Women's Murder Club: FBI Guy (Episode 10)

Aah, the first bit of Angie Harmon in 2008. Things are looking up! Now hopefully writers will get what they ask for so they can get back to work. As a fellow writer from across the border – I lift my pen to you! Fine, there was no actual lifting. I just typed it. I’m lazy and underpaid. Deal.

As you may or may not recall, FBI profiler John Nash paid Lindsay a visit. He’s been working on the Kiss Me Not Killer’s case (I will now be referring to the killer as Stabby McGee) and has received a threat directed at Lindsay. So he’s asked her to help him out. She refuses, but he tails her anyways.

The episode starts with her jogging with her dog and Nash driving along beside her at two miles an hour. Lindsay is quite annoyed, she swears she’s in no danger and wants nothing more to do with this case mainly because she did become completely obsessed with it, and it did end her marriage. It would have been worth it if she caught him, but she didn’t and doesn’t believe she can.

Lindsay’s stalker enhanced jog was interrupted when she got a call from her token smelly homeless informant – he found a severed head. The head belonged to a body named Silas. Silas was run over repeatedly with a car (according to tread marks, a vintage car). He is survived by his wife, his partner Laurent, and a family friend Victor. Laurent and Silas ran a wine distributing business, and Victor was their amicable competitor.

The wife didn’t do it: she has an alibi which she provides only after she stages her own death to cover up her secretive bigamist ways. You see, her alibi had to do with her *other* husband, so she opted on staging her death rather than blowing her secret second life.

Now two suspects are left: Laurent and Victor.

The detectives search a hangar discreetly owned by Laurent (the hangar is owned by a company, which is owned by a company, which is owned by Laurent). It has a handful of vintage cars parked in it, one of them happens to be the murder weapon. But not so fast – the car parked next to said car has been tampered with. Someone tried to hotwire it and failed. Seems like someone tried hotwiring this car, failed, then moved to the next car and ran over Silas with it. Then ran over him again. And once more, for good measure. Since Laurent doesn’t need to hotwire his own cars, someone must be framing him.

Suspicion falls on Victor when our plucky reporter friend finagles one of his bottles of wine – it’s a fake. He’s in the wine counterfeiting business. Shame on you Victor. SHAME. Never mess with someone’s drink. Is nothing sacred anymore????

So a showdown ensues at Victor’s shop. He’s armed and shoots Paul in the chest. He drops to the ground, but he’ll be fine due to his handy dandy bullet proof vest. Moments later, Victor is caught.

He killed Silas because Silas discovered Victor was counterfeiting wine. Silas hadn’t told anyone yet because he wanted to give Victor a chance to come clean, being a family friend and all. That’ll learn him, being all generous and trusting… Chump.

As for the ladies: Jill is in a very chipper mood. She swears she’s pleased with being single. Plus, after Denise got drunk and spilled Jill’s dirty secret, she’s been lovely. Guilt is a wonderful thing.

Heather’s just arrived from her honeymoon, and she is glowing. She also promises she’s forgotten all about Lindsay making an appearance at her wedding. Since she never actually went INSIDE, I don’t think it should count, but nobody ever listens to me, even in caps lock… Anyways, minutes later, she’s crying in the bathroom: she’s upset about having to change her name to Heather Hogan… she’s from Hoboken. Alliteration can be a bitch. Lindsay talks her off the ledge: a name is just a name, you are who you are. Silas’ wife had two names and she was messed up. At least Heather knows who she is. Deep, I’m moved.

Also, we get to see a very angry Jacobi. You see, Lindsay hadn’t told anyone about Stabby McGee wanting to kill her. She’s in denial. The FBI guy told Paul, Paul freaked out and ordered her to work with them. Paul then told Jacobi, and he freaks out. Jacobi confronts Lindsay and underlines how Stabby McGee is a serial killer who has already killed three young women in torturous slow nasty, nasty ways. He’s capable of anything. So Jacobi yells at her for not being careful and thoughtless and not telling anyone. HE MAKES HER CRY and she apologises sheepishly. Officially I’m on his side, she had it coming. Otherwise I secretly resent him: the bastard yelled at Angie Harmon and made her cry.

Later on, Lindsay is having some sort of existential conversation about how we all want to believe in fairytales with FBI guy John Nash. Then, she suddenly has a revelation about Stabby McGee. All the items he leaves on or around the bodies of his victims are things from fairytales. He’s left:

• A copper tub
• Silver leaves
• Silver rope
• Lilacs
• A dead mouse
• A key

So the club gets together and pours over some story books. Lindsay takes this opportunity to tell them Stabby McGee may be after her. Jill says, with her usual freakishly squinty eyes, they were wrong. They did give up on the case and left Lindsay on her own because they couldn’t handle it. But they’re back now, and this time, they’re going to catch him. Lindsay gets misty eyed and so do I.