Cane: Pilot (Episode 101)

The Duque Family

I've seen the Veronica Mars pilot. And the Lost pilot. And the Heroes pilot. But I swear, y'all, that this show has more going on in its pilot than any show I've watched in the history of, well, ever. I needed a nap after the first time I watched it. So, let's get to it.

We open on the bucolic scene of a sugar cane field as workers tend to the plants. Quick flashes of the cane being factory-processed into rum, hot young bodies partying at a club, and a sequence of rum bottles is topped off with an image of a delicious mojito. This show is going to drive me to drink in a completely different way than CSI: Miami does. What we've just seen is a commercial for Duque rum, presented by Frank Duque, the firstborn but second best son of Pancho, patriarch of the Duque clan. I would like to say that I didn't snigger like a 12-year-old at how "Duque" sounds a lot like "dooky" but I would be lying. As the factory workers celebrate the new commercial, Pancho demands a mojito and the whereabouts of his adopted son, Alex Vega, in that order. I appreciate the man's priorities, although I think a tasty mojito and the hotness of Jimmy Smits are about on the same level.

Alex is in the upstairs office, trying to convince a senator that sugar is the new oil. Downstairs, Frank pushes the rum side of the Duque business to Pancho, who seems skeptical that they can crack into the top 5 of rum companies. Alex joins them and Frank continues to make his pitch, explaining that their biggest rival, Joe Samuels, is dying and his kids want to make a deal with the Duques. Alex thinks this is a bad idea but Pancho says he can't be accused of holding a grudge and agrees to meet with the Samuels.

Out on a crossroads where the Duque and Samuels sugarcane fields meet, Ellis and her brother (who never gets a name) present their offer: they buy the Duque fields, then sell them back the molasses at a 10% discount from market value. Pancho smiles enigmatically and says he'll consider their offer. Back at the Duque villa, Pancho is talking to his doctor and we learn that Pancho has only six months to a year to live. His doctor advises him to tell his family and go on vacation, but Pancho decides instead to take a horseback ride out to his fields and chat with his workers.

Baseball field. Alex's youngest, Artie, is getting ready for a game and his whole family is there, although Alex rushes up at the last minute with his cellphone clamped to his ear. Artie is a little miffed but his brother, Jaime, points out that their dad is always there even if he's on the phone. Alex is nervous for Artie and can't watch, but Artie has no problems hitting the ball. Everyone cheers but Alex stops when he sees an old limping geezer on the other side of the field, watching Artie. He peers intently at the geezer, then heads over to him, asking which kid is his. The geezer says he has no kid and when Alex asks if he knows him, tells Alex that he is mistaken. They repeat the exchange in Spanish, then the geezer limps away. Alex experiences a flashback to a traumatic moment in his childhood, but he's distracted when Artie runs up, excited about the catch he made.

Jaime and his girlfriend, Rebecca, are getting busy on the couch when Jaime's mom, Isabel, comes home with stuff for Jaime's dorm room. She knows exactly what they were up to but indulgently gives them enough notice that she's coming so they have time to make themselves presentable. Rebecca's attention is caught be a photo album with pictures of a young Alex on the coffee table and Isabel shares the story of how Alex came from Cuba on an airlift. Unlike the other kids, he wasn't reunited with his family so Isabel's family adopted him. Rebecca thinks it's really romantic that Isabel married her brother. Okay, adopted brother, but there's still a little bit of the skeeze factor there. Jaime and Rebecca take off but before they leave, Isabel tells Jaime in Spanish to stop being a pig and "take care of" Rebecca, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Hee, Jaime looks completely mortified. By the way, Isabel? A total MILF.

Isabel finds Alex, who's on yet another call. When he hangs up she asks who the geezer at the baseball game was and he says it was just business, something to do with the cane workers. She's unconvinced but lets it drop, then reminds him that they're having dinner with the family. He says he's got to go somewhere else first and to not hold dinner for him, a refrain familiar to Isabel. She tells Alex she's got something important to talk to him about but he says it's a bad time and asks if they can talk later. She agrees, albeit unhappily, and he apologizes but still runs off to his mysterious appointment...

...Which is at the police station. Alex finds out Geezer's name, Luis Quinones, from a detective friend, Vince. Vince rattles off a list of information but the most important bit is that Luis used to work for Samuels Sugar in the 70s and it was the same company who sponsored his recent re-entry visa. Alex doesn't seem all that surprised by this.

Duque family dinner. The youngest Duque son, Henry, arrives with his girlfriend and Mama Duque, Amalia, jokes that Stephanie will have to get pregnant before Henry will marry her. Henry, after kissing Isabel hello, tells his mother Amalia that he's still looking for a woman like her. More or less creepy than Isabel marrying her brother? You decide. Frank joins the party in the kitchen, then pulls Henry away to talk to Pancho. On the way, he asks about Henry's club and Henry excitedly says he's close to signing a deal to create a Duque music label. Frank meanly tells him to let it go since they need him in the rum business and Pancho doesn't care about "that nightclub crap." They bicker on their way to the living room, where Pancho sits with Artie and the other Vega kid, Katie. Katie demands to go to Henry's club and Henry, obviously ill-equipped to deal with a stubborn teenager, reluctantly agrees as long as Isabel says it's okay. Katie, of course, runs to tell her mother, who takes off yelling at Henry. Segue to a bit later with the family, minus Alex, gathered around the dinner table and engaged in spirited discussions in English and Spanish. I don't have a big family so as much as it's difficult to recap all of the overlapping and ever-changing conversations this family has, this is a lot of fun to watch.

Alex drives to the Duque villa but he's going to get into a wreck because he keeps staring at Luis Quinones' picture. We get another flashback, this time of a young Alex bent over a little girl's body, then telling a stricken-looking Pancho that Lucia is dead. Later, he's arrived at the villa and distractedly takes off his jacket as Frank and Henry argue over whether the Duque brand should focus on rum or branch out into other businesses. Alex sits down and asks wearily why they're even considering the Samuels' offer. Frank looks offended and says it makes good business sense, plus it's stupid to hold a grudge over the Samuelses trying to put the Duques out of business a gazillion years ago, saying any company would've done the same to an upstart. Alex gives Frank a wakeup call and says his senator friend informed him that sugar ethanol is getting ready to take off, so if the Samuelses buy the Duque cane, they stand to make billions. Frank thinks the corn farmers won't tolerate the growth of sugar ethanol over corn ethanol but Alex insists the president is ready to sign off on it. "Cuban sugar is going to become the world's fuel," Alex says. "And when it does, we still want to be in the game."

Frank, having been completely pwned by Alex, resorts to the "you're not even a real member of this family" tactic. Frank, if you haven't figured it out yet, is a massive dick with an inferiority complex and overinflated sense of entitlement. At Frank's low blow, Pancho intervenes and issues a smackdown, causing Frank to storm pissily out of the room. Alex tells Pancho that if he feels its right to sell, that's fine, but angrily implores that he not to sell to the Samuelses. Pancho quietly asks Henry, who's been sitting there being cute ignored the whole time, to leave them alone. After he does, Pancho asks Alex what he knows. Alex hands him the file on Quinones, saying he worked for the Samuelses in '73, the year Lucia died. Alex says it's not a coincidence he's back and insists the Samuelses killed Lucia.

Flashback to a happier time, Lucia's birthday party. Alex broods in the darkness until an e-mail alert distracts him. He reads it then, taking the printed e-mail to the sleeping Artie's bedroom, whispers congratulations to his "all-star." The next morning, Artie races into his parents' room and wakes Isabel with the news that he made the all-star team.

Duque enterprises. Alex is in his office, on the phone with Vince, who wants to know about Alex's interest in Quinones. Alex says he can't explain it but he has to keep Quinones away from his family. Vince understands and says he'll keep an eye on him. After Alex hangs up, his assistant Diane comes in and gets all up in his personal space showing him some report. Luckily, Alex is rescued by Jaime, who drops the news that he doesn't want to go to college. Alex needs a strong Cuban coffee for this discussion and they head to a cafe, where Alex explains to Jaime that despite what Frank has told him, joining the army and marrying Isabel was not done to make Pancho happy and, instead, was against Pancho's wishes for Alex to go to college. Alex knows that Jaime wants to marry Rebecca right away but he tells him that whether he likes it or not, Jaime's going to go to college and he can marry Rebecca when he's finished. Yeah, because teenagers have always been willing to capitulate to ultimatums.

Sunlight boudoir. Frank is doing the nasty with Ellis Samuels. Raise your hand if you didn't see that one coming, then smack yourself with said hand for missing it. Ellis suggests they merge their companies by getting married but Frank, who is an asshole but not an idiot, cautions patience. He also basically calls her a backstabbing bitch, except in a much more flattering way. Heh.

Katie is getting ready for her night out at Henry's club and her parents come in to give her the "we trust you, don't abuse it" lecture and make her wear a sweater over her lowcut dress. She lets them fret since it's easier than arguing. At the club, Katie sips a drink, which Henry snatches out of her hand. Hee. Eddie Matos is seriously adorable in this, a nice change from the sleazy character he played on General Hospital. Out on the dance floor, Katie and her date boogie, as do Jaime and Rebecca. Rebecca lifts her hair to show off her new tattoo, which matches Jaime's. Oh, geez. Teenagers. And now I have officially become my mother. Rebecca asks if Jaime explained why he doesn't want to go to college and he says he'll do it at the Duque 4th of July party.

The Duque and Vega men are at a pig farm, selecting the menu for the party. Frank waxes rhapsodic to Artie about rum and says they'll be getting out of the sugar business, which is Pancho's cue to ask Frank to take a walk. As they stroll along the edge of an orange grove, Pancho tells Frank that not only aren't they selling to the Samuelses, he's making Alex president and CEO of Duque Industries. Frank is all, "Bitch, are you for real?" Pancho tries to be as kind as he can but when Frank continues to argue, he flatly tells him that it's not up to him and the decision had been made. Frank storms off. Pissily. Again.

Late at night, a factory worker opens his car trunk, revealing a shitload of random crap in it. Alex pops up beside him and the guy jumps, then nervously insists the stuff were all gifts. Smiling, Alex makes small talk, asking his name (Santo), how long he's been in the country, and if his family is still in Cuba. Then he asks what Santo was in prison for and when Santo bullshits that it was for jaywalking, Alex says the gang tattoo says otherwise. Getting down to business, Alex tells Santo to stop stealing from him, then offers him a job that will pay five times what he's making. Santo wants to know what kind of job, but Alex just tells him to get a couple of his friends and come to Pancho's party.

Duque villa. The party's in full swing and everyone's having a great time dancing and eating. On the terrace, Alex is yet again on his phone. Is the season going to end with the reveal that Alex has a brain tumor from excessive cellphone usage? He's talking to Vince, who insists that Quinones has been keeping his nose clean and he had to stop following him. He hangs up and joins Isabel in their bedroom and starts yammering on about something but she stops him in his tracks when she blurts out that she's pregnant. He stares at her for a moment, then smiles and walks behind her, kisses her neck, and uses his teeth to pull free the halter tie of her dress. HOT. Alex's phone rings and they pause, but he grins and ignores the phone, then goes back to making out with his stunning wife. ALSO HOT. Maybe he won't get a brain tumor.

The Samuelses arrive at the party and Ellis is jealous when she sees Frank dancing with, I think, Diane. Elsewhere in the party, Santo grabs a drink from a passing server. Up on the terrace, Pancho presents a check to Alex's senator pal for Everglades preservation. He sees Ellis and her brother down below and asks Alex to gather the family, saying he's got something to tell them.

Living room. Pancho tells the assembled that he's dividing the company, giving 30% to each of his natural children and 10% to Alex. That means that, with Isabel's share, Alex controls 40% of the company and will be named CEO. Pancho also declares that none of their land will be sold to the Samuelses, "not now, not ever." He apologizes to a seething Frank, who storms out, say it with me now, pissily. Henry looks like a kicked puppy and he also leaves, but with more dignity than Frank. Alex knows he has to do damage control and he follows his brothers, leaving Isabel and Amalia to gaze wearily at each other. Outside, Henry is trying to calm Frank down when Alex joins them, saying he didn't want it this way. Of course, Frank doesn't believe him. Three guesses what he does next, and the first two don't count. Henry follows him, still trying to be the peacemaker. Awwwwww, I love him. Pancho has joined Alex, who says Frank will never forgive him. Pancho thinks Frank will get over it and put the good of the family and company first, but Alex has a look on his face like he thinks Pancho doesn't know Frank very well. Moving on, Pancho says it's time to talk to the Samuelses and when Alex says he needs to put some things in order first, Pancho insists and asks Alex to trust him.

Pancho's office. He tells the Samuelses that the Duques won't be selling to them, Alex is the new CEO, and he's retiring. Neither sibling is happy but they take the news calmly. Brother Samuels passive-aggressively congratulates Alex while also needling him about not being a real Duque. The Samuelses head outside, Brother Samuels immediately getting on his phone while Ellis makes a "call me" gesture at Frank. Alex sees all of this from the window.

Night has fallen and Henry hits the stage. He congratulates Alex, then introduces a DJ from his club. As Pancho and Amalia look like they're too old for this, Alex and Isabel smile and nod along, and Katie dances, Artie crawls out from underneath the table and scampers away unnoticed.

Samuels estate. Ellis and her brother give the bad news to Joe Samuels, who of course is not dying, unless it's from embarrassment over the tacky house in which he lives. Seriously, practically everything is covered in red velvet and gold leaf. Ellis thinks she's got an in with Frank but Joe says there's no time to wait for her feminine wiles to work. "We got to the Duques before, we can get to 'em again."

Back at the party, Alex has noticed that Artie is missing. When Isabel and Pancho say they haven't seen him, Alex freaks out and runs around, calling Artie's name, until he finally spots him in the dark trees, holding a baseball bat, Quinones with him. Alex rushes over and hits Quinones, then grabs the bat and holds it against his throat. Artie shrieks for him to stop and that Quinones gave him the bat, as the security guards come over and haul Quinones away. Alex tries to calm himself while Artie anxiously asks what's going on.

Joe Samuels shoots pool until he realizes someone is standing there. He turns around and it's Alex, who notes that he looks pretty good for someone supposedly in a coma. Alex says he knows Samuels had Lucia killed. In flashbacks, we see that Lucia was kidnapped by Quinones and his brother, who left a ransom note. To pay the ransom, Pancho sold some of his land to Samuels, but Lucia was killed anyway. As Pancho cradles Lucia's body, Alex chases after the Quinones, killing one and wounding the other. Back in the present day, Alex tells Samuels that if Quinones or anyone else is sent after his family, he's coming after Samuels. Samuels smirks, not believing Alex has it in him to play as dirty as he does.

Alex makes it back to the party and finds Santo, telling him what the job is. Santo and his friends head out just as the fireworks start and Alex joins his family. Jaime, who has been noticeably absent, joins them with Rebecca in tow and sporting a new buzzcut. He leans over and tells Alex that he reports for basic training in 60 days and Alex, overwhelmed by everything else, simply hugs him and says nothing. He watches the fireworks, surrounded by his family, who are all gathered safely around him.

Swamp. Santo and his friends have Quinones and they force him to kneel on the ground. Santo calls Alex, who is on the now-empty lawn and waiting for this call. Santo asks if he should finish the job and Alex confirms, then listens as Santo shoots Quinones in the head. Alex heads slowly back to his family home, snuffing out the last flickering party torch.

Next week: I don't know, because I did this recap from the pilot screener. Hopefully there will be a little less going on, and hopefully the ratings will be good enough for there to be a next week.