Ugly Betty: "Giving Up the Ghost" (Episode 209)

TVGuide’s Mike Ausiello said something that was very spot-on about the sophomore slump this television season. It’s made gunk out of an erstwhile auspicious classic – Heroes – but it’s brought out the best in one of the already best dramedies on television. That is, Ugly Betty. And this episode just takes that amazingness to a brand new level.

We open with Betty frantically shoveling empanadas into her mouth. Much like how Amanda shovels any kind of food under times of stress. In reason #2,866 of why I love Ugly Betty, Betty goes to get some food from the fridge and sees the severed, though still functional head of Bradford on a salad. He is talking to her. She is wigging out. She slams the fridge shut and opens it again. Bradford Head gone. She then does an about haste and there is Bradford, clad-ford in cargo shorts and an awful island-print t-shirt and flip-flops. She says, “Are you a ghost? Why am I seeing you?” He says, “I’m a subconscious manifestation of your guilt.” He then says, “You promised you would take care of Daniel. Why haven’t you taken your job back?” She says, “I didn’t like the person I was becoming.” And he’s all, “You promised me.” She says, “I have to go to bed!” Bradford says, “We both know you’re going to continue eating those empanadas,” and Betty gets that look on her face that the dog in my apartment gets when she knows she’s piddled in the kitchen when she could’ve piddled ten minutes earlier during her walk. There’s more banter about subconscious manifestations of guilt.

At Casa de Suarez, everyone’s flipping out how to decorate the tree and Hilda is also flipping out because Betty refuses to accept her job on principle. Ugh there’s that thing again, principle – see, that’s why MODE was such a fabulous little gig: it taught her to sidestep her principles in order to get to the larger goal. Everyone reminisces about how it was Mama Suarez’s tradition to set up the tree. Like it was her tradition to do the empanadas. Hilda blahblah’s about pretty pink Christmas trees at the mall and Betty says no. Later Hilda tries to string the lights but hilarious disaster ensues when she unevenly distributes the lights, everything falls and fire breaks out at Casa de Suarez.

Then we cut to the funeral. Daniel says some sad things. Betty does the admirable thing, against Christina’s wishes because Christina realizes that this might not be a paid work day and she is a woman after my own heart for being so pragmatic in times of other people’s tragedies. Betty starts delivering one of her very saccharine monologues about how Bradford was a great father and a wife and then like some biblical sorceress, Wilhemina parts the throngs of media-kin and well-wishers and Marc tries to scandalize the whole coup: “What’s she doing here?” “Who’s she wearing?” “Where’s her daughter?” “Does she play basketball?” Okay I made up the last two. Wilhemina says, “He was also going to be MY husband.” Claire, who is in handcuffs and flanked by Danny and Lexy, sticks her foot out and Wili falls into the burial plot for the coffin. Claire’s all, “Motion to dismiss Wilhemina Slater as Creative Director of MODE, say I.” D & L say “I.” Claire says, “Rest in peace, bitch.” Ooo! Calamitous!

But that’s not all. Wili has a top secret plan that isn’t a murder-suicide pact, she explains to Marc. This plan involves a mysterious disc that singlehandedly screws up all of MODE’s everything, to be apt. That also means the cover. Henry experiences this because I suppose he is the ONLY ACCOUNT that MODE employees. I would say the ONLY INTERESTING ACCOUNTANT, but John Cho was just too hilarious.

Everyone is panicking and while Daniel and Alexis are holding an emergency meeting, Wili shows up and Marc presents SLATER, which honestly doesn’t even look a tenth as interesting as MODE, which is sad because Wili is ten times more interesting than Daniel. She offers all kinds of new incentives to people who come to work for her – poaching MODE’s staff and at the mention of a benefit like cosmetic surgery, Amanda tries to push Betty there. Ha.

After all the internal hemorrhaging, there is only a handful of the original staff. Daniel starts to cry and Betty’s all, “Don’t worry. You have all of us – blah blah blah.” At which point, Daniel is re-perked. Another emergency meeting is held. Daniel explains that they need to fill 83 pages of content and basically upgrades everyone to editor and/or staff writer at the magazine. Meanwhile, I prep my CV and try to fax it to Meade Publications only to remember that MODE is not for real.

Wili is in some leased office space elsewhere in Midtown toasting to everyone but some woman named Florence who she says, “I didn’t expect you to come – I thought it was perfectly clear how I felt about you.” Ha! Everyone looks at her with a kind of “Um, sucks to be you” expression on their faces.

With Wili out, there is thankfully, the return of Ileanna Douglas, whose name in the show is Sheila, but she’s so amazing that we’ll just refer to her by her actress’ name. Daniel stupidly puts Amanda in charge of the What’s Hot section. When Sheila asks her later about how this section is going, Amanda is talking about how like her mother Fey Sommers, she’s just waiting for inspiration – not perspiration – to strike. Ileanna rolls her eyes and leaves.

Wili has dinner with Dad. Only to court him about investing in her magazine and he’s all, “Bitch, your fiancée hasn’t been dead all that long and you already want to do this? I don’t wanna pay into this world that’s made you so whack.” Only he’s very well-spoken. And Wili’s all “Fine!” She, too, is very well-spoken.

The gang tries to figure out what to do for the cover since the photog is out of touch and the covergirl, in rehab. Hooray, Eliza Dushku who’s a bit Angelina Jolie, a bit Lindsay Lohan in this episode. Daniel springs her from rehab and she goes insane on the set of the shoot. So once it is revealed that it is all hopeless, Daniel cries and Betty says something about starting over and blank slates that gives Daniel the best idea since Betty’s Work Idea from episode one in the first season.

What works for this episode is how they actually get behind the process of putting a magazine together, so the episode is educational as it is dramatic. What also works for this episode is when Amanda presents Ileanna & co. with a makeshift pizza boy dress on a model saying that she’s just like her mother and Ileanna, having enough of Amanda’s dumbness, says, “I knew Fey Sommers. I worked with Fey Sommers. I once made out with Fey. You do not have her style.” Amanda becomes depressed and disappears.

Daniel calls everyone back together. He’s all, “EVERYONE I HAVE AN AMAZING IDEA.” As everyone predicted, they launch MODE with a chic all-black cover, to commemorate Bradford’s death. There is a pull-out that says “In Memoriam.”

Everyone applauds, after Betty does the first hand-clap and it’s a little poignant and kind of sappy, but also kind of cheery. Though, this does put a dampening on that subscription to SLATER I was planning. Kudos to Daniel for finally fixing something without Betty’s help…though technically, Betty still had something to do with this. I hope she gets a major promotion soon because as Editorial Assistant, she’s way more major than most of the rest of the staff. (Speaking of major, anyone know if they've let Victoria out of the closet yet?)

And finally, we find a moping Amanda crying under a blanket of amazing high-heels in Fey’s dungeon which is the best room in the history of best rooms. Christina comes in and scolds Amanda in her hilarious brogue. They blah blah blah about how Christina had a dad who liked to make dresses and wear them, but her mother wasn’t so talented. Amanda reveals her Daddy Board with all the possible candidates who could be her father. Christina says that there is nothing left to do but find out who her daddy is. Good thing too since no one cares about her being Fey Sommers’ daughter.

And that is that. The Writer’s Strike might actually cause me to cry a tear. This season of Betty has been so strong that I’d hate to see the greed of network fat-cats spoil the party for the rest of us.