Dancing with the Stars: The Results (Episode 503)

The first castoff: Josie Maran and partner Alec Mazo.Attention all supermodels: Do not go on Dancing with the Stars! You will get voted off. Like others before her (namely Paulina Porizkova and Rachel Hunter), model Josie Maran was the first to be voted off DWTS season five last night along with partner Alec Mazo.

Josie took her elimination in stride, mockingly thanking the judges for their honesty and Alec for his guidance. “Bitten by the dancing bug,” Josie claimed she will now have to dance alone at home, while Alex encouraged anyone who may have voted for them to now vote for Cameron and Edyta. Poor things! I think their Foxtrot was better than a few other dances (eh hem, Wayne Newton and Cheryl), but when the DWTS viewers’ votes are tallied, somehow I don’t think the moms of America are ever going to vote for the supermodel. Especially when said supermodel just happens to also be a mom ... natch, a very skinny, very successful and very attractive mom.

Sticking around for the next round of Mambo and Quickstep performances, in the order they were revealed, are: 

• Sabrina and Mark
• Jennie and Derek
• Helio and Julianne
• Albert and Anna
• Melanie and Maksim
• Cameron and Edyta
• Jane and Tony
• Wayne and Cheryl
• Marie and Jonathan
• Floyd and Karina
• Mark and Jym

While the list of survivors were painfully given to us one by one, hosts Tom and Drew did their best to pass the time. Post-performance “confessional-style” interviews with each couple were shown, along with a montage of clips highlighting the past two nights of dancing. The judges also had their own little segment, talking about the physical and mental aspects of dancing and the rigors these celebs are going through (riiigth, dancing all day instead of sitting in a cubicle, watching those extra pounds just melt away sounds terrible).

The judges also asked Sabrina and Mark to recreate their performance from Monday night, saying it was both the best Cha Cha Cha and the best first dance in DWTS history.

Miss Dolly Parton was on hand to perform her classic “9 to 5” as well as a song off her upcoming album. Julianne, Derek, Cheryl and Mark danced to “9 to 5,” and I couldn’t help but be creeped out watching the brother and sister together, even if the routine wasn’t overtly sexual. Frankly, shakin’ my booty in the equivalent of a sparkly bikini is not how I’d want to spend some Q.T. with my lil' bro.

We were also subjected to “The Origins of Dance with Kenny Mayne,” a poor man's replacement for last season’s weekly Jimmy Kimmel skits. ABC knows no shame, working their new show Cavemen into the skit. But they did treat us to some photos of Len in his prime dancing days, looking very James Bond with his coiffed hair and chic suits.

The final bit of fluff was thoughts from the audience. Everyone commented on how hot Josie looked (especially Bachelor host Chris) and how increcible Jane looks for her age. Best soundbyte of the night goes to one particular female audience member (read: crazy All My Children fan) who said she wanted to “skinny dip in Cameron’s eyes.”

Next week we’re back to the usual Monday night extended-episode performance show, following by Tuesday’s results show.