Supernatural: "The Magnificent Seven" (Episode 301)

It's Demon Season.

Welcome back to the best show that no one is watching. I love this show with a love that is usually used by twenty something girls towards Buffy, by lesbians towards Xena or by Spy towards Doctor Who . I spend a lot of my time on Recapist criticizing and mocking the television I watch, but in the case of Supernatural all of my ire is reserved for the network. What does it take for The CW to become a real network? They thought that if they combined the programming power of UPN and The WB that they would end up with a real network, however instead of combining the ratings shares of the two networks, they ended up in the exact same place, if not lower than ever. For the love of god, CW shows get beat by Telemundo. I know, I know, Telemundo is popular, but come on! It’s a real shame that Supernatural has to endure this pretender network and despite a plan for only a five-year arc, I wouldn’t be surprised if this series outlasts yet another net-let.

By the way, there’s an excellent interview with creator Eric Kripke up at The Futon Critic. He sounds like an excellent guy and someone who should creating television for a better network where people might actually see his work. One of the interesting things he mentioned was his desire to return to a simpler season arc like the first season’s “Find Dad.” I guess that means this season is going to be “Save Dean… without killing Sam.”

THEN: We start with a kickass montage of episodes past set to AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells”. Let’s see Gossip Girl do that.

NOW: We begin with an average suburban neighborhood with an average looking guy taking out the trash. His trash cans start rattling and my fiancée and I have post-traumatic flashbacks to The X-Files’s garbage monster. But as the lights starts flickering, we know that Supernatural won’t go that route (at least not again – I’m looking at you Racist Truck). Over the horizon comes the Thunderstorm of Hell that Sam and Dean unleashed, looking suspiciously like the smoke monster from Lost. The average guy turns to run inside and close his windows so Hell doesn’t get on all his furniture. But before he can, one streams of smoke flies up into his mouth, possessing him and turning his eyes black. In the distance we see the same thing happening all over the city.

Not Flames. Titles (boo). --- Storm Clouds. Titles.

Sam is busy trying to find ways to save Dean’s life, but Dean’s focusing on living his: eating whatever he wants, driving fast, hooking up with the Doublemint twins. Bobby calls up with some info. Sam (stupidly) tries to interrupt Dean’s coitus, but he don’t mind none. Moments later, careening down the state highways, Dean and Sammy catch us up on what’s been happening. Despite killing the Yellow-Eyed Demon and unleashing a good chunk of Hell, things have been strangely quiet. So they’re back to following omens. In this case, Cicadas and failing crops. Not much considering the amount of evil that they released. Thunderstorms of Hell were sighted over no less than seventeen cities, yet the demons seem to be waiting for something instead of starting their war.

Sam and Dean arrive at a farm house and the sound of Cicadas is in full effect. Bobby is there and notes Dean’s crazy cholesterol-heavy diet. They roll into the house to find the Recapist team after dealing with the fall season, that is a whole family dead on the couch watching… Dallas? They follow some movement outside just to have Dean assaulted by the evil black dude Hunter… wait, but that’s not him. He’s in jail and I’m apparently a racist (truck?). Instead it’s another Hunter couple that Bobby apparently knows. Sort of a Badass Wayne Brady and his British Wife. By the way, mad props to Kripke and company for not following the fall trend of English actors faking American accents for no real reason. Why can’t these characters be English? The boys want to investigate the omens with the Hunter couple, but they’re loners like the typical Hunters. Plus, Sammy has an utter lack of tact and asks them how they got into hunting. Gee, Sammy, how did you get into hunting? Dead mom and girlfriend ring a bell? Dean’s flirting with a girl in the coroner’s office, because impending death has apparently turned him into a horndog. He learns that the family died of dehydration and starvation, despite a stocked kitchen being only yards away. The Hunter couple doesn’t want to deal with the Boy Hunters who were stupid enough to bring around the end of the world. Outside, spying on the house, is Mysterious Blonde Chick. Who is she? Is she a Meg-type demon? Who knows.

Elsewhere, we see the average suburban guy from the beginning of the episode wander into a clothing store. He has a conversation with a woman with a He-Man jaw and puts a suggestion in her head that she wants a pair of shoes that another woman is holding. Jaw Lady walks up and requests the shoes nicely. The other woman doesn’t comply so moments later Jaw Lady smashes the other woman’s skull into a windshield, killing her in a totally badass way. She got her shoes, now if she could only get a jaw reduction.

The Winchester crew shows up to investigate the strange slaying, but Dean is more interested in getting laid. Sam takes him to task, but Dean plays the sympathy card. Bobby’s all dressed up to suss out information, but Dean points out the security cameras. He actually is working. They review the tape and see our Average Demon Guy planting a suggestion in the Jaw Lady. Outside, Sam is followed momentarily by the Mysterious Blonde Chick, who vanishes somewhat supernatural like when Sammy turns his head.

Later, Dean and Bobby are staking out a bar which they determined is known hangout of Average Demon Guy. Sam arrives with information about the guy’s identity, telling the Winchester team that the guy is possessed. They decide to proceed very carefully since they don’t know what these demons are capable of… plus they don’t have any way of stopping them outside of exorcism. And it’s difficult to get a demon to sit still for an exorcism. But their plans go out the window when Badass Wayne Brady and Brit Wife waltz right into the bar. Inside, the two are stopped by a skinhead who says that they don’t want their kind in this bar. Hunters, that is. What did you think? Racist. The bar is full of demons and the Winchester team is locked out. Not good.

The demons start messing with the couple and Wayne Brady is given the suggestion to have a drink… of Drain-o. It kills him pretty much instantly. They’re about to start in on Brit Wife, when Bobby’s car come smashing through the door! Thank god it wasn’t the Impala. The guys come in splashing holy water around, fending off the demons. They grab Brit Wife and they manage to trap Average Demon Guy in the cars trunk, with a binding seal drawn on the lid of the trunk. Awesome.

Back at the house, the crew has the demon held and they convince Brit Wife not to go back to the bar. It’s a suicide mission, but Dean is more than willing to volunteer. Bobby identifies the demons as actual personifications of the seven deadly sins. After Dean makes a hilarious, yet badly timed David Fincher joke, Bobby expounds on the nature of what they’re dealing with. These demons haven’t been on Earth since the Middle Ages and are far above anything that they’ve ever dealt with before. And Bobby is pissed about it. I’m so glad that they snatched him up when Deadwood went down.

They question the demon, but it turns out that they’re not after anything at all. They’re just happy to be free. He also tries to convince them that the Sins are no worse than any of them. They all sin. Nonetheless, they let Brit Wife exorcise him anyway. The host didn’t make and she doesn’t care. The crew prepares for the onslaught of the demons, but first they animate Wayne Brady’s dead corpse to mess with Brit Wife’s head. It finally works and she busts out of the house, breaking the seal and stabs him with a stake(?). The demons march into the house, but Gluttony immediately stumbles into Bobby’s trap of a binding seal on the ceiling and Bobby quickly exorcises him. Elsewhere, Dean deals with Lust, which is not his strong point. Yet he is still able to overcome his desires and dunks her in a bathtub full of holy water. Sammy though… Sammy got Pride and two of the others. They don’t fall for any lame binding seal trap. I’m guessing that he’s going to survive due to having a little piece of demon in him, but instead, Mysterious Blonde Chick shows up in badass mode.

Don't make any "time of the month" jokes.With a mysterious blade, she chops her way through the demons dispatching them in ways that looks very similar to the magic Colt bullet effects. Maybe instead of Samuel Colt, this was forged by Frank Swiss Army. The usually annoying speed ramping of the camera works excellently here, showing how she slices and dices the baddies, including stabbing Pride up through his jaw. Awesome. Sam wants to know who she is, but she vanishes without enlightening him. My fiancée’s guess is that she escaped from Hell along with the rest of the baddies. Sounds good to me. Knife that can kill demons that was forged out of hellfire or something. I’m guessing that the knife is the key to getting them out of Dean’s deal with the Crossroads Demon. She can’t collect if she’s dead.

The next morning, the crew buries the bodies that Mysterious Blonde Chick left in her wake, while Brit Wife burns her husband. The only two hosts that will live are Gluttony and Wrath. The boys wonder aloud that if they let out the seven deadly sins, who knows what else might be out there. Sammy wants to follow up some leads on how to save Dean and Dean finally levels with him that he can’t save himself. That if he tries to wiggle out of the deal in anyway, the Crossroads demon reverses the deal and Sam dies. Quite a pickle. That a demon blade might be able to slice through.

NEXT WEEK: More reasons to never become a parent.