Moonlight: The Mortal Cure (Episode 112)

Hey, it's that vampire show

The last episode (for now, right, CBS? RIGHT?) opens with Beth visiting the police department. After she pauses for oversaturated flashbacks to Josh's sweet smile and tragic death, she signs her witness statement. On her way out, she runs into Mick, giving him the cold shoulder. He reiterates that he did everything he could to save Josh, and that he lives (so to speak) every day regretting what he is, and he refuses to subject anyone else to that fate. I'm completely on Mick's side, for the record. Beth says she's trying to understand, but she needs some time. It's all very emo, with swelling music and slow motion.

Mick arrives at the Fortress of Style to find the strong scent of decay in the air (the older a vampire gets, the smellier he or she becomes). A creepy vamp and his henchman are waiting, and Creepy (who has one eye that's completely black) informs Mick that they're looking for Coraline, who has taken something important. Then they jump off the side of Mick's building, because as well as becoming ripe, vampires apparently also get overly dramatic with age.

Now, I distinctly recall that in episode three (yes, I looked it up), Mick told Beth that vamps don't have a clubhouse. The show begs to differ, as we join Josef (yay!), clad in those old-man pants with suspenders (boo!), at a tastefully appointed vampire clubhouse. Josef amusingly tries to entice Mick into a game of pool, but Mick's digging for info on his smelly visitors from earlier in the evening. He describes Creepy as tall, dark and confident, and Josef notes that "someone's got a crush" before giggling. Mick is completely straight faced, because we all know it's Josef he has the crush on.

Turns out Creepy is a legendary European vamp named...Lance. Really? Lance? The name doesn't exactly send chills down my spine. Josef advises Mick to take care and give Lance (who isn't interesting in assimilating with mortals) a wide berth. Naturally, Mick starts digging further into Coraline's disappearance. It doesn't really make sense that he didn't do this right away, but whatever. Mick bribes the hospital security guard to show him the security tapes, and he realizes that Coraline's loyal old friend Cynthia Davis helped her escape. We only see a freeze frame of Cynthia on grainy security footage, but I immediately recognize her as Andie McPhee from Dawson's Creek. I'm not sure what this says about me, but there you go.

Remember when Pacey broke my crazy heart? Good times.

(Sorry about the smaller pictures, but that's the way they came this week.)

Cliff! I mean...crap, what was his name on this show? Oh right, Logan. (I really shouldn't have forgotten that, but Jason Dohring really put his mark on that name, and it's hard to think of anyone else as a Logan.)

Anyway, Mick arrives at Logan's slobby basement apartment and interrupts him playing a video game which I think might be that "Guitar Hero" that seems to be so popular with the kids these days. (The last video game I played was on an Atari, so these newfangled games are a mystery to me.) Mick's all business, and wants Logan to find Cynthia for him.

Apartment of Misery. A colleague drops off a box of Josh's belongings from work, along with Josh's work insurance policy, which named Beth the beneficiary. Beth looks through the box, and according to the captions, this scene was originally scored with a song about heavy chests and trying to catch your breath. Beth finds an entry in Josh's day planner that appears to be a date with a woman named Celeste (how strange -- writers usually go with "Amber" when trying to connote whorishness).

Beth calls Celeste and hangs up on her, and I have to say that if we find out Josh was actually cheating on Beth so that it'll be okay for Beth to stop being sad about his death, I'll be very disappointed. No easy outs!

Back at Casa Slob, Logan has found out that Cynthia has recently gotten her PhD in biochemistry, and has also been flying back and forth a lot between Paris and L.A., importing mysterious agricultural products. Mick pays Logan more to keep digging.

Meanwhile, Beth is still where we left her, sniffling over Josh's mementos. She calls the restaurant where Josh and Celeste were supposed to meet, and confirms the reservation. In Cynthia's hotel room, she's lounging in a tub of ice when Mick knocks on her door. He gives her the gears about Coraline, but she coyly insists Coraline's in Europe. As Mick leaves, the Emo Voice Over (EVO) notes, "I could tell she was lying." Mick, a blind chimpanzee could tell she was lying.

Logan texts Mick with the address of the warehouse where Cynthia's French agricultural deliveries are arriving. After a cursory glance around, Mick leaps up onto the roof in broad daylight. Mon dieu, Mick. You could just take the stairs.

On the roof, he peers down on Coraline and a scientist in a makeshift lab. They discuss a mysterious "compound" and the fact that injecting it into whatever isn't working. Coraline eyes a caged monkey (Marcel? Is that you?) and vamps out. EVO states the glaringly obvious: "She's a vampire again." Ya think?

Commercials. Cloverfield could either be really awesome, or really terrible. I'll find out tomorrow.

Lance arrives and tells Coraline that they've tried all this before. Hmmm. She says they're getting close, but according to Lance, it's not that simple. He gets his threat on, quickly beheading the vamp scientist before tossing Coraline around, demanding she give him the compound and asking her what they'll do if there's another reign of terror. Mick jumps down and saves Coraline as a fire breaks out, and Coraline snatches something off the counter before doing a runner. Ain't that girl a peach? Lance's hand gets burned, but quickly heals, and the EVO wonders who this guy is. Claire Bennet's undead European cousin?

Lance quickly dispatches Mick before fleeing, and a woozy Mick manages to find the fire extinguisher. He calls the Cleaner, a tertiary character I'd completely forgotten about, so it's nice to see her again. Gives me hope that Logan will also return. The Cleaner tells Mick the lab is a "hot spot," and that she's picked up a bunch of newly turned vamps which were left in bags. The Cleaner also hits on Mick, and it seems that they have a sexual history. Instead of returning her flirtation, Mick calls Josef. Make of that what you will, my friends.

Beth meets Celeste at the restaurant, and is a total bitch to her before finding out Celeste is a jeweller who was helping Josh with his grandmother's engagement ring (which he was going to give to Beth, obviously). Right, because people always meet their jewellers for dinner. Wow, the writers were reallllly reaching there to create some misdirection. Anyway, Celeste gives Beth the ring.

Mick joins Josef at a sexy massage parlour, which is basically an excuse to show Jason shirtless again. Not that anyone's complaining.

But I thought it was MY turn to take my shirt off

After Mick fills him in on the latest Coraline/Lance happenings, Josef gets upset and tells Mick to stay out of it and not let Coraline drag him down with her. Mick, listen to your boyfriend. However, Mick insists he needs to find Coraline and discover what the deal is with the cure.

Fortress. Beth waits in the shadows for Mick, and is a much more pleasant-smelling visitor than Lance was. In front of the weird crystal fireplace, McBeth discuss her confused feeling for Josh. Of course, Coraline soon arrives and hugs Mick at the door. Beth brushes past them and tells Mick it's fine, so he lets her go without a fight.

Mick gets Coraline to spill the beans on the cure, which she says is "mortal itself," i.e. it's temporary. It's an organic compound developed by a noble French bloodline that included cousin King Louis XVI. It turns out the French Revolution was actually a "vampire genocide," and seven noble brothers developed the compound to escape detection. We're treated to some flashbacks of beheadings and cheering townspeople, and I'm waiting for Robespierre to show up.

So, the compound temporarily masked vampirism, and allowed vamps like Lance to survive the revolution. Coraline stole the compound from Lance (he of the noble bloodline) last year, and she's been testing it on rogue vamps ("killing two bats with one stone" -- heh) in her attempts to make the cure permanent. The compound looks kind of like raspberry jam.

Anyone have a scone?

Beth visits the deserted BuzzWire offices and checks her email, finding several old messages from Josh. Awww, poor Beth. I think Sophia's doing a really good job showing how shell-shocked Beth is. Beth flashes back to happier times with Josh to the strains of an emo song about haunted dreams and being alone. Woe.

Fortress. Mick eyes the compound eagerly before falling all over himself to get a knife (needed to make a wound to rub the compound into) when Coraline offers to let him have some of it. Apparently there's a bit more compound hidden somewhere, which I'm sure will be important at some point. Coraline spreads a bit of the compound in Mick's cut, and as he waits for it to take effect, he asks Coraline why she's so bent on becoming human again. She tells him she wanted to feel life again, and she's learned that maybe "love can't exist without mortality." She kisses him, and he lets her.

Coraline tells Mick she's got to get away, and pockets the compound as they leave. In a dark alley (this should end well), Mick marvels at the fact that he feels warm. Suddenly Coraline senses danger, but when Mick takes a whiff, he comes up empty. See, Mick? Being human isn't all it's cracked up to be. Haven't you read Anne Rice? Lestat already learned that lesson the hard way.

Lance appears and outs Coraline -- it seems those noble French siblings were six brothers and one pesky sister. But I thought Coraline was a courtesan? Eh, whatever. Mick accuses Coraline of setting him up to lose his powers so Lance could kill him, but Lance scoffs that he can kill Mick anytime, kthx. Coraline and Lance brawl, and when Mick tries to help Coraline, Lance tosses him many feet. Ouch.

Lance is about to finish Mick off when Coraline offers up herself and the rest of the compound in exchange for Mick's life. Lance agrees, expositing that Coraline brought Mick into their bloodline without Mick or the family's approval, and now she's really cocked things up by swiping the compound. She says that a mysterious "he" will kill her, but Lance is unsympathetic. He temporaralyzes her with a stake and dramatically sweeps her up into the air, but not before pausing to cheekily welcome Mick to the family. And you thought your in-laws were a pain in the ass. Mick sadly watches Coraline go.

After hobbling home to the Fortress, Mick takes some of his own blood (his only link now to the compound), keeping it in a vial. Then, he eats a huge amount of take-out, which is exactly what I would do. Of course, they don't show the part where he would be puking his guts out after having not eaten for fifty years or so. Later, Mick tries to get comfortable on the couch, since he doesn't have to sleep in the freezer and has no bed. In the morning, he wakes to discover that he's still human. He looks at himself in the mirror and smiles wistfully.

Hey, good lookin'

The EVO blathers on about the "eternal wall" between McBeth as a battered Mick approaches Beth at the cemetery before Josh's funeral (which has a rather pitiful turn out, I must say). Mick tells her that he and Coraline were never meant to be, and Beth fiddles with her engagement ring and says she knows how that feels. Then the other shoe drops and she realizes Mick is currently human. He tells her it feels amazing, and Beth looks like she really wants to jump his bones. Can't blame her, but focus, Beth! It's a funeral.

At the service, the priest conveniently talks about the finite nature of life and making the most of the time we're given as Mick and Beth stare meaningfully at each other over Josh's coffin. (Poor Josh, taking the back seat at his own funeral.) We fade to black with McBeth's future a big question mark.

I really, really hope there's a season two after the strike ends. If there isn't, this wasn't a bad way to end. I'm a whore for a happy ending, but this one one was certainly hopeful.

It's been a pleasure recapping this show, and I want to thank y'all for your unflagging enthusiasm. Catch you on the flipside!