Law & Order: SVU "Inconceivable" (Episode 197)

A smarmy 20-something professional walks into a Sperm-bank inquiring about an advertisement looking for Ivy League donors.  He is disappointed to learn that the $50K compensation only goes towards women donating eggs and that men only get $100 per load.  The pay gap is grossly unfair but it is still good to know that I have been pumping a King's Ransom into a dirty sock that I keep underneath my bed.  I could have retired by now off of the investments I squandered while watching Beverly Hills 90210 in Junior High.  Just as the yuppie is getting ready to crack his knuckles and screw himself for money for a change a masked woman comes hauling ass out of the giant refrigerator and clocks him with what looks like a pony keg of love potion.  Actually, it wasn't man-goo afterall, but they were fertilized embryos.  

The SVU detectives get a special visit from the Police Commissioner and we can only wonder which detective broke the law to further their own self-serving interests now.  Not this time.  The Police Chief refers to the frozen embryos as "victims" and states that they are unborn children that have been kidnapped and that this is a case for SVU.  I smell another politically charged "issues" episode but at least I got to sneak in a few cum jokes.  

The detectives take the case over from a sloppy robbery cop and he didn't do much so the detectives have to start from scratch.  Detectives Stabler and Benson go to the clinic and Detectives Lake and Fin go interview the couples whose eggs were stolen.  The Doctor explains to them that many couples request his services for a variety of reasons.  One lady is waiting to have them implanted after beating Cancer and left barren and another woman has her eggs on ice while she serves in Iraq as a safety plan in case she gets killed.  He tells them that the liquid Nitrogen will keep the eggs safe in the Cryogenic tank for six days but that the tank was filled up three days ago....they got three days to find them before they go rotten.  Throughout the whole visit to the Cryogenic Lab, Olivia is completely doe-eyed and I can barely concentrate over the sound of her biological clock ticking.  

Detectives Fin and Lake have the fun job of interviewing the donors for possible leads.  A messy divorce with a woman using her embryo as a long term investment / blackmail tool.  Another is a midget woman who is pissed that the clinic won't let her choose to have a midget child.  Fin asks her why she would want to have a "disabled" baby and the woman nearly bites him in the balls.  

Then we get to meet the loving couple James and Victoria Grohl from the VDL.  VDL?  Values Defense League.  I bet they have great parties.  James and Victoria are doing a press conference where they whip themselves up into a righteous christian-fit where they call fertility clinics "death-camps" and compare the doctors to Nazis and all other sorts of religious drivel.  They tell the detectives that the embryos are "people" and that they are encouraging whoever stole them to return them to the VDL.  I don't trust these people, but that probably does surprise you.  

At the station, Olivia meets Mrs. Cancer wants Baby lady.  Olivia is immediately drawn to her as she looks like a tortured, untrusting, independent woman and Olivia is like Narcisus falling in love with his reflection.  Olivia so wants a baby now so that she can be just like her best friend.

Benson and Stabler go to interview a couple that had a case deemed as "controversial" by the doctor. The Harveys have an eight year old daughter that is permanently stuck with the mental abilities of a three month old.  The couple had eggs in the stolen tank but, they weren't Mrs. Harvey's, they were her daughter's.  Olivia immediately stops trying to interrogate them for the crime of the stolen embryos and skips right to judging them morally.  Stabler defends them by stating that parents must make difficult decisions and Olivia's harsh response betrays her stoic attitude and reveals that she does want to have a baby.  Stabler picks up on this and tries to diffuse the situation by telling her, "you would make a great mom".  Olivia acts annoyed but I am guessing that she was hoping Stabler would whip it out and make her the Mother that she has been dreaming of being ever since she was assigned this case yesterday.  I am just shocked because Stabler is such a liar.  Olivia would make a horrible mother....works all hours, has no husband, has broken the law to help her scummy half-brother and has a bit of temper problem.  It's almost like, well, like my mother.  

Munch has been glued to the Lab's security cameras and may be the only one doing anything useful.   He notices that one of the cleaning ladies entered a restricted area and slept in the Lab overnight.  Fin and Lake interview the head janitor but he wasn't really there.  He tells them that the receptionist told him that he didn't have to come in that night.  Detectives Benson and Stabler storm into the Lab and arrest Carol, the receptionist, for setting up the heist.  She tells them that the VDL bombarded her with propaganda and assured her that they would return the embryos.  Benson and Stabler take pleasure in arresting James and Victoria during a live press conference.

During the interrogation the couple grandstands about their fake bullshit cause.  They claim that they returned the embryos in the morning by UPS.  The power of Brown lets them down and so there is a race to get to the eggs.  The detectives finally track them down in the back of a delivery truck parked in uptown.  Olivia, now fully insane with baby-mania, rips open the box and finds the Cryogenic tank and I swear I thought she was going to crack it open and drink all the embryos in some crazy stunt to get pregnant.  The embryos get a police escort back to the lab but it was too late.  There was no more Nitrogen and the eggs are now scrambled (sorry about that).  

In court the Grohls express their regret that the embryos "died" and want to be charged with murder.  Well, at least James does, his wife seems a little concerned with all this jail talk when she realizes she won't be able to get her hands on any strawberry red hair dye in the joint.  The husband basks in his glory but Victoria is clearly uncomfortable with the outcome of their publicity stunt.  She leaves his side as he greets the press for a soapbox session.  Lucky for her, her Christian Powersuit would have been stained when a gunmen puts a bullet in her husband's chest.  Despite the fact that he was shot in broad daylight on the Courthouse steps in front of a crowd of people, none of the detectives see anyone or are able to make an arrest.  Luckily, Munch is still the only one doing any useful work and spots the killer by watching the news tape.  It is a well dressed man in a suit.  There is footage of him speaking with Victoria before she hopped in a cab and left her husband behind forever.

Victoria admits to having a conversation with the man but says he was friendly and offered to "pray" for her.  Did it work?  Knowing that he was not connected with the Grohls, the detectives interview Carol in jail to seek the identity of the gunmen.  She says that he is the husband of the woman serving in Iraq who froze her eggs in case anything happened to her.  The detectives go to apprehend him at his house but he isn't there but they do find the murder weapon and a convenient note with the name of the airport and a time.  Benson and Stabler rush to the airport before he can catch a flight out but it turns out he was there for an arrival.  As Benson and Stabler approach they see the man greeted by full military honors and a coffin with an American flag draped over it.  Stabler offers his condolences but he is so upset that he can only shrug them off.  His wife killed in duty, his eggs were stolen and ruined, and now he just shot some Christian whacko and he will probably do a long jail term for it.  Yeah, he had a tough week.  I thought I could detect that Olivia wanted to hump him though to make him feel better and maybe get herself a baby.