THE 2007 MTV MOVIE AWARDS! Hour 2

9:01: Dane Cook returns to pollute the airwaves. More hahas about Paris Hilton who was offended at Sarah's opening remarks she checked into jail early. Spoof #3. United 300.

9:02: The Orbit Dirtiest Mouth from a Movie with the Fun British Blonde. Nominees are Clerks 2, Jackass 2, Smokin' Aces and Employee of the Month. The winner is Clerks 2. Tepid applause.

9:03: Commercial break.

9:07: Sarah: "I think it's lame when the host changes outfits a million times" -- aw, but her costume changes are better than most outfits on The Pink Carpet.

9:08: Robin Williams, Mandy Moore and John Krasinski present Best Comedic Performance. Nominees are Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat, Ben Stiller in Night at the Museum, Adam Sandler in Click, Emily Blunt in Devil Wears Prada, Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory. . . .the winner is Sacha Baron Cohen -- oh honey, this makes up for that Oscar snub, don't it?

9:10: Sacha blah blah blahs, "Borat had to check into rehab because of pressure of fame."

9:11: Oh, commercial break again! Can you handle it?

9:15: My father, feeling sympathy for me having to sit through such a dull awards show (wait, Amy has yet to perform!) brings me an Indian martini. C'est vodka!

9:18: Sarah: "Whenever I think of white people with Hispanic names, I think of our next presenter -- Cameron Diáz!" Cameron talks up Mike Myers.

9:19: Cameron likens a "chameleon" to a "chamillion." Quoi?

9:20: Cameron keeps talking and accidentally pummels the mic. Introduces a tribute clipshow to Mike Myers. Okay MTV Movie Awards Prods, here's a memo: this isn't a good idea at the Oscars and it isn't a good idea here. Less clipshow, more Amy!

9:30: Samuel L. Jackson announces the winner of the movie spoof. United 300 wins. Well those guys were quite hunky. But the winner loses because of his poor fashion choice.

9:32: Fat man where you at? Posh, where you at?

9:33: OMG AMY WINEHOUSE!!!!!! performs REHAB!!!!! Ooo, she looks hot, hot, hot.

9:34: People are boogeying along in the audience. Josh Duhmael lip-synchs along.

9:35: Fergie's boppin' her head along. Amy's heels are kickin'.

9:36: Wow, that was a bit underwhelming.

9:37: COMMERCIAL BREAK ASDGAHFFFASGSH;;;;.

9:40: Eva Mendes and Seth Rogen. Zzzz. They're presenting Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet. Nominees are Rush Hour 3, Hairspray, Transformers (hmm...product placement much?), Harry Potter #???, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Fantastic 4, Evan Almighty, The Simpsons Movie. . . . .the winner is Transformers. BOMG SHOCK SHOCK NO WAY. Ooo, at least it's a Michael Bay close-up.

9:43: "The movie's going to be sick" - Shia. Oh oh oh oh dear. Oh, there's Fat Man!

9:44: Commercial Break #826,482!

9:46: Here is a picture of Victoria Beckham . Purrr.

9:49: Transformers presents...oh ten more minutes, why even bother!

9:50: Best Performance nominees are Johnny Depp, Jennifer Hudson, Gerard Butler, Will Smith, Keira Knightley (uhh, what?), Beyoncé. . . .wow, what a weak year. . . .the winner is Johnny Depp. Not sure about his outfit.

9:53: Cripes, yet another Transformers placement followed by the trailer. !@#(!#*%&)#!(*%. I refuse to see this film now.

9:54: Six minutes, six minutes!

9:57: A Scientologist, a twink and Amanda Bynes walk into a bar...oh wait. Anyway. Nominees for Best Movie are Pirates 2, Borat, Little Miss Sunshine (duh), Blades of Glory, 300. . . . .and the winner is Pirates 2.

9:59: Hi Johnny!

10:00: Show's dunzo! The Verdict: Sarah Silverman rocks. Take note, Jon Stewart and Ellen. Many notes. I'm talkin' tomes. Goodnight, readers!