The Simpsons - "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs" (Episode 1901)

Yay! The Simpsons are back (earlier than ever - thanks, FOX!) and are a new addition to the Recapist family. I need some laughs after my beloved Dolphins lost to the J-E-T-S today. The season opener starts promisingly, with Bart writing "I will not wait 20 years to make another movie" on the chalkboard. The opening credits depict a post-"Simpsons Movie" Springfield and, could it be? Yes, "Spider Pig" is back (I love Spider Pig!)

Mr. Burns and Smithers are at the mall, buying a new cell phone. (In the store, they announce "I-Phones...20 cents." So close...) Mr. Burns finds a penny in the mall fountain and falls in, gets pumped through the fountain a few times and nearly drowns. Homer rescues him. His reward is dinner with Mr. Burns himself. Homer wants pizza, he loves deep dish Chicago style, so Burns flies him to Chicago on his private jet. Homer enjoys food, drink, an accomodating flight attendant named Svetlana and Itchy and Scratchy cartoons on the TV. Poor Scratchy. In "Come Flay with Me", he's beat up in his seat but suffers the worst indignity when he's forced to spend 3 hours on the tarmac. Also on the plane is Lionel Richie, who (per Homer's request) rearranges "Say You, Say Me" to "Hey you, beer me." Homer then asks him to make every word beer (and then forgets the words.) He's a little reluctant to get off the plane, so they use "the extractor". The men enjoy their time in "the Miami of Canada", Chicago. They go past Ditka's, Wrigley Field and "Wherever the White Sox Play", they get makeovers at the "Ferris Bueller's Day of Beauty" salon and attend a lame improv show ("It's a Starbucks...in Siberia!") at the Second City theater (the sign outside reads, "See great comedians before they get fat.") The extractor had to be used to drop Homer off at his home. He feels he now knows what he's been missing.

Homer's despondent after his jet experience and Marge recruits Colby Krause, a life coach (voiced by Stephen Colbert) to try to bolster Homer's confidence. Colby makes Homer take a thorough look at his life via a video camera and teaches him the NDCs of concentration ("Never Don't Concentrate.) Colby joins Homer at the bowling alley, where Homer is at his best (he has a 217 average.) Colby pointed out to Homer that he was relaxed and confident in the bowling alley and that "Bowling Alley Homer" needed to be "Everyday Homer." Colby tells Homer to wear his bowling shoes everywhere. Of course, the theory worked out. Homer got job ofers out the wazoo, one with a private plane - Safety Inspector at a copper tubing plant. Homer announces that he got the job (prompting Bart to toss the "At Least You Tried" cake.) Homer headed off to work, past his proud family and drove past the plant right into the Krusty Burger parking lot. He spent day drinkng coffee and doing placemat mazes. 

Homer lies to his family and says he had a great first day at work. Later on, Bart's class ends up at the Krusty Burger after a trip to the Learn and Touch Reptile Zoo was cut short because Otto rode a giant tortoise naked (the drinking fountakin told him to do it.) Bart found Homer and found out Homer didn't actually get the job, because he didn't know the first thing about copper tubing. Bart said Homer needed to 'fess up to Marge, because she's been buying brand name groceries. Homer tries, but ends up inviting Marge to New York on "the company jet" to launch new diameter of copper tubing. Homer hires a jet so he can finally tell her the truth. Unfortunately, the pilot was doing heroin and passed out at the controls. Marge calls Colby to help Homer bring down the plane (he wasn't much help, Homer had a near miss with ther Duff blimp.) Homer managed to land the plane but drove the plane off the cliff instead of taxiing to the runway. Oh, that Homer!