Pushing Daisies: Pie Lette (Episode 101)

"Pushing Daisies": Exceeds USDA's recommended allowances for cuteness, snark, and pies. The Narrator (Jim Dale, who is known to most folks in the US as the voice of the "Harry Potter" audiobooks) introduces us to Ned, aged 9 years, and his dog, Digby, aged 3 years. Ned and Digby live in Coeur d'Coeurs -- at least, Digby did until he was hit by a truck after running just a shade too long out of the biggest field of CGI daisies I've ever seen. Ned finds Digby lying in the road, perfectly still (and perfectly clean for a hit-and-run victim) and a goner. Ned touches Digby's adorable face one last time, and is amazed when Digby pops up and runs towards home. At this moment, the Narrator tells us, Ned understands that he is not like other children. I would say so. Ned runs home after Digby, not noticing a newly expired squirrel falling out a tree.

They have a wonderful time stomping all over the miniature model city Chuck has built in her yard. If only I could ever go on a date that looked as fun.

The first problem with Ned's gift is plain: while it is a gift, it is also a mystery. It does not come from any particular person or thing. There are no rules or instructions, no limits or concerns that Ned can see. Someone that does concern Ned at present is Chuck, the girl next door. Chuck looks up from the dead fly in his mother's kitchen to see Chuck frolicking in her yard. While Chuck's father washes the station wagon, Chuck cavorts in an insect costume. Almost immediately, Ned is at her side, wearing a monster costume. They have a wonderful time stomping all over the miniature model city Chuck has built in her yard. If only I could ever go on a date that looked as fun. Almost as soon as the fun has begun, it's over. Back at home, Ned's mother is about to get a fresh pie out of the oven when a blood vessel in her head bursts, killing her instantly. Acting quickly, Ned touches her awake, and she wakes up, unaware that mere moments before she was properly dead. As she gets her pie out of the oven, Ned sees the consequences of his action: because his own mother lives longer than a minute, Chuck's father passes away. He hadn't even finished washing the car. Ned is devastated, but at least his mother can still tuck him in at night. This, however, is short-lived, as Ned's mother dies again when she kisses him. And this time, nothing can bring her back. Before the newly orphaned Ned and Chuck are separated -- Ned's father sends him to boarding school, Chuck is taken in by eccentric aunts Lily and Vivian -- they meet at the parents' respective funerals, enjoying their first (and last, as it turns out) kiss. It's a tasteful long shot, done in silhouette -- thankfully, Ned does not slip her some tongue.

19 years, 34 weeks, 1 day, and 59 minutes later, Ned is terrified of social interaction. Which is a shame because he's adorable and I can think quite a few ladies (and some gents) who would love to socialize with him. He is a pie-maker. Also, somehow, Digby is still alive -- how do you live for 19 years without petting your dog? Is there a stick you can buy? Those questions and more are to be punted for the time being, as we need to get back to the pies. Ned owns The Pie Hole, which is so deliciously cute and retro that I want to move into one of its booths and eat pie all day. The light fixtures look like gigantic cherries. Ned's pies are gorgeous, and probably insanely inexpensive as he can revive dead fruit for them with a single touch. Why buy fruit when you can just dig it out of a dumpster? Ned bakes the pies while Olive Snook the waitress serves them up.

One of Ned's customer's is Emerson Cod (I bet he's a fisherman), a private detective (ooh, I was wrong) who also happens to be the only person who knows Ned's secret. Is this hard to believe, as it is fully 19 years after Ned discovers his strange gift, or totally believable given Ned's anti-social tendencies? Dunno, but we must accept that, while chasing down a suspect who falls from the top of a building to his death, Emerson sees the suspect revived when Ned touches him, and die again when Ned deflects a blow from the suspect. Emerson, not being a fool, makes a proposition to Ned -- Emerson takes murder cases, Ned touches the victim, the victim says who the killer is before Ned touches for the last time, and Emerson and Ned split the reward. As The Pie Hole is on the brink of financial ruin, Ned agrees.

Ned and Emerson are discussing what to call the victims while they are temporarily alive in Ned's (and sometimes Emerson's) presence. Emerson throws out "living dead", which Ned doesn't like as much as he does "alive again". There is a brief (and slightly unsettling) confusion over necrophilia and narcolepsy at which point Olive pipes up that she used to think "masturbation meant chewing your food." The boys give Olive a moment to look appalled and mutter that she knows the difference now before she excuses herself.

Emerson has a case for them -- local entrepreneur Leonard Gaswint is dead, allegedly mauled to death by Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe is a Chow, the Gaswint family dog, and the only known witness and suspect. Unless Ned and Emerson can find out who really did it, it's eternal sleep for Cantaloupe. At the morgue, the boys get past what must be the most gullible coroner alive, for a talk with Leonard. Emerson recoils at the sight of Leonard, who is missing the right side of his face, so Ned talks to him alone. Leonard is quite relieved to tell the truth -- it was his secretary who, having been mad at Leonard since last year's Christmas party, sicced her Rottweiler on Leonard. Ned sends Leonard back for good, and Cantaloupe is freed.

While Ned and Emerson work the case, Olive looks after Digby at her apartment. Olive's apartment is like her -- sunny, girly, and maybe a touch too cheerful for her own good. The Narrator tells us that Olive enjoys sitting with Digby, as this time is a surrogate for the physical connection she wishes she had with Ned. When Ned appears to collect Digby, Olive turns on the charm, flirtatiously wondering why Digby is so neurotic. When Ned admits that he doesn't touch Digby, pleading an allergy, this pushes Olive further -- does Ned ever touch anything or anyone with affection? Before Olive succeeds in grasping the lanky Ned in her tiny (seriously, Kristin Chenoweth is 4'11", people), Ned asks for Digby's leash. While Olive looks for the leash, Ned is transfixed by the evening news, specifically by a report of a young woman's body found at sea, apparently thrown overboard from the ship where she was just murdered. The next day at the diner, Emerson goes over the details the next day -- there is a $50,000 reward for the young woman, who hailed from Coeur d'Coeurs. Her name? Charlotte Charles, aka "Chuck". On the bus to Coeur d'Coeurs, Ned comes clean about his history with Chuck. He never saw her again, but knows for sure that she was not only his first kiss but his first love. While Ned never returned to Coeur d'Coeurs after boarding school, he never stopped thinking about Chuck.

At the funeral home, the smarmy-looking funeral director lets Ned and Emerson to see Chuck. Reminding Ned that he only has a minute, Emerson permits Ned some privacy with Chuck. Well, Chuck's casket, which looks not so much like a coffin but a jewelry box. Ned takes a moment with Chuck, who is lovely and festively attired in a gold sequined smock. The Narrator says gently that only Prince Charming could know how he felt. Should he touch her on the lips? Too forward. But the cheek is quite right. Ned touches Chuck, and she springs back to life, yanking his tie forward to bang his head on the coffin lid, then springing up with a chair to defend herself. After Ned introduces himself again, Ned admits that he would like to hug her, but he has to know before she dies again -- who killed Chuck? She doesn't know -- she never saw her assailant, as he or she had snuck up behind her while she was foraging around in the icemaker for her dropped room key. She does know that nobody's called her Chuck since Ned did. Chuck also doesn't seem to mind that she has to die, as long as Ned will be her last kiss. They agree that it's not weird, but magical. Aw. Ned leans in to kiss but cannot. He wants to, but asks Chuck "what if [she] didn't have to be dead?" His hesitation cost the funeral director his life at the precise moment he chose to visit the men's room. Ew. Thinking quickly, Ned asks Chuck to get back into her coffin, while he figures out how to rescue her from the funeral home. He leaves the room long enough to get rid of a suspicious Emerson, but it's long enough for the hearse to take the coffin, Chuck and all, away to the cemetery.

On the ride, Chuck blissfully contemplates her life after her father's death, and her separation from Ned. What had started out as idiosyncrasies became, for the aunts, social disorders which prohibited them from leaving the house. And as they couldn't not leave home, Chuck couldn't leave them. She read a lot of books about the many places she wished to see. She founded Honey for the Homeless, keeping her own bees. The books and the bees, though, were not enough to cure her travel bug, so at the Boutique Travel Travel Boutique, Chuck finally booked the fateful boat trip. Where she was murdered. And then revived. And then rescued, when Ned finally catches up to her at the cemetery, helping her out of the coffin for good. Only Sleeping Beauty could know how she felt, the Narrator explains. Double "Aw!" That night at The Pie Hole, Ned lays out the rules. No hugs, even if Ned is very anxious and needs one badly. And no visiting the aunts. Chuck counters that they never leave their house -- who would they tell? Chuck also wants to know if Ned had planned to bring her back, and he admits that he thought about it but wasn't absolutely sure until he actually did it. Ned takes her upstairs to his apartment, where Chuck is glad to see Digby, and surprised to learn that Digby, just like her, is alive because of ned. And now to bed -- Ned takes the sofa, and gives Chuck his bed. While Ned adorably passes out almost immediately on the sofa, Chuck stays up late to watch the news. Learning of the reward for the capture of her killer, she wakes Ned up for an explanation. Would he have saved her if there hadn't been a reward? Was he ever going to tell her about it? And did he know that the reward was put up by the travel boutique through which she booked her cruise? While he lamely sputters something about justice and telling her eventually, she susses out the partnership with Emerson. Chuck's not mad, but just needs to know if Ned wants the reward after all. Chuck goes back to bed, but doesn't sleep. She touches the wall separating her from Ned, while in the living room Ned touches the same spot on his wall.

Bitch, I was in proximity!

The next morning, Chuck wakes up to find a note from Ned pleading with her not to leave the apartment. Of course, she immediately sneaks down to the diner, meeting neighbor Olive in the hallway. Olive, surprised to see a strange girl emerging from Ned's apartment (and clad in a trench coat, scarf, sunglasses, and heels), can only ask "Does he touch you?" before they meet Ned and Emerson at The Pie Hole. In the kitchen, Emerson grills Ned about whether or not Ned is in love with Chuck. He doesn't say but he does come clean about being responsible for her dad's death. And PS: Chuck doesn't know. Emerson isn't happy to learn that the funeral director died when Ned let Chuck live. More than anything, he's pissed because he was so close to being the one: "Bitch, I was in proximity!"

Ned's not proud of what happened, but he is glad it wasn't Emerson who bought the farm. Chuck interrupts, insisting to the boys that she is not who they think she is. She was, in her own words, hoisted by her own petard. She seems to blame herself for her own demise, as the trip came with a catch -- her Tahitian trip was free as long as she picked up a package containing two plaster monkeys for Didi Duffield, owner of the Boutique Travel Travel Boutique. Didi insisted the only value in the monkeys was purely sentimental, but it's enough to get the three back to Didi's office, where they find Didi dead, a plastic bag over her head. Ned brings Didi back to life, but only long enough for her to admit that she knew the trip and its mission would be dangerous. Before she tells them who killed her, she impulsively leans over to stroke Ned's cheek, having found him sufficiently adorable. Of course, Didi dies instantly.

Though they are still without a kiler, they remember something else -- Didi may not have the monkeys, but neither does the killer. Chuck had dropped they keys to her room in the ship icemaker, and the ship's crew would have sent her things to her next-of-kin -- Lily and Vivian. A great revelation sure, but too bad they're not the only ones -- the killer (who wears alligator shoes, apparently) is already at at the aunts' house. The three don't know this as they drive up, though I would hope by this point they would have guessed the killer might be on the trail as well. Chuck wants to come in, but Ned won't let her. Chuck wants to hug Ned, but Ned won't let her. Instead, she hugs Emerson, who looks like he doesn't want it but I'm sure is probably the person who needs it most. Who wouldn't after spending a day running around with Ned and Chuck? The Narrator gives us the aunts' backstory -- formerly the synchronized swimming stars known as the Darling Mermaid Darlings, Lily and Vivian's career was cut short after Lily lost an eye in an encounter with some dirty cat sand (ew!). As recluses after "the incident", they welcomed Chuck into their house and into their lives. A good cook and a nice girl, Chuck's only flaw was her puberty coinciding with Lily's menopause. While Ned and Emerson wince down memory lane, Chuck climbs up a trellis to her old room. The case containing the monkeys sits on her bed. Not wanting to be remembered as the lonely tourist, Chuck steals the monkeys. This is moments before Lily comes upstairs for the case. Finding the case, Lily takes it out of the room when she is attacked by the masked plastic bag killer.

Still downstairs, Ned tries to break out of his comfort zone and comfort Vivian with a simple touch. Not knowing that Vivian doesn't like to be touched, this does not go well. Ned excuses himself to help Lily with the case, and is of course set upon by the killer. Chuck, though, comes up from behind to surprise the killer by hitting over the head with case. For a recently dead girl, girlfriend packs a surprising wallop. The killer turns and is shocked to see Chuck, alive and looking very pretty in a red and white floral halter dress. He barely gets to squeak out "Didn't I kill you?" before Lily (who can hold her breath for a very long time -- she was a synchronized swimmer, y'all!) blasts him out the window with a shotgun. Chuck and Ned stand frozen in the hall for a moment before they realize that, having only her left eye left, Lily can't see Chuck. Realizing this, Chuck sneaks out, giving the killer (dead now, and lying in the backyard) a swift kick before disappearing. Ned is happy (and maybe just a bit relieved) that Chuck had saved his life. So I guess this means they're even now? Sure -- as long as you don't tell her about your role in her father's death, the rest should be a piece of cake. Or pie. Oh man, do I really want dessert.

It's in the news that Lily and Vivian, having nabbed their niece's murderer, use the reward money to take themselves on a nice trip. Also that the Darling Mermaid Darlings may be planning a comeback performance to benefit Honey for the Homeless.

At The Pie Hole, Chuck still wants to know if Ned was being selfless when he saved her. Ned allows that he was being selfish for selfish reasons, which I suppose is just a copout-y way of saying "I've been in love with you all my life and by the way I think I killed your dad." Ned wants to tell her about her dad's death, but does not. Chuck gives Ned one of the monkeys, keeping one for herself, and thanks him again for bringing her back. And if you and your beloved had a pair of monkeys, what would you do? If you're just anybody, you let them kiss like Precious Moments figurines. If you're Chuck and Ned, you smash them together, which is awesome -- not just because smashing plaster monkeys is hilarious, but also because those monkeys are actually made of gold.

So do we think Ned and Chuck are actually boyfriend/girlfriend? I'd say so, but if the words "I love you" haven't yet been spoken, I guess what we have is this sort of delicious flirtation. If the mystery of their relationship is yet unsolved, what's clear is that Emerson and Ned have gotten a new partner. Back in the morgue, after assuring the coroner that Chuck is merely a toxicologist, they wake up Matthew Miltenberger, 37, found in a lobster tank at a local restaurant. Before Ned asks how he died, Chuck sweetly inquires if Matthew has any last words or requests. While Emerson rolls his eyes, Ned looks over with genuine amazement and says it never occurred to him to ask that before. Clasping his hands behind his back, Ned imagines he is holding Chuck's hand while Chuck beams at him, pretending the same while her own hands are entwined behind her.