Two and a Half Men: The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room (Episode 507)

The men are bitching around the house like two old ladies at bingo. It's nice to know cast-off scripts from Golden Girls episodes have found a home in this show. All it needs now is a confused Betty White and an angry Bea Arthur. Then again, Jon Cryer's close enough. Anyway, Alan wants to leave some inlaid mosaic bowl around the house. Charlie hates it. Alan complains that nothing in the house reflects his taste. Charlie points to a lamp Alan bought that he hates. Charlie also hates the way Alan reupholstered the couch. Alan asks him whether he misses the stains. Charlie snaps that every one of those stains has a story behind them. 

Charlie comes home with a date and angrily finds a bowl of butterscotch candies on the table. He goes to Alan's room and dumps the candies all over him. Charlie says the bowl makes him nauseous. Alan polls Charlie's date and they agree the bowl's OK. Charlie's having none of that. He yells at Alan that he's just a freeloader and the girl is just a one-night stand... Oh, shucks, no easy lay for the night.

Alan yells back at Charlie that he and Jake made Charlie's house a home. Before that, Charlie just sat on the couch drinking and having casual sex. Charlie says there's one word for that: Utopia. Alan tells Charlie's he's leaving and takes a reluctant Jake with him. Man, this is like a girlfight. Seriously. They're fighting about a bowl. Well, Alan claims it's because Charlie doesn't recognize his role, but it's really just a snit about a bowl that looks like one I bought from Nordstrom Rack.

Alan and Jake end up at Alan's mom's home. Are chiropractors that broke? Evelyn and her boyfriend, Teddy (Robert Wagner), have hooked up for the night and Alan and Jake have cramped their style -especially since they forgot their leather gear in the guest room.

Charlie is sulking about the fight to Berta. He insists he's happier about the split. Berta tries to get the whole sitch down: Alan bought an ugly bowl and put it on the front table. Then when Charlie told him to get rid of it, he moved it to the coffee table and filled it with butterscotch candies. Yeah, Berta, you got it. They're two old ladies fighting over bingo.

In a valiant effort to boot their unwelcome guests, Teddy tells Alan a story about how he regretted losing his brother, Scotty. And then when Alan says he's not going back until Charlie apologizes, Teddy says that's what he said about Artie. Doh. Teddy tries the same thing with Charlie. This time he keeps the name straight.

Back at the love shack, Evelyn takes the opportunity to show Jake albums of her memories. Oh, look, there's one of Grandma and another woman. After Grandpa died, Grandma began experimenting sexually. Alan freaks out at his mom's frankness with his son. This arrangement is obviously grating on everyone involved.

Evelyn resorts to threats to get Alan out of the house. She shows up on Charlie's doorstep with her luggage in tow, explaining she and Teddy had a fight. Unsurprisingly, the next scene features Charlie apologizing to Alan, who wants to know he has the freedom to place a bowl anywhere he wants in the house. Yes, Alan, you have freedom to be the ball-less wonder of the show.

The men are back in the living room, enjoying beers on Charlie's couch. Alan is proud of the new $14.99 bowl full of butterscotch on the coffee table. He thanks Charlie for being the bigger person as he heads back to his room. Alan sings "Our house, is a very very very fine house..." until he finds a pool table set up in his room in place of his bed. Charlie smirks in the living room, knowing Alan found his little surprise. He pops a butterscotch candy in his mouth and sits back, singing, "My house. In the middle of the street."