Numb3rs: Graphic (Episode 409)

Before I begin, I have to admit that there is a large gaping hole in my geekiness. Until this eppesode, I knew only three things about the comic book culture.

1) All comics have long in-depth mythologies which, if you haven’t been reading them since you were born, you will never fully understand.
2) Nightwing has the best ass in the DC universe. This is one factoid my best friend made sure, that if I know nothing else about comics, I know this.
3) Wolverine came from the Marvel universe, so I owe Marvel a great deal of thanks for letting me spend many, many hours staring at Hugh Jackman in leather.

As of this eppesode, I’ve learned that David Sinclair, aka Alimi Ballard is an avid comic book collector. How do I know this? It’s the only thing in the info section of his IMDB profile. Seriously, fandom, we need to change that.

I’ve also learned what an ashcan edition is and that David can fly.

We open at “Alt-Con” which is really just the fictional Comic-Con , so let’s not pretend otherwise, shall we? What else do we have: Wesley fucking Crusher. I’m going to be honest here; this eppesode doesn’t need anything else to out-geek “Primacy” other than Wesley Crusher. Alt-Con, the comic-world in general and any future geekery, is simply gravy.

Everyone, including people dressed up in Star Trek uniforms, holding cutouts of Kirk and Spock, stare at Wesley Crusher. Okay, the character’s real name is Miles Sklar, but he’ll always be Wesley to me.

Wesley is there to present the world’s rarest comic, Ultraworld number 1. He also brags that he has the “greatest comic book collection in existence.” You know, I don’t think I’m going to debate him on that.

What should be a practically moment of sheer geek bliss, turns into terror, when two masked men hold everyone at gunpoint, shoot a security guard and a terrified fan and steal Ultraworld.

Cal Sci: Charlie is giving a lecture on game theory and friendship as I realize our one week reprieve of the damned book storyline is up. Using a student’s Blackberry, he proves that the sharing of information is the ultimate goal in friendship. Yes, the exchange of information such as ‘Nightwing has the best ass in DC,” is totally why my best friend and I have been so close for so long.

He assigns homework, which sadly is a real book, instead of a fictional one written by anagram of the handle theoriginalspy. Do the powers that be not realize how easy it would be to toss in a shout out?

Not only is the book subplot back, but also it’s pushed to the forefront as one of the people listening to the lecture is Vanity Fair reporter Peter Lange, who has been assigned to do a story on the new "relationship guru." Charlie literally gulps when Lange introduces himself. I think Charlie pisses himself when Lange explains that he’s going to be talking to everyone in Charlie’s life.

Alt-Con: David is explaining about the death of the security guard, what an Ashcan edition is and why Ultraworld is so important. It was drawn in 1963 by Ross Moore (a fictionalized Stan Lee). The most important part of this conversation is that David reveals his own inner-geek. We new it had to be in there somewhere. You can’t be a character on this show and not have some geek-tendencies. He still has a substantial comic book collection. All right, substantial is a subjective term, but when you have over 1000 of anything, it’s substantial to me.

A comic book artist and connoisseur, Seth Marlowe, is also impressed by David’s geekishness and David fanboys all over him. The artist is the creator of Nanopunk and David has a mint condition first edition. Marlowe explains that Wesley is an artist sell-out at that Ultraworld, if it’s real is worth 2 million and actually belongs to the original artist.

IHOF: Wesley is adamant that the comic belongs to him. He found it in an estate sale with a bunch of other comics.

He plans on selling it just after Ross Moore dies and only brought it because there were rumours that it was fake. Throughout the entire interview, Wesley is smug and condescending, but he’ll always be Wesley to me so I can’t dislike him.

Alt-Con: Megan tries deriding comic book culture and David jumps into to defend it with such examples as Lichtenstein and Warhol.

“Hugh Jackman in a Wolverine outfit, that was hot,” Megan replies. I think it’s possible I just had a fandom orgasm. The actor I’ve lusted after forever – who I love so much I even recapped this just because he was in it, the actor I paid to see Swordfish twice in the theatres for, was just mentioned in my favourite television show.

I do have one bone to pick with that line.

Seth rushes up to the two Fedcakes with a rumour that the stolen comic sold on the black market for 50 thousand. Suddenly, there are copies of the comic everywhere.

Title Flash.

IHOF: David and Megan are baffled by the comic collectors while Don isn’t paying attention. He’s brooding over last week’s break up. That’s okay, somebody has to and it certainly isn’t going to be me as it wasn't Robin involved.

14 copies, all on old paper, of the comic were sold but the public places where they were sold were too evenly placed. Of course, over four seasons, the Fedcakes know what that means without having Charlie tell them; someone was trying to make it look random.

Alt-Con: Charlie’s really enthusiastic about working the case but he and Colby need to consult an expert first. That expert, of course, is Seth. He explains about what makes a comic valuable, but really, it’s the same reasons anything else is valuable. Seth does promise to talk to Moore to get Charlie some samples of his artwork, as Moore is a close personal friend of Seth.

By the way, even the transitions between scenes, with the flashes of comics, are awesomely geeky.

Moore’s: David and Seth have gone to Ross Moore’s to collect a sample of his art. Ross Moore is played by none other than Christopher Lloyd, and even though this is a reunion between two former Taxi cast mates, Lloyd will always Dr. Emmett Brown to me.

Moore is slowly wasting away and wants the old comic back so that his wife can live the good life after he’s gone. What’s interesting is that Moore himself never doubt’s Wesley’s claim of ownership because he openly admits to having misplaced it years before.

Seth insists Moore will get it back if there’s any justice. “Kid, you read too many comic books,” Moore tells him. It’s sad, but true.

IHOF: Colby’s collecting files from the Art Crime unit and information on Karen Silver. Unfortunately, according to Megan, Karen is married. You know what’s more unbelievable than a book being written, published and on the bestseller list in the space of half a year? Colby is unable to get a date.

Although, this little stretch of my suspension of disbelief does provide some comic relief – a $20 bet between Megan and Colby that she can set him up with someone he’ll like. Although, I would like to add that I have a suggestion.

Math Garage: Alan’s indulging in his own comic name dropping by saying the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, R. Crumb and Harvey Pekar are among his favourites. Larry, on the other hand, liked superheroes, like the Daredevil, the Fantastic Four and Galactus for his “stellar Darwinism.”

IHOF: Outside, Megan tells David that she found a large order of vintage paper was placed by a man wearing a Dr. Strange t-shirt.

"By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth!" David exclaims. Oh David, you know you’re my pal, but the geekishness just makes me love you more.

Inside, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are going over the hot zone map but Rosencrantz doesn’t need no stinking map. He knows there’s a comic store in the centre of it, has already called and found out Dr. Strange dude bought a crapload (a phrase which here means $20000) of comics. He even ordered more, so now the Fedcakes have his home phone number.

Dr. Strange’s: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern aren’t fooled for a minute when Dr. Strange claims to be in the shower. Instead, the bad guy crawls out the window wearing nothing but a towel. They scariest part is that I’m pretty sure we’re flashed as he crawls down the ladder. To be honest, I really don’t want to find a screencap to prove or disprove that, thank you very much. I’m a dedicated recapper, but I’m not that dedicated. Now, if it were a Fedcake flashing us, that would be an entirely different story.

So a chase of the naked man ensues. It’s not like they’re going to have difficulty catching the guy. He has no shoes on, and is trying to hold onto a towel. The only problem is who is going to tackle the guy. “Whoever gets there last,” snarks David. Hee!

The race to not be last is just as funny as the concept of a bad guy in nothing but a towel. Then Dr. Strange tries to carjack two athletic women and I don’t even want to know what he planned to threaten them with. David and Colby arrive just in time to see him beaten senseless by both women.

“You dropped your cape, Superboy,” Colby says handing the man back his towel. From his tone of voice, a very smal facecloth would have sufficed.

IHOF: “Naked carjacking, it’s the worst kind,” Megan tells the now not-naked Dr. Strange. The interview itself isn’t that important, but that line was just too classic not to share. Megan does figure he was involved in the robbery but that he isn’t the shooter or the artist. The Fedcakes are now on the search for a team of three.

Don leaves and David, Megan and Colby all talk about how Donnie Darko he’s been since the break up. The idea of talking about is with their illustrious leader is quickly dismissed as no one wants to open that can of worms.

Cal Sci: Seth can’t tell the forgeries from the real thing, but Charlie can, depending on how mush the ink has bled into the paper. Forgers have to be more careful, not as natural with their drawing, so the ink bleeds more.

As for Seth, he’s found another distraction – Amita. “Other than a very hot woman looking very hot,” he says, smoothly. Okay, so the smoothly comes across more as painfully awkward, as in this week’s awkward, yet hilarious NPAL™.

“Charlie, I’m sorry, I’ve been swept off my feet. I’m going to have to run off with this man because he is so smooth.” Whatever the writing team has been doing with Amita lately, please keep doing it. I think this is possibly her best line, ever.

All of the copies analyzed were definitely forgeries, but they were all done by the same artist. Seth promises to get samples of all the artists capable of forging and original Moore.

Parole Office: Colby and Megan talk to Dr. Strange’s parole officer. We learn two things from this scene. The first is that Dr. Strange hung out with a real bad guy in prison names Gordon Garrity. The second is that the parole officer is not Colby’s type. This is great news for me as the parole officer is practically an antithesis of me.

Alt-Con: Charlie’s taken Larry for some shopping at Alt-Con and I’ll be honest and say I have no idea who Larry is carrying around. The cardboard cut out reads “Newton” but I have no idea who that is and I feel like I’m missing something. Feel free to fill me in.

Seth has all the samples they need and Charlie’s book. Seth and Charlie have a mutual love-fest as they sign their works for the other. Yay, the book subplot invades yet another scene. Yay, a word which here means, damn.

Cal Sci: Charlie’s bemoaning the idea of the Vanity Fair reporter talking to Larry. “Larry, it was never my intention to go down in history as a crackpot expert.” Yeah, well don’t whine at Larry. He didn’t invent this subplot.

Larry brings the scene back on point and asks who would want to devalue the original comic and Wesley. That’s the answer as to who is the mastermind behind the robbery. With that statement, we suddenly go into an alternate reality, one that throws the Numb3rs universe as we know it, into chaos.

La Maison d’Eppes: Charlie has a hunch, a genuine hunch based on elegance. He says Seth is the forger. Who is this Charlie and thank God the lime green bowl is here to support me during this confusing time!

IHOF: Charlie’s now trying to convince Megan that he’s capable of an unproven hunch. In the past, Charlie’s had some leaps, but there’s always been the math, somewhere to back it up. He tries to claim the Eppes Convergence was a hunch, but come on – that’s retcon if ever I heard it. I should know. I recapped the eppesode where it was explained to us. Oh yeah, and if there is any validity to the “hunch” claim, then didn’t Marshall prove that Charlie had made an error in there somewhere? Not exactly a track record one wants on hunches, now is it, Charlie?

Both Megan and Don doubt the hunch, but Charlie stands firm. Of course, he’s going to be right, but really, did Seth have to be so likeable? This recent trend of infallibility on Charlie’s part needs to be checked soon.

As for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, they’ve had as much luck finding Gordon Garrity as Charlie’s had finding proof for his hunch.

Cal Sci: Lange introduces himself to Larry and Amita and puts them on guard by commenting that Charlie has few close friends and those he does have he met original in an academic capacity. Amita defends Charlie’s social status and as full of conviction as that defense is, I wish it was in a better subplot than the damn book one.

Moore’s: Charlie’s presence freaks out Seth, who is bringing a variety of groceries for his mentor. Again, did they have to make Seth so likeable?

Since we now know he’s the unintentional (I refuse to believe otherwise) bad guy, it sucks knowing that he’s going to have to be taken down.

IHOF: Colby and Megan have discovered that Garrity is a big fan of comics, Seth’s in particular. Well, there’s the connection I was hoping they would never find.

Alt-Con: Throughout all these years of comic book study, did Seth not learn it’s totally wrong for the bad guy to mock the red herring? Did he learn nothing? Apparently not, since he’s having a great deal of fun making light of Wesley’s predicament. The two of them trade insults about each other’s work.

In fitting with the evil mastermind theme, Seth has an idea – auction off all the “fakes” and the money will go towards Moore and the people who were ripped off. Again, planning a big public spectacle to get away with your crime is a big no-no, Seth!

Our hero – The Mathinator Charlie and Seth exchange veiled barbs about the true perpetrator of the forgeries. Not only does Seth mock Wesley, but he mocks Charlie’s math. He’d make the worst comic villain ever! You never mock the hero’s superpowers.

IHOF: The gun used in the robbery was taken from a retired cop’s apartment in Rancho Vista Assisted Living – where Garrity’s mom lives. Megan and Colby theorize Garrity’s been staying with his mother.

Rancho Vista Assisted Living: David tries to get Garrity’s mother out of the line of fire, and she responds by whacking him with her cane and warning her son.

The Fedcakes, complete in riot gear, chase Garrity throughout the senior’s home. Oh yes, and a note to the director, Garrity’s mom beating up David was funny. Showing the scene where the seniors are trying to run / roll out of the way of the Fedcakes was obviously shot trying to be funny – but it just comes across as tacky and crass. Please note that for future reference.

After taking a couple of shots at Colby, Garrity makes it outside and get the drop on Don. Just as Garrity is about to shoot him, David discovers his inner Nathan Petrelli and flies off the roof, landing on Garrity.

In the commotion, Garrity’s gun goes off, killing him.

IHOF: “For a minute there, I almost believed a man could fly,” Colby says to David after giving him another forged copy of Ultraworld. Why is that so hard to believe since Colby’s been doing super leaps all season?

Charlie’s hunch now goes one step further. He thinks that Wesley owned the real deal but Seth wants everyone to think it’s fake.

Cal Sci: Lange catches Alan in the library and reveals his real purpose behind the piece. Since Lange sneers at the idea of making money off of people’s emotions and easy answers, I wonder if this guy has ever heard of the entertainment industry.

lan defends Charlie for writing the book. “Charlie thinks math is beautiful and he wants everyone to love it the way he does.” Personally, I think Alan left out the most important part of his feelings.

Later, Charlie explains to David that Seth put a code into the forgeries that spells “Miles Sklar 2007.” Oh Seth, one should never use a code in a show called Numb3rs unless you really want to get caught.

As for proving Seth is the mastermind, Charlie thinks that there will be a sock puppet (my phrase, not Charlie’s) at the auction to bid for Seth and that sock puppet will make sure to outbid everyone else by offering an obscene amount of money.

Alt-Con: At the auction, Charlie explains his theory to Megan as the auction of the forgeries is about to start. Seth and Charlie have a verbal pissing contest about “catching the evil mastermind” in front of the auction table and bidding begins.

The first copy goes for $650. The fifth sells for $750. It item 11, Seth gives a fairly obvious nod to his sock puppet and the sock puppet bids $2000. Just like Bruce Wayne, Charlie’s not exactly poor so he jumps into the bidding. At $20000, Seth has to give up. Both Charlie and Seth look disappointed. It’s obvious that Seth is upset not to get the original copy but for Charlie, I think he’s sad to have beaten Seth because of his wealth, not because of his math.

Seth waits for Charlie by his car, saying his “math stuff worked.” No it didn’t. This was mostly due to his behavioural analysis and a hunch than it is due to math, no matter how many Charlie-visions the writers try to throw at me. Seth is ultimately sorry for the death of the security guard, but we get Charlie’s real reason that he’ll never forgive Seth. “Your fan from prison almost shot my brother.”

Don arrests Seth as Charlie turns his back on the artist.

IHOF: Seth admits to everything in the interview but is relieved to find out, from Charlie, that due to intense public pressure, and a savvy knowledge of PR, Wesley returned the original comic to Ross Moore. I guess this outcome is a nod to a villain, that wasn’t really a villain, just a man with good intentions and really bad ideas.

In the break room, Don invites Colby and David out for a bite to eat. At that moment Megan arrives with news that she’s fixed Colby up with a French Cirque du Soleil acrobat with a degree in literature. Even the acrobat part impresses David as Colby pays her the 20 bucks as he’s clearly lost the bet. I only have one thing to say about this.

Now David is the only one available to go out with Don, which is making me extremely nervous, as WTF happened to Claudia?

La Maison d’Eppes: Finally, the Taxi reunion scene! Alan admires Moore’s work but has trouble seeing him as “Paisley McNasty,” a hippie. Hee on the meta-moment.

Now, what is Moore drawing? A comic featuring Don and Charlie.

Don has trouble believing that anyone would be interested in a comic about a Fedcake and his mathematician brother but Moore is insistent that it would be successful.

In what was working up to be a stellar final scene the flipping book comes back into it as the proof of the article arrived. Yes, it takes a few potshots at Charlie, but overall, it’s very nice. I’m guessing it’s because Lange realized Alan would kill him otherwise. It doesn’t hurt that Don said, “Charlie and I had our issues growing up… but if there’s anything stronger than the bond between brothers it’s the bond between brothers who have become friends. Charlie’s my friend.”

Okay, if the book subplot ends here, then it’s redeemed itself, just for that one line.

As Charlie and Don get back into their “Charlie’s Angels” pose for Moore, the camera pans down on another drawing, that of Larry as the “Quantum Avenger.”