Journeyman: "The Legend of Dylan McCleen" (Episode 105)

"Are those our ratings over there?"

At the risk of sounding like a broken record here, Journeyman is really going to have to decide quickly what kind of show it primarily wants to be or it’s going to get cancelled even faster (the show was still on the schedule as of this writing - snark). This week we have science fiction with Dan dealing with the mysterious man with the timey-whimey cell phone, our Quantum Leap, do gooder storyline and even more of the most annoying unrequited (un re-requited?) love story since Matt met Harriet. I refer of course to the ongoing flirtation of the Shrew and the Jerk. Throw in the appearance of a cast member of The 4400 and this episode suddenly became my Recapist nightmare.

We begin with a recap showing us exactly how thinly spread this show has gotten in just four episodes. I defy anyone who hasn’t been watching the show since the beginning to explain to me the storylines that were being conveyed by that recap.

Dan’s shopping the Farmer’s Market with the fam. They spot Det. Bro and his new doctor squeeze from the last episode. I don’t care, but Wifey does. They sidle up and say hello to the Jerk and Dr. Squeeze, but the only real reason for the scene is to establish that they’re all in a public place together, so moments later when Dan gets his vanishing migraine, it makes him look like the worst father in the world. Just as the trailer from last week promised. Conveniently, Dan puts down his son a moment before traveling, dodging the answer to the question of whether he can take someone back with him. Lil’ Dan is left in the crowd all alone.

Dan wakes up in the Moors, just in time to catch up with D.B. Cooper, I mean Dylan McCleen, who has just parachuted in with a briefcase full of cash. Dan figures that he’s supposed to save the man from the tree he’s stuck in (how did it go down in the original timeline?), so he cuts him down. McCleen is of course suspicious of this man who appeared in the middle of nowhere out of nowhere, but when he pulls a gun on him, Dan is already gone. Does no one ever notice that huge flash that appears when Dan “journeys”?

"It's my time travel of the month."Moments later, Dan is back home and the storyline promoted in the red herring of an NBC coming attraction is already complete. Lil’ Dan is fine, except for a few hurt feelings. Det. Bro is in jerk mode though and is convinced that his brother is gambling again or something. Shrew stands up for Dan again and they convince the Jerk that Dan’s time traveling is a personal problem. How odd. Dan checks in with Lil’ Dan, who forgives him as long as Dan will help him with his poster for the 49ers game that they’re going to attend. Um, that might be a problem.

Maybe you would get better results with Google?At the newspaper, Hugh is being browbeat by the suits over the declining circulation, while Dan uses the handy dandy Spyder Finder to try to find information about the mysterious parachutist. I’m assuming that real reporters use more than just internet search engines to research their stories. We learn that Dan is paid a lot for his job, Dylan McCleen has the exact same mysterious story as D.B. Cooper and somehow, despite losing money, the paper can afford to provide Dan with manpower. A Jimmy Olsen to Dan’s Clark Kent. Dan puts Jimmy Olsen on figuring out where McCleen’s tattoo is from, but even I could have guessed that it was military. Hugh tells the suit that if he wants to make money, he should invent a search engine… like Spyder Finder? The amount that Dan Vasser alone would use it would keep the company afloat. Hugh hears about Dan’s Dylan McCleen lead and for the first time ever, Hugh is actually interested in Dan’s story idea (or time travel excuse).

You missed a spot shaving...Dan travels back to meet up with McCleen in a cleaners. Sheesh. He’s looking for a Cambodian man, but he notices Dan and gets the drop on him. He’s convinced that Dan must be special forces for him to be able to keep catching up with him. Dan tries to convince him that he just wants to help him, but McCleen threatens that if he follows him again… and that’s it. Guess he lost his train of thought.

Livia shows up just in time to not help Dan. But despite having already dealt with McCleen, Dan still has time to hang out and eat hotdogs with her. Maybe with the commercial break, the writers didn’t think that we would notice the violation of their own time travel rules. Livia dodge a question about whether she has a family, while looking at Dan very oddly when he orders a hot dog for her. As if she doesn’t eat. Because she’s dead. Dan questions why she’s still around this time, but doesn’t question why he is himself. Her glib answer is that she has to buy lunch. Apparently Dan’s mission is simply to eat said hot dog, because he returns to the present in the next scene we see him in.

You've got some time on your face.Meanwhile, a detective (not Bro) comes around asking about Dan waving a gun. Rather he coyly asks for a guest list from the event, but certainly implies that he suspects Dan in the robbery of a liquor store. Why? Gambling? He has a photo of Dan with the face completely obscured by… time? And despite having eyewitnesses, a cabbie who gave him a ride and a cameraphone shot, he still doesn’t seem to know that he’s looking for Dan. And that Dan didn’t do it. Wifey is actually thinking for once and asks him if the man robbing the liquor store was wearing a tux? He doesn’t know, the clerk was beat unconscious. Really? This is what Dan is going to get in trouble for? Something that he didn’t even do? Not all the crimes (counterfeiting, terrorist threats, altering a crime scene) that he actually committed while in the past? Sigh.

Dan is back home and wanting to know why Wifey is so concerned about the liquor store nonsense. Dan goes to tell his boy that he’s sorry that he can’t take him to the football game, but first Wifey has to feel bad about Livia and so Dan hits right back about Det. Bro. This love quadrangle is the worst I’ve ever seen for all the reasons that I’ve outlined before. The bottom line is that there is no reason to care or feel bad for anyone except Livia. Everyone else made and continues to make their own choices.

Before Dan can check in with Lil’ Dan, he’s whisked away to a gas station line in the seventies. Pushing a car is the Cambodian man that McCleen was searching for. Dan tells him that McCleen is looking for him and convinces him to stick around so he can help him. All the man can tell Dan is that there was a man named Captain Rich who was supposed to help his family out of Cambodia, but never showed up. All he has is the name and a medallion that he received from him. Dan asks him to give him the medallion so he can help, but when the man refuses; Dan steals the medallion and vanishes. Being able to time travel doesn’t give you permission to be a douche.

"I know nothing of this 'timey whimey' cell phone."Back in the present, Dan puts Jimmy Olsen onto Captain Rich and Hugh is still sniffing around for information. Waiting for Dan is Langley from Livermore, or Science Guy who called Dan in the past. Langley knew Dan’s father, and having seen the rest of the episode, I call right now that Langley knows Dan’s father because Papa Vasser sought him out after suspecting that the Dan Vasser who visits him is his son from the future. Mark my words.

Dan questions Langley about the phone call in the past, but Langley dodges. In a very obvious way. Dan uses the cover story that Hugh gave him about writing a novel to question Langley about time travel. He explains about the speed of light and tachyons. Langley knows that time travel doesn’t exist, but only because it hasn’t been proven. Langley asks Dan very thinly-veiled questions and Dan gives thinly-veiled answers. I have seen this sort of ridiculousness since conversations with The Marked on The 4400. Langley goes so far as to suggest that God made be behind the journeys through time and remarks that someone might want to take advantage of this ability that “Dan’s protagonist” has.

Pull this off once and you can ignore your rugrat as much as you want.At home, Dan breaks the news to Lil’ Dan that he can’t take him to the game. The kid vanishes as well. But only to his room. Just as Dan is about to apologize, he gets his vanishing migraine, just in time for Lil’ Dan to watch him vanish into thin air.

Back in the past, Dan sees McCleen, but misses him as he hops a bus. Livia is there to try to help, but Dan’s freaking out about not having a laptop. How can he learn anything without Spyder Finder! Through Papa Vasser at the newspaper, that’s how. How convenient for the story to introduce last week the fact that Dan’s father was a newspaperman. So what’s Livia really doing by putting Dan together with his Pops in the past? In the present, Jerk and Shrew have a scene where she comes between Jerk and Dr. Squeeze.

Tiny Machines = Giant MustacheDan finds his father and discovers that he’s played by Tom Baldwin from The 4400. This show is turning into a perfect storm of crap. From underneath Tom’s giant mustache, he tells Dan he has five minutes before he gets over to where President Ford is visiting the city. Dan asks a few pointed questions of Papa, since he left Dan when he was just a boy (traveling?), but really he wants to know about Capt. Rich. Pops doesn’t know anyone by that name, but he did know a Capt. John Richie. Papa Vasser got delayed by Dan just enough that he missed President Ford being shot. Are there historical repercussions from that even? This is getting old.

Back in the present, Hugh encourages Jimmy Olsen to keep going on the McCleen story, despite his reservations, but Hugh pushes because the pressure is on. In the past, Dan catches up with McCleen and convinces him that he’s on the up and up and that he can help by showing McCleen the medallion that he stole off the man from Cambodia. The man and his family took care of McCleen in Cambodia, so he owes him. They go and rescue the man from his slave-wage job and the men are overjoyed to see each other. They make plans to fly back to rescue the rest of the family and McCleen forces some of the stolen cash on Dan. He doesn’t want to take it, but instead trades McCleen his jacket. And of course, the pockets are full of cash. Dan promises to sit on the story of the McCleen heist. What’s the statute of limitations on robbery?

In the present, Dan contacts one of the people that he helped for the first time when he calls the Cambodian man under the guise of doing a story about Khmer Rouge. The man is a doctor now and while he is hesitant to talk about it, he does tell Dan that he was able to get his family out. He dodges… probably due to the whole McCleen heist thing. Hugh and Jimmy Olsen have figured out Captain John Richie all on their own, but Dan throws them off the trail. How long before the reporter not reporting bites him in the ass as well?

At home, Dan shows Wifey the tickets that he bought so they can all go the game together. And then shows her the stacks of cash that McCleen gave him. He had all that in the coat pockets? Dan goes to tell his little guy the good news and apologizes for not being around. But the kid’s all good because he thinks it’s cool that his dad is magic.

NEXT WEEK: Bombs and the real Lil’ Dan.

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