Rock of Love - "Riff it Good"

Blonde Brandi is sad that the other half of her brain is gone. Rodeo is majorly missing her son, so crazy Lacey decides Bret needs to see her breakdown. Bret wasn't sure how long she'd be able to tolerate the "crazy house of rock." Blonde Brandi has decided that now that she's on her own she needs to have some alone time with Bret. She gets rebuffed by Big John repeatedly. I love Big John.

The gals hear music and are beckoned into the main room, where Bret issues the next challenge. The gals need to write lyrics for 2 songs Bret's composed for his solo album. The theme is "love is" and they can opt for a hard-rockin' number or a ballad. Bret pairs the ladies up - Heather and Man-dalena, Jes and Brandi M., Lacey and Circus Boob Erin, Sam and Blonde Brandi, and Rodeo (an accomplished karakoe singer) and Mia. The winning team gets dates with Bret. Rodeo sings the most frightening song ever, but feel's she's on top of her game. You go, old-type person with the psychotic laugh.

Lacey's confident she's going to win, despite Erin's complete lack of musicianship. Blonde Brandi is feeling confident because Sam has a notebook full of unfinished lyrics (according to Brandi, her "creepy little journal") Mia was a little reluctant to go with Rodeo's lyrics emphasizing the kids. Man-dalena is worried because she feels Heather is not "musically talented" (ummm...phone sex challenge?) Jes and Brandi M. smoke and drink - and that's really all they have in common - but at least they're admitting their shortcomings right off the bat. Mia's still not happy about the kid-flavored lyrics. Rodeo's mad that she had to excise this soon-to-be classic lyric, "I would love you like a rainbow that's endless in the sky..." Ewww. Brandi M. and Jes look to Busch for some lyrical inspiration. Lacey's frusrtated with Circus Boobs Erin. Blonde Brandi has a tin ear, which proves frustrating for Sam.

Bret calls the ladies in for the challenge. He has a guest judge, Richard Blade, to help him out. Erin and Lacey are up first. Lacey did everything, Erin tapped a tambourine off-time, if that's possible. Mandalena and Heather are next. Bret admitted that Mandalena sounded like a straight-up drag queen (like we didn't pick up on that week one - way to catch up, Bret!) Guest judge Richard thought the vocals were horrid, but the lyrics were passable. Next up is Brandi M. and Jes - who did a punk rock take on Bret's song. Sam thought it was adorable, and Bret semed quite taken as well. Mia and Rodeo did the rock song with lyrics involving the kids. Bad choice. Last up is Sam and Blonde Brandi. Sam wrote the lyrics for Bret (out of her creepy notebook, for sure). Bret thinks Sam has some major mistrust issues (ya think?) The critics respond - Mandalena gets props for her lyrics. Jes and Brandi M. were complemented for their guitar skills. (To which Brandi said "It was a joke.") Lacey and Erin were next. Erin's reluctance shone through. Rodeo and Mia were next - they got panned. Sam and Blonde Brandi were praised for their lyrics, but they were deemed unintelligible (so that's good..right?) Bret called a tie. He wants to take out Mandalena and Heather and then Sam and Brandi C. Rodeo freaks out that she lost out on the challenge and misses her kids. Brandi C. finds her "kind of annoying". Me too, Brandi. Me too.

Mandalena was hapy to finally get a date with Bret, but was less than enthused to share it with Heather. On the way to the date, they all talked about Rodeo and her breakdown. The trio show up at a Hollywood sushi house, the Geisha House. Heather hasn't dated  a lot of men, a factoid which Mandalena jumps on. Mandalena's a hater, according to Heather. Bret has a lot of affection towards dancers (I'm shocked). Bret gives the ladies guitars as a gift. Bret's not quite ready to end the date, so he takes the ladies for tattoos. Heather says she wants Bret's name on the back of her neck, which proves to be quite the turn-on. But, Bret thinks the tattoo should be part of a "private date" so he takes the pair out boozing instead. They return from their date and Jes gets her 139th view of Heather's fun bags. The party got a little out of hand, so Bret retired to his room, to be joined by Lacey, Blonde Brandi and Heather.

I don't know what happened the night before, but Bret woke up groggy and said he needed to avoid anything "clear and gin-like". Sam wants to leave if all Bret wants to do is hook up (she's just figuring this out now?) Bret has his big date with Sam and Blonde Brandi today. Rodeo cried. The trio headed to a ranch to ride horses. Afterwards, thet get a picnic and guitars of their own. The guitar blew Blonde Brandi away, because she is a complete ditz. Sam pulled Bret away to talk about her trust issues. Bret shared his own distrust issues with her - and she decided to stick around a little longer. Probably doesn't matter, as it seems she spooked Bret.

It's elimination time. 2 ladies are going home. Bret has non another horrid jacket. Heather looks like stripper deluxe. Bret decides to mix it up a bit and sends Rodeo home to see her son - and even gives her a special cowboy hat. Whatta guy. Then the passes go to Mia, Jes, Circus Boobs Erin, Brandi M., Mandalena, Sam, Lacey and...Heather. Yay, Blonde Brandi anhd her annoying voice/"disability" is gone. Bret cut her because he wanted more than a "party girlfriend". Sure, that's why he keeps stripper Heather around. They all toast with bottled water tonight because Bret needs a break. Tune in next week for chicks playing football, and the inevitable downfall of stripper Heather.