Torchwood: Ghost Machine (Episode 103)

We begin with a chase through the streets of Cardiff; Gwen, Owen and Jack, are following some alien signal, and Tosh’s directions, to find whatever the mysterious item is. Because Tosh is back at the Hub, and Gwen and Owen are left running blindly while Jack pulls up in the TT-SUV, I realize, if no one knows what it is they are chasing, then how do they know when they catch it? What happens if it’s some alien product that annihilates any human that touches it? I’m just saying, chasing relentlessly after something, when you don’t even know what it is, may work for Jack’s sex life, but it’s probably not the best plan when it comes to alien hunting.

The suspect is identified as a male, wearing a hoodie. This worries me as most of the males I see on a daily basis wear hoodies, and if that’s the standard by which we determine alien objects then we don’t need to worry about a future invasion; they’ve already taken over.

Gwen catches up with the supposed target, but only manages to keep a hold of his jacket. Both Tosh and I cheer that she managed to outrun both guys. Yay girl power! Gwen, on the other hand, is not as thrilled about her physical prowess as the suspect gets away. Yeah well, the suspect got away, but the alien tech was in his pocket. Obviously, Gwen didn’t read the opening paragraph which warns about alien tech of which no one knows its purpose because when it starts beeping, she presses the button. Right now, if it vaporized her, I’d laugh.

Instead, she gets some neat muted colour camera effect that clearly shows she’s in some ghostly past. A small child, dressed in period 1940’s clothing and looking lost, approaches her. The kid has the name “Tom Erasmus Flannigan” written on a label on his lapel. I swear, if this kid says “Are you my mummy?” I’ll die of fright.

Instead, the kid is terribly pitiful as he clearly can’t see Gwen, and he’s lost and alone. He’s even carrying his teddy bear like Christopher Robin would carry Winnie the Pooh, so it’s even sadder.

Fazing back into reality, Jack and Owen have finally caught up with her. Yes, they were blocked by a gate, but Jack feels the need to justify it anyway, at first missing the look of shock on her face.

“I’ve just seen a ghost,” Gwen says, which leads us into the techno credits. Enjoy Gareth David-Lloyd’s name now as I think the flash on the credits is longer than he actually appears in this episode. I think I’m going to play spot Ianto for the rest of this episode.

Back at the hub, the film footage clearly shows that Gwen didn’t go anywhere. Owen accuses her of hallucinating, thus fulfilling his prat to Gwen quota for the episode.

Hey look! Ianto’s serving tea! That was too easy! If you’re going to hide a character in an episode, no matter what the spy thrillers tell us, plain sight doesn’t work!

Trying to better understand the alien tech, Jack looks like he’s going to try to recreate the experience. It’s actually a bit of a throwaway scene but what makes it notable is Jack’s response “as if” when everyone thinks he’s going to press the button. Anyone who didn’t have a Clueless flashback lived under a rock in the 90’s. Anyone who didn’t have a flash of Captain Jack as Cher Horowitz, like I did, count yourself among the lucky.

Jack orders a search done for the kid, and Tosh starts doing, well, whatever it is she does on the computers. Within a few moments, the child is found but not by technological means. He’s found by Owen, who looked up the kid’s listing in the phonebook. He’s still alive and well and living in Butetown. This is one of those moments where, despite all of Owen’s irritating habits, he’s still pretty useful to have around.

Pretending to be cops, Gwen and Owen arrive at Flannigan’s house. His daughter answers the door, and Gwen claims to be Owen’s superior and that he’s still in training. It’s a great bit of vengeance since he can’t claim otherwise without blowing their cover. She plays it perfectly by sending Owen out of the living room to help the daughter with some tea, while speaking to Flannigan, who is now quite elderly.

We get the whole, sad story. (One part of which being that he came from a long ling of people named Erasmus. What would you call them anyway? Erasmuses? Erasmi?) Flannigan was evacuated curing the blitz and was accidentally left behind at the train station in Cardiff. He was taken in by a local couple and eventually adopted when it was discovered that all his family in London had been killed. “I’m still here now,” Flannigan tells Gwen, “Just.” Despite its sad start, it’s rather a beautiful story.

Leaving the Flannigan home, Gwen’s trying to work out what she saw, but Owen has moved into his super-bitchy mode over being left out of the interview. You think he’d be slightly impressed that Gwen witnessed an event 66 years after it happened, without the benefit of a TARDIS, but no, he’s wearing his whiny underpants today.

As they’re about to leave, Rhys calls. He’s trying to be a really helpful boyfriend, which really comes across more as a sign he’s starting to feel neglected, by offering to do the laundry. Figuring he’s earned some bonus points, we learn that Rhys and Owen must shop at the same clothing store as he’s also got on his whiny underpants and nags Gwen about when she’s coming home.

Between Rhys (who gives up on the laundry because he can’t figure out where to put the soap) and Owen (who must be wearing his “act like a 5 year-old shirt” as he’s honking the horn in impatience) Gwen’s not having a good day.

Jack’s identified the kid who had the title machine in the first place. The master thief of Vodka and pot noodles is named Sean “Bernie” Harris. He’s also, apparently, so stupid that he can’t come up with a nickname that even resembles his name. Out of curiousity, how does one get “Bernie” out of Sean? Besides having a laughable nickname, he also lives in a laughably named area Splott .

Ianto sighting: he brings coffee and chastises everyone for calling Splott “Splott.” He’s sure it’s pronounced “Sploe.”

Bernie Harris has one other quality to note; everyone hates him. The best description of Splott’s “Scarlet Pimpernel” is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire.” Ouch.

The Torchwood team is hungry and bored, which is probably why we’ve yet to have a Torchwood Strut. They’re too depressed about being outsmarted by some guy whose own name doesn’t make sense.

Jack’s equally as unimpressed with the team as I am, and suggests going back to the railway station and tosses the machine to Owen. As Jack, Gwen and Tosh walk away, Owen’s stuck with the thing, which is now beeping like crazy. Considering moments earlier he’s all “No, replicating Gwen’s experience is dumb!” He still presses the button.

Yet, what he sees, no one deserves to see. He watches as a young woman, Lizzie Lewis, is attacked. The perpetrator’s name is Ed Morgan and he first terrorizes her with a knife, while she’s pleading that she promised her mother she’d be home by nine.

Clearly having the same emotional reaction Gwen did, he comes back to the present, gasping for breath, having felt Lizzie’s fear. What’s worse is just like Gwen in the station, he could do nothing to help.

Trying to analyze what had happened, back at the Hub, Tosh finds the file on Lizzie. She was raped and murdered on March 23, 1963 when she was only 17 years old. As Owen is focused on finding the killer, Jack’s come up with the purpose for the machine. It’s a Quantum Transducer. (I think the literal definition for that is technobabble.) It transforms the energy of human emotion into a recreation of the emotional event. Exactly who invents something like that? Do they say to themselves, yes, I’d like to relive the worst day of my life, or somebody else’s?

Owen still wants some justice for Lizzie which finally proves he does have a decent side to him. Even though it’s morally repugnant, Jack’s right when he tells him there’s no way that they could testify in court about the events, and he sends a disgruntled Owen home.

After all that drama, we have what must be a gun fetishist’s favour scene ever. Jack teaches Gwen how to shoot a gun. This show is so British When Gwen’s first reaction to the idea of carrying a gun is to laugh. If this were an American show, half of Cardiff would’ve been caught in the crossfire and it’s only the third episode.

I could describe it using all sorts of similes and metaphors but then this recap, which is definitely PG-13 just because it’s all about Torchwood, would ratchet up to a triple X level. Let’s just say the scene is like sex, but they still have their clothes on and weapons are involved. (There is no possible way not make that sound bad.) There’s a lot of talk about Gwen pointing things in the wrong direction, slowing things down, priming, cocking, breathing properly and leaving the roof in one piece.

In short, after watching it, everyone needs a shower.

We do get to learn a few things about Jack. 1) He lives in the Hub. 2) He doesn’t sleep.

Finally going home, Gwen finds an empty flat but she’s brought something home to play with (not like that). She’s got the ghost machine. She gets to witness a few happy moments with Rhys. One celebrating her qualification as a police office and the other where she’s offering to staple his fly shut. I’m not making that second part up. Somehow, it’s not nearly as sexy as the whole shooting lesson she just went through with Jack.

What’s better than the memories is the actual Rhys coming home and apologizing for behaving like Owen like a whiny brat earlier. She’s definitely not offering to staple his fly shut now.

At Owen’s flat, things aren’t nearly as happy. He can’t get the voice of the murder under the bridge out of his head. He stays up all night, drinking and rereading the case files until he finds Ed Morgan.

Somebody needs to tell Owen that the ideas one has late at night, while drinking, are usually not ones upon which you should follow through. He’s now at Ed (short for Edwin) Morgan’s home. Using the rouse of a gas man (how appropriate) to gain entrance, I’m still cringing at this very bad idea.

Owen doesn’t take a good look around. Ed Morgan’s still living in his deceased mother’s house. He’s old, frightened and clearly not doing well. In other words, it may sound despicable, but Jack was definitely right in this case.

Even when Owen terrifies the old man, he’s so obsessed with avenging Lizzie he misses something important in Morgan’s reaction. Morgan screams at him, “I told you before. You’ll get nothing from me.” There are times I dislike Owen. There are times I really dislike Owen. There are times I really loathe Owen but this is the first time I’ve ever thought him truly stupid.

At least he’s observant enough to notice Sean “Bernie” Harris who is sitting like six feet from Owen’s car. A comedic chase ensues where they interrupt football games, jump through people’s backyards, wading polls and chicken yards. Along the way, everyone encourages Owen to catch him. Considering all the man’s ever stolen was food, alcohol and tires, you’d think they’d be a little more forgiving.

Instead of taking Bernie to the Hub to be properly interrogated, Owen takes him for a beer. The logic here, like Bernie’s explanation for his name (he's had it since he was 12) escapes me.

Despite the name still confounding me, why everyone in Splott hates Bernie is made perfectly clear. First, he finds the ghost machine by looting a poor senile man’s lock-up. Secondly, he throws out the old man’s stuff but keeps the interesting looking items to hopefully make money on Cash in the Attic. Thirdly, when he figures out what the machine does and sees a woman silently putting her dead baby into the wharf, he blackmails the now elderly mother. At no point is it made clear she did anything to the baby, just that the baby died. Considering how many places would treat parents of SIDS babies, dropping the child into the wharf was probably the best of the all the horrific options.

Bernie even confesses to knowing about Lizzie Lewis’ murder and still Owen doesn’t pick up on the obvious clue Ed Morgan dropped earlier. In fact, the entire Torchwood team goes to leave until Bernie offers them the other half of the machine.

In Bernie’s flat, the bits he thought might be worth money are all alien, so like the machine, Torchwood is taking it all with them. He begs not to be left alone as the other half of the machine shows the future and the future it showed him is that he’s going to die soon. He makes his appeal to Gwen and yes, I know she’s the vessel that allows us to understand the weirdness that is Torchwood, but you’ve got to wonder if all the other characters have secret neon signs saying “Don’t talk to me, ever.” Okay, maybe Owen doesn’t need one but Tosh seems perfectly approachable.

She follows the rest of the team outside but again, sense doesn’t take the upper hand here as the machine starts beeping and she, again, presses the button. We get what I think is supposed to be a dramatic “Gwen, NO!!!!11!!” from Jack but it’s actually more laughable in slow motion. Seriously, if I were Jack, I’d just slap her in the back of the head when she comes out of whatever vision she sees.

Seeing her future self, her hands covered in blood, Gwen whispers something about Owen having a knife. The only think is Gwen it the one now holding the knife in the vision. When she comes out of her vision, she stares accusingly at Owen.

ater, she tells Jack what she saw. They’re alone in Jack’s office, but throughout this entire scene, Owen is obscured, but visible, through the glass wall. As they’re talking about Owen potentially killing someone, even though Jack assures her that what she saw is one of many possible futures, it just adds a whole new level of creepy to the scene. It also adds my admiration for the director. Well, at least it makes up for the slow motion “Gwen, NO!!!!11!!”

We flip to Tosh and Owen in a bar. She tries to impress him with finding Ed Morgan but he confesses he’s already been to see him. Wisely, Tosh tells him that he’s depressive, claustrophobic and paranoid, (Ed, not Owen, but I could definitely see those traits developing) and she wants Owen to leave the old man alone.

Finally, Owen puts together that Ed Morgan had a previous visitor which knew about Lizzie. I breathe a sigh of relief as I’m afraid after Retcon, Torchwood accidentally invented another drug people are often accused of taking, the Stupid Pill.

Interspersed with the scene in the bar are quick flashes of the elderly Ed Morgan calling Bernie. This can’t be good for anyone.

As Gwen arrives at Bernie’s trying to reassure him, Jack puts together the whole solution, without the benefit of the visit to Ed Morgan. See, sometimes living longer does make you wiser and smarter. Taking the offending Owen with him, Jack heads off to Bernie’s leaving Tosh to guard the CC-TV. Yes, that worked oh so well trying to catch Bernie the first time.

The TT-SUV races through Cardiff, as Tosh spots Ed Morgan on the CC-TV. Everyone’s trying to keep track of everyone, but they all get a big “fail!’ Gwen can’t keep Bernie in his apartment. Jack can’t keep Gwen on the phone, and Bernie runs smack into the knife-wielding Ed Morgan. Although, knife-wielding is a bit overdramatic, it makes it sound like he’s waving it around like a lithe ninja. It’s more like Morgan is carrying the knife while shuffling along, trying not to fall down. If Bernie had even a little bit of sense, he’d know he could outrun the senior citizen.

Morgan’s completely lost in his delusion. He believes that everyone is after him and it’s really just the guilt of a broken down old man talking. Of course, Jack and Owen easily take him, and Owen gets a hold of the knife. Anyone who is not thinking, “Oh crap” at this point has clearly missed the character description of constant screw-up “prat” for Owen.

Feeling all manly with Morgan’s knife, Owen threatens the old man. Owen, I know Morgan is bad, but he’s an old man. Jack and Gwen are pleading with him to stop and he does, but only once he’s had his say. Nice Owen, prove your manliness by scaring a mentally ill old man. The Ed Morgan from the past needed to be punished. This one needs medication and an institution.

A couple of coincidences occur to make the rest of the scene possible. The first is that Gwen now has the knife and like with her shooting lesson earlier, she doesn’t watch where she initially points it. The second is that Jack assumes he has a firm grip on Morgan. At the last second, Morgan lunges for Gwen, and winds up impaled on the knife.

Even though Bernie didn’t die, like he saw in the future vision, Gwen’s was more accurate. Sure the words she says are a little different from her vision, but the basic idea of her standing there, traumatized, with blood-covered hands because of Owen having a knife, wasn’t wrong.

The final scene at the Hub has something that would cheer me up. No, it’s not the hollow platitudes of Owen and Tosh, nor the decision of Jack to put the machine in the secure archives. So what cheers me up? It’s the sight of my boyfriend Ianto poring drinks. What? It would work for me.

Outside, Jack assures Gwen that with the sun’s arrival, it’s a new day. He’s wise about all the energy, asking itself as ghosts, “a million shadows of human emotion, we’ve just got to learn to live with them.” Considering it’s coming from Jack, he’s definitely lived long enough to learn what that means.

Recapper Note: Special thanks this week to time-and-space for the screen caps. I humbly apologize for messing around with them.