14th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards

Welcome to the SAG Awards, otherwise known as the only watchable awards show this season, unless the strike ends or the WGA decides to be benevolent towards the Academy Awards. This ain't no press conference, y'all. Although, I have to admit, the Golden Globes press conference did prevent me from seeing an entire night of Miss Golden Globe Rumer Willis. Did that kid hit zero on the genetic lottery or what? You'd think two totally hot people like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore would have spectacularly gorgeous spawn, but I guess not all celebrity kids can be like Suri, Shiloh or, my personal favorite, Violet. To be honest, I'm a little worried about how Halle Berry's kid will turn out.

Anyway, I watched some of the red carpet stuff this afternoon and since everyone else will be doing it, I'm going to chime in with my picks for best and worst dressed. However, be forewarned that I still stand by my statement that Kelly Clarkson looked awesome at Idol Gives Back last year, so my fashion taste tends to be inexplicable and mind-boggling unique. Now, I'm crap at describing fashion and I'd like to get this recap up as soon after the awards as possible so I don't have time to find and upload pictures, but if you head over to our sister site I'm sure they'll have a lot of pictures for all of your ogling and criticizing needs.

Best Dressed Women: Christina Applegate, Kate Beckinsale, Amanda Bynes, Julie Christie, Marcia Cross, Allison Janney, Becki Newton, Ellen Page, Sara Ramirez, Kyra Sedgwick, Vanessa Williams

Best Dressed Men: Oh, please. Like I can really tell if a guy is more put-together than all the other suit-wearing dudes.

Worst Dressed Women: Jenna Fischer, Teri Hatcher, Angelina Jolie (although if the rumors are true that she's carrying twins, she's forgiven for wearing a camouflage tent), Jane Krakowski, Chandra Wilson

Worst Dressed Men: See above re: Best Dressed Men. Although, Ben Foster's hair nearly made me spit out my water.

Best AND Worst Dressed Woman: Ellen Pompeo. Seriously, I can't decide if I loved or hated her dress.

Now, on to the awards. I'm not going to be recapping all of the nominees in each category so go to the SAG Awards website if you need to refresh your memory while reading this recap. We start out with an awkward segment where the camera zooms to different stars and they share acting anecdotes then declare, "I'm an actor." I think the dude sitting next to Sally Field is her son but if it's her date, rock on with your cradle-robbing self, Sally. The first people to hit the stage are Tina Fey and the supremely yummy and awesome Steve Carell, presenting the award for best actor in a drama series.

My Pick: Michael C. Hall
Will Win: Hugh Laurie
Does Win: James Gandolfini

Meh. Whatever. I've learned to expect that Michael C. Hall will be robbed at these things. Who's a serial killer got to blow to get some love. Do you care about the speeches? Does anyone except the people making the speeches care about the speeches? Yeah, I didn't think so, so I won't recap them unless there's a really interesting one. With booze on the tables, the odds of that are reasonably decent.

John Travolta and Nikki Blonsky present a clip from the first of the nominees for best cast in a movie, Hairspray. Nikki is more adorable than a basket of kittens and I loved the movie.

We've now got Zac Efron paired with...Debra Messing. Er, okay. There's a Will 2.0 & Grace joke here that I'm too tired to find. They're out for best actress in a drama series.

My Pick: Kyra Sedgwick
Will Win: Glenn Close
Does Win: Edie Falco

Oh, for fuck's sake. Okay, from now on I'm picking The Sopranos for any category they're nominated in. I feel like I'm recapping from six years ago, people.

Because it's the 75th anniversary of SAG, we're going to hear about the history of the guild. Blair Underwood tells us about the olden days when acting was like working in a sweatshop. Blair Underwood has a very soothing voice.

Vanessa Williams and William Petersen are announced and, hello, hottest 50+ pairing EVER. I am also delighted to see the return of Billy's beard. Oh, Grissom, I miss you so much. I love that Javier Bardem is gazing at them like he's not sure who he wants to make out with first. You and me both, Javier. Anyway, best TV drama ensemble is up.

My Pick: Mad Men
Will Win: THE SOPRANOS, DUH
Does Win: Boston Legal. I kid! It's The Sopranos. I adore Vanessa Williams for sounding bored when she announces it.

Emile Hirsch and Hal Holbrook present a clip from Into The Wild. I tried to see as many of the nominating movies before tonight but I didn't get to this one. Following them is Marion Cotillard, who had major bitchface on the red carpet but is charming now, announces the nominees for best supporting film actor.

My Pick: Javier Bardem
Will Win: Javier Bardem
Does Win: Javier Bardem

BOOYAH! I'm so excited, his speech is lovely and funny, and I just hope that someday we'll see Javier's almost-perfect clone Jeffrey Dean Morgan on that stage.

Chandra Wilson and Eric Dane announce the best actor in a TV comedy. I love Chandra but her dress is so unflattering.

My Pick: America Ferrera or Vanessa Williams
Will Win: Tina Fey
Does Win: Tina Fey

I don't watch 30 Rock but I love her so I'm pleased with the expected win. After she finishes her speech (with a WGA shout-out!), Kate Beckinsale and James Marsden come out to give the awards for best actor in a TV comedy.

My Pick: Steve Carell
Will Win: Alec Baldwin
Does Win: Alec Baldwin

Like with Tina, I don't watch the show but I like him, aside from the whole verbally-abusing-his-daughter thing. Alec's not there to make a speech so we go right to Ruby Dee presenting a clip from American Gangster. Now, I love Russell Crowe unconditionally but I could not make it through more than 40 minutes of that movie. Epic dullness, y'all.

Michael C. Hall and Jeanne Tripplehorn, trying to prove the Showtime/HBO rivalry is friendly, come out and give the nominees for best ensemble in a TV comedy.

My Pick: The Office or Ugly Betty
Will Win: 30 Rock
Does Win: The Office

Yay! I was convinced 30 Rock would win, especially after Tina and Alec winning, but I am thrilled that one of my picks won. The darling Jenna Fischer has been tapped to do the speech but I'm focused on Angela Kinsey and her cute baby bump. Well, there was also a little ogling of John Krasinski. I'm not made of stone, people.

Blair Underwood tells us about the tough times during the early days of the guild and the decision to stop denying memberships to minorities. After that, Alan Rosenberg, aka SAG president and Mr. Marg Helgenberger, comes out to talk about the solidarity between SAG and the WGA and point out WGA-West president Patrick Verrone in the audience.

Denis Leary hits the stage to begin the first part of bestowing a special award on Charles Durning. Now, I think Charles Durning is a terrific actor and he's also a WWII combat veteran, which automatically makes him awesome, but this segment is going to be interminable so forgive me for glossing over most of it. Whee, potty break! After a long clip segment, Burt Reynolds speechifies then Charles Durning totters to the stage while everyone gives him a standing ovation, some in tears. It's truly touching but OH DEAR GOD, JK SIMMONS, WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR FACE? Anyway, Durning speaks and wraps up with a hilarious, "I'll see ya later." He's totally going to hit the green room bar now.

Holly Hunter and James Spader come out to present the award for best actor in a TV movie or miniseries.

My Pick: None. I didn't see any of these movies/miniseries.
Will Win: Beats me.
Does Win: Kevin Kline

Kevin Kline isn't there so Ben Foster and his fugly hair is called to the stage to present a clip from 3:10 To Yuma. That movie was fantastic and I'm happy to see it get some awards season love. Next up is Mickey Rooney and I have to confess that I thought he was dead. He gets a standing ovation, perhaps because everyone else thought he was already dead. You know, if you haven't seen any of the Andy Hardy movies, you should. Mickey Rooney was quite dishy back in the day. Mickey's presenting the best actress in a TV movie or miniseries award.

My Pick: Anna Paquin
Will Win: Vanessa Redgrave
Does Win: Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah (who Mickey Rooney adorably calls "Miss Latifah") is another no-show so we move on to Josh Brolin, tasked with the In Memoriam segment, which is particularly painful to watch this year with the recent and shocking death of Heath Ledger.

Blair Underwood is back to tell us about how SAG changed with sound in movies and television. Did you know actors have to be adaptable? I KNOW! I'm as shocked by this revelation as you are. Viggo Mortensen comes out and sounding like he's stoned out of his mind, he lists the best supporting film actress nominees.

My Pick: Cate Blanchett
Will Win: Amy Ryan
Does Win: Ruby Dee

Sure, she's great and I will always love her for playing Mother Abigail in The Stand but the movie was such crap. Although, if I'm being fair, I didn't really like I'm Not There either; I just love Cate Blanchett a whole lot.

Tommy Lee Jones introduces the final film clip for No Country For Old Men, which pretty much kicks all the other nominees' asses, except maybe 3:10 To Yuma.

We're in the final stretch now! Kate Hudson and Matthew McConnaughey trot out to bestow the award for best actor in a movie.

My Pick: Ryan Gosling
Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis
Does Win: Daniel Day-Lewis

The notoriously reclusive Daniel Day-Lewis is there to give his speech. He seriously needs to use fewer vats of grease in his hair. His speech is mostly about Heath Ledger and he dedicates the award to him. Because he's Daniel Day-Lewis, the gesture is totally classy and not at all attention-whoring. When he leaves, Forrest Whitaker comes out to give the award for best actress in a movie.

My Pick: Cate Blanchett
Will Win: Ellen Page
Does Win: Julie Christie

Julie Christie walks to the stage and she is rocking the hell out of a classy yet sexy pantsuit. She's definitely going on my best dressed list.

Crazy Tom Cruise has been given the honor of naming the final award, for best ensemble in a movie. Really? Him? REALLY? Sure, he's a SAG member but he's also box office and PR poison these days. Was nobody else available? CAN I GET SOME HARRISON FORD UP IN THIS BITCH? Whatever, I'll move on.

My Pick: No Country For Old Men
Will Win: No Country For Old Men
Does Win: No Country For Old Men

Again I say, BOOYAH! \o/

Well, that's it! Aside from the tedious worship for The Sopranos, this was a satisfying night. Although, wait a minute! Where were the awards for the best stunt ensembles in TV and movies? It's the first time SAG has given awards for the stuntwork and they're not even given out on TV? Lame, SAG. Anyway, thanks for reading and don't forget to head over to A Socialite's Life for more SAG Awards coverage and pictures.