Friday Night Lights: Jumping The Gun (Episode 211)

When I first saw the episode title, I read it as "Jumping The Guns" and assumed that one of those Taylor girls had finally succumbed to her libidinous nature and pounced on Tim Riggins. You have to admit, the social experiment of the Taylor Home for Wayward Boys hit a big snag thanks to the wayward Taylor girls. Between "Shels" and "Jules" (and his own checkered history, which gave him exactly zero inches of wiggle room) Tim ended up out on his keester. Again. That's mighty poor payment for keeping Julie from losing her vir gin gin to a shaggy-haired pipsqueak who's now in the running -- along with Guy's third ferret, Cooter -- for Vermin I'd Most Like To Squish.

"THIS CONTEST HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED SHOOT-OUT -- A DAGGUM DUAL IN D'VILLE" -- Before we get to the good stuff (and there's a whole hell of a lot of good stuff this week, so put your feet up and get a blanket; there's a good chance I'm gonna get wordy), let's get the game out of the way. Tensions remain high between the Laribee Fuckwads Lions and the Panthers, especially when Coach Dickish goes behind Taylor's back and gets his team use of the women's soccer locker room, which had previously been off limits. Coach T extends the manly olive branch of going out for a beer, but Coach Dickish is even more dickish than usual and blows him off, saying, "Why don't you take that country charm of yours and buy someone else a beer." *raises hand* Um, I'm available for beer buying, Coach T! Increasingly erratic behavior and mysterious phone calls build up to the game, a scoring scorcher, a real barn burner, where the score is 43-38 in favor of Laribee with only fourteen seconds to go. We get the idea that Coach Dickish may have found himself privy to some insider information (either that or he's as much of a game tape addict as Eric), because he's pretty darn sure he knows which trick Coach T's planning to pull out of his sleeve. But no! As Matt throws a quick pass to Riggins, who starts running down toward the goal line, Taylor exultantly yells, "Gotcha!" Tim's not about to let some flippin' Laribee Lion impede his progress, and he's obviously headed for touchdown territory when WHAM! Coach Dickish comes off the sidelines onto the field and tackles him to the ground. Whoa, Nellie! That's nuts! That's ridiculous! That would never happen in real life…would it? *Googles 'coach tackles player'* Well, I'll be damned: Football Coach Who Tackled Kid Gets Fired. The game comes to a grinding halt as Coach Dickish's adrenaline rush recedes, leaving a devastated middle-aged high school football coach whose town just got wiped out by a tornado and whose wife has only three months to live. Huh. Coach T and I are both very sorry to hear that, but…dude. Oh, and in case you're wondering, "coach interference" means a forfeit for Laribee, so Dillon ends up with the win.

"I'M GONNA DO THIS, MAMA…WITH YOU OR WITHOUT YOU" -- Smash, baby, I love you, but that skinny-ass white bitch Noelle, who's plastered herself to you with her dimples and her Colgate smile and her pitter-patter about exposure and coverage and all that shit? She's got to go. College recruiters circle Smash like vultures over a particularly meaty carcass; they even harass Smashmama in the grocery store. You know Smashmama usually dishes out equal to the proportion she's taking, but the Oklahoma Tech guy niggles past her defenses in the produce aisle to the point that Tami Taylor has to come to her rescue and send him packing. Tami and Smashmama agree out in the parking lot that it's harder than they thought, letting their babies go, and I get all choked up with them, thinking about my own baby growing up: Will she be a Lyla? A Julie? God help me, Trouble with a capital "T"?

Smash feels pressure from the recruiters and Noelle -- his girlfriend, agent, and general hanger-on -- to make a verbal commitment to a school, but he's holding out, hoping against hope to hear from TMU. Hell, even A Douchebag Named Chip got an offer from TMU. Smash is about to give Alabama the green light when he gets a right talking to from Coach T, in that great, grumpy way he has, about how Smash will be getting an assful of bench splinters for three years before he ever sets foot on a field on a Saturday because 'Bama has backs lined up from here to 2011. Coach T ends the lecture with the best advice he has to offer: "Listen to your mother. Listen to her. Respect her." Smash scoffs that his mama doesn't know Alabama from Dillon Junior College, but even Noelle knows better than to go against Coach T when he's got his "I'm the coach, damn it" face on. She tells Smash that what the coach is saying makes a lot of sense, leading to a massive eyeroll from Taylor. Heee!

We're just starting to wonder if Smash is really going to roll with the Crimson Tide when, at the last minute, Rick Barnes saves the day! Who's Rick Barnes? Well, he's the coach of the University of Texas basketball team. He used to coach over at Clemson, an ACC team, and what's up with UT stealing all the coaches from the ACC? First they swiped Mack Brown for football from UNC, then Rick Barnes for men's basketball from Clemson, and now the Duke women's basketball coach, Gail Goestenkors, has decamped to Texas. All I can think is, that must be some damn good barbeque. Forget the ACC, it's Texas Forever! … or until they get a better offer. Anyhow, tonight Rick Barnes is playing a sweet-talking TMU recruiter with great eye contact and a firm handshake, who approaches Smash while he's surrounded by his buddies at the diner and seals the deal right then and there. Smash manages to think about it for, oh, two seconds before he shouts, "It's always been my dream to play for TMU!" as Barnes is walking toward the door. Barnes turns around: "Can I take that as a verbal commitment?" YES! Smash is goin' to the U! Smash barely takes time to hug Noelle (who seems genuinely happy for him -- I'm not saying she has bad intentions, just that she's a little late coming into his game) before he says he has to go tell his mama. Pass the Kleenex, y'all. Smash brings his mama some flowers and tells her that he got in, that TMU made the offer. "Is that what you really want?" she asks, because that's all we mamas really care about. Smash gets choked up and nods, and they hug as she says, "I'm so proud of you." *GIANT SNIFF*

"YOU TAPED OVER MY GAME!" -- I think Aunt Shels had worn out her welcome before she dropped a dozen eggs on the floor, blew up the hair dryer, borrowed Tami's red shirt without asking and then told Tami she should just give it to her because it was too sexy for school ("What about the boys and their hormones?") and requested her own phone line, but none of that helped. The good news is that she passed her real estate license exam. The bad news is, she plans to set up her business right there at Taylor Central. In the end, it's taping over one of Eric's precious game tapes with an episode of "The Office," (which must be a shout-out to Tim Riggins' biggest fan, Jenna Fischer) that shreds Eric's last jangling nerve. He gets tetchy with her and ends up asking when she's going to get her own place. Say no more, Eric. No, really, say no more. Tami comes home to find Shelly packed and headed for a hotel in a taxi. When Shelly tells her Eric asked her to leave, Tami says he's been a big grump, and not to go, but Shelly's adamant. There's a great scene where Tami very civilly tells Eric that she wishes he had talked to her before he had that conversation with her sister. He then civilly apologizes for how it went down.

The sisters meet again for coffee, where Shelly tells Tami she's moving to Dallas. Connie Britton once again steals the show when she tears up as she thanks Shelly for everything she did, saying she couldn't have done it without her, and that she liked the idea of her being nearby. It all feels really real. Siblings can make you nuts, but nobody loves you more. Just ask the Riggins brothers. Tami and Eric have another conversation, where they agree that it's going to be very nice to lock the revolving front door and just be their little family again. Tami says she doesn't know what to do with Bug now that their live-in babysitter has flown the coop. Eric kisses her and says, "That's not a burden; that's our gift." Awwwwww! It's nice to see them together and loving on each other again. It's like something that's been off-kilter slid back into place in the world. Color me happy. I'm glad Shelly's gone to Dallas. Nothing against Jessalyn Gilsig, but damn, they spent a lot of time on a new character who didn't add much to the overall arch of the series (unlike Santiago, who gave both Tim and Buddy chances to grow); time that could have been spent on Jason Street, or Grandma Saracen, or Landry and Matt's friendship. I miss those things, and what I got instead can't begin to replace them.

"REALLY, IT'S FINE. IT'LL BLOW OVER, I'M SURE" -- It's so sad, y'all -- it turns out alcohol renders Julie Taylor mute. Yup, after the shit that went down with her dad and Tim Riggins the night before, the best Julie can come up with the next morning is…*crickets chirp*… Even later, at school, when Coach T gives Tim the stink-eye in the parking lot, Julie averts her eyes, climbs in the SUV and says…*crickets chirp*… Coach Taylor's still pissed as hell; when he finds Tim asleep on a training table in the locker room, he clenches that Tim can't be there after hours and to clear out his stuff. Tim -- bleary, mussed-of-hair and still completely fuckable -- accepts his latest eviction with the same dogged resignation he has all the other kicks he's gotten this season. He wanders back to his house, where he finds a delinquency notice tacked to the door that says foreclosure proceedings will begin if payment's not received within thirty days, and a huge mess inside.

Julie manages to track him down there, and I guess her hangover finally subsided enough to allow her to speak, though she still looks pale and bedraggled. "My dad, he jumped to conclusions, and I just…couldn't tell him," she says. You came all that way to tell Tim that? You suck, Julie! Tim tells her not to worry about it. She says she knows the whole Riley thing wouldn't have turned out good, to which Tim says, with a little smile "I agree." When she thanks him, he says simply, "You're welcome." *clutches heart* GOD. I know he's a fuck-up, but that, right there, that willingness to take shit for her and not give any indication by word or deed to Coach Taylor that his precious little girl set a single foot wrong, that's why I love Tim. Well, one of the many reasons. And I love Taylor Kitsch, too, for being able to project waves of "indulgent big brother" at her; there's not even a whiff of sexual tension coming off him as he talks to her. Compare that to the scene in the same doorway last season, when Lyla came to tell him that Jason knew about their affair. Sparks flew, people! Big sparkly sparks! As Julie leaves, you can see Lois sitting in the car, waiting for her, and she waves up at Tim. Poor Lois, with her Timcrush. Get in line, sister! It's all the way down the street and wrapped around the block by now!

As Tim's on the phone trying to figure out what the hell's going on with the mortgage, he sees Jackie packing boxes into her car. He goes over to see what's up. Oh, man, Jackie looks years older than she did when she was with Tim. Whatever happened with her and Billy, it wasn't good. Tim snarks, "If you want to finish that Riggins trifecta, I think my dad lives in Corpus, still." Oh, snap! They bicker back and forth without any particular ugliness until Jackie admits that Billy lost his job, and she can't afford two mortgages, and it just…she can't handle it. He tells her he could have told her that Billy can't keep a job for more than six months. She says, "I hope you can patch thing up with him, because he loves you so much, and I think maybe you need him, too, you know?" *sniff* Poor Jackie. She's got good intentions and faulty judgment.

Later on, Tim comes home to find Billy sitting in the unkempt front yard. "I lost my keys," Billy says, looking just as old and tired as Jackie. What that tells me is that Billy didn't bang Jackie just to fuck Tim over; that might have been an unfortunate side effect, but it wasn't his purpose. Given how miserable both Jackie and Billy looked, they did have something real between them, for however long it lasted. Damn you, show, for making me all weepy about some secondary characters' off-screen break-up! Damn you! Tim and Billy grab beers, take a seat at the counter, and actually talk. I know, shocker, right? They're shot from behind a lot in the scene, like they were that night when Jason punched Tim, and Billy gave him half of his grilled-cheese sandwich and a bag of frozen peas for his black eye. It can't be a coincidence that they shoot these Riggins boys like that; it gives them some protection from the emotional vulnerability that's going on. We get a close-up here and there (come on, it's Taylor Kitsch, wouldn't you zoom in?), but for the most part, even the camera keeps a respectful distance as Billy spills his guts: "I never should have gotten with that girl," he says. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. It was selfish and…I'm sorry." Tim nods in acknowledgement and says, "Looks like it's just us two, huh?" They tap beer bottles, which is the Riggins equivalent of a bear-hug. Tim asks Billy what they're going to do about the house, and Billy says they have two weeks to come up with $2,000 or they'll be packing their bags. Oh, no! Do you think there's room in the truck for both Tim and Billy? That's gonna be one cramped pick-up!

Meanwhile, guilt or remorse or two Advil, a bottle of water and a few days to think about it have finally propelled Julie to tell her daddy what really happened with Tim. "It wasn't his fault," she says. "It was my fault." She tells him about drinking too much, about Riley, and how Tim stopped her and brought her home. Eric's face falls as she says, again, that it was all her fault. Eric looks poleaxed. "Damn, Julie," he finally says. "Damn."

Okay, before we head over to Guy's house and start the ball rolling on "Massive Fuckup, The Sequel", I want to say that I think the same nitwit who put a lead pipe in Landry's hand came up with this asinine plot twist. It's pure soap on a show that's always been more about dust, manure and mud. Tim and Billy go to Guy's house to get the rest of Tim's stuff (remember, he skedaddled with barely the clothes on his back after waking up with Guy's rifle pointed at his gut), and on the way out, Tim accidentally knocks a gun off the banister (Isn't that where you keep your handguns? Right there in the stairwell?). When he goes to retrieve it, he finds a wad of cash taped under an end table. Rather than leave it there and get the hell out of Dodge, like any kid would with the kind of survival instincts we've seen over and over in Tim -- that we already saw Tim exhibit when he left Guy's house in the first place -- what does he do? He tugs the cash out of its hiding place, holds it up to show Billy and says, "That's our mortgage!" *facepalm* Really, show? REALLY?!?!?! Like Guy's not going to notice that Tim's stuff is gone? Like he's not going to make that connection when he figures out the cash isn't where it ought to be? For Pete's sake. I didn't expect rampant stupidity from Landry Clarke, and, despite his flaws, I don't expect it from Tim Riggins. Hang on, I have to channel Eric Taylor for a minute: I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you, show. Let's hope my Coachish lecture leads to some kind of appeasement, because the last thing any of us need is that crotch-scratching, ferret-fondling Guy breathing down our necks.

*takes deep breath*

So. Billy and Tim make their delinquent mortgage payments, with a whole grand leftover! Whoopee! Billy has the presence of mind to note that stealing three grand from Dillon's biggest drug dealer might not have been the best plan…when there's a knock on the door. Fortunately, it's not Guy and Cooter; it's Coach Taylor, who'd like a word with Tim. Honestly, the whole "steal the meth dealer's money" angle almost ruined this scene for me, but I love Tim and Eric so much that I shoved everything else aside and just enjoyed it as Eric tells Tim that Julie came clean, and that he knows, now, what Tim did. "I apologize. I was wrong," Eric says. Tim says, "That's fine, Coach," but Eric disagrees, saying he couldn't have mishandled it any worse. He says he's given Tim hell over the past couple of weeks, but that Tim never complained, never said a word, and now Coach knows that Tim protected Julie, and didn't let him think badly of her. "I'll tell you something," Eric says. "Not as a coach, but as a father. Do you realize what an honorable thing that is? That is very honorable." Oh, oh, oh, Tim's face, y'all, when he hears that from his coach. How do I describe it? It's really subtle. It's like he lightens up, or something. His hair's pushed back, so you can see his whole face, and he has a little smile, and he just looks…lighter. It's beautiful. It's a perfect moment, and no matter what happens with Guy, and no matter what happens with the dadblamed strike, we'll always have that moment. Even the dumbshit move of taking cold hard cash from a drug dealer can't spoil it, because it was honorable, what Tim did for Julie, and I refuse to let some lameass plot device ruin that for me. So there.

Back at home, Eric has a come-to-Jesus meeting with Julie, saying he's disappointed in her (worse than yelling! trust me!) and that he and her mother will decide together what to do about it. He quietly reads her the riot act, then says that yes, people do make mistakes, and, "I love you so much, and that will never change." That Julie Taylor's a lucky, lucky girl, to have a daddy like that. Let's hope she remembers that. The whole Taylor family, including Baby Bug and Tami, who's wearing her sexy red shirt, settles in to watch a movie together -- a sweet little slice of Dillon life, served up with buttered popcorn.

Note: We're on the road next week, driving down to Memphis to see Kimmie & Cheesestick and our old church friends, so I'll be leaving you in Meg's capable hands once again. Be good to her!