The Hills: What Happens In Vegas... (Episode 309)

Don't make him mad. You wouldn't like him when he's mad.Audrina watches Lauren pack at home. Audrina asks Lauren if she got Brody anything. "We're flying to Vegas!" I guess that's present enough for Brody, who will be celebrating his 24th birthday in Las Vegas. Audrina reminds Lauren that Justin/Bobby will be meeting them at the airport. Will he be okay being the only guy in their caravan, which includes Lo and friend-of-Lauren Jill?

The familiar strains of "Unwritten" play over the opening credits. Lauren's eyeliner should really get their own credit, along with Audrina's teeth, Lo's eyelashes, Heidi's boobs, and Spencer's facial hair. Title of this week's ep is "What Happens In Vegas..." -- as far as "Hills" titles go, not their best. I came up with some alternative titles -- vote for your favorite in my new poll here. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about the fact that there was no Whitney this week.

It's Heidi and Spencer's first anniversary that weekend -- with a spa day and dinner at Don Antonio's, they've got a weekend of rest and relaxation ahead of them. And guess who still hasn't told his parents he's getting married? If you guessed "Spencer", you would be correct! Which doesn't win you too much -- just Heidi's hand in marriage! Oh, I kid. But seriously. When was he planning to tell them, Heidi and the rest of the world would like to know. Spencer jokingly says he was going to tell them after the wedding. Wrong answer. He tries to charm his way back into Heidi's good graces by asking "Who wouldn't want you as their daughter?" Spencer, I'm just guessing here but seeing as how you haven't told them yet, could the answer be "Your mom and dad?"

Just checking.

LAX. The airport, not the nightclub of the same name. Justin/Bobby is working some sort of wannabe Colin Farrell grunge look at LAX, waiting for the girls with a single bag and a guitar (!) at his sneaker-clad feet. A ginormous SUV holding the girls rolls up, and somebody inside squeals "He brought a guitar?!" as Audrina jumps out and hugs Justin/Bobby hello. Now, I know that Audrina is a very pretty girl. Chances are if I were young and cute and skinny I'd take more fashion risks myself. But Audrina -- an acid-washed denim vest? Why do you hurt me so? Justin/Bobby accompanies the girls inside, standing mutely while they try to joke around with him. If he's going to carry on like this, I guess that means no serenades on the plane, huh? In no time at all, the kids arrive at The Palms. They surprise Brody in his suite, where he is making the first of many birthday toasts with buddies Frankie and Taylor. I have to give it up to Brody, who managed to have a swell time and do his share of drinking with that cast still on his arm.

Bolthouse. Elodie gossips with exec. assistant Michelle, telling her about the Heidi job coup. She also informs Michelle that it's her last day -- she's definitely ready to take the next step in her career, whether it's at Bolthouse or not. Michelle seems genuinely shocked, and wonders if Elodie couldn't stick around longer and wait for another opportunity. I hear Michelle's point, but what if Heidi sneaks in and surprises Elodie unpleasantly again? And is Heidi always the last person into the office? I only ask because everyone always seems to be at work and busy when Heidi rolls in to the office. Almost as soon as Heidi sits down, Brent stops by to check in on the Emmy party scheduled for the next night. Elodie is very quiet and still as Heidi stammers that the party is ready to go, and will be covered even though Heidi herself will be off for the night, celebrating her anniversary. Brent's all "I don't care as long as it's covered" though I'm pretty sure that, judging by the silence, that the party is a bit of a big deal. And if Heidi just got this promotion, isn't this the kind of thing she'd want to cover herself, anniversary or not?

After the commercial break, we're back to Bolthouse. After the chat with Brent, Heidi approaches Elodie at her desk. Heidi asks Elodie if everything is set for the Emmy event, and Elodie replies in the affirmative. Then, a bit lamely: "Tomorrow night is my anniversary, so..." Elodie, taking the bait/cue, asks if Heidi wants her to cover. Heidi awkwardly says yes. Elodie is fine with this, too. Now those of you at home are probably thinking "But didn't Elodie quit?" Yeah, because we know that it's Elodie's last day. But does Heidi? Just think on that for, like a second. Heidi tries to broach the promotion topic again. "It's business. It's nothing personal." Elodie says that she couldn't agree more. Which is a lie, but still, I cackle in support at my laptop.

Lauren and Lo are sharing a room at the Palms. Getting ready for dinner with token chubby pal Jill, they talk about how Justin/Bobby hasn't said a word to them all day. Lauren's not surprised as they've not been nice to him. Lo thinks they can win him over, and makes the first wager of the weekend -- first of them to make Justin/Bobby smile wins... what? Dinner is at N9NE Steakhouse. Jill and Lo buy Justin/Bobby a shot. He ignores it, which just seems wrong to me. No shot should go ignored -- every shot should be loved and consumed posthaste! Another toast for Brody, who exposits that Spencer's birthday was a mere eight days before his. He'd actually sent Spencer a text message, but got no reply. Lauren just smiles and turns up the flirt. Her attentions don't go unnoticed either by Brody or by Frankie, who calls Lauren on it during post-dinner drinks. Frankie tries to get Lauren to admit that she and Brody could be more than friends: "Admit it, dude... You have this chemistry, you're attracted to each other, so what are you waiting for?" Oh don't be such a drag, Frankie. The night continues on well into morning, which finds the boys wearing hangover sunglasses and recounting how out of their minds they were the night before. But tonight's the night, as Taylor says "last night was child's play." Ooh, is it on? Meanwhile, the girls (except for Audrina) are poolside, curled up in what looks like a gigantic rattan pod. Of course, since Audrina isn't there, they talk about her and Justin/Bobby. Still determined to be Justin/Bobby's friend, they will buy him another shot that night. With that matter taken care of, they turn on Lauren. "What's going on with you and Brody?" "Nothing." "Whatever."

That night finds the Vegas crew at Pure, in what looks like the VIP section -- white beds for lounging, elevated above a dance floor packed with people. Lo and Frankie make out! The girls dance! The boys toast! Brody asks Lauren, rather coyly, where his birthday kiss is. Lauren, just as coyly, replies: "You want a birthday kiss?" You see where this is going. MWAH! Audrina peers over at them, a curious look on her face. Afterwards, Lo teases Lauren: "You kissed Brody!" Lauren remains silent, though looks rather pleased with herself.

Back in LA, Spencer and Heidi arrive at Don Antonio's for their anniversary dinner, finding their usual booth covered in candles and rose petals. Spencer double-checks that Heidi really has the night off. Heidi assures him she's cool, as long as Elodie covers for her. Ooh...

The Palms. The girls are trying out Brody's round spinning bed. And when I say "trying out", I mean "gossiping about Justin/Bobby". The girls tell Audrina that they're convinced that Justin hates them. And I guess they really do care, as they call him Justin instead of "Justin/Bobby". Audrina overreacts and promises that she'll just blow him off to make her friends happy. Lauren isn't happy about this, either, and stomps off to sulk on the balcony. Audrina takes this as her cue, and leaes the suite, presumably to sulk too while Justin serenades her. Oh gosh I hope so.

Heidi and Spencer are still at Don Antonio's, studying menus when Heidi's cell rings. Ignoring Spencer, who says it's rude to answer your phone when you're on a date (thanks for the etiquette lesson), Heidi takes the call. It's Michelle. Guess who's nowhere to be found? Elodie. And guess who now knows that Elodie quit the previous day? That's right -- Heidi! It's win-win! Except that it's not. As soon as Heidi tells Michelle "See you soon." Spencer gets this insane, mad man look on his face. I swear it would have been genuinely scary if Spencer had a proper beard, but I guess you can' t have everything. Going on the defensive, Heidi is all "You wanted me to have this promotion", blah blah blah. Spencer glowers. Heidi: "I love you!" Spencer: "No, you don't. " *Gulp* -- they get up and leave. Worst. Anniversary. Ever.

Back at Brody's suite, Lauren and Brody are just getting closer. Lauren protests briefly, as she objects to what she thinks is Brody taking Justin's side over hers. He calmly reminds her that there is no real reason for Lauren to be upset. As far as he's concerned, the only people who are involved in the argument with Justin and Lo are... Justin and Lo. It's really Lo who's been pushing, and Brody just wants to mediate because he considers them all to be his friends. Lauren actually accepts this, pecks Brody on the lips, and curls up with him on the couch. Are these exes going to succeed where formerly Lauren and Jason had failed? I guess we shall find out...