Journeyman: "Keepers" (Episode 106)

Robble, Robble?

I’m positive that if there were no writers’ strike on the horizon, forcing networks to build up a reserve of new material, that this show would have been canned two weeks ago. The ratings are in the toilet, the general public doesn’t seem to be interested and sci-fi geeks like me that should be this show’s bread and butter are left wondering if Journeyman has been hiring out of the writers’ room at Smallville or the The 4400. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect this show to be as complex with time travel scenarios as great science fiction literature, but right now the show lacks the complexity of even a Back to the Future film. But then on top of that, the writers have filled out their stories with characters whose motivations don’t make sense, time travel that doesn’t follow their own rules, dialogue that isn’t even fit for Tom Welling and plotlines that are excruciatingly boring.

I think it might be time for another illogical count, as originated in my previous 4400 post. I’ll count down the things about the episode that bothered the crap out of me, and while you may not agree with all of them, it’s still problematic for a show to have this many things to pull a viewer out of a story. Especially a viewer like me that wants this show to be good.

We begin with Dan waking up in the past looking like the Hamburglar. Great. Did anyone really need a Journeyman Halloween? Dan narrowly avoids getting hit by a car and discovers (as “Take on Me” already told me) that it’s 1986. October 1986. Why is it October? He travels through time and we coincidentally stay in the month of October nineteen years in the past? I find this more confusing than any other month that they could have chosen, so after some debate, I’m making this illogical count (#1).

Dan sees kid go running by, yelling his fool head off, so of course he figures that this must be his mission. The kid is concerned because his big brother is preparing a rocket, but the fuel mixture is all wrong or something. The kid is smart. If Big Brother sets it off, Little Brother knows that it’s going to explode. As Dan runs up the fire escape to stop Big Brother, we get a glimpse of graffiti on the wall. As we learn later on in the episode, this is a shortened version of an insulting nickname that the boys’ father calls them and is later adopted by Little Brother as his Unabomber manifesto type name. (#2) But here it’s spray painted all up and down the side of the building when they were just kids? It’s not a manifesto name yet and what child would go around spray painting their abusive father’s nickname for them on the entire sides of buildings? Furthermore, (#3) the entire episode is about two boys terrorized by an abusive father, but Dan doesn’t intervene in the abuse, nor do we ever even get a glimpse of the father?

Dan gets to the landing, but Big Brother seems mentally deranged and determined to set off the rocket. Throw in a stupid reference to the Challenger and the scene is complete. Dan is able to pull the boy back through the window moments before the rocket explodes.

Cue crazy backwards credits.

"It's alright, honey, we'll still love you."Back in the present, it’s Halloween and Dan is missing, of course. Lil’ Dan is dressed up like some sort of gay little ladybug and has found all the McCleen money in the closet and Wifey is having a hard time explaining it away. Oh and keeping her kid quiet about Pop’s disappearing act. Just then, Det. Bro shows up with the girl that we still don’t care about. Again he’s asking Wifey where Dan is and she fumbles out the excuse that he went to buy ice. (#4) For what? Are they having a party? With the brother that they don’t trust and his girlfriend that they don’t know? Do four people dress up in costume to sit around the house together? Isn’t Dan taking Lil’ Dan trick or treating? Then what is all the ice for? What?

Det. Bro isn’t buying the ice excuse and he continues to grill Wifey and look through their mail! Why would they invite this guy back into their home? In the nick of time, (#5) Dan walks in with ice! Did they work out that excuse in advance? Did he wake back up in close proximity to a 7-Eleven? Plus, the ice excuse would only work if he vanished for like twenty minutes tops. Most of the time he’s been disappearing out of the present for longer periods of time than that! Dan makes it look like everything is just fine, but Det. Bro (being the detective that he is) detects a piece of broken glass on Dan. Oops! Does he think that the gambling led to shards of glass?

Later, Dan preps himself with some of McCleen’s money, which he explains is only useful in the past, because they’ll trace it in the present. The past… he won’t stick around for long. But how long will it take the FBI or someone to build up a profile of him and get a sketch or something if he’s constantly throwing that cash around in the past? And won’t that catch up to him in the present? And of course, Dan and Wifey are having money troubles in the present. She’s also concerned about Lil’ Dan. Dan agrees to hide the money later.

Wifey is off to a brunch with Bossy. She’s meeting with him for his contacts because (#6) she’s going back to work! Because it makes sense that it’s okay for her to be around less, now that her husband disappears into thin air at a moment’s notice. Sigh. There’s more, but we don’t care about this storyline. Her credit card gets declined. I don’t get it; she and Dan don’t have less money because he’s time traveling? Of course, they explain later that Det. Bro has a little something to do with this, but combined with the roof discussion it makes it seem like they’re broke.

Dan chats up a researcher at the paper to learn a bit more about Big Brother. What no Spyder Finder? I miss it already! Big Brother stole a car in 1989 and the paper wrote it up as a human interest story with the angle about his abusive father, etc. Dan also asks about the letter combination on the wall that he seemed to hardly notice in the past. G-F-N-G-and an “O” with a diagonal line through it. I’m giving this a big (#7)! He’s a reporter! He’s educated above the six grade! Dan, you think that big “O” with a diagonal line through it might be a zero?! The researcher of course suggests that they are gang signs.

Bossy asks Dan about the mysterious Prof. Langley that stopped by. Bossy knows a little bit about him and when Dan “admits” that he was there to consult on his non-existent book, (#8) Bossy asks him “Your book… it’s not about that serial bomber, is it?” In other words, “Hey Dan, your book… it’s not about that thing that no one has mentioned in this conversation, is it?” And of course, (#9) Dan being a reporter and living in San Francisco all his life has never heard any thing about it. Dan pitches the story of Big Brother as a new story for the paper. Bossy is not thrilled, but he accepts it.

"That's not a knife, this is a... wait, that's not a knife either."Dan flashes back to the past and interrupts Big Brother and Little Brother in the act of stealing a car. Big Brother thrusts out his hand and warns Dan that he has a knife… (#10) which he doesn’t. He’s holding a slim-jim. Weird. Little Brother is still the responsible one and Big Brother still seems to be mentally mal-adjusted. (#11) The car alarm from the vehicle randomly stops going off, despite the headlights on the car continue to flash. Worst car alarm (or scene staging) ever. Dan tries to convince Big Brother that he’s not useless. Little Brother tells him all about a Camaro that needs fixing up and how Big Brother can do it, even though Pops can’t. Dan gives him money to buy the car for him and tells him to fix it up. If he does a good job, he’ll pay him even more later. (#12) Maybe Dan doesn’t stick around long enough for the McCleen money to be traced to him, but isn’t this kid going to get fingered for having dirty cash? That seems responsible, Dan. The cops arrive to investigate the car alarm that is no longer going off.

(#13) In this show’s ridiculous fashion, Dan continues to wander around in the past despite having already done his work with his target. This seems to happen only so he can check out his brother’s old car, run into Livia and… run into himself. (#14) Livia remarks that Dan remembers his brother’s old car, and she doesn’t, even though he still drives it in the present and therefore would have been driving the classic car when they all hung out together. (#15) It doesn’t occur to Dan that his brother’s old car, with the windows down, in his old neighborhood might mean that his brother… or Young Dan himself may be nearby. Hasn’t this guy ever watched a time travel movie ever?

Real Lil' DanLivia tells Dan that she must be there because Dan is “off course” – but he already did his task for this particular leap, right? She also tells Dan that she has no idea what causes the two of them to “journey” through time. Just then, Young Det. Bro and Young Dan come out of a pizza place. Det. Bro is a dick even back then. Current Dan tries to step in, not thinking that it might affect something in the future. You’re actually back in time Dan and you look like yourself. You’re not watching a replay and Livia is not the Ghost of Christmas Past. Sooner or later (next week?) this show will be forced to deal with causality and the ways in which Dan is changing his present. Dan travels back to present, having already watched this exchange. Could Dan’s secondary reason for traveling be to see these exchanges in the past in regarding his life? That could be cool, but why would he not notice it if that was the case?

In the present, Wifey points out to Dan that their credit cards were frozen due to Det. Bro asking questions. He’s trying to get his car running again, but eBay wants too much for a new ignition barrel. He’s obsessed with the possibility that Dan is gambling again and he’s worried about Wifey. Dan is offended.

Bossy shows up following up on Dan’s questions about the GFNGZero. He shows Dan some “classified” newspaper documents that the cops told them to keep secret. (#16) The cops didn’t take the paperwork in as evidence and instead left them in the hands of newspapermen whose job it is to make information public. It’s a manifesto that they got right before the first of a series of bombs aimed at the gas companies. It’s a like a little bit Unabomber, a little bit Zodiac. Even Langley was threatened back then and the initials are used as the name of the manifesto group. Bossy gets on his case for not solving the D.B Cooper/McCleen case and now he’s going to get mad if he can’t solve this version of the Unabomber case. He wants Dan to have a story that pans out, or else. Sigh.

Dan looks at the victims of the first bombing and the researcher gives Dan information on the Big Brother and where he’s living today. Dan meets with the guy, in the present, and Big Brother tells him about the car and remarks that Dan looks exactly the same. “Clean living,” reasons Dan.
At Café Luna (sigh), Det. Bro is having lunch with the girl we don’t care about. She remarks that Dan is always running off. (#17) “In the ER, when we see a guy like that…” she says. What? He’s a doctor? She can identify gambling addictions in the ER? She questions whether this is really about Dan or about Wifey.

Dr. Dan is in.Back at the paper, Dan drills Big Brother, thinking that he must be the bomber, but Dan was successful in turning his life around. Dan psychoanalysis is a failure, but he does manage to figure out that Little Brother’s life didn’t go well. Big Brother is hesitant to talk about Little Brother, since he developed emotional problems and his life went off the rails. He sounds suspicious to say the least. Big Brother tells Dan the source of GFNGZero, but I still find it hard to believe that Little Brother would be painting it all up and down the building as a child. Moments after ending his conversation with Big Brother, Dan vanishes.

Dan is back at the brothers’ mechanic shop in the past and Livia is there. She attempts to identify the era from registration tags on a car (clever!) but she’s more than a little off. Dan once again asks a passerby for the time and date… and year. He knows that the first bomb is going to go off and he has a short amount of time to save the victims. So he steals his brother’s car… in the past. (#18) That is if “he’s still living where (Dan) thinks he’s living.” Wait, what? That was a nonsense statement. Det. Bro lives in 2000 where he lived in 2000. Where Livia knows that he lived and Dan should too, right? Unless he’s hinting at the fact that he’s changing timelines, but I don’t think that’s the case.

Even possible?There’s not a spare key as Dan had hoped, but Livia picks the car lock with a hairpin… and then (#19) starts the engine with the same hairpin. Is that even possible? She tells Dan that he’ll never make it to the bombing location in time, and his reasoning is that it’s a red car stolen from a cop. She remarks that he better go the speed limit. (#20) None of those statements in anyway refer to the fact that he doesn’t have enough time to get to the bombing site. It’s like they’re speaking gibberish that they both understand.

Inconspicuous parking.Somehow Dan gets there in time (no explanation) and parks on the sidewalk (with no repercussions) and manages to get the victims out of the building before the bomb goes off. Dan dodges the police even though he has already drawn as much attention to himself as possible.

Back in the present, Wifey is making an audition tape for Survivor, or a news job I guess, and is even babbling about time travel on the tape. That’s going to come back to bite them. Det. Bro is eavesdropping and being creepy, but (#21) apparently didn’t hear any thing about time travel. He’s still paranoid about gambling (yawn).

Still in the past, Dan finds Big Brother and convinces him to take him to see Little Brother. So, did Big Brother remember this conversation in the present? No, it hadn’t happened yet. Different timeline. But Det. Bro already had a damaged ignition barrel on his car? Dan hadn’t tampered with it yet. (#22) So confusing and badly planned out. Big Brother remarks on the ignition barrel as he watches Dan use a hairpin on it like it was a car key. Again, is that even possible?

Fav video game? Bomberman.They go to see Little Brother, who’s absolutely batty. He has an armed bomb and he’s babbling about Dan returning and… tachyons. Uh-oh. But he also says nonsense bad writer language. (#23) “Remember when we needed our rocket to go higher… faster? We needed tachyons.” A nonsense statement. Little Brother knows that Dan doesn’t age. Dan admits that he’s from the future. Little Brother knew it from the shoes (which we don’t see) and Big Brother goes with the future statement as if Dan is simply telling Little Brother what he wants to hear. Dan talks about love and how Little Brother needs his Big Brother. For some reason, just this statement makes him break down and turn off the bomb. Odd. He turns his life around because Dan pointed out that he has a brother.

Dan is still in the past and Livia nudges him to return Det. Bro’s car. They see him walking and (#24) Livia questions who he’s walking with. Except that it’s Wifey… who she knew for years. She and Dan were about to be married and because Dan can’t avoid meddling, he investigates. Is she cheating on him? What’s going on? The fact that he hasn’t “journeyed” home yet, leads me to believe that this is something Dan has to be shown. And now it seems like Livia is complicit in it.

Wifey and Det. Bro have an excruciatingly boring conversation where she tells Det. Bro that Dan has asked her to marry him since she has gotten pregnant with his baby. His baby? Don’t know. Det. Bro is supportive, which makes the present Det. Bro even more dickish, although I think we’re supposed to understand that he does everything he does with good intentions. I don’t know what Dan is supposed to learn from this though except that Wifey and Det. Bro may be closer than he realized… but how could he not realize that? Again, I feel nothing for any of these people except Livia. She’s the only one that didn’t make a choice and so therefore she’s the only one that seems to be deserving of any sympathy.

Back in the present, Det. Bro is still grilling Wifey when Dan shows up. Det. Bro apologizes and tells him that all his accounts came up clean. Dan has a gift for Det. Bro: the missing part to his car. (#25) The part was easier to come by in 2000 than in 2007? Why? And wouldn’t Det. Bro have been looking for the part since 2000 when Dan broke it? Furthermore, he wouldn’t have been looking for it before when they had the conversation as Dan remembers the original timeline and therefore wouldn’t know that Det. Bro was even looking for a part. Ah, brain fart.

At the paper, Dan meets with Little Bro from the present and questions him about time travel. Either Little Bro has been convinced through medication and criticism of his research that time travel isn’t possible, or he is lying to Dan about his research and knowing Langley. Although, when he compliments Dan on his shoes, it certainly seems like the latter. (#26) The comment goes unnoticed by Dan. He’s a reporter! Little Bro, one way or the other, is making a verbal callback to a conversation they had seven years ago, but Dan had the conversation yesterday and he doesn’t remember? Jesus. And then Dan apologizes to Bossy for not making headway on the bombing case, even though it never happened now. (#27) But wouldn’t Bossy have put Dan on a different assignment than the bombing case? Something that Dan wouldn’t have any recollection of? Bomber case or nothing seems very odd. Oh, and Bossy drops the bomb that Wifey is going back to work. And Dan finally gets to drive (re-drive) Det. Bro’s car. (#28) Down a completely empty weekday San Franciscan street.

Hmm, twenty-eight illogical things that took me out of the story during this episode's scant forty-two minutes. Not good, guys. It’s not quite as bad at The 4400 and it’s nothing like the illiteracy of the Smallville writers, but come on. Maybe if the writers get some more residuals in the strike, perhaps they’ll try harder? …Nah.

NEXT WEEK: Dan endangers his past self. It’ll be great to see how badly they screw this one up…

Det. Bro even parks dickish, blocking everyone in...