colby insists. “War hero, played the game clean, no juice.” I’m totally choosing to take that statement as Colby’s earliest protest of innocence, in a backhanded way, otherwise I may have to crawl into a corner and cry for the entire summer hiatus.

In other news, they find six bugs and I’m not talking cockroaches people.

Anvil: A fandom term for writers pointing out something that was already a little hinky in case there is one person left in the universe that didn’t already pick it up.

IHOF: The NSA isn’t cooperating and the Fedcake techs have identified four of the six nationalities that bugged Ashby’s flat. Insisting there isn’t a crime, Megan’s shot down by Don who uses the anvil of “I’m the boss and I say there is a crime.” A second anvil is dropped on our collective heads when she asks David why he went up on the bridge and David insists it was Colby’s idea.

The last anvil is below:

Hospital: Charlie’s talking to the extra crispy Ashby, who, through some marvel of unexplainable medical science, is able to control his O2 saturation monitor to send come code to Charlie.

Much later, Don arrives and first chastises Charlie for writing on the hospital window, but then gets sucked into this eppesode’s, plot hole, the O2Sat code. Reminding Charlie of the “mistakes” (a word which here means clues) Asbhy made on the bridge, Don gives Charlie his starting point to decipher the code. Eventually, it reads “Janus poisoned me.”

Foil: A character mean to represent characteristics which are directly opposed to the protagonist, or other heroic character.

IHOF: Megan’s learned that even if Ashby survives the burns, he’s been poisoned by Thalium, which means he’s toast shortly. If crispy Ashby is toast, does that make him burnt toast? Is that insensitive of me to point out?

While Megan’s learning about Ashby’s medical state, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern finally have some information Ashby’s state of affairs. He was not the pitiful character Forney said he was. In fact, he was a Cold War Legend, a double or even triple agent. Also, the NSA had him on tape talking to Colby’s foil, Dwayne Carter. I momentarily wonder if this turn of events is really just a way of redeeming my least favourite eppesode of the season, “The Mole.” Then I realize that would be a little megalomaniacal of me to believe that. I choose to anyway.

Colby knows that Dwayne’s been kept on a secret army base but before he can even get up form the computer, Don’s all “hell, no!” The offense that Colby takes at Don’s distrust is the first time I really believe that the whole Colby + anvil thing isn’t a red herring. Despite Colby’s protests, Don sends David to help with Dwayne.

Amplification: The use of bare expressions, often ignored of misunderstood by the reader or viewer because of the bluntness.

Army Base: Dwayne gives a taste to the partners (not like that) about his relationship with Ashby. Before he’s willing to give anymore, the Fedcakes have to pay for it (not like that).

With all the subtlety he displayed in “The Mole” making me wonder why he wasn’t caught earlier, Dwayne tries to guilt Colby into helping him, but Colby isn’t buying. “The things I can tell you about squeaky-clean Colby Granger. Things we saw. Things we did,” Dwayne insists.

Colby stocks off, looking less than innocent. In a buddy-like manner, David taps Colby on the shoulder, in assurance that he doesn’t believe what Dwayne is shouting.

Symbolism: the uses of specific objects, images or statements to represent abstract ideas.

Hospital: The brothers are amazed at Ashby’s planning and the mind that will shortly depart the earth. Amita interrupts as she’s brought a variety of necessary books for Charlie to better crack Ashby’s code. Conveniently, she brought her symbolic knapsack, which twigs Charlie onto the knapsack algorithm, which, if I understand it correctly, means everything Ashby said on the bridge is important. Wait a minute, does that mean I’ve figured out one of the principles of math before Charlie did? It’s a miracle!

Going through all the numbers that Ashby recited on the bridge, the code gives the trio a new message, naomivaughn@laledger.org (I dare someone to try that address).

LA Ledger: Naomi Vaughn is a reporter Ashby contacted about the Janus List, (although, is it The Janus List or just A Janus list? The article is important here! I mean if it’s the definitive Janus List for all history, than yes, it’s THE Janus List. On the other hand, if some guy in Romania and another guy in Micronesia have also compiled a list of double agents, then it’s just A Janus list. Uhh, sorry, I think I got distracted).

Megan asks for all her notes on the subject and it’s pretty obvious, despite some reticence that Naomi is going to comply.

Defamiliarization: the distinctive effect achieved by a work by disrupting our habitual perception of the world, enabling us to see things afresh.

La Maison d’Eppes: Don’s just discovered his next issue he’s going to be dealing with in therapy – fear of turning into Ashby in another 20 years. After doing so much for his government, to be tossed aside and made irrelevant is clearly bothering Don.

After briefly reminding Don that Ashby’s a psychopath and he shouldn’t be sympathizing with him, Alan agrees with his son about being made irrelevant. After some really depressing comment about how difficult it is to find meaning as one gets older, I start debating drinking some Thallium. Alan, you’re our bastion of wisdom! Being all depressive like this isn’t helping anyone! If you can’t find meaning in raising two intelligent, brave extremely hot sons, what hope do the rest of us have?

I can’t even take comfort in everyone’s favourite Numb3rs-based sport, lime green fluted bowl spotting, as it’s not visible in the scene. I guess it’s to make us focus on the dialogue.

Stock Character: an easily recognizable, stereotypical character.

Hospital: That pleasant discussion is interrupted by Charlie calling. He’s concerned that the security guard is missing, which immediately alarms Don.

After discovering the phone line to Ashby’s ward is dead, Charlie enlists the aid of the nurse in helping get Ashby clear of this week’s stock character, the menacing looking assassin. Okay, he’s really not that menacing but the music tells me he’s supposed to be menacing.

Charlie and the nurse, whose name is Lois, for anyone who is interested, escape using some underground tunnels in the hospital. I’m momentarily amused by David Krumholtz’s obvious difficulty controlling where the hospital bed goes. You know if Don or Colby had been in the scene, we would have had some crack about why Charlie wasn’t driving for so many years.

In a fit of nerves, Charlie starts spouting off some facts about dying in earthquakes, but the nurse is all “bitch, please! I don’t want to talk about dying!”

The pair escapes by hiding in the MRI room, and using the machine to trap the assassin. All the metal from his belt and gun, attach him onto a machine. That’s so a practical joke I’m thinking House really wants to play sometime.

LA Ledger: Naomi Vaughn is taken into protective custody by Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. She is not amused.

Hospital: Charlie is having a self-realization, that he is capable of being heroic. Although, he doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as reckless and against the natural instinct of self-preservation. Despite his logic, he’s feeling like he’s then man, and so, apparently, is Amita, who rushes in and kisses him in relief. I know you’re expecting me to say something here, but really, it’s a rational reaction. Wouldn’t you kiss Charlie in that situation?

Black Rain’s Roof: Don’s gone to threaten Forney over the attempted assassination of Ashby. We all know he’s more upset over Charlie being put in danger. As the Fedcakes have just arrested the not-so-scary magnetic assassin (that, has got to be the most rejected name ever for a super-villain), they’ve also called off the helicopter that would aid Forney’s escape.

Forney’s angry that Ashby betrayed him by compiling the Janus List but his smugness is quickly erased by Don’s fist in his face. Although, his smugness does have a quick rebound time, as Forney taunts Don for not being able to arrest him, or being able to stop a helicopter, which sweeps him away, without consequences.

Digression: a temporary departure from one subject to another more or less distantly related topic before the discussion of the first topic is resumed.

Beach House: In what has to be the best possible hideaway ever for witnesses, Colby and Megan are at a beach house, to protect Naomi.

Naomi’s a less than cooperative witness and digresses about the rights of the constitution. Somehow, she’s behaving more like she’s under arrest than in protective custody. After Megan verbally bitch-slaps her back to reality about the constitution, Naomi leaves, allowing Colby and Megan to get onto the topic we really wanted them to talk about – what the hell is up with the Alanis Morissette around the time of the release of Jagged Little Pill, behaviour Megan’s been spouting.

She’s been having doubts recently about her place in the FBI, but Colby doesn’t understand, “I come from five generations of duty, honour, following orders.”

“Yeah, well, whose orders were you following when you went out on that bridge?” All right, while Colby avoids answering Megan’s questions about Dwayne, this is the moment when it hits me. If David or Don had been doubtful, I might’ve dismissed it but Megan? I can’t dismiss Megan’s doubts. She’s the one I have the most faith in when it comes to reading people.

Of course, the beach house is being watched by a group of assassins. They just want Naomi, and declare the Fedcakes expendable. Yeah, well, not to me!

Theme: The overall idea of a particular work.

IHOF: Don and Charlie wax poetic about the meaning of one’s life’s work. That is, until Don suddenly has the very first Donvision – the explosive were not only placed to take down the bridge, but also placed to represent the G major scale.

“Is that the face I make when I-“ Charlie asks. That sound you heard: the entire fandom keeling over in laughter.

Secret Army Base: Dwayne’s not too thrilled with the idea of spending life in prison, as opposed to getting the death penalty, but that’s all the Fedcakes have to offer. As anything Dwayne says is annoying to me, let me sum up. There is a Janus list (again, they’re confusing the articles). Dwayne sold Ashby three names, and planned on selling him a fourth. Also, anyone wanting the list not to be found would’ve killed Ashby already, meaning the list is supposed to be found. He then sends the message to Colby through David, “I was a much better friend than he gave me credit for.” And there’s yet another classic example of Dwayne amplification.

Reader Response Theory: A literary theory based on the emotional connection of an audience member to the text.

Warning: What is about to come is extremely painful for me to watch or type. This is even more painful than having to watch Don admit he was no longer with Robin. (Ha! You thought I wasn’t going to mention her in this recap, didn’t you! Mwhahahaha!) This is more painful to me than if Charlie started next season with a buzz cut. I spent the rest of this eppesode hiding under my comforter with my one dog. The other ran away because she got freaked out over my sudden flailing in panic. I mean, this eppesode made me jump so much, I scared my dogs! For suffering through this amount of pain, I think I deserve a shout out next season. Think of the scared dogs and the terrified recapper! That deserves a shout out!

Right?

Beach House: Just as the trio at the beach house is finishing dinner, the lights and phones go out. Sending Naomi into the bathroom for her own protection, Colby and Megan spring into action. The assassins sneak up the stairs and Colby and Megan, from their base behind the kitchen counter, take aim and fire. Megan takes out one, but realizes they’re in trouble as the assassins have night-vision. Colby goes to move Naomi awhile Megan takes out a second assassin. Megan blinds a third assassin with a flashlight.

At the IHOF: Charmita and Don are stuck figuring out where the Janus List but are spurred into action by the call from David saying that the beach house is out of contact.

While Don heads off to the safe house, after taking a second look at Ashby’s e-mails to Naomi, they find some extra binary code, which translates to, “Janus is in your mailbox.” Using the G major scale as the access code, Charmita listens to list that is kept in a secondary inbox on Naomi’s phone. I hyperventilate while the list reads off very slowly. It’s at this point that my second dog abandons me, so I have to suffer through this alone.

Don and David are listening through their phones, as we get to the last name, “United States FBI Agent Colby Granger, also by the Chinese.”

Beach House: Don and David arrive, catching Colby as he’s about to sneak down the back stairs with Naomi. David points a gun at Colby’s head, and I have the less than appropriate thought that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.

Colby looks crushed. David looks furious and Don looks like he’s between resolute and disappointed. I guess he never did trust Colby.

As for the Fandom, I don’t think we’ll recover, at least, a few people in won’t:

Yup, this eppesode pretty much killed everyone who wasn’t previously spoiled. I think this is the Big Damn Conspiracy’s proudest day.

Fatal Flaw: Single characteristic that is a character’s tragic downfall.

IHOF: At first, Colby tries to deny everything but looking at the faces of his former colleagues, he realizes that plan is euchred. What is going to be the hardest for anyone to get over is that Colby was leaving Megan alone in safe house. If Colby’s coming back next year in any capacity, it’s going to take a bloody miracle for everyone to get over that.

Colby’s fatal flaw is that he is, essentially, a soldier. He doesn’t have anyone giving him orders, so he has nothing left to do but confess to everything. There was a Chinese bug in Ashby’s apartment, which Colby had placed there two years previously. I’d make a joke here about Colby being smart enough to trick everyone for two years, but really, is anyone in a joking mood right now? I didn’t think so.

Of course, we get to a whole new level of disgust at Colby because not only did he abandon Megan, but also he made David cry.

Rushing in to confront his former partner, David demands to know how long Colby’s been lying. He confesses it’s been from the start as that’s “What a spy does.” That better not have been my shout out. I don’t lie. Equivocate for humour, absolutely, but outright lie? Okay, maybe once or twice. Take back what you’re saying about spies, Colby, right now! Replace the word “spy” with “most evil bastard ever” and it’d be more accurate.

After Don pulls David off of Colby, Megan realizes that the trip up the bridge, was just to buy time and we get one last blow to any faith we had left in Colby. He knows who poisoned Ashby.

Dramatic Irony: When a character is unaware of a piece of information the audience has been told previously.

Secret Army Base: As Dwayne is about to be transferred by the CIA, the Fedcakes pull up to take possession of the prisoner. If this wasn’t so tragic, it would be funny when Dwayne is escorted into the Fedcakes vehicle, only to be greeted by a handcuffed Colby. As Dwayne rails at Colby for giving him up, Colby does the first decent thing this eppesode; he tells Dwayne to shut up. Upon watching this again, is it wrong of me to find Colby hotter? I mean, now that I know he’s not a bumbling beefcake, suddenly, the appeal is significantly increased. Is that bad?

“I can’t believe this is happening,” David says as the car pulls away.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Megan replies. What? No!

Hospital: Ashby goes gentle into that good night, while Don and Charlie stand amazed at the mind the world has lost. Momentarily Charlie looks at Don, who performs so many of the duties Ashby did, in amazement. Yeah, once we remember Ashby was a psychopath, the moment isn’t as sweet as it sounds.

La Maison d’Eppes: With his team in turmoil and the events of the past day, Don can actually relax at the family abode? He’d better know something I don’t otherwise I’m going to start wondering about his mental health.

As the Eppes men drink to Ashby, Alan recites a poem, that Don thinks is about going peacefully, when it’s time. For Charlie, it’s all about the new fight the following morning. Alan smiles and says both their interpretations are right.

I don’t know, you decide.

Oh yeah, I did say there would be a test, didn’t I?