Weeds: Go (Episode 315)

Oh *wibble*!! Season finale. And much apologies for the lateness of this recap. But, here it is. The rundown, as it happened.

And we have fire!! YAY! Andy and Silas thing Nancy started the fire in the weed biker’s grow field. Nancy, of course, would never do such a thing, what with low water conditions, Santa Ana winds, dry kindling fields… However, her protection is not above such acts.

They start packing up, Shane bringing down his turtles, which he’s had for a YEAR, and Nancy never knew about them, then he pulls down the waffle maker box. When mom says ixnay to the waffle akermay, Shane reminds her that that is where the deed to the house, the birth certificates and other important papers are. Oh yeah, Judah’s emergency box. Yeah, Judah reminded Shane of it that morning. Yeah. Also, Shane doesn’t want to leave because Judah doesn’t want to leave.

Nancy does an extra fine job of “telling” Judah that he needs to make Shane leave, no her hair is still the same and to stop interrupting her. Go Mom-Nancy!! Shane starts loading the car. I guess you have to play crazy to talk to the crazy people.

Evacuation of Lower Majestic becomes mandatory and Nancy and the boys are packing up. Cut to Celia’s house, where she’s packed her car and ever so politely in her usual charming way, asking the firemen who are blocking her driveway to move their fucking trucks. I totally back the fireman’s reaction. Run the hose through her car windows. *snerk*  I have to give it to her though. Turning lemons into lemonade. She decides to take the evacuation shuttle instead and gives the (hunky) fireman her phone number for angry sex later.

Isabelle is escorting Dean (via handicap bus) to the recreation center where everyone is evacuating. And man, do I want that little butch chick on my side when it’s time to bully my way through something!

Never one to miss a golden opportunity, Andy organizes the team (Doug, Silas, Tara) at the rec center to staring making people happy via selling them weed. Where there’s smoke…there’s smoke. Doug entertains and puts people in the mood with a little banjo ditty.

Where there’s fire
People like to smoke.
Where there’s fire
People like to toke.
Where’s the fire
We can all get paid (?)
And if we’re lucky
Maybe we’ll get laid.

Heylia, Benita and Conrad are packing up plants when Heylia announces she’s going legit. Yep, she’s tired of moving and running and growing. Apparently, she’s going to open a club. Heylia’s Compassionate Care. No idea what that is, but I’m sure she’ll tell us. What Connie asks her if she’s still going to buy, Heylia says as long as she doesn’t know where he’s growing…and she doesn’t have to see his girlfriend…or fuck buddy…whatever.

After sending her crew to the rec center, Nancy heads over to the grow house to see Conrad, who seems to be having second thoughts about them. I think it was Heylia’s threat not to bring Nancy to thanksgiving dinner, because Conrad asks her if she can cook a turkey. That answer would be no. The anvil drops when Nancy references a Grateful Dead song and Conrad obviously doesn’t know who they are. That would be the anvil on our head to let us know the end is neigh.

Luckily, they both left the grow house before the COPS arrive (remember the surveillance guys who saw the cross on infrared scan last week?), along with the cute hunky fireman. Next we see Sully talking to the DEA about this house he supposedly owns. He gives Celia up faster than you can say “Celia of the magical house-buying pussy.” Sully explains why (yes, he told the truth) he bought her the house and why it’s not in her name, yada yada yada. In a nutshell, she let him fuck her, so she gets a house. Capt. Till asks if he lets Sully stick a finger up his ass, can he have a porche. LOLZ! I guess you had to be there. Anyway, Sully leaves for Colorado Springs (oh the Focus in the Family people are going to LOVE him!) and I can’t say I’m sorry to see that back end of him.

However, they then bring Celia in for questioning and we only get to see her say two words. Nancy Botwin. What did I say about her? Cunt.

Meanwhile, back at the rec center, crazy church lady is leading some sort of tent revival in a side room. Something about God bringing the plague and fire down, or something.
About the time she starts rolling her eyes in the back of her head and spouting nonsensical gibberish, Doug strolls in with his banjo and sings gibberish with her. It was quite cute.

As she’s recovering from her visit with God, Tara runs in the room announcing that they have discovered the missing cross. It’s in a house in majestic. All the looney Christians run off to rescue their cross. In the neighborhood that’s on fire. When they show up on the news, being taken to the hospital for minor burns and smoke inhalation, Tara happily tells the camera the Lord told them to do it. Thank GOD Silas is now over her. heeeee

Nancy has to head out again to meet Guillermo, against Andy’s better judgment and I never thought I’d say he makes more sense than she does. Guillermo isn’t too worried about his little field fire running amok. To him, it’s all part of the circle of life. People will rebuild, they’ll be burned out again, etc.  Because they don’t belong there, including Nancy. He tells her it’s time to move on.

Then the conversation turns. Guillermo starts talking about her working for him, but not in sales. That’s for the little people. He needs a navigator, whatever that is. Says he gets stuck in traffic a lot. Just before he leaves, Guillermo tells her maybe her house won’t burn. Maybe it will be spared and she can stay there forever.

I think his little speech had the desired effect. Nancy goes straight to her house and starts pouring on the gasoline. She’s going to make damn sure her house doesn’t survive. I’m thinking Nancy doesn’t want to stay in Majestic forever.

“Judah, if you’re still here… I tried.” Those are her last words before tossing the match and riding off into the sunset on her stolen segueway.

And the good news is that Showtime has picked Weeds up for a fourth season for 2008. YAY!!!!!!!