Weeds: The Dark Time (Episode 34)

Thank heavens! An episode without Val the spiteful ex-wife or much of Sully, the creepy developer. This is the weeds I know and love.

So, remember last week, Celia starts her snooping around and is getting closer to becoming a major liability to everyone in the Weed Industry? Well, she tries to play her hand this week (or bluff is more like it). Nancy reacts to her threats – and foul name calling, which I must say I find rather ironic after what I said about Celia last week – with a butcher knife to Celia’s throat. I swear I clapped and yelled! Yes, I did!

Unfortunately, Shane walked in before Nancy could cut up that bitch. This is my sadface. I think Nancy’s very quiet promise to kill her if she ever threatened her again was taken in the spirit in which it was meant, however. How our little Nancy has grown up. *sniff*

Turns out Nancy has call to visit Celia sooner rather than later. Heylia gets a visit from the landlord of Aquatecture, who informs her that the fire marshal will be paying her a visit the next day. Oopsie. He actually thinks he’s doing her a favor giving her that much notice. Little does he know how much stuff they’ve got to move before the fire inspector arrives. Heylia lays it on Conrad, who lays it on Nancy (“It’s your money that bought it”), who has eight hours to find a place to move the plants, set them up and get them back under the lights. There HAD to be a better option than Celia’s house, don’t you think? All I can think of is Nancy was feeling extremely charitable.

Once Celia reluctantly lets her in, and then only at (a very small) knifepoint, Nancy offers her $3k/month for her empty house in Agrestic. After lots of bitchy haggling, Celia gets $15k (WTF!) and tells Nancy she has to use the Majestic house and Celia, Dean and Isabelle will move back to Agrestic. I grudgingly give it to Celia. The Majestic house isn’t in her name, so what the hell?

Conrad, Nancy, et. al., start moving plants in IMMEDIATELY in the funniest scene this week. Isabelle wishes Heylia good luck with the growing and we spy Sanjay suggesting to Clinique they get married (I snorted soup out my nose for this one). Mostly, I’m a bit disappointed in the way they’ve depicted Sanjay, mixing the worst of both his culture and orientation to create a character who is more a cartoon version rather than three-dimensional, but I admit my brain short-circuited when I tried to picture that.

Meanwhile, in B and C plot-land, they’ve had mercy on us and only provided about three minutes of Doug and Sullivan’s dick-waving contest, as we’re to surmise that Doug has stolen the cross off the Majestic church in yet another juvenile attempt to get back at the council. It’s a good thing Nancy didn’t see Sully with that golf club he was swinging around like a whip.

In an ever growing lame attempt to get laid, Andy takes Dean to play murderball with other wheelchair bound guys. The teams seem to be made up mostly of Iraqi soldiers who are quite possibly damaged as much in the head as their bodies, so it will come as no surprise that Dean gets his ass handed to him, while Andy makes sweet talk with a Biker Chick who is there with her brother. We’re being introduced to a new storyline when Andy goes to her house later, only to be patted down by some goon while Biker Chick holds onto the collar of a dog named Ripper. Whoever these guys are, they know Nancy and what she does and they want Andy to relay the message that she should really buy from them. Why yes, support your local growers, Nan. It helps the economy!

Nancy has other things on her mind back at the new grow house in the suburbs of Majestic. She and Conrad are having a heart to heart and the tension in the air is palpable. We learn that the plants can’t be moved again for at least two weeks, but that’s not important. What is important is that the growing sexual attraction between Nancy and Conrad is finally going to peak, Beech-ez! We get nasty open-mouth kissing, chest groping and a very fine view of Conrad’s tight ass-ets while he’s doing the dirty to our favorite little slut -puppy. They are such a cute couple.

The only thing I’d change is to lay Nancy under a tanning light for about a week. Those white chicken legs she keeps raising up in the air are going to blind me one day.