The L Word: Lady of the Lake (Episode 53)

The L Word Cast

Cool episode title this week! I was actually born in the Lady of the Lake hospital.

The opening scene is something out of Charlie’s Angels. No really. It really is a scene from Charlie’s Angels. Alice is relaying a dream she had to Shane where she, Shane and Helena were the angels, Tina was Bosley and Bette is Charlie. *face palm* They are armed with gaydar guns and their first target is Jenny, who scans as neither straight nor gay nor anything, really. You think they’re trying to tell us that Jenny is just really fucked up?

Better Than a Master Cleanse. Shane’s experience at the wedding last week seems to have scared her, if not for life, for the foreseeable future. She’s sworn off sex. Yep, Shane is celibate. Instead she’s focusing that energy to more self-improvement exercises than the Dali Llama. She’s exercising like a fiend. She announces to Alice and Tina, who are working out at the gym, that she’s never felt so focused and freakishly clear-headed. She’s learning new words, prioritizing her life, trying to meditate. That last one doesn’t work out too well, because have you seen how busy their house is? From Jenny’s poor attempts at sneaking around trying to be quiet, to Max barging in with computer in hand, Shane finally gives that one up as a lost cause.

Lady of the Lake. Yep, that’s our Bette. After this episode, that will be my new nickname for her, LotL. When she tries to back out of a getogether with friends at a place called Big Bear with Jodi, Jodi is having none of Bette’s usual “I have a reception that I have to be at to beg for money” excuses and tells her that this year was gong to be the first time in her eleven years of going that she’s ever taken anyone to meet her friends. Glad to see that guilt works on Bette, too. We find out there is a couple, some odd men and women and a guy she refers to as Michael Angelo (I’m assuming because he seems to be such a renaissance man).

When they arrive, it’s after dark and everyone is already in bed. And if they were asleep, Jodi and Better find out the next morning, they were awoken by some apparently very loud and passionate noises made by our girls.

Bette’s immediately out of her element (and what is that exactly?) when she’s offered a traditional Morning Mojito at 9 a.m. A split second of uncomfortable silence falls when she refuses to drink and escapes back to their bedroom. It’s all downhill from there.

Bette won’t play football, which looks like helluva lot of fun, and a couple of different people try to chat her up, get her to open up and stop working, which is a violation of their rules for the weekend. Finally, Michael Angelo has an earnest heart-to-heart. Fine, Bette, it’s the game or the lake. What’s it to be? Of course, Bette doesn’t believe she has to make that choice. She’s working, leave her alone, you moron. Heh. When it’s obvious she’s not going to join their game, she is physically carried to the lake and unceremoniously thrown in to the gasps and shock of the rest of the group, who are probably secretly pleased at the dunking. When Bette crawls out, dripping like a drowned rat and musters as much dignity as possible to stomp inside the house, even Jodi snickers behind her hand.

That night, while setting the table for dinner, I have hope that just maybe Bette has wised up because she allows herself to be insulted (subtly) by M.A. about her art collection and agrees to view some pictures of community artists he tells her are as good as some famous artist she has hanging in her house (Fishel?). When he walks away, so very happy to have opened her up and gotten her to play, my hopes are dashed when she glares at Jodi for putting her in this position in the first place. Oh well.

Helena and Dusty sitting in a tree… I think for the first time, I might like Helena a little bit. It’s still too damn bad she has to have someone in her life to shove her off her ass and show her what potential she has inside. But, I have to admit, Dusty seems very good for her, even if she is making Helena collect ‘cigarette payment’ she’s owed. : ) This may well be the A plot of this week’s episode because there’s some pretty serious growing up being made by our poor little rich girl.

There’s a surprisingly intimate moment in their cell one night when they’re working on a jigsaw puzzle of a map of some obscure islands together. Dusty is educating Helena on their names, telling her how beautiful they are. It’s quite endearing. Then Helena gets a late night visitor and you can just see all Dusty’s fantasies about them crumbling into powder at her feet. She knows Helena is about to get sprung and she’s going to leave and never look back.

The visitor turns out to be long lost Mummy. Mummy who has been on treasure hunt for illegal object d’art all over the world while Helena is rotting away in jail. Without letting her get a work in edgewise, dear Mummy tells Helena how it’s going to be. They’ll bail her out, they’ll hire someone to expunge her record and they’ll never talk of it again. We get the feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened, but rather a rinse repeat of past crimes, so to speak.

To her credit, Helena attempts to stand up for herself and let her mother know she is happy to pay her debt to society, to the response of “Peabody’s do NOT have debts to society.”

Toward the end we get the chance to cheer when Helena makes her escape while she and her mother are at the Planet having a little goodbye party for her. She slips out, asking Shane to cover for her as long as she can, intent on getting the money she’s hidden, getting Dusty out of jail and disappearing with her. You go girl!! BTW, Shane’s celibacy vow isn’t doing so hot. As she hugs Helena goodbye, she can’t help but kiss her, which sends them both reeling in shock. I think that’s when Shane realizes she needs to manage her drama-free life some other way.

Chapter 15 Discharge. Tasha is getting such a shitty deal this season. She has received an order for a Chapter 15 Discharge for homosexual behavior and must now defend herself to stay in the army. Her so-called friend, Beech, has been assigned the case and has no choice but to defend her, even though it’s crystal clear he doesn’t want to. He reads off three charges, two of which have placed her with Alice and appear very damning. The third however, is a right-out lie and obviously someone just trying to add fuel to her discharge fire. When Beech continues to show her no sympathy and doesn’t disguise just how much he doesn’t want to be assigned to this case, Tasha looses it and gets all up in his face about what the army and her duty means to her and what she is willing to do to maintain it. I think she got a bit more respect from the asshole, but he is still asking her basically to lie about her sexuality in response to the charges.

My love for Alice grew three times when they’re alone in her apartment later and Alice is asking what it is she can do to help. If it means she has to disappear, or be the invisible girlfriend, she can do that. She can really do that. We’re still left hanging as to how exactly Tasha plans to address this and in the end she’s curled up in bed with Alice, a little girl lost and afraid because her life is being torn from her.

Odds and Ends. Alice interviews Jodi for their podcast and it quickly disintegrates into a lesson in dirty lesbian sign language. LOL. On the side Max is being flirted with by Jodi’s interpreter and then talks to his (girl) friend about his theory that people are not born attracted to men or women, but to same or different sexes. Thus, Jodi’s guy just might have a chance.

Max also creates his own podcast, which he can’t seem to get anyone to critic for him. I’m pretty sure it has to do with his theory above, but we’re never given the chance to see. He does finally get Shane to agree to review it after her attempts at meditation are made of total fail. Should be interesting. I have a feeling it will be controversial and Alice in particular isn’t going to like it.
Jenny continues to abuse and use her new assistant.

All the girls decide to train for the Pink Ride to benefit breast cancer. They’ll be called Team Dana. Awwww. Alice offers Tasha’s expertise to get them in shape.

Alice is intent on fixing Tina up with a blind date from the profiles on The Chart. She winds up with a heart surgeon and for once I think Tina has found a match to give Bette a run for her money. I really like this girl. She’s had a boob job, which Tina apparently finds instantly hot and it looks like they’re both having a good ole time on the couch after their date. Yay, Tina! Plus…nice tits!

Kit gets robbed at gunpoint at The Planet after closing and Bette leaves the weekend at Big Bear early to go be with her and make sure she doesn’t start drinking. For a minute it appeared Jodi might stay and ride back with someone, but she agrees to leave early, too and they rush back to Kit’s side. I love Kit so much! Why can’t she catch a break?