Dancing with the Stars: Ladies' Night (Episode 501)

In a fury of sequins, sparkles and self-tanner, season five of DWTS kicked off last night. A group number opened the show featuring the entire cast of professionals. Best to leave the serious dancing to the experts, that is unless you’re Sabrina Byran, who positioned herself as the (Cheetah) girl to beat. Not that we didn’t already know that the young, singer/dancer was a contender alongside Spice Girl Melanie Brown—both of whom were easily the best of Ladies’ Night.

Drew Lachey joined Tom Burgeon as host, filling in for new mom Samantha Harris who delivered her own tiny dancer, Josselyn Sydney, early Sunday morning. Frankly, Samantha needs a break. Or rather, I need a break from Samantha. She was reporting live from the Emmy's less than a week before she popped that baby out!

After a full-cast introduction (All My Children star Cameron Mathianson tripped walking down the staircase), it was onto the ladies' performances. Tackling the nerve racking first dance was the extremely likable Beverly Hills: 90210 alum Jennie Garth and her partner, newcomer Derek Hough (yep, Julianne’s little brother, who just happens to look like a long-lost Lawrence brother).

Despite all her worries, Jennie’s Cha Cha Cha went over well with the judges who complimented her hip action and awarded her a total score of 21. But Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Josie Maran didn’t fair as well with her Foxtrot.

The “deceptively unfit” cover girl, according to her partner Alec Mazo, bumbled her way through rehearsals, barely able to muster up enough strength to control her own body. She’s in the midst of Alec’s boot camp, so hopefully Len won’t hit her so hard with criticism next time around. A score of 16 left Josie in last place at the end of the night.

Bringing her “cheetah-licious” flavor to ballroom dancing, Sabrina Bryan incorporated some hip hop moves into her Cha Cha Cha. Carrie Ann and Len weren’t fans of the added choreography but all the judges were in agreement that Sabrina and partner Mark Ballay delivered the best first dance in DWTS history. Bruno declared Sabrina a “bewitching blond dynamo,” and she walked away top woman of the night with a score of 26.

Marie Osmond says she’s in this to lose some weight, and I have to say, the serious slit in her dress was more Marie than I cared to see, but she looked much better than I anticipated. Smartly, Marie covered many of her small Foxtrot mistakes with a mega-watt smile. And who doesn’t love an Osmond? It’s like saying you don’t want a hot dog on the 4th of July. Not surprisingly, the judges loved her charisma, and a score of 21 left Marie and partner Jonathan Roberts tied with Jennie and Derek.

As a secret Spice Girls fan back in my middle school days, Melanie Brown (aka Eddie Murphy’s baby momma) is definitely my favorite of the season already. She seems super fun and HELLO! Check out how fast she whipped herself back into shape post-baby (Samantha Harris was probably watching last night and already exercising).

A little out of sync at times, but overall a cute and energetic Cha Cha Cha, Mel and partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy wrapped up a total score of 24.

Last dance of the night belonged to Jane Seymour and partner Tony Dovolani. And get this: Dr. Quinn is 56 years old. I repeat, 56 years old! No wonder Tony seems to have a crush on the former Bond girl! An elegant Foxtrot gave Jane and Tony a solid score of 24.

Tonight the boys (Cameron, Mark Cuban, Wayne Newton, Floyd Mayweather, Helio Castroneves and Albert Reed) get their turn to dance, but the first episode was enough to see that the pairings looks awfully familiar to past seasons, don't you think? There's…

• The feisty, athletic woman with Maks (Laila Ali/Mel).
• The older woman with Tony (Leeza Gibbons/Jane).
• The athletic guy with Julianne (Apollo Anton Ohno/Helio).
• The hot young thing with Alec (Kelly Monaco/Josie).
• The slightly-out-of-shape loudmouth with Kym (Joey Fatone/Mark).
• The cocky one with Karina (Mario Lopez/Floyd).
• And the lovable one with Cheryl (Drew Lachey/Emmitt Smith/Ian Ziering/Wayne).

Oh, ABC. You love to wear out a good thing.