Beauty And The Geek: Double Dare (Episode #29)

Double Dare

I do not like pretty men. It's not all pretty men, now that I think about it, but the ones on reality television usually end up being, well, just wrong somehow. That he is a "Beauty" is one of the reasons why I have disliked Sam, the actor/model sent in to act as the male Beauty, since I first laid eyes on him. I hate how much hair product he uses and the way he’s always sucking in his face to show off his cheek bones and the way he actually talks about how great looking he is. Although he has all the accoutrements of the good-looking 20-something, he actually looks a little stupid, and I just don't like him. He'd have to save sick children who had been lit on fire for me to believe he cares about anything other than himself. And I don’t see that happening this season.

Sam the "Beauty"

Let me get this out of the way quickly. Once John and Natalie returned to the group following the elimination round in which they’d done away with Tony and Amanda, the champagne flowed, everyone partied, and it was clear that the entire group were getting along and having a good time.

John and Natalie

Erin Beautied to the camera that she was really glad John and Natalie were back because she and Jessie share a bathroom with them and it’s fun, making it clear that she really is kind of a dumb blonde. I mean, who doesn’t value the elimination, eviction is the word I’d prefer, of bathroom mates? The less the better, I say.

Erin

So Sam, being, you know, THAT guy, decided everyone should play Truth or Dare. Following a series of embarrassing booty dances and almost-but-not-quite strip teases (the most embarrassing being Sam’s—I’m just sayin’), Rebecca and Sam’s flirting had risen to such a level that Hollie, the professional Betty Boop impersonator (no way I believe that’s all she really does) who has quickly become my new favorite (she completely, to her detriment, I fear, out-Geeks the Geeks by asking about what anime they brought and talking about her favorites—Bitch could be an undercover Geek! Then again, probably not.), goes ahead and just dares them to make out. In fact, she tells them to get a room. I guess that THAT girl always has to be there, too; the one who gets sick of watching a person beg to be dared to kiss someone else. I’ve been that girl. I’ve been dared by that girl. I’m so glad I’m in my 30’s now and I can’t even remember the last game of Truth or Dare I played. Ouch. Nevermind. Just remembered it. I think I was 19, though, so it really doesn’t count. Sorry. Back to the show.

Rebecca

Sam and Rebecca spend the rest of it making out. If Sam and Rebecca don’t seem to have much to say in this episode, that’s because they each had an extra tongue in their mouths for most of it. And Sam keeps wearing one of those little cowboy hats that, while hot on Bono sometime in the 90’s, is now a really tired way for vain men to hide their hair. He wears this stupid hat for a lot of the show, so I have to silence him. Lucky me: He’s not talking anyway. Seems it’s hard to talk and grab Rebecca’s ass and moan at the same time.

The other Beauties are as sicked out as I am, joking that while Rebecca seems to have birds chirping around her, Sam seems to have condoms breaking around him. ZING! They miss Rebecca hanging out with them and they don’t believe Sam really cares for her. Perceptive, these brainless Beauties are. Hollie misses Rebecca, with whom she'd become particularly close and who will later throw her under the bus, but, shhh, don't tell her yet. John, is not happy about this turn of events. He voiceovers that it changes everything, absolutely everything, but we don’t get to hear him elaborate.

John

Another interesting incident or two happened during Truth or Dare. Nicole, the female Geek, is asked if she is attracted to any men in the house. Have these people never played Truth or Dare before? That question is way too vague. She blushes adorably and says yes, but that’s all she’s saying because that’s all she was asked. The Geeks all orgasm in unison. But for all they know, she could be interested in Sam, which would be heartbreaking to all. She Geeks to the camera that she’s always on the lookout for the Alpha Nerd, so we know it’s one (or more) of her co-Geeks and I wish upon a star that Nicole gets some before the end of the season. Maybe with Luke. Or John.

Nicole

I'd wish for Tony, but they booted him last week. (Tony? Why haven’t you called? I promise I’m as disinterested in the Razorbacks as you are.) Besides Nicole’s crush, there’s a moment where Sam is dared to give her, essentially, a lap dance. One of the Beauties is sitting next to her and asks if she’s comfortable with that. Nicole is not comfortable with that. I’m with you, sister! Tell him to back that ass up, all the way across the room, and then just keep on backing it up some more after that.

Anyway, the Beauties gang up and insist that Sam not do that to Nicole. The Spice Girls get back together, tickets sell out in a matter of minutes, and girl power is back in action! I just liked the way the Beauties wanted to protect Nicole even though they see the team of Sam and Nicole as a threat to be done away with. They're not going to let her suffer at the hands of a brute. They'll let Rebecca suffer at his hands, but she pretty much puts those hands where she wants, so there’s not much The Beauties can do. Rebecca does get in a great quote, however, when she describes Sam as "rugged."

Honey? He’s not rugged. He’s metro. Watch yourself. It doesn't matter that you share a zodiac sign. All he’s sharing with you is camera time.

This week’s challenge for the Beauties is the study of anatomy and physiology. Geeky host Mike makes a joke about finding the coccyx. The Beauties laugh because they hear "cock" and the Geeks laugh because they know what the word actually means. Everyone is laughing at Rebecca and Sam. The Beauties are left on their own to study while the Geeks go off on their challenge. The Beauties spend the entire time gossiping about Rebecca and Sam. Except for Rebecca and Sam, who spend their time studying one another’s anatomy. Before he leaves, though, Rebecca gives Will a secret sign that she has a leg up on this one. She’s a massage therapy student and so has done a lot of course work on the subject. She’s not worried--Sam should be worried. But, he’s THAT guy, so he never worries. He knows it'll work out for him, one way or another.

The Geeks' challenge is on courtship. They are taken to an outdoor /farmers market area and each given $100 to spend putting together the ideal gift basket for a woman. First of all, a gift basket? And second of all, a gift basket? Nicole thinks she’ll do well since she should know better than the male Geeks what a woman would want in a gift basket. You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But explain, then why her basket features feathers and a card, made with what looks like a piece trash and a crayon, that says, "To My Lady Love," on the front. This is what Nicole wants from a man? I still like her and all, but, Lady Love?

Mike Richards tells them right off, don’t bother with flowers, sweet foods, wine, or the normal things that may come to mind. Get creative, he suggests. So, of course, Uber-Geek Joshua (definitely not the Alpha Geek), heads to a bakery and buys a strawberry pie, Which later gets crushed in its box, but is still used as the centerpiece in his basket. OOOPS! Did I just give away that Joshua and Shay (Hang in there Little Rock!) don’t win this challenge? Even after the Beauties joke that it looks like the pie from the movie "American Pie"? Yuck! (Sorry, there's no photo of it to be found.)

Mr. American Pie

LARPer goes for stickers. Will buys an ugly necklace. Jesse goes for unicorns, ponies, and hats, because girls love that shit, right? Pink hats and ponies, because girls like pink, right?

Back at the mansion the Beauties judge the gift baskets without knowing which Geek made which basket. The top two are Jesse and Will. Jesse, who said he wanted his to be cutesy with a touch of romantic, did include unicorns. And ponies. And coloring books. I never realized that unicorns and coloring books were so romantic, but apparently I’m no Beauty. Will’s is nice looking—very professional, actually. Shay falls particularly hard for it. I think it’s a strong contender because he actually had a theme. Will wins. I feel a little bad for Jesse, but it’s hard to feel bad for a guy who woos adult women with coloring books. Then again, it was his partner, Erin, who loved the ponies and hat and coloring book and a little romance between the two would be cute.

Jesse and Erin

Will actually begins power-tripping for having won the Geek challenge two weeks in a row. Will. Dude. It was a GIFT BASKET! You don’t get on your high horse for that. In order to punish everyone else, he decides to show off the "cadence and voice" skills he probably picked up in drama club by making his housemates sit around as he reads way too much Poe to them. I am not as impressed with his timbre as he is and the Beauties think he’s a big jerk for acting like some kind of star. They're right. He's being a big jerk. And they're overly polite sitting and listening patiently to all of it.

King Will

Sam seems kind of pissed at Nicole for not winning this challenge and says he’ll have to step up and be immune every single time—implying: without her help. Oh, Sam. Some editor just set you up something big. The Beauties’ anatomy exam requires them to identify body parts on their partners, who are stripped to boxers (except in the case of Nicole, who has on double tank tops, of course, and still worries what her mother will think).

Nicole and Sam

Sam loses when asked to identify the left earlobe. He picks the right. Way to step up your game, dude! But, to be fair, Sam isn’t the only who makes that mistake, as several Beauties mix up right and left on ear lobe and appendix identification. Ultimately, Rebecca was correct about her anatomy background. Despite all the dry humping, she pulls out a win, meaning that she and Will have the power to pick both teams who will face elimination (insert own poop joke).

Will and Rebecca are unsure which teams to nominate. They realize that whichever couple comes back from elimination is going to be pissed at them because they were ones who nominated them.

Rebecca and Will

Will, being a big puss, says he won’t put up Sam and Nicole, even though you know he and everyone else in the world thinks he should, except that we love Nicole. Ultimately, Rebecca chooses Hollie and Josh and I want to kick her ass so badly because her excuse is so lame. She claims Hollie is already geeky and smart enough and Josh charming enough that they don’t need to be there. It’s clear Rebecca is just saying that so that if they are the couple that comes back, they won’t be mad at her since she tried to make it a compliment to send them home. Will chooses Erin and Jesse, claiming they don’t interact with anyone in the house except one another. I would love it if that were true, but it’s just not. We’ve seen them both participating in group activities and socializing with everyone else in the house. Erin cries and calls him on it, but she can’t do anything about it.  No excuse except an honest, "They are too big a threat," is going to work with $100,000 at stake.

The challenges were so easy this week that the elimination room is a dud. The questions are super easy and each Beauty and each Geek gets every question right (questions about gift baskets and romance? DUHHH….), right up until they don’t. Josh has the final question and is asked which anniversary is associated with leather.  He doesn't know and has to guess. He guesses incorrectly (it’s ninth, if you’re wondering) and he and Hollie are out. And I am pissed. Hollie may have seemed too smart for a show that actually advertises the female contestants as "intellectually challenged," because she likes anime. Then again, it’s not such a stretch that a Betty Boop impersonator would have animation of any sort as an interest.

Hollie and Josh

Hollie and Josh make cute for the camera as they leave, while Erin vows revenge on Will and Rebecca. Yahoo! Trouble is brewing. I’ve enjoyed everyone getting along, but, come on. It’s reality TV. We need some backstabbing, and not just the obvious and pathetic kind we’re going to get from Sam.

Next week: America voted on their favorite challenges and the Beauties and Geeks will have to do those. They appear to be some sort of physical fitness challenge for the Beauties and a massage challenge for the Geeks. Also, Nicole gets really upset about Sam and his ho'ing ways. It’s unclear exactly why, but my guess? He hooks up with someone besides Rebecca, making the target on their backs twice as large. Tune in.

And here's an interview with Hollie and Josh.