Supernatural: "A Very Supernatural Christmas" (Episode 308)

Eric Kripke gives us his own twisted version of a Christmas special and I loved the hell out of it. I love it when the serious and dark shows are able to step away and do “the funny one.” Jane Espenson has become the master of this on other shows, but Eric and co-writer Jeremy Carver did a fine job here. The show had just the right of Xmas spirit for a Scrooge like me and legitimate creepiness to go along with the holiday “Ho Ho Hos”.

Big mice in the attic...We begin like any good special should, with an old-school special presentation bump. Immediately we know that we’re not in for another episode of the same dark series (although I’ll take that any day of the week). We open with classic Christmas-type scene of a Grandfather coming to visit for the holidays. The titles tell us that this is Seattle, last year. He exchanges some pleasantries with the grandson about Santa Claus coming tonight and whether or not he’s been a good boy. Later that What's that all aboot?night, Grandpa is all dolled up like Santa and jingles some bells to entice his grandson to spy on him. Nothing like deceit to build wonder in the eyes of a child. Both of them are surprised by the banging that they hear on the roof and the kid assumes that it’s Santa Claus’s reindeer (or is that Santa Claws?). When Grandpa goes to investigate the soot falling down the chimney, something grabs him and yanks him right up and away, complete with scream and wet snapping sounds. A bloody Santa boot falls to the ground, leaving the child utterly confused as to what he just witnessed.

Exploding Christmas ornament. Titles.

In present day, the Winchester boys are investigating a similar attack where a woman’s husband has gone missing. The guys don’t know much of what to make of it, all the found was a tooth in the chimney. They know something dragged Dad up the chimney, in more than one piece, and Dean discovers that there’s been more than one incident like this in town this month. Sam has a theory that it might have been “Anti-Claus”. It appears in a lot of cultures under names like Krampus. The lore says that it’s Santa’s rogue brother (NOT Fred Claus) who punishes the wicked. Congrats to Kripke for applying Supernatural type lore to even Christmas.

The boys check out a tree lot that all the families visited and Dean tells Sam that he wants a real Christmas this year. Sam is surprisingly resistant, but as we learn moments later when we flashback to 1991 that the Winchester boys don’t have a great track record with the holidays. We watch as Lil’ Sammy and Lil’ Dean are waiting on Papa Winchester in a motel room in Broken Bow, Nebraska. Sammy has a present for Papa that Bobby gave him to give to him. Pop’s away “selling stuff” and Dean keeps Sam in the dark as he plays Dad to his little brother. He dodges Sam’s questions until he brings up Mama Winchester and it sends Dean right out the door.

Don't let your child sit on this man's lap.Back in the present, the boys are searching the tree lot for someone that could be Krampus in disguise. The guy would probably have a limp and smell like candy… you know, to attract children. They spot a drunk, dirty Santa, who may be using his post to determine who’s naughty and nice. Shortly after scaring away a cute (but dumb) elf with Sammy’s implied pedophilia, they notice that Santa indeed walks with a limp and smells sweet. Although, that might be Ripple Wine (which the interwebs inform me actually is no longer in production).

Santa flies high.The boys stake out Santa’s trailer until he makes a move and closes up his blinds. The boys bust in, but instead of finding a victim, they find Santa with a four-foot bong and porn playing on the TV (“Mistle my toe. Roast my chestnuts. Jingle my bells.”). The boys hilariously play off the situation by pretending to be the worst carolers ever and Santa is so blitzed he goes along with it, even though he has to remind the guys of the lyrics.

"Is that you, Sandy Claws?"Elsewhere, a kid is excited as he thinks he hears Santa coming down the chimney. Only that’s not Santa that he finds himself staring face to face(?) with. The Krampus ignores the kid and walks past him, leaving him frozen in place. It goes upstairs into a bedroom and after a lot of yelling and screaming; the Krampus emerges again with someone in a sack. The guy (presumably the father) is still alive (for awhile). But after the Krampus has taken care of his prey, he reaches for the child, only to move past him and grab a cookie. And just like that, he’s gone. This is now my new favorite Christmas scene ever.

The next day, the boys investigate the house where the child saw “Santa drag Daddy up the chimney”. Mama was knocked out during the attack and she’s extremely distraught, but it doesn’t stop Sam from awkwardly asking about a wreath that he saw in the previous victim’s home. One call to Bobby and the boys know that they are idiots for thinking that it’s the Anti-Claus. He does tell them that the wreaths may have been made out of meadowsweet, which is apparently one of the strongest herbs in pagan lore. It’s used in human sacrifices to lure the gods. Dean doesn’t understand how paganism and Christmas line up, so Sammy enlightens him to the fact that most of it was co-opted by the Christian church.

They wonder if the wreaths are being deliberately planted so they continue to investigate. They follow the trail to a shop where the proprietor informs them that they were made by a local woman who gave them to him for free. He didn’t hesitate to sell them though. Back at the hotel, Dean continues to try to invoke the Christmas spirit and he points out to Sammy that it will be his last one. That’s exactly the reason that Sammy doesn’t want to celebrate it. He knows that Dean will be gone next year. Thank god that the writers and these actors are able to imbue these scenes with a real sense of feeling.

Carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.Back in ’91, Dean returns with a young boy’s dinner for the two of them and Sam informs him that he found Dad’s journal and he knows that monsters are real. Dean levels with him and confirms it and tells him that he has to understand that their dad is the coolest ever… he fights the monsters. You can actually see Dean in this young actor and all the weight that Dean has been carrying for so many years. Sammy is too smart for his own good and he worries that if the monsters could get Mom, then they can get Dad. And if they can get Dad, then they can get them. Oh yeah, and Santa isn’t real. Merry friggin’ Christmas. Sam cries himself to sleep and Dean promises him things will be better when he wakes up.

If you ever meet people like this... run.In the present day, Sam and Dean hit up the most obnoxious Christmas house that you’ve ever seen. The woman who made the wreaths and her husband are straight out of Ozzie and Harriet, Ozzie complete with pipe and peanut brittle.

Back at the motel, Dean is whittling evergreen stakes (Bobby’s advice) and Sam confirms that something is amiss. The last place they were, other people turned up missing. They wonder if they’re going to find a pagan god in Ozzie and Harriet’s house, I told you to run!hidden under the plastic cover couch. The boys head back and break into the house. Shortly after confirming that there is indeed a plastic covered couch, Sammy finds his way into the basement where they find some of the victims (or parts of the victims). One is still alive enough to distract the boys and suddenly Ozzie and Harriet are upon them, knocking Dean out and throwing Sam up against a wall. Moments before he’s knocked out, Sam’s flashlight reveals Ozzie and Harriet for the monsters that they are.

Oh, Fudge.When the boys come to, they find themselves tied up in the Christmas house’s kitchen. It’s like my worst Christmas ever. Sam figures Ozzie and Harriet are Mr. and Mrs. Pagan God and the Nelsons have pegged the boys for the Hunters that they are. They can’t let the Hardy Boys go, because they’ll bring back more Hunters. They used to take so many lives as pagan gods, but now they only take a few a year. They argue that they should just be left alone. They assimilated, they pay their mortgage, and they play in the neighborhood bridge game. Before they eat the boys though, there’s some ritual to observe. A little meadowsweet around the necks, some blood drawn from their arms with a ritual blade, one of Sam’s fingernails, a tooth… except right before Ozzie can pull a tooth, the doorbell rings.

I love the smell of a Christmas tree...It’s one of the neighbors, dropping off a fruitcake and inquiring about the holiday bridge game. The boys are surprisingly quiet while the Nelsons get rid of the neighbor, but as soon as they return to the kitchen, they discover why. The boys are gone and the kitchen doors slam shut. The boys figure out ways to brace the doors closed while they search for replacement evergreen stakes. They lay eyes on the Oh Tannenbaum in the corner and realize that it’s perfect. They throw down the tree and break off some good sized boughs. And just in time too. Ozzie and Harriet come charging in, but the boys get the better of them, stabbing them both with the newly formed stakes. I’m sure this will look great in the boys’ criminal files: killed a nice suburban couple with their own Christmas tree. “Merry Christmas,” says Sam.

Sammy's token of appreciation.Back in ’91, Dean surprised Sam with a makeshift Christmas, attempting to convince Sam that Papa Winchester stopped by to give them a nice Christmas. Sam is already suspicious, but after opening a Barbie, Sam knows something is up. Dean admits that he stole the gifts from a house up the street and had no idea they were chick presents. Dean is the ultimate Dad apologist, but Sam knows who is really taking care of him. He gives Dean the present that he had got for Dad and it’s a necklace that Dean still wears to this day (although was it in other episodes? I don’t know.)

In the present day, Sam has thrown Dean a Christmas (apparently they didn’t have to worry about the authorities or the living victim in the basement) and he’s trying to put on a brave face. They each got each other presents from the Quick Stop down the street: Porn mags and shaving cream for Sammy, motor oil and a Powerbar for Dean. With nothing left to say, they do what all guys do when the impending doom of one of them is weighing heavy on the conversation: they turn on a football game.

NEXT WEEK: Merry Christmas, Supernatural, and a Happy New Year with a few more episodes left in the can.