The Hills: For Better Or Worse (Episode 308)

Um, awkward much?: New fiancee, meet old girlfriend. Now be nice!Previously on "The Hills": I didn't notice this before, but in last week's episode Teen Vogue editor Lisa Love wore a totally pretty white dress to the first meeting for the Young Hollywood party. It was really quick, as she took her seat in the conference room. Could this actually be the first time we've seen what Lisa looks like from the waist down?

Lauren and Jason are having another lovely little lunch at an outdoor cafe. The closed captioning doesn't indicate where they are. Lauren teases Jason about the old t-shirt he's wearing, as it has the sleeves cut off. Jason allows that he needs to do some shopping, which prompts Lauren to admit that not only does she still have some of his shirts (really?) but she wears them to the gym (bwahahaha).

But seriously -- Jason wants Lauren to meet his new girlfriend, with whom he is moving in. Before we can see how Lauren feels about the news (as demonstrated by the movement of her heavily lined eyelids), the waiter comes in with homemade biscuits and butter. Ooooh. Now that could be enough to get one's mind off anything. But back to the question Jason is posing, which is: does Lauren want to meet her. Lauren replies "I'd love to meet her." She stretches out the "o" in "love", so in reality: not so much no. When Lauren tells Audrina about the invitation later, Audrina's all "That's fast." reminding us that Lauren and Jason were still together a mere year before. I guess life moves pretty quickly when you're 20.

Teen Vogue offices, Lisa's office to be precise. May I say that Lisa's hair looks pretty? It's all big loose waves, with a side part. Kinda Veronica Lake, that is if Veronica had been the brunette fashion editor type. Anyway, she reminds a serious (and slightly nervous-looking) Whitney that her first photo shoot is with the band Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Lisa reminds Whitney that bands are hard to deal with, but any problems will be Whitney's responsibility. This is feeling very "Working Girl" to me, only it's 20 years later and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there won't be any crazy-looking 80's inspired fashion. Well, not any more than usual.

Note to self: when shopping for wedding dress, do not bring Jen Bunney. Seriously. Not only was she not falling over herself complimenting Heidi, who brought Jen along to the bridal shop, but she was all "Do you ever thinking this isn't right?" Well, I don't think that Heidi's doing much thinking for herself lately, and her answer, about soul mates and Spencer, doesn't do much to dissuade me of my opinion. Jen says that at their young age, people fall in, and fall out, of love really fast. But Heidi's all I don't want to picture my life without him. Yeah, but just because you don't want to doesn't mean you shouldn't. God knows I have, and I'm kinda into the idea of a Spencer-less existence. Jen's all whatevs -- a friend of hers just broke up with her boyfriend after five years of dating. And, as with Elodie's brutal smackdown last week, Heidi has nothing to say.

Whitney and Lauren meet the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus at the Magic Castle Hotel. Is this where Teen Vogue puts up the subjects of their photo shoots? I would have thought that any magazine title with the word "Vogue" in its name would have sprung for a suite at the Chateau Marmont, or at least the Mondrian. The girls have jeans for the guys to try on -- the guys are game, though Elias is pretty stoked about his own jeans, which are a ladies size 8. Fitting over, the guys want to know what the girls are up to. They make plans to meet up later at a little dive bar, which ends up being The Dime.

Not that I've been myself, but can we say that a bar is really a dive if it's been featured on DailyCandy.com? I guess if you're Lauren, Whitney, and Audrina, it is. The girls do several rounds of shots with the band before begging off due to fatigue. Whitney's not entirely subtle reminders about the next days shoot are brushed off. Uh oh. The next morning, Lauren and Audrina are awake, but barely. Ideally, they could nap in the afternoon, but the've got Jason's party that night. Will the action ever stop? Not if there are bands to wrangle and new girlfriends to meet. Ugh. Now I need a f*cking drink.

Teen Vogue shoot. Santa Monica Airport. Gee, that sun is awfully bright.

9:10 AM: Whitney and Lauren pull up in Lauren's car, which looks like it needs to be washed. Whitney, wearing giant sunglasses with red frames and a checked man's hat (what did I tell you earlier about the 80's fashion?), declares the first order of business for the day: "I just really don't want to throw up." The set is humming as the crew prepares. Stylist Lara asks Whitney about the band's whereabouts. Um, car trouble? Ooooh, you don't sound so sure.

10:45 AM: Band arrives. Whitney springs into action, assigning Lauren a bask before heading over to Elias, he of the ladies jeans, with a pair of fresh jeans over her arm. Whitney looks like she means business, but Elias will not change his jeans. "I don't like them because they're not mine." The members of the crew who witness this exchange look unimpressed as Whitney backs off. At the end of the day, Whitney slumps against the hood of Lauren's car, predicting an early end to her career in fashion at the hands of Lisa. Excuse me while I add "Working Girl" to my Netflix queue...

Does Heidi work anymore? We haven't seen her at Bolthouse this whole ep. Is she avoiding Elodie? Is the crew? Are we afraid Elodie might speak more truth to power? Heidi and Spencer go to register for gifts at a store which is obviously Crate & Barrel. Spencer isn't clear on why they need endless platters and shit, which Heidi takes to mean that he doesn't want to marry her. So Heidi pouts, and so endeth the registering.

Jason's party is full of people we've never seen before. None of them look like old "Laguna Beach" cast members. Audrina and Heidi make their way to the crowd, the members of which seem to recognize silently who and what Lauren is, then continue drinking from their red Solo cups. A quick aside: I went to a party once in college where there was nothing but blue and yellow Solo cups, and I remember thinking it was just plain weird that the ubiquitous red were nowhere to be found. But anyway. Jason hugs Lauren hello before quickly calling over Katja, who kind of mutters a quick "Nice to meet you." before gluing herself to Jason's side. I know she and Lauren are supposed to be close in age, but she seems so much younger. But then didn't 21 seem so much older than 18 when you actually were 18?

After the initial introduction, everybody does their thing: Lauren and Audrina drink and raise their eyebrows at each other while Katja throws a lot of glances their way and whispers with a dark-haired friend. Not much dialogue, which I'm kinda enjoying, until someone yells "Shut up!" and a friend of Jason proposes a toast to his newly engaged friends, Jason and Katja. Yay! Everybody party! Lauren shrugs at Audrina, raises her cup, and takes a sip. It isn't long before she makes her way outside for some air. Jason follows her to get her take. Lauren's take is that Jason's too young, and is quite possibly an idiot for getting engaged to someone at such a young age. Jason's all "Your parents got married at 20" to which Lauren replies that they dated for six years. High school sweethearts? Aw. She wants to know: does he want her to be happy for him? Before Jason can reply, Katja finds them and once again plants herself at Jason's side, blocking Lauren from view.

The next morning, Lisa and Whitney talk about what happened at the shoot. I have to commend Whitney for being up front about what happened, but did she have to volunteer that the guys were late because they'd been drinking with the girls the night before? Lisa doesn't spend too much time giving Whitney grief -- at least, not that we can see on camera, but makes the point that her priority is that Teen Vogue is respected, and it's hard to do that when the contributor running the shoot was out drinking with the band the night before. Whitney just needs to step it up -- the "step it up" are Lisa's words, which sounds oddly informal coming out of Lisa's mouth. Is this her version of Tim Gunn's classic Project Runway retort "Make it work"? Or is this a subtle shill for step aerobics?

Heidi and Spencer are at BreadBar. Heidi has her serious look on her face -- she wants to talk dates for the wedding. While Spencer hedges, Heidi whines that she wants the whole thing -- the wedding at the church she's already picked out, the dress, basically everything she's dreamt of since she was a little girl. Spencer is all why should we have our families there, at which point he somehow admits that he hasn't yet told his parents about the wedding. Heidi is, not suprisingly, aghast. Is he embarrassed? And in class "Hills" editing style, we cut to the next scene before we get an answer. Boo!

Whitney and Lauren catch up over lunch -- Whitney talks about the "nice little ass-whipping [she] got from Lisa", while Lauren dishes on Jason's new fiancee. Whitney's all "Say what?" Also, Lauren can't resist saying that it wasn't quite what she had in mind when imagining an engagement party. Who wants to engaged at a kegger with a Bob Marley poster as the sole decoration? And is "Bob Marley poster" just a euphemism for, you, know, weed? Finally, it hits her: if she and Jason hadn't broken up, that night, that party, that girl: it could have been her.