Doctor Who: Time Crash (Children in Need Special 2)

You went all hands-free didn't you? Like, 'Hey, I'm the Doctor. I can save the universe with a kettle and some string and look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable.'

It’s that time of year! No, not the holiday season (only 38 more days before Christmas), the Children in Need special. No, these mini-episodes of Doctor Who are never aired on this side of the pond for reasons that astound me because they are always made of pure awesome. If you heard a whole bunch of squeeing over the last day or so, it’s a mixture of the David Tennant, Peter Davison and John Barrowman fans, wondering how their lives could possibly get any better. Rose returning?

One of those people joining in the squeeage is Tennant himself, who is a self-declared fan of the Fifth Doctor.

The mini-episode is introduced by John Barrowman. Okay, there’s someone with him but really, it’s John Barrowman that counts. He’s come from Cardiff to introduce it. (So he claims but I think he’s come from one of the other 340984 projects the actor is working on right now. I think either he’s the hardest working man on the planet or proof that human cloning has occurred.)

The entire mini-episode takes place between two moments in “Last of the Time Lords” – Martha exiting the TARDIS and the crash of the Titanic into the TARDIS but provides fans both new and old with some fantastic memories.

As soon as the Doctor (from here on called 10 to avoid confusion) starts to travel through the time vortex, the cameras lost all ability to focus, which is supposed to be symbolic of the merging of two times.

Once 10 gets the TARDIS to stop, he rushes around trying to figure out what is wrong, politely excusing himself past the Fifth Doctor, before realizing that there’s two of him on the same TARDIS.

After a shortened version of the credits featuring both David Tennant's and Peter Davison’s names, we get the obligatory “Doctor who?” joke out of the way when 5 asks 10 who he is. 10 promptly fanboys all over 5 admiring his hat, coat, his “decorative vegetable”, even the back of his head, while glossing over that he’s 23 years older than he should be. When 5 pulls out his “brainy specs,” 10 practically pisses himself with glee. He even comments about how 5 doesn’t really need them and they just make him look smart. Pot meet kettle. Personally, I don’t think David Tennant’s acting, just expressing how the little child in him would’ve felt if the Fifth Doctor had walked into his living room.

5 is not amused by the fanboying because he’s afraid of what is wrong with the TARDIS. The personalities may change, but the love for the TARDIS never fades with any regeneration. He’s also annoyed that 10 changed the “desktop theme” of the TARDIS to coral, even though it’s better than leopard skin. I’ll bet it’s better than the Austin Powers desktop theme too.

An alarm goes off warning that two TARDISes (TARDI?) have merged and temporal collision that’ll blow a hole in space time continuum the size of Belgium. I’m not kidding that Belgium is actually the analogy used. I guess since Belgium’s known as the screen door of Europe, it’s a metaphor for a screen door in time and space.

“That’s a bit un-dramatic, isn’t it, Belgium?” 5 comments. Well, I guess it is, unless you’re Flemish.

When 5 refuses the offer of the sonic screwdriver, 10 gets all snarky making the crack that started this recap.

10 thinks that 5 has finally figured out that he’s him but no, 5 just thinks he’s a fan. For all 5’s referencing of LINDA (of all the ones to reference, they pick that episode?!) and that people love the Doctor because he’s fantastic, brilliant marvelous, it’s a very meta-moment.

10 tries to explain how one day 5 will have to shave 10’s face. I’ve learned there is no way to make that sentence not sound as bad as it does. Finally, 5 realizes that 10 is him, just with Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, and Christopher Eccleston sandwiched between them. Try not to think too long on the idea of a Doctor sandwich. That’s where multi-regeneration fanfic comes from.

The Cloister Bell goes off, warning that the destruction will no longer be Belgium-sized but instead, will take with it the entire universe. 10 apologizes as when he was repairing the TARDIS of his time, he forgot to put the shields back up, which allowed for the crash. He blames the end of the universe on “butter fingers.”

Fortunately 10 knows how to fix things. After spitting out some technobabble, and completely freaking out 5, 10 causes a supernova and a black hole at the same time, saving the universe from imploding and/or exploding.

10 knew what to do because he remembered being 5 and watching himself do that. Besides the fact it’s a hard concept to explain, it’s its own paradox.

“Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey” they say in unison, describing time and following it up with a failed Time Lord high five.

As the TARDISes (TARDI?) separate, 10 asks 5 where he is in his timeline. I’d point out that if 10 can remember how to save the universe from 5’s time, perhaps he should remember when exactly that happened, but it’s just an excuse to bring up 5’s companions and adventures. He even brings up the Master.

“Does he still have that rubbish beard?” 5 asks.

“No, no beard this time, well, a wife,” 10 responds. Hee! Double entendres wrapped up in puns are good.

5 fades away, thanking 10 but considering what 10’s just been through, 10 is reluctant to let him go. Plus, 5 forgot his hat.

“I loved being you,” David Tennant 10 says. He mentions how the Doctor started off “old and grumpy” but that 5 gave him the chance to be young. He’s not wrong, without the youthful Peter Davison, we would never have a David Tennant.

Beyond youthfulness, squeaky voices and general enthusiasm, the pair shares two other things.

“You know what Doctor? You were my Doctor.” Hell, I can’t even pretend it’s 10 this time as that’s all Tennant. Tennant just keeps 10’s accent.

5 tips his hat and fades away.

Through the Time Vortex, 5 reminds 10 to put the shields up, but it’s too late. The Titanic crashes through the walls of the TARDIS and the fandom is given the explanation of how that’s possible. It just leaves me with one question, as I anxiously await this year’s Christmas special, “Voyage of the Damned.”