This week there is yet another mention of karma (yawn), far too much time spent on airport "intrigue," a few team overloads, shameless product placement, and an old man falling down.
Remember Africa? Remember how Nate's Jennifer, a.k.a. Hate-ifer, was mad because Azaria & Hendekea got to the mat first? And she said "I just feel like everyone should get their time and they've already had their time two times before this"? And do you remember back in the first leg when Nate called Hate-ifer "the worst person at this I've ever met" but then told her he loved her several minutes later after they scaled a hill in Ireland? Keep that in mind as we watch another episode of BiPolar Theater, starring Hate-ifer and Nate! But first...
Azaria & Hendekea, who arrived first again at the end of Leg 4, depart at 6:45 a.m. Teams must fly more than 3,000 miles to Vilnius, Lithuania. Once there, they will drive themselves to St. Anne's Church, where they will find their first clue for this leg. To book seats on the plane, teams have to use "an official airline ticketing office." Nate & Hate-ifer follow 1 minute later — Nate mispronouncing Lithuania as he reads aloud — and Hate-ifer yaks about fire in their eyes and balls of fire inside of them and lay off the flame comparisons, weirdo. After catching cabs, the two lead teams find that the Air France office at the Ouagadougou airport is closed, so they decided to search online for flights.
Ron & Christine leave the mat at 7:17 a.m., followed by Nick & Don at 7:18 a.m. and Kynt & Vyxsin at 7:22 a.m. Ron stereotypes that Lithuanians "make some great pastries, as I understand it." There's a mad scramble for taxis. Kynt says he "smells first place." Does it smell like bacon? The three teams arrive at what Don calls "the Internet buffet." I would love to see an old coot-off between Don and Ron. Then again... Hendekea discovers there is only one flight from Ouagadougou to Paris, and it has plenty of seats.
Shana & Jennifer depart sixth, at 7:44 a.m. Jennifer said she and Shana "need to be a unified team to win this race." Cough. Jennifer hated that she and her partner used the U-Turn on Jason & Lorena. In last place, TK & Rachel leave the mat at 7:59 p.m. They don't like being in "the bottom group."
Even though the Paris flight isn't going to take off for at least 15 hours, Ron repeats his "wasting time" mantra, and he and Christina go to the Air France office "in town." Once there, he badgers his daughter (shocking!), who isn't exploring other airlines for better flights. In this case, however, he is correct. They eventually book tickets from Ouagadougou to Prague to Vilnius, which lands the next day at 2:10 p.m. There is a lot of ticket drama — it takes up a good third of the episode — so I'm going to try cut through it.
There are two earlier flights: one through Amsterdam, which arrives in Vilnius at 1:25 p.m. and one through Frankfurt, which lands in Lithuania at 1:35 p.m. Nick, who is in front of several teams, asks his agent to "give them later flights." Hendekea busts him, saying she can hear him and, honestly, does he think that any agent will lie for him? Azaria asks Nick to share information about the flight, but Nick doesn't. "In the end, we're all enemies, right?" It's an obvious frankenbite, though, so who knows what Azaria was talking about... or when.
Azaria & Hendekea score the Amsterdam-Vilnius flight. Nick's agent does not speak English, and Nick does not speak French. She tells him that there are "no place[s]" on that flight. Don & Nick end up booking tickets for a flight through Prague that doesn't land in Lithuania until 5:35 p.m. However, Nate & Hate-ifer, who wrote down the flight numbers (wise move), do get tickets on the Amsterdam-Vilnius flight, even though they were after Don & Nick in line. Nate says, "Karma, man. That was karma." Shana & Jennifer buy the last seats. TK & Rachel and Kynt & Vixen will travel through Frankfurt and arrive ten minutes after the three lead teams. At the airport, Nick asks Nate & Hate-ifer what flight they're on and is pissed to find out he and Don got shafted. However, they switch tickets to the Frankfurt flight, leaving Don & Christina as the last team scheduled to land in Lithuania.
More airport shenanigans! Shana tells Jennifer to block the other teams from the office so they don't know what seats the blondes will be in. For crying out loud. They all want to be close to the front of the plane; that's no secret. The other teams take this as a dick move, and Hate-ifer tells Hendekea, "I think right now is, like, the turning point for [sic] the game. We can see people's true color [sic]." Yes, Hate-ifer, we can. Keep Cyndi Lauper in mind as the episode progresses, won't you?
Jennifer & Shana have a lovely meltdown, in which Jennifer talks of burned bridges and the U-Turn and Shana snots that they are playing a good game. There's a lot of passive-aggressive sniping and insults. When Jennifer tells Shana she should think things out, Shana degenerates into "I know you are but what am I?" Maybe Shana learned this technique when she dated Ryan Seacrest. Elsewhere, TK zens that teams who stress out and waste energy don't make it to the end. Nate chews gum sagely. HA!
The next day. The first flight lands at 1:25 P.M. Nate and Hate-ifer are first to their marked car. He says, "I love you. We cannot stress. Calm down." Ah, future schaudenfreude. Although I won't be taking much "joy" in their upcoming bratty behavior, so maybe I should think of something a little less German. They turn the wrong way, which is accented by both a gong sound and the Rattle of Incorrect Decision. Don & Nick and TK & Rachel, who were on the second flight, jump ahead of Shana & Jennifer.
Nate & Hate-ifer are completely off course, and Nate bitches, "This is the most insane place I've ever dealt with in my life." Way to not stress there, buddy. Also, if this season were a drinking game, we'd have to take a shot every time he or his partner said "in my life." Several teams get lost or make wrong turns, so Nick & Don are the first to find Old Town and St. Anne's Church. Roadblock! "Who's a good listener?" Players must deliver one package to the correct person in the Vilnius University Courtyard and then take a second package to one of four different places: Gabi Cafe, Saint Germain Restaurant, Sidabrynus (a hair salon), and Shakespeare Viešbutis Hotel.
Not that much listening is involved, but hey. Nick decides he will go. Kynt takes the Roadblock for the Goths, and Hendekea isn't far behind. Shana & Jennifer are still driving themselves through the streets of Vilnius. Jennifer, in the midst of turning around, actually BACKS IN FRONT OF AN ONCOMING BUS. As it honks and Shana screams from the back seat, the cameraperson actually adjusts the lens to make the shot WIDER as the bus barrels down on the car. However, the camera doesn't shake at all. THAT is savvy camerawork, my friends. Oh, and the bus stops in time.
Nate & Hate-ifer give up driving and park their car about 20 minutes on foot from St. Anne's. They run, having the following conversation:
Hate-ifer: "This is a total joke. Once again, we're gonna look like idiots."
Nate: "I just can't believe what kind of person you've turned into. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life." [Drink!]
Hate-ifer: "Same with you, Nate."
At last — they agree!
Ron is chosen as a "good listener," although Christina admits to some doubts. He is currently fourth. Kynt is the first to finish both deliveries, and he and Vyxsin read the clue telling teams to drive to Lietuvos Liaudies Buities Muziejus, an outdoor ethnographic museum in the town of Rumšiškes. They will find the next clue in in Dz?kija Village. TK & Rachel arrive at the Roadblock, and TK finds a local to help him. He completes the task second as Nick, Hendekea, and Ron continue to struggle. Hate-ifer is chosen as her team's listener, and Nate is back to calling her "baby."
Jennifer doesn't think it would hurt to stop and ask for directions. Shana retorts that it will hurt their time. Yes, because driving around aimlessly for hours is essential to good time management skills. Ron finishes the Roadblock third, Hate-ifer fourth, and Hendekea fifth. Don notes that the blondes have caught up, and he has been waiting hours for Nick. Shana manages to get back to her partner before Nick returns — first one in, last one out, that's gotta suck — but it's neck and neck for last place.
In Dz?kija Village, there's a stupid task about finding a Travelocity gnome, but let's skip that and get to the Detour: Count Down or Step Up. In Count Down, players have to count fence posts. In Step Up, teams must stilt-walk a certain distance. To make things more distracting, each task is in the middle of a Midsummer festival with music, dancing, and people dressed in various costumes and masks. Kynt & Vyxsin, TK & Rachel, and Ron & Christina all choose Step Up. The Goths abandon it after several tries, switching to Count Down. Nate & Hate-ifer choose Count Down, Hate-ifer saying she can do it "so fast." Azaria & Hendekea barely try the stilts before deciding to count instead.
TK & Rachel finish first and arrive at the Pit Stop, Aukstaitija Windmill. They win a ten-day trip to Japan. Kynt & Vyxsin count calmly and collectedly and are team number two, sharing the mat with TK & Rachel. Kynt discovers that first place smells like patchouli. Even after suffering a painful fall, Ron manages to complete Step Up to get to the mat with his daughter for third place.
Nate & Hate-ifer endear themselves to locals by telling them to shut up, and then by exhibiting incredibly hateful behavior toward each other, including screaming at each other and Nate calling Hate-ifer a bitch. Azaria & Hendekea, not surprisingly, get the correct total and are team number four. Nick & Don and Shana & Jennifer arrive, also ready to count. Nate & Hate-ifer switch to the stilts, and are equally charmless there. They are fifth on the mat. Ugh. Some mild suspense as the final two count and count, but it's Gramps... and the Boy who are still in the Race. Shana & Jennifer head home to their manis and pedis and not a moment too soon. Good riddance to pampered princesses. And after Shana kicked total ass in the second leg too.
I'm rooting for TK & Rachel and Kynt & Vyxsin. Christina is sweet, and Ron is definitely trying. However, he's running on fumes with a hernia, so I'm thinking he'll revert back to his surly ways. I did like that Nick & Don didn't fight when they were in last place. But the way Nick treated the ticket agent — he was snotty in the first leg as well — doesn't sit well. And I know Azaria is going to piss me off soon, I can feel it. As long as it's anyone except Nate & Hate-ifer at the end!
Next week: Azaria berates Hendekea some more, and Nate & Hate-ifer — what else? — hate.
LEG 5: Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, to Vilnius, Lithuania (via Paris and Amsterdam, Frankfurt, or Prague), to Rumšiškes, Lithuania
PIT STOP: Aukstaitija Windmill, Lithuania
ROADBLOCK: Delivery task in Old Vilnius ("Who's a good listener?")
1st: Kynt
2nd: TK
3rd: Ron
4th: Jennifer
5th: Hendekea
6th: Shana
7th: Nick
DETOUR
Count Down (count fence posts):
Kynt & Vyxsin
Azaria & Hendekea
Don & Nick
Shana & Jennifer
Step Up (walk on stilts):
TK & Rachel
Ron & Christina
Nate & Jennifer
LEADERBOARD
Team Number 1: TK & Rachel [previously finished 3rd, 6th, 2nd, 7th]
PRIZE: 10-day trip to Japan
Team Number 2: Kynt & Vyxsin [previously finished 2nd, 4th, 4th, 5th]
Team Number 3: Ron & Christina [previously finished 8th, 9th, 5th, 3rd]
Team Number 4: Azaria & Henekea [previously finished 1st, 5th, 1st, 1st]
Team Number 5: Nate & Jennifer [previously finished 10th, 2nd, 3rd, 2nd]
Team Number 6: Don & Nick [previously finished 5th, 8th, 6th, 4th]
ELIMINATED: Shana & Jennifer [previously finished 6th, 3rd, 7th, 6th]
ELIMINATED: Jason & Lorena [previously finished 4th, 1st, 8th]
ELIMINATED: Marianna & Julia [previously finished 9th, 7th]
ELIMINATED: Kate & Pat [previously finished 7th]
ELIMINATED: Ari & Staella
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