Survivor: A Chicken’s a Little Bit Smarter (Episode 1501)

Survivor: China
COME ON DOWN: Thank you Mark Burnett; with the exception of a couple of hand-picked contestants, we’re back to plain ole’ Survivor. No battle between the sexes and weird crap like that. A pretty diverse team, although I keep hearing the ladies complaining about a distinct lack of boy eye-candy. I think they need their eyes examined. Aaron, James, Erik and to some degree Dave, are all pretty built. Jean-Robert needs to keep his shirt ON, though. But, I digress.

This season premiere takes place in the culture and resource-rich People’s Republic of China in the Zhejiang province in an area called Lake of a Thousand Islands. Survivors walk though the entrance into the grounds of a Buddhist temple, hands respectfully clasped in prayer position. Unless you’re Courtney, who is apparently too good for tradition and ritualism. Oh yeah, she’s from New York City. Excuse me! As an aside, when I saw her little bratty performance in the temple I looked back at the notes I’d made about each Survivor when reading their bios earlier, and I’d written “waitress/princess” by her name. Can I call ‘em or what?

The other Survivor with a bit of a problem bowing and accepting the traditional welcome was Leslie, but for different reasons. Although Jeff explicitly stated that this was not a worshipping ceremony, but rather one of welcome from the people of China, she begged to disagree and couldn’t make it through the whole thing, thus making her stick out right off the bat. And we all know what happens to Survivors who don’t keep a low profile early on, don’t we?

But everyone pretty much forgets Leslie when they discover they get to play with…wait for it… just what they are currently wearing. Quelle surprise!! I wanted to smack each one of those girls wearing high heels and NO BRA up side the head and ask them, “Have you never watched a season of Survivor in your life?” Besides, everyone knows that one of the tenets of Buddhism is leaving earthly possessions behind.

Survivor: China Cast: The original 16 members of Survivor: China

Since this is the season premiere recap, here are the two tribes and their members (like you guys haven’t memorized them already).

Zhan Hu (Fighting Tiger) Tribe: Ashley (wrestler), Dave (bartender), Erik (musician), Jaime (student), Frosti (film student and kickass parkour/freerunner), Peih Gee (jeweler), Sherea (teacher), Chicken (guess).

Fei Long (Flying Dragon) Tribe: Aaron (surfing instructor), Amanda (beauty queen), Courtney (hereafter known as Princess), Denise (lunch lady), James (grave digger), Jean-Robert (pro poker player), Leslie (Christian-radio talk show host), and Todd (token twink and flight attendant).

THE TRIP’S THE THING: Each tribe is given a copy of Sun’s The Art of War and a map to their camp. Rowing is involved and both tribes make it without mishap. Now’s the real test and one we see every season: Which tribe can put ego aside and get shelter built and fire started first? It isn’t long before we figure out it’s going to be Fei Long this time. The members of the tribe work amazingly well together and the only snittiness I saw was when Jean-Robert (I’m sure going to get tired of typing that) gave a none-to-subtle warning to Todd that he was watching him. And I say again, dude, put your shirt on! Then clever Todd shoves the leadership of the tribe into Aaron’s lap.

I just KNEW Courtney was going to blow her cover as a productive member of society right off the bat, being as it is, after all, all about Courtney, but she showed amazing restraint and kept her mouth shut (except when talking privately to the camera), flying under the radar for now. Sneaky little thing.

Over at Zhan Hu camp, it’s a different story. For one, the women over there are clueless with a capital ‘C’. Wrestler girl has them dancing, Sherea is whining about how dirty it is *blink*, and Jaime (who didn’t wear a bra) is just silly. Chicken tries to bestow his wisdom and is shot down at every turn and yeah, I guess I can see how you wouldn’t want to take orders from a Chicken Farmer, but guys, you gotta know he’s got more experience with this shit, or, really, with any kind of shit. Thus, they all get to spend the night huddled together in a downpour with nary a roof over their heads.

Intrigue is afoot when Ashley gets ill (so much for working out being good for your health) and Dave assures her that she’s not on the chopping block just because she’s sick right now. He then promptly goes to the sekrit camera and assures us that not pulling your weight, regardless of reason, is a sure fire way to be voted off. Oh Dave. You HAVE seen this show before!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: The first immunity challenge is always very physical. For this one, each team must carry a large reproduction of their “mascot” (as they do in Chinese New Year parades), held up by poles, through a maze and various other obstacles, ending with a puzzle platform where each pole can only fit into one hole in a certain order. The tiger and dragon look to be fairly heavy. In spite of slip-sliding in the muddy path through the maze, both teams stay pretty even throughout most of the challenge. And boy, can that Frosti jump, which really, I would have expected given his freerunning background. James is no slouch either and he leads Fei Long on to win by simple virtue of them figuring out the pole puzzle quicker than their opponents.

Looks like Ashley, Chicken and Peih Gee are on the chopping block in Tiger-land. And how stupid is it for Peih Gee to pick the time between Immunity Challenge and Tribal Council to get all bossy? They no sooner get back to camp before she’s having a hissy because they still don’t have any shelter. She’s practically begging Chicken to tell them how to do it, but nope, Chicken has learned his lesson. His lips are sealed (and perhaps his fate).

TRIBAL COUNCIL: First, let me say the Buddhist temple built for this Survivor is totally amazing. I wish we could see all of the detail better, but that would require Tribal Council to be shot during the day. If you’d truly like a peak at what has gone into it, go watch the video at Survivor: China.

Zhan Hu marches in and I think all three of the members being considered for votes are fairly clueless of their potential fate at this point. Ashley looked honestly surprised when she realized that everyone valued contribution and hard work over big tits and lip piercings. Chicken was convinced the tribe would appreciate the knowledge that comes with old(er) age over the fact that he really didn’t fit in with the rest of them (which I think is ridiculous) and Pieh Gee never knew what hit her.

In the end Chicken bought the farm and in his ten seconds of fame afterward expressed his belief that his tribemates had made a big mistake. I think I have to agree with them.