Doctor Who: Episode 307/3007: 42

Dear Doctor Who Powers That Be,

If you’re going to call an episode “42” you’d better be giving me the meaning of life, the universe and everything, at the restaurant at the end of the universe, whilst thanking me for all the fish and apologizing for the inconvenience.

In the future, please keep this in mind as I spent most of this episode looking for Douglas Adams references but found none. Believe me, I really looked. I mean, I’ve heard of Red Herrings, but this is insanity.

Since there is a distinct lack of Douglas Adams in this episode, there will be an abundance of Douglas Adams in this recap.

Sincerely,

Spy

Before I officially begin the recap for “42” it must be revealed that this episode has more in common with the television show 24 than it does with the meaning of life. (Although, to be fair, I know quite a few women who seem to think that Keifer Sutherland is the meaning of life.) As this supposedly takes place in real time I will recap this as one would recap an entire season of 24.

The following takes place between the minutes of 0:00 and 2:00:

The Doctor presents Martha with the one two necessary accessories for any modern companion, a superphone . Martha thinks this is the coolest thing ever, but before she can try it, the TARDIS receives a distress call. They land in area 30 of an overheating ship, before being confronted by a very confused crew and learning they had 42:27 until they crash into a sun.

The following takes place between the minutes of 2:00-4:00:

After an artfully done shot of the ship hurtling towards the sun, we get our opening credits. The Doctor is certainly not planning to dig out the SPF 49813497812489734 from the medicine cabinet in the TARDIS. (If you’re wondering where it is, that’s to the left of the pool, behind the lounge, two doors to the left of the library, three levels up from wardrobe and the fourth door diagonally behind the third floor powder room. Actually, it isn’t. But doesn’t that sound like where the Doctor would put the medicine cabinet?)

The problem is that the TARDIS is in the venting chamber, which is now 3000 degrees warmer than it was when the TARDIS landed. With the shipping the 7 person out on the TARDIS plan euchred, the Doctor wants to go fix the engines. That doesn’t go well either, because the engines bear a striking resemblance to my old dorm room as it is one big mess.

The captain has another problem; she can’t find two of the crew: Korwin and Ashton. (Toss in your own Demi Moore joke here.)

The following takes place between the minutes of 4:00-6:00:

The Doctor learns two things. The first is that the ship is in the Teraji system – half a universe away from Earth. The second is that the system they’re using, the fusion scoop, he was sure was outlawed. From the looks on the crews’ faces, he’s not wrong.

The engines are completely destroyed, and there are 29 password sealed (meaning the sonic screwdriver is useless) doors between the crew and the auxiliary engines. Therefore, according to chief engineer Scannell, they have no hope of surviving. With that attitude, I’m rechristening Scannell “Marvin” for the rest of this episode.

Another crew member, Riley Vashtee, decides not to just sit there and die but instead takes Martha to go work on the passwords.

A panicked call comes in from the med centre so the Doctor and the Captain, whose name, we’ve finally learned, is McDonnell rush up to help. They find the missing Ashton, along with med-tech Abi, trying to hold down a thrashing Korwin, who is convinced something’s burning him.

The following takes place between the minutes of 6:00-8:00:

The Doctor scans Korwin with his sonic screwdriver and finds he has a rising body temperature and other problems. Abi’s a rather clever med-tech as she’s already started a DNA scan. Just prior to Korwin being sedated, we learn that he’s both McDonnell’s husband and the person who destroyed the engines.

In utter disbelief, McDonnell is sent back down to the engines by the Doctor, allowing Abi to give us this week’s “who are you” joke. Really, one of these years, I want them to use the CSI theme song to do that.

Riley isn’t really sedated as we get a close up of his moving hand.

Changing gears entirely, Riley explains how the 29 passwords work. The crew got drunk, and came up with all the security questions. This cannot bode well as I don’t even want to imagine what questions drunks would invent. (Example: Who is the president? Zaphod Beeblebrox!) They only get one chance to answer each question. Dun dun dun!

The following takes place between the minutes of 8:00-10:00:

The first question is rather easy – asking when was the ship’s (SS Pentallian, I was so hoping it would be the Heart of Gold) first flight and one door down, 28 to go.

Back in the med centre, Abi’s too busy trying to figure out what’s wrong with Korwin and not enough time noticing that he’s totally awake.

The next door is a little more difficult as it wants the next number in this sequence: 313, 331, 367. The Doctor, being a genius, knows that the next number is 379 – because it’s a sequence of happy primes. I’m sorry, but to me, it sounds like an oxymoron as all things involving math, unless their last name is Eppes, does not make anything “happy.”

“Don’t they teach recreational mathematics anymore?” The Doctor laments. Hold on, is he implying some people actually do math for fun? I’m sorry; my suspension of disbelief does not extend that far. A spaceship falling into the sun, I can buy, but fun math? Well, Martha certainly doesn’t have time to think about happy primes, as the Doctor warns her there may be another danger lurking on the ship. Nice, like the poor girl doesn’t have enough to do.

The next questions, Riley reads out, is who has the most number ones, Elvis or The Beatles, except he pronounces it like “Be-At-Alls.” Guess John Lennon as wrong about being bigger than Jesus, wasn’t he?

The problem now, the Doctor, for all his pop culture knowledge, doesn’t know the answers. I do! I do! Pick me! Ha, for once, I’m smarter than the Doctor! Woot! Yay! Although, maybe I should control my enthusiasm as this is serious episode and I am a serious recapper. *cough*

The following takes place between the minutes of 10:00-12:00:

The Doctor blows Martha off and asks where he was. “Here comes the sun,” he answers his own question. Hee! Well, it’s not wrong, is it? Instead, he gets back onto ways of saving the ship. He’s hoping to use the generators to jump start the engine. The entire crew looks hopeful, except for Marvin who is so sure everything won’t work. McConnell tells him he’s got to make it work. Somehow, I don’t think Marvin’s the best person for the job. He’ll probably talk the engine into committing suicide.

Martha’s found someone else to ask: her mother. Ug. Francine’s less than cooperative but then has the nerve to ask Martha when she got so rude. Um, sweetheart, check a mirror. She takes far longer than necessary to find the results and both Martha and I are seething in frustration.

Abi calls the Doctor as the tests show Korwin’s DNA is changing. What’s more important here is that the sedated patient is walking. The Doctor rushes to the med-centre.

The following takes place between the minutes of 12:00-14:00:

To extra-dramatic rock-style music, the Doctor, McConnell and Marvin rush to the med centre while Korwin tells Abi to “Burn with me.” His demonic voice is heard throughout the ship, totally distracting Martha as her mother tells her Elvis had more number ones. You know, Martha, if you’d called me, I would’ve been much nicer, and much faster in getting that information.

Korwin opens his eyes, and either he’s really Cyclops from X-men or he absorbed the Time Vortex because his eyes are glowing. He burns poor Abi alive, and her screams are also transmitted throughout the ship, giving Francine something genuine to worry about. Unfortunately, Martha doesn’t have the time to try and make her feel any better, as she’s got to get back to opening the doors.

In the med-centre, we get the real meaning of “burn with me” as all that’s left of Abi is a burned shadow. McConnell’s in complete disbelief, and demands Marvin tell the Doctor that her husband is not a killer. Marvin stays significantly silent on the matter as the Doctor examines Korwin’s bio-scans.

The following takes place between the minutes of 14:00-16:00:

While the Doctor tries to figure out what’s wrong with Korwin, Marvin tries to cofort McDonnell. You know things are bad when Marvin’s the one doing the comforting. About now, I realize that Marvin wouldn’t have minded switching places with Korwin. I don’t mean in the Cyclops-Vortex way, but in the married to the captain way.

Pulling on reserves she probably doesn’t even know she has, McConnell warns the rest of the crew about the dangerous Cyclops-Vortex-Korwin.

One of the crew members, Erina is less than thrilled by yet more orders and mutes her communication system. After bitching about her dull duties she says “Kill me now.” How convenient, Korwin is there to grant her wish.

Back in the med-centre, the captain tells us she’s been married for 11 years. She wants the truth from the Doctor, as Korwin keeps her honest.

The Doctor replies that the parasite is too aggressive. Korwin is gone. Looks like Marvin might get his wish after all.

The following takes place between the minutes of 16:00-18:00:

McConnell is still trying to deny something secret is going on by insisting she knows everything about everything on the ship. The denial doesn’t ring true because while she may know everything about everything, if she told the Doctor, she’d quickly realize she knows nothing.

Speaking of sharing, while McConnell won’t share with the Doctor, Korwin is more than willing to share the Cyclops-Vortex with Ashton.

As for Martha and Riley, they’re certainly working their way along as the ship continues to hurtle towards the sun, because they’re now in area 17. Except, the newly-minted Cyclops-Vortex version 2 causes them to take cover.

The following takes place between the minutes of 18:00-20:00:

Martha and Riley hide in an escape pod. Probably not the best of plans as Cyclops-Vortex Ashton is trying to jettison them into space. Calling for the Doctor, he comes rushing to save them, but not before giving McConnell and Marvin orders to stay put. When is the Doctor going to realize this never works? I mean, at this point, he should try reverse psychology and tell everyone to run around like headless chickens, not caring where they end up. Maybe then, they’d all stay put.

A battle ensues between Riley and Cyclops-Vortex Ashton. The battle consists of who can type faster causing the pod to either stay attached to the ship, or get a closer look at the sun. The typing battle is as exciting as it sounds.

While McConnell and Marvin find the burnt shadow of Erina, and then take off in search of Ashton. See Doctor, telling people to stay put is pointless!

The action is all very literal, so in the attempt to visual interest, some cameraman had way too much fun with primary colour gels.

The following takes place between the minutes of 20:00-22:00:

Marvin kicks the engine, which was already dead due to Korwin but is now drawn, quartered and burned by Ashton. He stomps off looking for a hole to crawl into and die. The now abandoned McConnell is confronted by Cyclops-Vortex Korwin. She has a glimmer of hope when the monster seems to recognize her but it’s the wrong sort of recognition as he says, “It’s your fault.” If he tries to fry her, then this couple is definitely in the running for the MDCCC award .

Fulfilling this week’s requirement of David Tennant running scenes, the Doctor charges through the corridors which is far more exciting than the continuing battle of the keyboards. The Doctor confronts Cyclops-Vortex Ashton, demanding to have the truth about why the ship is under siege, only to have Ashton punch in the keyboard, preventing Riley from stopping the pod’s release.

A micro-second before Cyclops-Vortex Korwin burns McConnell, Marvin saves the day by freezing him. McConnell, instead of thanking him for saving her life, is angry about her husband being freeze-dried. There’s a shrinkage joke in here somewhere but damned if I can find it.

The freezing elicits a reaction from Ashton who heads off to help his fellow Time-Vortexian, giving the Doctor time to try to save his companion.

The following takes place between the minutes of 22:00-24:00:

The Doctor’s informed that Korwin is dead, but he’s more concerned as he watches the escape pod, with his companion, flying towards the sun.

Back in the engine room, instead of being grateful that Marvin saved her from the Cyclops-Vortex husband, she’s accusing him of murder. Umm, so let me get this straight, Korwin can cremate two of the crew, but Marvin can’t save someone’s life without being wrong? No wonder he’s got such an Eeyore view of life!

The Doctor interrupts McConnell’s accusations with demands for a space suit.

The following takes place between the minutes of 24:00-26:00:

McConnell sends Marvin off to deal with the Doctor, while promising to look after both Korwin’s corpse and Cyclops-Vortex Ashton. In other words, poor Marvin’s been dismissed. Ouch.

On the escape pod, Riley and Martha are held up as diametrically opposite. Riley has faith in no one, whereas Martha has absolute faith in the Doctor. Riley had little family, and is estranged from his mother. No one will care if he disappears. Martha, on the other hand, has a complete extended family, all of whom will worry and wonder what happened to her. Then there’s the third party in this scene, the viewer, more namely, me. I wish Martha were estranged from her mother. Now, if only we could do something about that fourth wall and work on that.

Back on board, McConnell confronts Ashton.

The following takes place between the minutes of 26:00-28:00:

In what is the slowest chase scene ever, McConnell lures Ashton into the med-centre where she freezes him at -273 degrees. What amazes me is that McConnell uses her arm to hold him in there, and she looks fine when I think she should be suffering the world’s worst case of freezer burn.

Marvin is trying to talk the Doctor out of trying to rescue Martha. “I’m not going to lose her,” the Doctor insists. Even in space, where sound doesn’t travel, the whole universe can hear 328350138932 fanfics being written. Wisely, and probably with more understanding than even he himself understands, Marvin no longer argues and just opens the airlock.

In the escape pod, Martha’s called her mother. Kill me now. By the way, that isn’t Martha speaking because she’s realized who a cow her mother is and is wondering why she’s wasting possibly her last phone call on her, it’s me. Even though Francine’s being sympathetic, for once, I still can’t stand her.

The following takes place between the minutes of 28:00-30:00:

Just in case I needed more proof about Francine’s bovineishness, she’s letting some sinister looking woman record her conversation. In fact, Francine’s far too busy trying to collect information about where Martha is to bother to notice her own daughter is trying to have a heart to heart. Bitch.

Only when Francine mentions the Doctor does Martha cotton onto the idea something wrong. The sinister blond is trying to keep Martha on the line for reasons I can’t understand. It’s not like they can trace this call. In fact, the only thing Martha gets from calling her mother is some genuine comfort from Riley. I think this is probably 5 or 6 on the list of worst parental traits, “when your child can get more comfort from a complete stranger than her mother.”

In the universe of other people better for Martha than her own mother, the Doctor is desperately trying to recall the escape pod.

The following takes place between the minutes of 30:00-32:00:

After somehow stretching out a few extra inches (not like that!) and a bit of encouragement from Marvin (you know things are bad when…) the Doctor pulls the right lever, calling back the pod. Martha’s so excited that she gets all squeaky when cheering. It should be annoying, the squeaking, but it’s rather endearing.

Staring into the sun, which I was always told was bad in science class (see, I was paying attention!) the Doctor realizes that the sun is a living breathing creature.

The captain leaves Marvin in charge of getting all the doors open for reasons I don’t understand. She had absolutely no cause to leave him as it’s already been established that it’s a two person job. Instead, the captain, Martha and Riley find a writhing Doctor. He’s been infected with the Cyclops-Vortex parasite, and knows the secret McConnell’s been hiding. She mined the sun for energy, without first confirming if it was alive.

The following takes place between the minutes of 32:00-34:00:

These are my favourite two minutes, as they contain my favourite two moments of this episode.

McConnell finally confesses that they were illegally mining the sun, not like we weren’t aware of that from the moment the Doctor suggested it way back in minutes 4-6.

Unfortunately, there isn’t time for an ethics debate as the Doctor needs to be put in the stasis chamber in the med-centre.

As for the corpse of Korwin, perhaps I gave him that title of corpse prematurely.

In my second favourite moment, Riley, arrives to help Marvin, only to immediately be asked his favourite colour. Not certain why Marvin is asking, we’re told it’s the security question. Riley replies it’s purple, then doubts himself, wondering if he put orange. See, that’s exactly why drunks should never be put in charge of these things! (I can see the next question: What is your least favourite day of the week? Answer: Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.)

As for my favourite moment, it’s this: in the med-centre, Martha momentarily leaves the Doctor to read the instruction manual on the stasis chamber. Immediately, and pitifully, the Doctor reaches out his hand, calling for her. Three episodes ago, he would’ve called out for Rose. With mutual trust, Martha trusting freezing the Doctor won’t kill him and the Doctor trusting Martha can handle a machine she’s never worked before, he begs her to hurry, as he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

The following takes place between the minutes of 34:00-36:00:

The Doctor admits to being terrified, and I admit to tearing up a bit here. Martha tries to reassure him using her best bedside manner even though she is also scared shitless. He even tries to explain the regeneration process to avoid the confusion he had with Rose, but there isn’t the time. She sets the stasis chamber and asks if he’s ready, to which he piteously says, “no.” For the safety of the ship, there’s no choice and Martha freezes the Doctor.

Down in engineering, Cyclops-Vortex-Zombie Korwin sees the power drain for the med-centre and shuts it off.

Marvin, in a rare moment of optimism, tells Riley that they’re going to make it through all the doors. I’m not sure if he really believes this or just wants to give his younger crewmate hope. Just like Marvin in the Hitchhiker series, this Marvin is definitely my favourite member of the crew.

The Doctor thinks Martha’s shut down the process because he’s screaming like he’s having 32983496812789 moles frozen off all at one time. I only use this as a comparison because this is what I imagine it would feel like. McConnell realizes otherwise and head down to fix the problem she ultimately created.

The Doctor, realizing there isn’t time, tells Martha to rush down to help with the engines, instead of taking care of him.

The following takes place between the minutes of 36:00-38:00:

Not wanting to leave the Doctor, Martha really isn’t given a choice as she’s got to tell Riley and Marvin to return the sun particles they mined. Thus Martha runs through the ship fulfilling the required companion-running quota of this episode.

The problem isn’t solved quite so easily for McConnell, who is stopped by Cyclops-Vortex-Zombie Korwin from restoring power to the med-centre. Instead, she lead him through a game of hide and seek to an airlock. Once luring her husband, she apologizes to him, and her crew, before blowing the pair of them off into space. I know we’re supposed to see this as heroic, but right now, I’m using up all my emotive energy feeling terribly sorry for Marvin. Fortunately, Marvin has Riley, who has taken over as cheerleader, by insisting they finish getting all the doors open.

The following takes place between the minutes of 38:00-40:00:

Martha continues to run to the front of the ship – probably to make up for the lack of running in the next three episodes. Not that I would know that. She’s stopped in her tracks by the cries of the Doctor, who is now fully possessed. Once the Doctor tells her to “Burn with me,” she realizes her only hope is to make it to Riley and Marvin.

Successfully cracking the last door, the remaining members of the crew can’t get the auxiliary engines to start. Providing the last piece of the puzzle, Martha orders them to dump the sun particles. Out loud, as the Doctor’s voice fills the comm.-system with threats, Martha implores the Doctor to hold on for just a little bit longer.

The following takes place between the minutes of 40:00-42:00:

Yay! It’s the last set! Woot! As the sun is drained out of the ship, it is also drained out of the Doctor. At the last second, the ship escapes being fricasseed but Martha’s joy isn’t complete until she’s reunited the Doctor.

The TARDIS definitely wins the “who came out of this looking the best” contest, as Riley and Marvin are saying goodbye. They’ve sent out an official Mayday and hope to be picked up soon. But before Martha can step into the TARDIS, Riley asks if there’s any chance of seeing her again. I guess he found his person in whom he can find faith. That is until Martha gives him a reality check that there’s little possibility in time or the universe that they’ll meet again. She then kisses him. No, no mixed messages there at all!

Of course, now, since the episode is called “42” we come to the end. Except, like a trilogy of five parts, there’s a little bit extra tacked on the end. Great, talk about ruining my running gag! Thanks a lot people at Doctor Who who can’t tell time! (The level of irony in that last statement cannot be measured by any traditional irony scale.)

The following takes place between the minutes of 42:00-44:00:

Once the kiss finally ends, Martha congratulates Riley on his considerable tongue skills, and joins the Doctor in the TARDIS. One look at the Doctor shows her that he doesn’t sit right with the events (the events on the ship, not the kiss) and when she tries to ask him about it, he shuts down by going into tour-guide mode.

Realizing that he yet again rejected her, the Doctor provides her with the second necessary accessory for any modern companion, a TARDIS key. She takes it with the reverence one would communion, and humbly accepts the Doctor’s thanks.

Remembering she’s left her mother hanging, which is exactly where I wished she’d leave her, Martha calls home. Her mother asks her to come round for dinner, and Martha deftly gets the actual date – Election Day, and promises to try and make it. Francine also tries to invite along the Doctor, but Martha cuts off the call before she can complete it.

While Martha is happily traveling with the Doctor, her mother’s sold out her daughter for a little gratitude from Mr. Saxon.

I wanted to get at least 42 Adams references in this recap. I exceeded. I dare someone to tell me by how much. Anyone who gets it right, I’ll give them a cookie – or recognition in a future recap. (Hint: Yes, you can count the times I say Marvin.)