The 2007 MTV Movie Awards Pre-Show!

(Events are updated in real-time, so keep reloading this post, readers!)

Setting: Universal City, CA

7:35: New MTV local hottie, Tim Kash, rolls out of a Transformer. Segues into a clip from the upcoming Transformers movie and I wilt because Transformers was always about more than meeting the eye and not skimpy babes in mini-skirts.

7:36: Paris Hilton struts. Oh girl, enjoy your last few days of freedom.

7:37: Kash interviews Jessica Alba, Mandy Moore and some fella. Jessica quickly blah blah blahs, "I'm excited to hear Mandy's album! Giggles!" Mandy giggles back. Some fella is confused.

7:38: Suchin says, "We know why Lindsay won't be here, but we'll show you her transformation through the ages." Lindsay Lohan goes from innocent ingenue to bedecked brassy tramp.

7:39: Suchin presents a picture of Lindsay passed out. Says Amy Winehouse will perform an "unofficial tribute." Wow, ouch. Meanwhile Jay-Z pretends to thank people for buying Rihanna's "Umbrella," which the two will perform tonight.

7:40: UPDATE. Jay-Z thinks that shoes and dresses look cute on women. Tim Kash talks to a post-pubescent Shia LaBeouf. He's how old again!? Christ, I'm old. His transformation is quite interesting, but I really dig his little white shirt-black vest combo.

7:42: Kash and LeBeouf are still chatting. They roll into another clip from Transformers. Zzzz. Wow I'm glad Bernie Mac is getting work between this and Ocean's 13!

7:43: Kash, who has an awkward-from-the-side-profile nose and LeBeouf are still talking about cars, something about Shia owning a Volvo. I can't believe he drives now -- is he really that old now?

7:45: Whitney from The Hills is showing us her Transformations special as she shops for dresses. She blah blah blahs, "That's really pretty" to a rather dull yellow dress. Oh, LOL, Whitney chose her sister's prom dress despite the segment of her shopping in LA for MTV's camera. She's wearing "casual formalwear."

7:47: "Give me something real here, ladies," Suchin asks the girls from The Hills about the next season. Oh ear.

7:48: Yet another car and Kash blah blah blah's with LeBeouf, "What's it like to be Indiana Jones' son?" Oh now a clip of Michael Bay and LeBeouf "hard at work" -- "on set." Funny, I thought this is a glorified promo. Bay's kind of cute.

7:51: Suchin talks to Paris. OMG! OMG! "I'm doing okay, I"m a little scared now," Paris says, with no visible emotion. "It's courageous, Paris! How are you feeling?" Suchin says. "I'm scared, but I'm being strong. I'm hoping that this can be an example for other young people about the decisions they make," Paris jokes. Oh Paris! Suchin pecks Paris on the cheek. She's a real sweetie.

7:53: Clip of Meagan Fox and her stylist choosing their outfits. She looks like a put-together L.Lo. Hm.

7:54: Suchin blah blah blahs with Fox. Fox looks foxy. No really. Her hair + her dangling gold earrings + her magenta ruffly dress + Marilyn Monroe tattoo on her forearm = Me adding a picture of her.

7:55: Camera pans to Amy Winehouse, her beehive and her new husband striking a pose for the camera on the red carpet.

7:56: Suchin, "You clean up really nice." Oh Su-Pak. She wants to trade with Tim Kash who is standing with Josh Duhmael (looking quite the 10) and Tyrese (wasn't he in the other cars-with-babes movies?) They're talking about car things and quickly segue into a clip which has Tyrese pouring some water over his fine form. Oh dear x2.

7:58: Amanda Bynes waves at the camera. Josh Duhmael sings a little bit. I quite like Kash's accent.

7:59: Aziz says, "Jason farted near Jay-Z."

8:00: OH. It's the Pink Carpet. Retroactive apologies, then.

8:01: Suchin and Kash chat it out about their first Pink Carpet experience. "We look really cute together," Suchin says. Amen.