Numb3rs: Trust Metric (Episode 401)

Welcome to the fourth season of Numb3rs, the show that left us over the summer without any questions, hanging storylines or topics to discuss. Because of this, I’m sure we all spent our summers wisely. We went outside. We took vacations. We expanded out minds and played with our hobbies and not once did we think about OMGWTF Colby’s a spy?!?! *dies*

Guess I gave myself with that last sentence, didn’t I? In all honesty, I didn’t think about it constantly yes I did, I’m totally lying to make myself seem less of a nerd but I definitely did ruminate over the topic several thousand times at Fandom Talk, Famesters, By The Numb3rs Chats, Numb3rs.org and anywhere else that would read my rant-like postings. You see, when my show throws me a curveball, I need to figure out from where it came. The conclusion I’ve come to is this: Cheryl Heuton and Nicolas Falacci were clearly trying to give me a heart attack. No, I swear, I’ve never been diagnosed with any form of megalomania. Why do people keep asking?

Well, they’ve failed and I’m back for another season of eppesodes, campaigning for my shout out, admiring riot gear as a hot fashion trend, lime-green fluted bowl spotting, Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Lines™ (NPAL™), and feasting my eyes at the International House of Fedcakes.

In short, I’m not that easy to get rid of and neither, apparently, is Colby.

We begin this eppesode with a 30 second recap of last reason. Personally, I like mine better but I gave myself a full five minutes. If anyone ever wonders how much a procedural can change in one eppesode, this show is it.

IHOF: Don is reviewing the interrogation of Colby from “The Janus List.” He’s replaying the part where David loses his shit over and over again, like he’s torturing himself with it. If it’ll make him feel any better, I’ll recap the interview for him so he won’t have to keep viewing the footage.

Pool Hall: Speaking of angry David, we get him in full force as he asks some witnesses about the whereabouts of some suspects. (“Asks” is a word which here means, SCREAMS IN RAGE CONSTANTLY THAT I CAN ONLY RECORD IT WHILE TYPING IN CAPSLOCK.) Somebody needs to go see Don’s therapist.

IHOF: Don’s reminding me a little of the fandom because he’s still watching the interview trying to figure things out. It looks like Don spent his summer the way the fandom did. It’s all very meta, isn’t it? It’s also much like Charlie and his ways of obsessing over things.

Cal Sci: Speaking of Charlie, here he is giving a lecture! Yay, a Charlie teaching scene and so early in the season! It’s like it’s my birthday! While Charlie’s going on about how game theory can save you’re life if you’re planning on playing chicken, I’m wondering if Millie made a new dress code for the math department. I believe it would be entitled “Look like you just rolled out of bed or really wanted to go on What Not To Wear,” Charlie’s looking scruffy with the “I haven’t caved in three days” beard and the t-shirt that looks like it spent a few days curled up in a ball before he put on. As for Amita, who is leaning on the doorframe watching Charlie teach, the whole casual Capri and cap-sleeve top look is better, but still rather casual for a professional.

We veer from game theory to Charlie’s utopian society, where math “defines what’s deepest in our hearts.” Now if Charlie looked over a little to his right, he would realize he wouldn’t need math to figure out what Amita’s thinking.

Charmita gets all Charmita-esque and I’m prepared to do my obligatory fake vomiting routine until Amita does what I like best, pointing out something in Charlie’s life that isn’t working. She’s best when helping Charlie, be it in math, or remembering that socialization is a requirement, not an option. So what does she tell us? 1) Charlie’s completely bleak outlook on Game Theory gives us a good clue to his equally bleak mental state and 2) he’s not consulting for the FBI.

IHOF: Even more emo-Don watching the interview. This time, we get some information about why Colby was a spy. He had a crisis in patriotism and didn’t believe in anything anymore.

Monastery: Well, we see the last regular member of the Fedcakes, Megan, visiting Larry. She’s had her own crisis of belief after giving birth her assignment with the DOJ and the arrest of Colby was the tipping point. She hasn’t been at work much since as she hasn’t felt connected to it.

Larry had the same feeling of “quantum disconnectedness” when he was out in space. The difference here is that he was sad when it went away as he used is as a source of reflection, unlike Megan, who is using it as a source of doubt.

IHOF: Alan’s come to take Don’s mind off of Colby. Papa Eppes nicely tells us it’s been five weeks since the events of “The Janus List” and that Don’s got to get over it sometime. As for Don, he still thinks something isn’t right, unlike these opening few scenes that juxtapose symbolic parts of the interview with the Fedcakes’ current states. Our team may be out of balance, but the opening scenes aren’t.

North Regional Confinement Facility: Hey, I thought all federal detainment centres had funny sounding nicknames. Well, if it doesn’t I thus christen it “NoCon” because I too can come up with symbolic things like Tony Scott. I just don’t get paid the big bucks like he does, but I do accept cookies, or shout outs.

Colby’s being interviewed and before I get to the meat of this scene, let me say this one thing to Colby

Dear Colby,
I know I’ve called you stupid in the past but I would like to say this now, I was wrong. I know phrases like “numbskull” and “moronic” have been tossed in your direction and I do apologize. It’s just that you played your part so well; I couldn’t pick up on your super-spy tendencies. We spies have to stick together.
Sincerely,
Spy
PS: Since I’ve discovered you’ve got a brain and not just good looks, whether you’re good or bad is irrelevant. You’ve become exponentially hotter. I think there’s a graph I could use as proof.

Now for the meat of the scene: Colby’s been slipped a key in his glass of water and is planning an escape. The only person who knows about it is his handler. The problem is that we’ve yet to be told if he’s a good “I’m working for the government” handler or a bad “I love lead paint” handler for the Chinese. The handler tells Colby to take the guard’s cell phone and dial 6 on his speed dial.

Prison Break: Well, at least one of the two prisoners we care about in the van is as hot as Wentworth Miller, the other is Dwayne. He’s bitching about the choice of music and demands some “real American music” like Johnny Cash. “I may be a traitor but at least I’m an American,” Dwayne insists. I’m guessing no one ever taught Dwayne that saying ironic statements like that isn’t good, particularly if I’m recapping the show. I could make a political statement, or I could make it this season’s first official NPAL™.

Colby’s frustrated with Dwayne and worried that if he isn’t careful he’s going to get himself a “real American beat-down.”

A tractor-trailer and a Hummer block in the paddy wagon. And in a break-out involving a rocket launcher, Colby threatening to kill a guard, and a police shootout, I’m really wondering if Colby’s actually a bad guy. Now, it doesn’t stop the hotness mind you, but it does give me hopes of a fight between Colby, Don and David in which clothing will be torn asunder. What? A girl can hope, can’t she?

Moments after Colby gets the cell phone, the two Chinese spies make their escape amidst all the chaos.

Title Flash: At nearly 10 minutes into the eppesode, I’m thinking this is a record.

La Maison d’Eppes: With the Fedcakes all adrift form each other, there is one thing upon which the audience, and the Fedcakes can always depend, the best supporting prop, the lime-green fluted bowl.

Besides bowl-spotting being a favourite hobby of mine when I recap, focusing on the bowl means I can totally ignore the fact that Amita’s now sleeping at la Maison d’Eppes, and wearing the same shirt Charlie had on while lecturing.

Charlie’s going over all his old papers. Since Millie can no longer milk his FBI consulting for fundraising purposes, she wants him to publish. He’s hoping his old 11th grade paper on the mathematics of friendship might yield something. I don’t even see how this is relevant to Charlie as wasn’t he like 12? No matter what equations he came up with, he’d be so off the chart of the norm it probably wouldn’t apply.

Alan and Don are about to head out for a round of golf and ask the youngest Eppes along. Trying to claim he loves golf, Charlie says he has work to do. Both Amita and I smirk at the same time. You know, there may be times when I’m not Amita’s biggest fan, but she really does understand her man.

Before they can leave, Don’s distracted by Charlie friendship math, and reminisces about how he hoped he could use it to pickup girls. Charlie may have been a bad specimen for testing the theory, but Don would’ve definitely fit into the norm on the chart. Although, since Charlie’s the one hanging out at home with his girlfriend and Don heading out for an afternoon with his Dad, perhaps Don should be looking at it now. Do I even want to bring up the question of where Liz is?

The relaxed morning is ruined by Don receiving the call that Dwayne and Colby are now on the run. Freaking out about his lost keys Don rushes about looking for them. It’s not as much about his keys, but Don’s lack of confidence in simply knowing where he puts his shit that’s disturbing. It’s even disturbing to Alan, who asks Charlie to help Don with the case. Talk about a complete role reversal from previous seasons. In the past, Don’s always had to help Charlie sort out his emotional baggage, but Don, who was already, for lack of a better term, emotionally fragile last year, is now hitting new levels of freak out that even Larry has yet to achieve.

Charlie does have a mathematical process, which is about the placement of lighthouses. He’s really talking only to himself as I’m a little distracted with the new Charlie-vision that intersperses choppy clips of Charlie with the metaphor, and Don isn’t listening either. He’s focused on the aftermath of the escape being broadcast on the news.

Abandoned Auto Shop: Well, “on the run” is a loose term, as they’re still stuck in leg shackles. It’s more like “coordinated hobbling.”

After they’re freed by some conveniently placed bolt-cutters, Dwayne calls his contact for pickup. While his pal is distracted, Colby tries texting his contact using the stolen cell. They borrow some clothes laying around and before they can get totally naked as I hoped catch their breath, the cops arrive. Dwayne is sure he tripped the alarm, moron. All right, I can’t call Colby intelligently challenged anymore but Dwayne is totally fair game.

Escape Scene: The remaining Fedcakes are now bonded together in a common goal, catching the fourth Fedcake that left them the emotional wrecks they are now. It’s David who gives the exposition describing the escape we watched minutes before. I’m so glad it’s David who does this, because if he ever lost his ability to exposit, that would be the day this show jumps the shark.

IHOF: Charlie’s working on the math no one paid attention to earlier, trying to figure out how best to locate Colby. Even Larry isn’t interested at first, when he’s dragged from the monastery during “morning contemplation.” (I believe that’s the one before “mid-morning contemplation” and “The crack of dawn for suckers contemplation.”) What Charlie needed wasn’t Larry’s brilliant mind, but his friendship. I’m sensing that this scene’s entire purpose was to give us the theme for this eppesode.

Subway: Somehow, I don’t think I’m supposed to find Colby and Dwayne’s disguises as funny as I do. They are pretty fly for some white guys.

For all I may mock their disguises, they work because the two get on the subway undetected by the two police officers who are down their looking for them in an almost completely empty station.

Abandoned Auto Shop: After determining how much Dwayne and Colby could’ve disguised themselves, Megan’s got another concern, the emotional well being of everyone. Of course, trying to discuss feelings with Don “it’s my fault” and David “I’d rather exposit than express,” means that her endeavor is one big failure.

IHOF / Subway: Giving up on his handler, Colby makes a surprise call, to Charlie.

Either Colby is 100% innocent or he has the world’s biggest death wish. If I’ve learned nothing form these past three seasons of Numb3rs, the quickest way to turn Don into ANGRYRAMPAGING!Don is to hint that you might be threatening Charlie.

Of course, Don does take it as a threat when Charlie passes him the phone. Not having the time for a quick catch up, Colby lays it on the table, as Dwayne is occupied with trying to hide the fact he’s bleeding profusely from the head, Colby needs Don to get in contact with his handler. He claims that he’s been a triple agent all along trying to catch the person Dwayne works for at the DOJ.

It’s at this moment where if your heard a lot of noise which sounded like shouts of victory, that’s because the fandom’s been theorizing Colby’s a triple agent since May. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Cheryl Heuton told us Colby wasn’t leaving the show, even though it is nice to be proved right.

While the fandom completely believes the idea that Colby’s a good guy, Don isn’t so sure. The only thing Colby can do is put his faith in Don and hope he connects the dots like I did.

Later, the team’s confirmed that Colby’s handler exists, but they’re not entirely sure that the whole story is true. With that, comes the second math bit of the series, and Megan being disgusted as Charlie steals her ice cubes, right out of her glass. He wants to calculate the probability of Colby telling the truth in this case. I’m wondering if we’re going to have math introduced that can deal with the human condition, whether or not we’re going to have another whole season of Charlie doing Megan’s job.

David’s wondering if Charlie really has the time with everything else he’s doing to help catch Colby. Yeah, well, he does because smart!Don has returned, and is quickly able to read the probability map Charlie, Amita and Larry developed. He’s off to catch Colby in the subway.

Now here comes a bit of math I really don’t understand. Usually, I will get Larry’s analogies, but this one escapes me. Fortunately, he wraps it up by wondering why people don’t realize that other people change their mind. Thank you Larry for summing up your short speech with big words that just made me feel like the way I used to write about Colby.

Subway: Don and the SWAT team catch Colby and Dwayne coming off the train. The spies jump across the tracks to put a passing train between themselves and the feds. In what I find to be the most interesting moment of trust, Don has his gun trained on Colby, but won’t shoot. As for Colby, in case we the audience needed any more proof of his loyalty, he stops Dwayne from shooting Don.

As for me, I totally cheer. My neighbours probably think I’m nuts.

Math Garage: While Don’s feeling all sorts of guilt for letting Colby get away, Charlie is trying to add that data into what I’m assuming is the title math of this eppesode.

When Don thinks that maybe he let Colby get away because he didn’t want to admit he was wrong about the younger agent. In response, Charlie verbally bitchslaps him to get over his ginormous ego and accept that he trusts Colby. Okay, maybe he says it far nicer than that because Charlie’s the sensitive type, but I’m not kidding about the use of the phrase “ginormous ego.”

Open Seas: I have a feeling we’ve taken a detour into CSI: Miami territory as we watch a very expensive boat taking the two spies out to a Chinese ship. Don’t the think a several hundred thousand dollar pleasure craft might be a bit obvious to the coast guard, particularly when it’s pulling up to a Chinese freighter?

As for Dwayne, he must truly be stupid because I can’t see how he couldn’t overhear Colby’s phone call to Don but yet he still thinks that the two of them are all in this together. Nice, with that outlook, Disney’s nicely written him a theme song. Except Disney never encouraged “suicide by cop” before going back to prison; this is exactly what Dwayne wants to do if they’re caught.

Handler’s House: David still burning over Colby’s betrayal, and inspiring 4589484568949 fanfics, refuses to accept any of Colby’s story. He thinks the whole handler thing is just to throw the Fedcakes off track.

What they find is a table with used hypodermic needles and the handler’s corpse. Oops! Somebody mishandled the handler.

IHOF: David’s sure Colby’s a big fat liar but Don and Megan aren’t sure. In fact, despite his protestations, I’m not sure David knows what he thinks anymore. The problem is, now that they’ve found the handler, everyone’s starting to ask questions.

Open Seas: Once onboard the Chinese ship, Colby’s confronted with his triple agent status by Batman Val Kilmer. Now, I could totally give you this guy’s character name and history, but really, it’s Val Kilmer being Val Kilmer and that’s all we need to know.

Speaking of need to know, Dwayne’s finally realized how dumb he really is.

IHOF: After talking to the guard in the transport, the team is still uncertain about what to do. (Okay, Megan and Don are uncertain; David’s still going with the “punch Colby in the head” theory of events.) The one thing they do know is that the spies will somehow try to get to China. I think they need to learn their clichés as “slow boat to China” really does apply here.

Cal Sci: In the most random moment of the eppesode, Alan’s at Charlie’s office. Why? No idea, other than he’s there to introduce the next Charlie-vision, which is brief and offers us absolutely no information. All Charlie says is that he needs to develop some expressions. No he doesn’t! I already gave him the necessary expression, “slow boat to China!”

The purpose of Alan is finally made clear; it was a contrived way to allow him to talk to David about his anger towards Colby. “He did not just forget to pick me up from the airport,” David insists. Like treason is worse? Come on David, one isn’t personal but forgetting to pick someone up at the airport, that is personal.

Still, Alan asks David to try and understand Colby before cutting off everything between them. David’s still not convinced.

Open Seas: Val Kilmer is giving us the back-story on his character. It sounds much lie Sydney Bristow’s as he was born and bred to be a spy. Although, I’d like to point out that spying isn’t exactly what he’s doing right now. He’s prepping Colby for torture and telling us Colby’s codenames were “Arabian Nights” and “Stalking Horse.”

Monastery: “I think I may need to find a new monastery,” Larry tells Charlie. Yeah, well, it’s easy for Charlie to find you when it’s on the grounds of Cal Sci! Foul set location staff! Foul, I say! You used this same location in the pilot. As a matter of fact, when I did my Supersecret recapping files (soon to be reposted here at Recapist, once it’s moved over from Fandom Talk), I even used a clip of it in the video I made retelling the adventures of my stealing the Fedcakes’ dossiers.

Foul I say! Think twice before you ever try to get anything by this recapper!

Oh yeah, are you curious as to what happened in the scene. It’s Larry being euphemistically-wise and Charlie running off to give Don the results of his trust metric. Seriously, that’s all that happened.

Open Seas: Val Kilmer’s given Colby a drug that will stop him from moving, and eventually make breathing difficult. I don’t mean to criticize his mad torture skillz but giving someone a drug, when you want them to talk, that makes talking more difficult, is counterproductive, isn’t it?

At least Dwayne is starting to feel guilty about watching his friend be tortured.

IHOF: Charlie, using yet another audience-vision explains to the Fedcakes what the audience already knows: Dwayne and Colby are on a Chinese Freighter. In all honestly, when the audience already knows these things, shouldn’t we call it Fedcake-vision?

Open Seas: For an interrogator, Val Kilmer certainly doesn’t give Colby much time to answer the questions. Because Colby’s not answering, he’s given a second drug. This one enhances pain receptors and makes a person want to move. Considering his first drug paralyzed him, shouldn’t that mean they cancel each other out, like two negative numbers when multiplying? Hey, look at that, I used a genuine math analogy. I knew this show would rub off on me eventually!

IHOF: Trying to take his mind off Colby’s betrayal, David does what he does best; he does some research and exposits which of the Chinese Freighters Colby and Dwayne are on. He’s even managed to find NSA satellite footage proving they boarded the boat and they’ve discovered Val Kilmer’s real identity by identifying another Fed vehicle at the port.

Val Kilmer is a mole at the DOJ, but somehow I think, at least I hope, that’s not the end of the DOJ story. I’d rather my connect-the-dots be right rather than wrong.

Charlie presents his trust metric and delivers his cheesiest line in this eppesode “Nothing we don’t already know in our hearts.” The reason why this didn’t make it as this weeks NPAL™ is because not only is Dwayne in this eppesode and I’ll always be predisposed to giving him the NPAL™ but also sometimes as a friend of mine put it, Charlie is cheese. He’s fine cheddar to Dwayne’s limburger.

The decision is already made, the Fedcakes are going to go rescue Colby before the ship moves out into international waters. Even David now doubts his belief that Colby is a traitor. Ah, faith in your team, they’re the mathkateers.

Open Seas: Back to the CSI: Miami flashback, the Fedcakes race out to Chinese Freighter. The extended shots of the boats I think are to remind us that Tony Scott is the director and when he directs, they have a lot more money for cool shots.

On board, knowing he’s never going to get anything out of Colby so Val Kilmer injects him with potassium chloride. I may not know what those other two drugs were or how to spell them, but this one I know is deadly.

Dwayne pleads with Colby to answer, not because he believes in the cause, but to save Colby’s life. Dwayne may be a traitorous ass, but at least he has one small shred of decency left.

It’s a firefight as the Fedcakes, resplendent in riot gear, board the boat. It’s now a race to get to Colby before Val Kilmer can kill him. Seconds after Colby’s injected, Dwayne shoots Val Kilmer, only to be immediately executed by the Chinese guard.

Great, now I’m left with mixed feelings about Dwayne. Thanks, like I needed something else to think about after postulating about Colby all summer.

The Fedcakes frantically try to save Colby’s life. David, whose skills of exposition are so great he can immediately recognize potassium chloride without reading the drug bottle, As Don orders a medic and checks on Dwayne, Rosencrantz tries to restart Guildenstern’s heart.

Hospital: Megan and David watch over Colby as he sleeps. Despite everything he’s just seen David’s still not ready to deal with Colby’s betrayal. This time it isn’t about the betrayal of the country, but this one is much more personal. This one is the equivalent of being forgotten at the airport not once, but one hundred times.

The aftermath of all this is great for continuity and even better for David’s development. I’m looking forward to seeing Rosencrantz and Guildenstern trying to get back on an even keel over the next few months.

Restaurant: Alan, Don, Charlie and Larry are out celebrating the success of the Fedcakes. I could be really immature and giggle over the fact Amita’s been left out, but I’m far more mature than that. No I’m not. Instead, I’ll choose to giggle over Larry drinking white wine. That’s just so Larry.

As we fade away with the discussion of Charlie retooling his paper on friendship dynamics, the audience is left with only one question, how will the Fedcakes reintegrate Colby into their fold?

Of course, being the person I am, I have the aforementioned question and one other one, posited in the screencap below.

Welcome back Numb3rs, it’s been a long summer.

Recapper Note: Due to the fact next week is Canadian Thanksgiving, the recap for the second eppesode will be posted by the Wednesday following the eppesode, not the Sunday. I will need that long to digest turkey.