The L Word: Look Out! Here They Come (Episode 52)

The L Word Cast

Tonight It's The Shane Show! Everybody wants a piece of Shane. And she’s more than willing to oblige. Our girl’s been called in to do the hair of a bride and her two bridesmaids, plus the mother-of-the-bride. The bride is the daughter of the producer of Lez Girls, no less. The first sparks start to fly when Shane is following Mrs. Producer up the stairs to the room assigned for wedding prep. I love the appreciation for all this femininity Shane shows as she assesses her clients. It’s gonna be a wild ride tonight!

First Shane does the Maid of Honor (bride’s sister). Then, just before the wedding, she does the other bridesmaid. Finally, while everyone is waiting for her to come down the aisle, the bride starts having cold feet. Shane to the rescue! To her credit, Shane totally resisted the pretty pretty little bride who tried to kiss her and talks her into going through with the ceremony.

However, the Maid of Honor is going to be a problem. She wants to use Shane to make her married boyfriend jealous. Um, no. Shane don’t play that game, sister. Madison keeps bugging Shane during the reception, while Shane is hanging with Tina (and Jenny is being her usual cunt self), to come dance with her until Shane has no choice but to pull the “I’m going to the bathroom” card.

Then Shane gets waylaid by momma of the bride who has summoned her with a bottle of champagne and thigh-highs. Things sort of go downhill for Shane from there. Both bridesmaids walk in on Shane and Mom, Shane makes a hasty exit, jumps in a departing convertible and barely escapes with all three women chasing her down the driveway. Poor Shaney.

The Saga of Helena: Helena’s arc is probably my favorite this week. Her butch roomie turns out to be named Dusty. Dusty likes to do push-ups the hard way. The inevitable happens and Helena gets assaulted in the showers (she even dropped the soap!) when one of the leaders wants her to ‘click up’. Just when Helena is about to promise her anything (at the point of a knife), Dusty steps forward, claiming Helena as hers. Later, when Kit visits her in prison, Helena relays the incident and Kit tells her she better hope Dusty can protect her now. It’s pretty obvious Helena is becoming more fascinated by her mysterious roommate.

Later, at night, Dusty is having one helluva bad dream. I thought she was masturbating at first, but her hands where above the covers. Helena wakes her up, only to be grabbed and tackled for her troubles. And, as happens in such situations, Dusty’s panic and aggression soon turn to amorous overtures and the two of them are fucking like bunnies in sixty flat. Raise your hand if you saw this coming. What does turn out to be a surprise is that Dusty is not in prison for some homicidal action, as Helena suspected, but simple tax fraud. This turns Helena on even more since I guess she doesn’t have to be afraid she’ll be gutted in her sleep anymore.

As much as I love prison sex, I have to pause here a sec to express what’s becoming a growing peeve about this show. I’m seeing more and more of the women getting themselves in the most horrid, dangerous, ridiculous situations, and then in the space of a couple of episodes, work it all out so that their life is as good or better than it was.

How To Be a Cunt Without Even Trying. Which brings me to Jenny and the introduction of a new character this week, Adelle. Max spots Adelle in The Planet, wearing the same clothes for three straight days, apparently, and reading The Some of My Parts. Kit introduces them and while they’re chatting (and we discover she thinks Jenny is the bee’s knees *gag*) Jenny comes in all haughty bitch “gimme my soy triple pump vanilla latte” with her dry cleaned dress she’s wearing to the wedding. Adelle practically pees herself in excitement and begs to be Jenny’s slave for life. Well, that’s pretty much what happened in a nutshell.

In a little more detail, Adelle runs around buying a wedding present for Jenny to give the bride, then grovels on the ground in gratitude when Jenny offers her the exciting position of her new assistant!! I should probably mention that Adelle looks and acts way too nice for this to end well and I predict Jenny will chew her up and spit her out and Max will come to the rescue.

Oh, and finally, it was pretty funny to watch the producer trying to talk Jenny and Tina into putting in more sex for the filming of Lez Girls. He kept trying to get Bev/Bette to have sex with everyone, but Tina was all NO! And then when he suggested Nina/Tina, they both gasped, but, the truly funny part was Bev/Bette and Helen/Helena. Yeah, that’ll happen. I wonder if he’s as clueless as he’s acting that this is actually based on real people?

Alice/Tasha: My girls are back together! *dances* Bad news, though. It looks like Tasha is going to be prosecuted by the army for homosexual conduct. Her good buddy, the lawyer, drops her like a hot potato, so she’s now looking out for an ARMY council because she doesn’t want a civilian lawyer.

Alice is having a really hard time wrapping her head around all Tasha’s army loyalty. Forget for a moment that Alice is your common, street-corner uber-liberal. It’s the whole “why are you loyal to a group that doesn’t even want you or respect who you really are?” To her credit, I think she’s trying harder than she normally would to understand. Tasha has had a good effect on the girl.

When Alice and Tasha are double dating with Bette and Jodi, Alice asks the other girls if they’d lay off the PDA, supposedly because Tasha doesn’t need anymore negative attention. Since Bette and Jodi didn’t know about the pending lawsuit (and Tasha didn’t want them to), they’re perfectly contrite, but it almost causes WWIII between Tasha and Alice. I think they’re going to be okay, though.

Jodi/Bette: I see Jodi taking a bigger part in things this season and Bette is going to feel the pinch. Also, Jodi’s translator (must look up his name) is adorable, isn’t he? He also thinks Max is a very cute boy. Bwah!!!

When Bette comes in The Planet to meet up with Jodi, et. al. for lunch, she runs into Tina who is on some kind of “getting to know you” date with a girl named Denise. Except Tina is doing all the things they tell you NEVER to do on a first day. Like talk about your ex obsessively. Oh, Tina. *pets*

Phyllis, the Baby Lesbian: Phyllis really does want to break it off with Joyce, but we all know what a force of nature Joyce is. In this case, her solution is to just ignore Phyllis’ blah blah blah and pretend everything is going swimmingly. Until Phyllis lets slip she is already seeing someone else. A friend of a friend of Joyce she met at her party last week.

Then we see them together at dinner at the same time as Bette/Jodi and Alice/Tasha (see above PDA paragraph). It further illustrates Joyce’s amazing powers of ignoring the elephant in the room and Phyllis is begging for help from the other girls. Alice tells her that sometimes you just have to break up with someone more than once.

Joyce doesn’t really strike me as someone who will take this rejection laying down, or even standing up.