Weeds: Risk (Episode 35)

How does this show keep surprising the shit out of me? I get the twisty turny plots of selling pot in the ‘burbs. That’s not it. It’s the B and C plots that I love.

The main thread of this week’s show continues what Andy started last week with Biker Chick and her family the Biker Dudes. Since Nancy and Conrad lost a good portion of the “ready” crop due to the move, she’s gotta find a new source for her customers. She goes to talk to Ches (Biker Chick’s brother) about his Biker Weed and takes a pound on consignment. Andy is happy, since it means he might score with Biker Chick. When will she learn that her brother-in-law never brings her anything but bad luck and shit?

Needless to say, Biker Weed is not our beloved MILF Weed. Tara, Sanjay, Silas… all of them bring back their stashes unsold. Nobody wants this shit. As an aside and speaking of Tara, we find out she’s been supplying Sullivan with his weed needs. He tells her it’s time for him to move on to the next shitty prefab Jesus town. Maybe the door will hit him in the ass on the way out. Anyway, the weed supply is dried up for at least a week and Nancy takes the crap stuff back to Ches (short for Chester), letting him know they won’t be doing business, after all.  Of course, she’s her usual charming, snarky, devil-may-care self and you just know we haven’t seen the last of old Ches.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Celia gets all hopped up on adrenaline and violence by taking a baseball bat to Sully’s office (causing said thoughts of relocation), then goes to the grow house and tells Conrad she wants to helps them. She wants a job, she wants to get dirty and kick ass. [Insert giant eye-roll.] So, Connie puts her to work planting sweet smelling flowers and herbs outside, along with Heylia and Benita, since they’ve discovered you can smell the weed two blocks away. I don’t care how scared or how guilty the white folks are of Heylia-Maya-Angelou-Connie-Rice, living in a house that smells like pot is so not Christian. *snerk*

So, here we have Celia, Heylia and Benita on their knees playing like they have a green thumb…okay, well Heylia and Benita are.  Apparently, Celia didn’t really mean she wanted to get dirty. She just wanted to get, you know, dirty. Next thing you know, Celia and Heylia are lighting up (just cigarettes), bonding like sorority sisters and I just know none of that is going to lead to anything good. Between the mean streak and the attitudes these two bitches have, someone is going to be eating dirt before this season is over.

Apropos of absolutely nothing, Nancy decides to get a tattoo. Buh? It’s very rare for this show to just toss me out like this, but about halfway through the tattoo-parlor scene I realized I was literally shaking my head, trying to make sense out of its purpose. Turns out, it’s a U-Turn symbol (like the traffic sign) to remind her that “thug means never having to say your sorry.” Okaaaay. Random, much?

About mid-way through the ep, there’s another somewhat random scene and this is where this week’s hook starts to tug at us a bit. Remember that alarm Shane set up with surveillance cameras? Well, it goes off in the middle of the night and no one is home but Shane. After checking things out and turning off the alarm, he turns to someone off-camera and smiles, saying “Yeah, just a bug in the system.”  Who, you may wonder, is he talking to? Oh, just wait!

Cut back to the grow house where Nancy and Conrad are having a nice little romantic evening with wine and figs, which is apparently the scene where she attempts to explain why she got the tattoo. I’m still not real clear on that. You guys got anything? Cause, I got nothing.

In the closing scene, a couple of things are going on. Shane is quizzing everyone about Pittsburg, which he seems to have a morbid fascination with. Silas comes in all beat to shit and back with a message that Biker Dudes are coming after them all, now. Raise your hand if that surprises you.

But, the best part? The best part is while Silas relaying his message and Nancy is freaking and the alarm goes off again and Andy is trying to figure out how to turn the damned thing off, Shane is doing this running monologue about the neighborhoods of Pittsburg, and looking straight across the table at the empty seat where no one was sitting. It’s a cacophony of noise and mayhem for a few seconds. However, when things quiet down and Nancy asks Shane who he is talking to, he replies, very calmly and matter-of-factly, that he’s talking to Dad. YES! Can you fucking believe it? Does this mean Jeffrey Dean Morgan will be back for even a split second of screen time as Jonah? I don’t care if he did break up with Mary-Louise Parker, they can put their differences aside for one more episode, right?

So, we close with Silas beat up, Shane going all ghost whisperer and Nancy needing ‘protection’ from Biker Dude. And just two more episodes this season!