Moonlight: B.C. (Episode 106)

Hey, it's that vampire show

This episode begins with Beth and her cameraman covering a fashion photo shoot. Kevin Weisman is back in this rather thankless role, so I guess he must be playing the ponies again. Beth whines about being a crime reporter and not wanting to do fluff, but I can't really get too concerned about her woe when the next scene features Logan Josef waking up a naked Mick in Mick's freezer bed. Sadly, Josef isn't in bed with Mick, but that's why we have fanfic.

Josef wants Mick to help him find Lola, an ancient vampire he's had an on-again/off-again thing with for a hundred years. It's recently been on again, but now Lola's disappeared. Mick doesn't buy that Josef's actually worried, and asks how much Lola owes him. Heh. Josef has a photo of Lola in an old gold locket, so I'm hoping there are real feelings involved. It would certainly be nice to get some character development for Josef. Okay, before I move on to the next scene, let's pause to admire the view.

How you doin'?

Back at the photo shoot, a model, Renee, has a seizure. A listless paramedic takes her pulse, listens for a heartbeat, and then declares her dead. Um, maybe try some CPR and get her bony ass to the hospital? Just a thought. Beth questions a teary model who tells her that Renee went to Club Valis the night before and had declared in the morning she was quitting modeling since "none of it mattered anymore." Josh and Carl the detective arrive and appropriate a video of Renee dying from Beth. Apparently people are ODing on a drug they can't identify, and Josh asks Beth to drop the story. Of course, Josh is a DA, so until there's at least a suspect, he wouldn't be involved in this investigation at all. Unless Dick Wolf has been lying to me, lo these many years.

At Mick's apartment, the Fortress of Style, Mick has a great time dicking around with Josef before he tells him what he's found about the mysterious Lola. As Josef fiddles with the gold locket, he admits that Lola stole a million bucks from him, and he can't let her get away with it. Mick incredulously asks if Josef gave her the password to his account, and Josef defensively replies, "Not on purpose!" Hee. Seriously, I could watch Mick and Josef banter all the livelong day. Mick reveals that Lola's bought an actual metric ton of silver (poison to vamps), and he plans to check out the warehouse she's storing it in.

Meanwhile, a dolled up Beth cruises into the club that dead Renee went to the night before. Beth tries to get into the VIP section, but the club's owner won't let her. Of course, the owner is none other than Lola. There are no feathers in her hair, but her dress is indeed cut down to there.

The next morning at the warehouse, Mick finds a decomposing vamp body and manages to get silver on his hands. We can't take you anywhere, Mick! He gets woozy, but wipes the silver off and brings the body to the morgue. Guillermo isn't there, but our new friend Terrance is. Terrance is draining a body of blood and dipping his finger in like it's cake batter, so I'm happy to report that this time I notice right away that the morgue guy is a vamp. Turns out the fetid, unfortunate vamp was temporaralyzed with silver and then drained of his blood before being set on fire. That Lola's quite a charmer!

Down the hall, Beth bribes another morgue guy and finds out Renee had a microchip in her hand, which got her into the VIP section at the club. She also had silver in her bloodstream, which killed her. Beth swipes the microchip and then runs into Mick in the hallway. They make awkward "we're going to pretend we didn't kiss recently!" chit chat before Beth pulls out the microchip, which is the kind vets put into pets so they can be identified if lost. Mick doesn't know any vets because apparently vampires can't be trusted with pets. But...he can be trusted with humans except under dire circumstances, right? Sometimes the vampire logic on this show is not like our earth logic.

Mick takes Beth to the Fortress and injects the microchip into her hand with a freaking huge needle. Beth nervously brings up the kiss and they both brush it off unconvincingly. Later, they meet up at Club Valis, and Beth bemoans the fact that she took hours to look good, and Mick just shows up in his usual outfit. Mick agrees that "perpetual coolness is the vampire's curse," and laughs adorably as Beth and the audience swoon.

As Mick goes around back to sneak upstairs, Beth gets into the VIP area. Of course, the bouncer sees on the microchip scan that the chip belonged to Renee and alerts Lola. Beth is offered a vial of "black crystal" just before Mick arrives. Lola and Mick circle each other while Lola plays head games with Beth. Mick gets cutely protective, awww. Lola blathers on about how Beth must wonder what it's like to be a vampire, and says the black crystal will show her.

The police suddenly raid the club, led by Carl and Josh, the most dedicated DA ever, omg. Josh is extremely pissed to find Beth there, and he blames Mick, instructing Carl to pat Mick down. Carl takes great pleasure in getting handsy with our hero. Who wouldn't? Later, Josh drops Beth at her place and they argue about Beth investigating the case after he ordered asked her not to. Also, Josh isn't too fond of Mr. Mick St. John these days.

At the Fortress, Mick gives Josef the bad news: Lola's black crystal is made from vampire blood. Josef confesses that he gave Lola the money, and clearly she has a hold over him. But he's disgusted and upset that she's preying on her own kind, and he tells Mick that they can't let the cops catch her. Lola apparently won't hide what she is, and they'll all be busted. As an aside, I must mention that I covet Mick's bookshelf. The weird crystal fireplace is all his, though.

Have any Sweet Valley High?

Meanwhile, Beth researches PCP and heroin and contemplates her vial of black crystal before stupidly tasting some. She'd better hope the paramedics that come to revive her try harder than they did with Renee. After only a few seconds, Beth is already hallucinating, and she comes onto herself via her reflection in a nearby mirror. Kinky! At the station, Carl and Josh can't figure out why people want black crystal, since there's nothing illegal in it, just silver and "filler." So I guess vamp blood doesn't register as blood? Josh, who might as well just join the force at this rate, makes like Pembleton in the Box and gives the club bouncer the gears until he agrees to turn on Lola and wear a wire.

At her vampire-draining facilities, Lola discusses distributing her drug somewhere else, with a fresh supply of vamps. May I suggest somewhere north of Havana? I hear there's a hot spot there. She kills her minion (Renee's boyfriend, it turns out) since Renee's death royally fucked up Lola's operation. Can't see how that's his fault, but whatever.

A horny and high Beth arrives at the Fortress, cooing about how connected to the world she feels. She wants to get connected to Mick in a big way, and leads him upstairs. You know, I think she might find that freezer a tad uncomfortable. Perhaps Beth has the same thought, because we cut to her and Mick in his shower, which pleasantly reminds me of Brian Kinney's bedroom. Mick tells her it's just the drugs talking, but she writhes in his arms, begging him to turn her. Needless to say, this is very hot.

No Beth, we must at least wait until February Sweeps

Mick is a strong man, because raccoon-eyed Beth wakes up the next morning on his couch, humanity intact. She's also in his shirt, which is a good look for her. She handles the embarrassment quite gracefully, and she and Mick chat about the downside to being a vampire. Mick never wants to forget what it's like to be human.

Later, Beth visits Josh at his office, and they both apologize for kind of being douchebags. Before she leaves, Beth overhears the address of Lola's warehouse and gives Mick the heads up so he can remove any vamp evidence. Mick finds the blood-draining room, but before he can rescue his fellow vamps, Lola arrives. The actress, Holly Valance, is apparently Alex's real-life girlfriend, so they must have had a great time filming this. Mick and Lola argue about the morality of her little business, and she says Mick and Josef are too self-righteous, with their rules and laws. Hmm, interesting. I'd have said that of Mick for sure, but perhaps Josef isn't quite the badass he likes people to think he is.

Lola taunts Mick about his "freshie" Beth, and tells him he'll understand when he's older that trying to be human won't work. She seems to be stronger than Mick, and he vamps out before fighting her. After she kicks his ass, he gets lucky and flings her into one of her own tanks of silver. Hoist by her own petard!

The half-dead vamps can't be saved, and the Emo Voice Over (which has been quite mum this episode) tells us Mick's doing them a favour as he blows up the warehouse. Beth is relieved when she spots Mick on an adjoining roof, and they smile longingly at each other. Beth gets her story for BuzzWire, and later Josh wonders why Beth isn't pursuing it further and digging more into Lola. She tells him Lola won't be back, and Josh wearily says he doesn't want to know. Go with your instincts, Josh, because you have no idea how much you don't want to know.

Fortress. Mick tells Josef that Lola's dead, and Josef tries not to cry. Man, Jason is so good at making me want to hug him when he tries to tamp down his character's emotions. Josef says Lola must have been 500 years old, and he and Mick ponder their own mortality. Mick tells him Lola thought they were alike, and affectionately reassures Josef that he's "100% vampire." I so love Mick and Josef as BFFs, and seeing Josef's woobie side. The actors have terrific chemistry and the characters clearly love and respect each other. I think this episode was my favourite yet. More of this, writers! (Well, more of this once the producers remove their greedy heads from their asses and pay you what you deserve.)

We end as Beth hides her vial of black crystal in her underwear drawer. Josh calls her into the kitchen for dinner, and Beth looks searchingly at herself in the mirror. Sadly, her reflection doesn't hit on her this time.