CSI: The Case of the Cross-Dressing Carp (Episode 804)

This is not going to be Sara's wedding dress. Well, probably not.

All right, we all know by now that Jorja is definitely leaving. Although I am unhappy about it, it is her decision and I respect it, and I'm not going to spend my time whining about it in the recaps for her last episodes. Plus, how can I be bitter when the writers are giving Jorja such wonderful stuff to do before she leaves like, for example, The Scene. You know which one I'm talking about. We'll get to The Scene later.

The camera pans across a lake and over to the nearby neighborhood, where residents are performing their morning duties. One takes a pill with a glass of water, another showers, and two dudes water their lawn and wash their boat, respectively. That makes me twitch a little because I live in the Southeast and we're currently under mandatory water restrictions because of drought conditions. But this recap isn't about me so...moving on. The runoff from the selfish water-wasters (sorry, sorry, I'll stop now) goes into a drain then down a culvert and empties in the lake. We go down into the lake and see a fish swimming around, doing its fishy thing, until a fisherman catches it. The fisherman reels in his catch and, glancing up, sees a body hanging from a tree at the shore.

The team is at the scene and Grissom, noting tire treads, thinks the victim had some help with his suicide. Nicky cuts the body down and Brass notes that the shirt is bloody, indicating the victim was stabbed and hanged. SuperDave lifts the shirt and is shocked when he sees that the male victim is sporting a pair of solid C cup boobs, which are all carved up. Grissom makes him "check the plumbing." Awwww, why does poor SuperDave always have to be the one to grope the corpse's junk? But he does it and reports that the twig and berries are intact. Nicky thinks the victim was a pre-op tranny and says he knows how he got strung up in the tree. "Hate?" Grissom replies. Dude, weak. I think that's the lamest pre-credits line we've ever seen on this show.

Nicky makes a mold of the tire treads and puts markers by the evidence. He collects a cellphone from inside the victim's shoe and notes that someone named PCYDEN texted the victim. PCYDEN texted that he needs "it" and the victim texted back that he needs more money. He also finds several beer bottles, one of which is broken and covered in blood. Back in the morgue, Doc Robbins says the lacerations didn't kill him, the hanging did. Grissom finds the victim's wallet and IDs him as Brian Towne. Robbins tells Grissom he's sending out for a full tox screen to see if Towne had excess estrogen, explaining the jugs.

Standing near the edge of a construction site, Catherine and her mom, Lily, watch the foundation being laid for The Eclipse, the casino that Sam Braun intended to replace The Rampart before he died. Lily reminisces about meeting Sam and says he gave her a $5 chip, which she's kept all these years. She says Sam wanted to be buried with it but she wasn't ready to let it go. Now she is and she kisses it, then throws it down into the construction site, where it hits a hapless worker and kills him. I might have made that last part up. As they're standing there, Catherine notes a couple of police cars go down to the site and she heads down to see what's up. Apparently a body has been found and after taking a moment to confirm it's human, Catherine calls the lab and asks for the swing shift to be sent out, because taking the case would be a conflict of interest. I...I don't really know what to say. Catherine stepped away from a case because of a conflict of interest? CATHERINE? I think I need to lie down. On the list of "Things I Never Expected To See On This Show," Catherine knowing what conflict of interest even means was way ahead of Grissom proposing marriage to anyone. Er, spoiler?

At Brian Towne's house, Warrick processes the bedroom and finds a box of ammunition with several bullets missing and two boxes under the bed, one with a water analysis report and several sample vials filled with fluid and another filled with cash. Brass talks to Brian's mother, who says Brian had no enemies, but he also had few friends because he worked a lot at the water treatment plant. She also says Brian was depressed because the breast cancer she thought she had beat came back three months ago. Brass offers her a sincere apology and she tells him that she never thought she'd outlive her son. She asks if there's anything else and when Brass asks her if she recognizes the PCYDEN name, she says it's Paul Cyden, a family friend who was a father figure to Brian. Warrick comes out and tells her about the money but she's baffled, and Brass says he thinks Brian was saving up for a sex change operation. This upsets her because she doesn't want them to think her son was a "freak" and she throws them out.

At the construction site, Ronnie is sifting through debris while Sara, whose abrasions, cast and sling are gone but she's wearing a wrist brace, takes photographs. Ronnie finds a piece of jewelry made of turquoise and silver and jokes she got a matching piece at an Indian market. That startles Sara and she yells at the construction crew to stop working and the foreman comes over to ask what's going on. She explains that they may have found an Indian burial site and until that's been determined, no work can continue.

Lab. Henry intercepts Grissom and says he's got the tox screen results on Brian, "the one with the chesticles? Man boobs?" Hee. Grissom doesn't appreciate Henry's juvenile humor like I do and just glares at him. Henry gulps, then tells Grissom that he found high levels of estrogen, consistent with what a pre-op transgender would take. Grissom reads the report and frowns, saying no other pre-op drugs were found in Brian's system. Henry suggests maybe Brian was treating himself.

Brass and Catherine find Paul Cyden, who is out by his boat on the lake. Paul claims he doesn't remember the last time he talked to Brian but Catherine says the phone records say otherwise, so Paul admits Brian sometimes did odd jobs for him. He says he's a retired hydrologist who still does consulting work and Brian was helping with a project. Brass tries to dirty that up but Paul says it wasn't like that, and refuses to give prints or DNA without a court order.

Mrs. Towne has come down to the lab to see Brian's body and she's pale but composed as she reaches out to touch Brian's hair, telling Robbins that he needed a haircut. Then, steeling herself, she lifts the sheet and sees Brian's savaged knockers and starts to sob.

Is it time for The Scene yet? No? Phooey.

Wendy busts Nicky lurking outside the DNA lab, waiting for results. He claims he was just getting coffee but when she invites him inside, he races over. Heh. Wendy tells him that she got a match to someone, Larry Ludwig, who drank from the bloody beer bottle. He's got a record for assault and he also works at the water plant where Brian worked. Nicky and Warrick head over there to talk to Larry but he's not cooperating. The plant manager, Jonah Quinn, comes over to see what's going on and when Warrick and Nicky explain why they're there, he says everyone working for him will cooperate with the investigation or be fired. Nicky smirks and asks Larry to hold out his hands. He does, reluctantly, and Nicky and Warrick see that both hands have rope burns.

In the morgue, Sara asks Robbins if he thinks the skeleton found at the construction site could be Native American. He says the shape of the skull indicates the victim was a male of about 30 years and of the Mongoloid race, which includes Native Americans. However, he points out the teeth and Sara realizes what he's showing her, that the victim had cavities, which aren't found in ancient Native American skeletons. Robbins notes she looks disappointed and she admits that she was hoping that Las Vegas would have to honor its past for once.

Interrogation. Warrick and Nicky observe that Larry Ludwig is nervously twirling his wedding ring and he leans forward, asking if this discussion is just between them. They agree and Larry says he and a friend met a couple of girls and went down to the lake. Brian was there when they arrived, drinking beer alone on the beach. The girls wanted to "play Tarzan" so Larry says he used his truck and a rope he had to rig up a swing from the tree. Fun was had by all until Brian swung into the water and everyone got a look at his tits through his wet shirt. They all started laughing and Brian, upset, ran off and the party broke off. Larry says he took one of the girls to a motel and only remembers her name as a city in Texas, but he's not sure which one. He insists he didn't kill Brian and Warrick and Nicky seem to believe him, although they warn him that they'd better not find blood in his truck.

Sara is looking over blueprints when Greg walks in and totally geeks out, since she's got the original plans for The Rampart. He blathers about how half of the hotel was still under construction when it opened, but Sam Braun still threw a big party. Amused, Sara asks him if he's got anything better to do and he's basically all, "No, not really." Hee. Sara shows him where the body was found and he says it's where the construction shaft was, and throws out a couple of names of disappeared mobsters who could be the victim. Sara starts rolling up the blueprints and Greg cautions her to be careful: "Those are like the Dead Sea Scrolls of Las Vegas." She says she needs to go back to the site and Greg goes into full-on begging puppy mode and asks to tag along. Sara adores Greg, because how could anyone not, and is happy to have him join her. Out at the site, Sara and Ronnie measure the skeleton and Ronnie finds a bullet hole in a rib, which earns her praise from Sara. Greg stands nearby offering pithy commentary such as, "Nothing says mob hit like being shot, thrown down a construction shaft, and tucked under a concrete blanket." Ronnie is excited that she's working her first mob hit. I have to say, Ronnie's a lot more appealing in this episode. She's more "enthusiastic newbie" and less "annoying dumbass." Sara finds a scrap of something and brushes off the dirt, revealing a piece of leather. Still stuck on the Indian thing, Ronnie suggests it's buckskin but Sara points out that it was sewed by machine. Greg chimes in that The Rampart had a wild west show, including Indians with flaming arrows that shot off the dancehall girls' clothes. Sara seems like she has several possible responses to that piece of weird Vegas trivia, but she stays focused on the case and speculates that maybe their Indian was playing an Indian.

Catherine goes to Paul Cyden's house, presumably with her warrant. She gets no answer at the door so she peers in a window and sees Paul lying dead on the floor. Later, Nicky and SuperDave have arrived and SuperDave says Paul has been dead for at least 10 hours, killed by three bullets to the chest. "Probably rules out suicide," Catherine hilariously notes. In his hand is a fish, which Nicky notes is a carp. Nearby, Catherine finds a torn up offer for Paul's house, which Nicky is surprised to hear was made by Jonah Quinn, the water plant manager. Nicky has also discovered a notebook charting hormone levels, but with only numbers, no names. There are also vials like the ones found in Brian's bedroom on Paul's desk and, next to it, a freezer stuffed with carp, each one bagged and labelled with a number matching those in the notebook. Catherine is confused as to why Paul would have been giving hormones to fish.

So, The Scene? Still not time yet? Sigh. Okay.

Sara, wearing an empire-waisted shirt that is just going to revive those pesky "Is Jorja pregnant?" rumors (stand up straight, Jorja!), enters Hodges' lab with a challenge for him. She says she's been unable to ID her victim through any standard methods and suggests that he can figure out where the victim was from by isolating the oxygen isotopes in his bones. Hodges looks at her like she's crazy and says he can only narrow it down to a three year period before his death but she says it's more than what she has now. He agrees, but only if he writes the paper about it for the forensics journal and gets sole credit. She tells him it's a deal.

Science Music Video! While Hodges works on the bone, Greg sifts through the debris from the site. He makes a plaster mold from one chunk of hollow concrete and Ronnie walks in just as he's finishing up. She's surprised he's doing the job that Sara assigned to her and he admits with a grin that he had a little episode of premature investigation. It's okay, Greg. It happens sometimes. He shows her the plaster mold and it's a fist. They realize that the concrete must've created a sort of fossil around the victim's hand, leaving the shape intact. They also notice the victim was clutching something in his hand and they start sifting through the debris, trying to match the shape. Greg finds what they're looking for: an old film canister. He zooms off to take the film to Archie and Ronnie watches him go, a lovestruck smile on her face. Hee.

Archie goes through the film with Greg and they see pictures from the party on The Rampart's opening night, but the last picture is a scrap of paper. Archie clears up the image and they see it's a record of the casino's opening night take, with the expected payments made to the state and federal governments. What's not expected is a payment made to something or someone named "Fergus."

Yay! It's time for The Scene! Grissom's love hive. Sara enters, in her bee suit, and Grissom jokes that he loves it when she dresses up. She laughs and asks how the bees are doing. He says the hive remains healthy, but forgets to add that they're currently plotting who they will turn evil next. She coughs a little at the smoke he's blowing around and he says it's to confuse the guards so they don't go on the attack when there's an intruder. Sara leans down and coos to the bees, "Awww, don't worry, he's harmless." Hee! She notes he's not wearing gloves and asks if he's worried about stings, but he assures her that she won't get stung if she doesn't swat or startle them. He tells her to take off her glove and she looks skeptical, but complies. A bee lands on her hand and crawls around while Sara gazes at it, entranced, and Grissom tells her how the worker bees, er, do all the work, including taking care of the baby bees. Then, out of nowhere, he says, "You know, maybe we should get married." Sara's surprised and stares at him like she's really not sure what he just said, while he looks back at her expectantly, but then she yelps because the bee has stung her. Well, I'd say a rush of adrenaline would definitely startle a bee. He gets out a little scraper thingy and, cradling her hand, scrapes the stinger out as she stares at him and takes a deep breath. As he's bent over her hand, he asks, with a lot less casualness and a lot more nervousness than before, "So, what do you think, you know, uh---" "Yes," she interrupts, leaning down to look into his eyes and smiling joyfully. "Let's do it." He returns her smile and they twinkle at each other giddily and adorably, before leaning in to kiss, but they end up bumping bee helmets instead. HEE.

Last season, I referred to the shaving scene in Fallen Idols as the sexiest scene ever seen on CSI. The scene we just saw? Was, without question, the cutest scene ever seen on CSI. It was so sweet I think it made my teeth ache a little bit, and I mean that in the best possible way. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Later, Sara walks down the lab hall in a complete daze. Awww. Hodges joins her and notes she looks like she's having a good day. Oh, Hodges, you don't even know the half of it. He's got her isotope results and Sara reads it, noting that the victim was in Vietnam before he died. She thanks Hodges and heads off to do some research.

Catherine wheels a cart by Grissom's office and asks him what he's up to. Grissom is in the same dazed state as Sara and is all, "I'm not up to anything. Really. I swear. And I would definitely not be researching wedding rings on the internet. That would be something an engaged man would do. Which I am definitely not. Engaged, that is. No, sirree. Not me. Um, what was the question again?" Thankfully, Catherine is so self-absorbed that she doesn't notice his really, really bad poker face and shows him what's in the cart. It's the dead carp from Paul Cyden's house and Grissom, looking for distraction before he goes full-on Jim Halpert to Sara's Pam Beesly , says he'll process the fish for her. "Do I know how to turn you on or what?" Catherine asks. Grissom looks at her like, "Baby, that train left the station nine years ago. Or two years ago."

Nicky finds Warrick, who tells him that Larry's alibi checked out because he remembered the name of the girl he was with. It was Tucson and Nicky snarks, "Ah, yes. Tucson. The capital of Texas." Heh. Nicky says they still need to run the prints and DNA from Paul Cyden but Warrick is convinced Brian killed himself. He says Mandy found Brian's prints on the broken beer bottle, indicating he probably mutilated himself before committing suicide. It was a hate crime, because Brian hated himself. I don't see what the big deal was. Simon Cowell's hooters are way bigger than Brian's were and he's proud of them. He even rubs them. A lot. On national TV. Okay, fine, so maybe Simon Cowell may not be the best big-tata'd male role model.

Grissom is processing the carp when Hodges comes in and looks over his shoulder. Grissom asks him what's his deal and Hodges fake-apologizes, saying it's a bad habit from when they worked on the miniature killer case. "That WAS fun, wasn't it?" Grissom responds dryly, but the sarcasm flies right over Hodges' head. Hee. He asks Hodges to take a look at the fish and Hodges notes with some surprise that the fish is a hermaphrodite. Grissom says carp don't change sex like some fish do and Hodges remembers a case he read about where feminized bass were found in the Potomac. The cause was traced back to pharmaceuticals being dumped in the water. Grissom looks at the sample vials and realizes it was likely the water that caused Brian to grow his teats. He takes off, telling Hodges to take organ samples and blood from the fish and test them and the water samples for hormones.

Greg is talking to Lily, who identifies the mysterious "Fergus" as the gaming commissioner when The Rampart opened, and Greg explains that Fergus was on the take. He thinks the victim found out about Fergus taking bribes and was killed for it. Sara enters and greets Lily, who responds with a drawn-out, "Hiiiiii" that is so awesomely mom-like. In that one word, Lily just asked Sara how she was doing, told her how happy she is to see her, and offered sympathy for what she went through. Sara tells Greg that DNA confirms their victim was Native American and Lily remembers a reporter on the opening night, Lee George, who was back from reporting in Vietnam and was working on a story on Las Vegas. She says he was at the party in full Indian regalia, and adds that if anyone killed him, it was probably Sam's bodyguard. Sara says they'll never know if Lee George was thrown into that shaft or he jumped. Greg grins and says this is all great stuff for his book and when Sara asks him to elaborate, he says he's working on a book about old Vegas. Lily tells him that if he needs any information, she can tell him anything since she was there. Thrilled, Greg asks Lily to dinner and they walk out arn-in-arm, while a bemused Sara wonders how to explain to Catherine that Greg is going out on a date with her mom. Hee.

Grissom presents his findings about the water to Catherine and Nicky. He says a lot of technical gobbledygook that is largely uninteresting and unimportant, but it all boils down (er, no pun intended) to the drinking water being contaminated by the water treatment plant, causing the carp and Brian and possibly many others to develop genetic mutations and not in the awesome Claire Bennet way. Paul and Brian were working together to prove that the water was contaminated and Paul was shot right before he was going to go public. Later, Nicky and Brass talk to Jonah Quinn, who denies that the water from his plant is contaminated and thinks Paul could've collected those samples anywhere. He admits he was trying to buy Paul off and says that even though Paul's research was wrong, perception is reality and he wanted to keep things quiet, but Paul refused. Nicky accuses him of killing Paul and Jonah lawyers up.

In the ballistics lab, Catherine and Warrick examine the bullets from Paul's body and Warrick recognizes the caliber as the same from the ones he found in Brian's bedroom. Catherine runs a search and tells him that Brian bought a gun two weeks before he died. They realize Brian's mother had access to his gun and motive to kill Paul. Catherine goes to the hospital, where Mrs. Towne is having a chemotherapy treatment. Catherine explains as gently as she can that Mrs. Towne killed Paul for no reason, because he was trying to help Brian, not hurt him. She hands over a letter written by Paul before he was killed, explaining about the water and how it affected Brian. Aghast, Mrs. Towne tells Catherine that she worked two jobs to keep the house Brian loved, when living there is what killed him.

Grissom's office. The DA tells him and Catherine that the case against the water treatment plant will be tied up in litigation for years, and that Brian's mother won't be prosecuted because there's no concrete evidence tying her to Paul's death and she's a cancer victim who lost her son. The DA leaves and Catherine is deeply frustrated that Brian won't get justice and suggests taking Paul's research and Brian's story to the press. Grissom points out that she'll get fired if she does that and she retorts that as a mother, maybe she doesn't care.